"I'm sorry, what?" Celestia asked dumbfounded.

Twilight glared and stomped her hoof. "You heard us, we're going on strike!" She announced, followed by nods of a agreement from her five friends.

"Yeah! We're tired of having to deal with your problems!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed with annoyance as she crossed her forelegs.

"How come we have to drop everything we're doing just to sort out yer mistakes that ya made thousands of years ago? We got jobs and responsibilities y'know?" Applejack spoke with a more restrained but firm tone.

"Applejack has her farm, Fluttershy has her animals, Pinkie has Sugar Cube Corner and the Cake twins, and I have multiple boutiques to manage, not to mention raising my little sister because my parents are too busy going on constant vacations to actually look after her." Rarity explained with her usual fabulous sass.

"I've missed so many parties from having to make up for the work I missed and because I was dragged away on multiple ponies birthdays! Most of which were colts amd fillies that were really looking forward to my parties!" Pinkie yelled in anger, steam shooting out of her ears comically.

"I have to help out at the local vet and take care of hundreds of my own animals, I can't just keep leaving them to solve the problems of ponies I don't even know." Fluttershy explained softly, but was giving Celestia a free sample of The Stare. "There's nopony in Ponyville that knows how to take care of so many different types of animals, there's no pony I can ask to take care of them all while I'm gone."

Twilight stepped forward and looked the wide eyed Celestia right in the face. "Princess, while I agree that friendship is important and should be felt by everypony, we have other responsibilities that come before other's petty disagreements. We'll have a list of changes ready by the end of the week, also, you can keep this." She said with all the professionalism she could muster as she flashed her horn and the map table appeared beside her. "It's just annoying at this point, I've cast a spell that will prevent it from calling us via our cutie marks or Spike's scales. Good day to you Princess Celestia." Twilight finished before teleporting herself and the others back to Ponyville.

Celestia stood frozen with her mouth hanging open, trying to process what had just happened. A guard that had seen everything walked up to his princess and poked her side to gently bring her back to reality.

"Um, your highness? Are you ok?" He asked with concern, earning no response. Another guard walked to his friend's side and thought for a moment.

"Hold on, I've got an idea." The other gaurd said before pulling a plate with a small slice of strawberry cheesecake on it from out of nowhere.

"Where did you..."

"Me and a few of the guards make sure to have emergency cake hidden around the castle for cases like this." The gaurd explained as he held the cake up to Celestia's snout and waved it around slowly, but earned no response. "Huh, that usually works."

"What now?"

"Hold on, I got an idea that will probably get me fired but will be worth it." The gaurd muttered while tossing the cake over his shoulder and walking around the princess until he stood behind her.

The other gaurd began to grow increasingly concerned. "Bro, what are you thinking?"

"That I'll be one of the few stallions to say that I smacked a sun goddess's fat flank." The gaurd replied with a smirk as he got up onto his hind legs and delivered a powerful smack to Celestia's big sun covered ass cheek.

"DUDE WHAT THE TARTARUS IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" The first gaurd cried out in panic.

"What? Like you've never wanted to try something with this literal god-like plot before."

"You have a wife dude!"

"Eh details."

Celestia blinked and shook herself. "Wh-What just happened?"

The guard who delivered the smack attack on Celestia's back crack moved to stand in front of his ruler with a neutral expression. "You were frozen in shock after hearing that Princess Twilight and her group were going on strike, we couldn't get you back to reality with cake so I slapped your rear, your highness."

"It's like you want to get fired and/or divorced..." The other gaurd commented while slowly shaking his head in disapproval.

Celestia blushed slightly as she rubbed her flank with her wing. "Oh, r-right." Clearing her throat, Celestia turned around and headed to her throne. "While this situation is being dealt with, I will need to find temporary defenders of Equestria to solve friendship problems and deal with any threats that pop up in the meantime."

"Wait why not just deal with the threats yourself or with Princess Luna?" The gaurd that didn't put a bright red hoofprint on his ruler's backside asked.

"You remember what happened at the changeling invasion?" Celestia countered with a dry tone.

"Ahhhh, I get it now."

"It's because she's too weak." The smirking guard spoke with a joking tone.

"Dude, seriously? Come on."

"What, it's true."

"He's right, while my magic is powerful I alone cannot compare to the power of my former student and her friends." Celestia explained. "Now, you there, fetch me some scrolls and mana stones, I have an idea that just might work." She said while pointing to the sensible guard.

"Right away Princess." He saluted before galloping off to fulfill his request.

Celestia then turned her attention to the other guard. "And you, have a message sent to Anonymous in Ponyville. And...come by my quarters after your shift ends."

"Sweet."

The next day in Ponyville

After completing his usual shit, shower and shave morning ritual, Anonymous sat down in his living room with a bowl of Apple Jacks. After finishing off his cereal that he teased Applejack to no end with, he set his bowl down on his coffee table and picked up a newspaper, with the front page showing an article about the mane six's strike. "Huh, so all that bitching for the past few days wasn't just their cycles syncing up." He mused while taking a sip from his coffee. "Tastes like shit." He muttered before taking another sip.

As he was reading everyone's favourite muffin mare crashed through his roof with a loud thud. Dusting herself off, Derpy happily skipped over to Anon and set his mail down on his table before leaving through the new hole in his roof.

"And they laughed when I took out that mailmare insurance deal." He muttered idly as he set his newspaper down and looked through his mail. "Bill, bill, Playmare magazine, bill, bill, Royal Summons, Aloe and Lotus 'special treatment' ad, bil- wait." He stopped himself and threw all the bills over his shoulder and looked at the ad, the magazine and the summons. "One of these things is not like the other, one of these things will drive me up the wall."

Putting the two other interesting pieces aside for later, Anon broke the seal on the envelope and pulled out the letter within.

"Dear Anonymous T. Human, I request your presence in Canterlot as soon as possible as I have something of the utmost importance to discuss with you. I have supplied the bits for your train ticket within the envelope as to not cause you inconvenience, and if you could do me a solid and cut down on the sass and sarcasm this time that would help tremendously. Sincerely, Princess Celestia." Anon whispered to himself as he read the letter aloud. Sighing and putting the letter down, he got out of his seat and walked over to a small white board on his wall that read "Days without dealing with pony bullshit: 3" on it.

Anon wiped the three off of the board and replaced it with a zero.

"And here I was, