Starting from Scratch

It's only been a few hours, but your apartment already feels like decades have worn away what little luster you could give it. Your mind draws your thoughts through the miserable years of neglect you might subject the dull walls of this place too. You already feel like there's no real point to caring--a dangerous position you've known you'd never come back from, but one that always felt like an inevitability. As much as you want your life to not suck, it seems like there's no way to avoid it now.

Yet still you force a smile onto your face. In the dim light through the closed curtains you try to find a ray of hope. There's happiness to be found in knowing how Vinyl will feel once her wheels have landed on the track of her dreams. Your smile turns almost smug at the thought of her lighting up a stage in front of thousands. One last, massive fuck you to this horrible place. If you aren't getting out, you manage to find some solace in the fact that this wretched beast of concrete, mildew, and misery was finally bested and its never-ending consumption of souls finally failed to claim another victim. Passion flares in your gut for a brief moment, but like the flicker of a candle in the endless abyss it soon wisps away in the reality of it all.

The old couch creaks as you lean forward to let your forehead rest in your hand. A pang of sorrow hits you when you get a hint of Vinyl’s cheap deodorant still clinging to the cushions. Your mind desperately searches for some reality, some possibility where this doesn't have to be the end. Numbers run through your head as you try to work out how long it would take to get another plane ticket and actually keep your promise to make the trip with you, but the more you try to add them up the more grim things become.

A sigh escapes your lips as you fall back into the cushion. What little hope you had left gets washed away by reality and you decide to start thinking about how to budget in more of your favorite ice cream and alcohol instead. Have to have something to bring a little joy to your life after all.

You don't know how long you sat there moping in the cushion. The light peeking through the curtain definitely got dimmer in all the time you refused to give in to your boredom and just turn on the TV or something. Your stomach grumbles at you for your neglect and you finally lethargically roll off the couch and stumble over to the window. Your fingers part the stiff fabric to reveal the evening sun slowly disappearing over a concrete horizon. The drab browns and grays don't inspire much compared to the array of warmth from the setting sun. Your eyes trail down to the pit of broken glass and faded plastics over scarred asphalt. If you look up you can almost pretend it's a glistening ocean out of your peripherals. As nice as that would be, it could be a wasteland for all you care; anywhere would be better than here.

You can feel the energy drain out of you as you watch the last rays of light leave the day. It felt symbolic, or something. The more you stare out that dirty window, the less you can bring yourself to care anymore. Your thoughts slowly slip away from the stinging sorrow from the pain of such a great loss to the familiar emptiness and apathy that was going to let you coast through life doing the bare minimum, just as you had for so many years before. You let the curtain fall and snuff out what little illumination that was left. With a few unenthusiastic pats around the table, you grab the bag of stale chips and settle into your chair to enjoy the lackluster dinner before you sleep off the misery yet again. You have another day of work tomorrow--might as well get some rest before you have to deal with fatigue on top of everything else.

The stiff wooden armrests aren't of much comfort as you down the junk food. Even with the sorrow weighing on your heart and the churning of the chips in your stomach your eyes decide to sag. Another defeated huff flows out of your nose and you slide down into the cushion and close your eyes, hoping that whatever dream you end up in can get your mind off of the world, even if just for a moment. Just as you manage to slip away into some much-needed rest, your entire apartment erupts with an intense series of knocks pounding against your door.

You almost trip over your table as the boom shakes the entire room. Your sorrow is quickly replaced by irritation as you wonder what exactly the issue is. Could be someone asking for money or just someone hoping to rob you. You tentatively lean into the peephole to see what the problem is and your heart immediately sinks at the sight.

A maelstrom of emotions overtakes you and you swing open your door with anger clearly on your face.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" you almost yell as your eyes take in Vinyl as she tries her best to catch her breath. You look her up and down with confusion, frustration, and fury all vying for dominance on your face.

She holds up a finger to tell you to give her a moment, but your anger refuses to subside. "Ah… okay, look… I… whew…"

"You were supposed to be on the other side of the country by now. What the hell are you thinking throwing everything away like this?" you say, your tone getting harsher by the second. "Do you even know how much went into this? What are you thinking?!"

Vinyl does her best to get out a few words, but still can't manage to get anything out between huffs. You can't help but clench your fists. You turn away from her for a moment as the rage builds up in you at the thought of her wasting her life in this apartment.

You turn back around, ready to unleash another round of questions, but Vinyl puts both hands out in front of you as she finally takes in one last deep breath. "Wait, wait. I can explain."

"What is there to explain? How could you go back on this?" you say, throwing your arms up in exasperation.

A smile crosses her face as she reaches into her back pocket. The anger immediately washes away as you see the thick wad of green bills barely held together by her fingers.

"Wha... where did you get that?" you ask, worry striking you as robbery becomes a distinct possibility.

"Okay, so check this out. I was at the airport, right? I was waiting at the terminal and this lady comes up to the dude checking the tickets begging to be let on the plane. Apparently she went on vacation with her family and something didn't work out with a relative or something and one of her kids was gonna be screwed without anyone to watch them, but the ticket dude wasn't having any of it. After that she went up to all of us asking if she could buy our tickets and man, it had to be a sign."

"Well that's... wait, like Home Alone?"

A bright smile lights up Vinyl's face. "Exactly like Home Alone!"

You can't help but let out a chuckle and share Vinyl's joy for a moment. She hands you the wad of cash with excitement on her face. "Here. I think she gave me more than you paid but I didn't have time to count it. I used some of it for the ride over here."

You flip through the bills, shock building on your face as the amount ends up at almost double the ticket. The various denominations were in differing levels of crumpled, with the bills at the bottom being almost pristine. You open your mouth to ask about it, but Vinyl beats you to the punch.

"So, I got excited and kind of and... uh, sold all your furniture," Vinyl says with a sheepish grin as she rubs the back of her neck.

"You... you what?" you have to blink a few times at that one.

With another deep breath Vinyl starts. This should be good. "Alright, I knew the money for the ticket probably wouldn't be enough, so I went by the landlord's office and basically sold him your apartment and all the furniture in it since it was the only unit that couldn't double as a landfill."

You narrow your eyes in confusion. "Why would he...?"

"Okay, so I may have let him grab my ass too."

Despite the confusion and frustration, you can't help but let out a laugh at that. Vinyl gives you a playful push in response. "Dude, come on. I got the money, didn't I?"

You manage to compose yourself and look back down at the wad of cash. "I'm not sure how comfortable I am holding prostitute money."

Vinyl rolls her eyes. "It was one hug that got a little spicy. I'm just glad my head was turned away. I don't think that dude had showered since the nineties."

You shake your head as a few more chuckles escape. You try to shift your mind away from all that, as difficult as it might be, back to the money in your hands. Your fingers sift through it again, totaling it all up in your mind.

Vinyl cuts through the sudden silence, her tone still filled with excitement. "And if we sell your car instead of the van, I know we can get even more for the trip."

You purse your lips for a moment as you double-check the amount. "Vinyl, this might get us to another plane ticket, but after that..."

That electric blue hair whips back and forth as she sternly shakes her head. "No, dude. Screw the job, screw the tickets. Look at all that. Imagine how far we could go if we use it right."

You can't help but shake your head in return. "Vinyl... this will last a couple months at most if we don't use it for another ticket. That job would've made you this much every month. That was stability." You take a deep breath and do your best to ignore the irritation growing on her face. "Look, maybe in a few months I'll be able to get my own ticket and meet you up there now, but we can't just—"

"No, dude!" she shouts in frustration, making you take a step back in surprise. "Do you really want to live a life of boring stability and mediocrity? Sure, the job might keep me from losing some second-rate apartment for a decade or something, but I know I want more out of life than some nine to five."

"Vinyl, it can start you on your way to your dreams. You can't just throw that away. What would you even do instead?"

Vinyl immediately shoots her hands into her pocket to fish out her phone. With a determined huff, she swipes and taps at the screen until that familiar symphony of your playing and her beats fill the room. "This! This is what I want to do."

Your mouth hangs open for a moment as you try to find something to say. The soothing melody washes away your own frustrations as you drift back to that moment out on the lake, holding hands with Vinyl and watching the sunset. Your temper eases and you grip onto the wad of cash a little tighter. A flash of hope lights up your heart as you look up to Vinyl.

"What would we even do? I mean it sounds great but how do we... get anywhere?"

Vinyl's excitement rushes back at your curiosity. Before you can stop her, she starts pacing around the room, her eyes flicking around various objects. "Alright, so I only had like twenty minutes to think about it, but I figure if we pack up everything and shove it all into my van we'll have enough money for like, five or six months out on the road. We can try to get gigs and sell music and actually enjoy life outside of this grimy apartment. The inspiration will flow like crazy and we'll be superstars before we ever even consider running out of cash," she says, the smile on her face growing even wider by the second.

"Or we could run out before we get anywhere and end up with nothing," you say, uncertainty gripping you again.

Vinyl lets out a frustrated huff. "Come on, man. Yeah, things could go wrong but what are you going to get here? A lifetime in a cubicle to be neighbors with crackheads? Maybe we'll fuck up spectacularly, but even we did, at least we lived for a little while before it happened..."

The feeling of Vinyl's soft, smooth fingers enveloping your hands snaps you out of your worry. Her beautiful violet eyes look up into yours, pleading at you to listen. "And whatever happens, we'll be doing it together. What else even matters as long as we have each other?"

Her eyes dart back and forth between yours, searching for the emotion brewing behind them. Your brain wants to roll your eyes, tell her that it's stupid and that this is likely to ruin both of your lives if you go along with it. Your heart on the other hand, it flashes all the emotions you went through even in the short time you had to be apart from the wonderful girl in front of you. As much as you want to play it safe, the fantasy of being on the road with her, getting to experience the world with the most wonderful person in your life, it seems more irresistible by the second.

You let out a laugh and shake your head. "You know how stupid this is, right?"

Vinyl can't help but grin up at you once she sees the change on your face. "Well, that smile tells me you might just want to do something stupid with me. Besides, if we don't go I just let a sweaty old man grab my ass for nothing."

Another chuckle escapes your lips. As you look down to her and share a laugh, the familiar feeling of your gut warming up with fondness and passion overtakes you. Happiness... that's what it is. In an instant, you cast your doubts away and move your hands up to Vinyl's cheeks. She lets out a surprised yelp when you lean down and kiss those wonderfully soft lips, but quickly melts into the kiss with you by throwing her arms around your neck and pulling you in even tighter.

Once you pull away, both of your smiles grow even wider. Your eyes trace up to the grim, filthy apartment walls around you and for once, they don't remind you of the everlasting torment you were probably doomed to. Your grin only widens as you look back to the beautiful face of the girl in your arms. It isn't even a choice anymore. With one last quick peck on her lips, you squeeze her tight before giving her an answer.

"Let's do it."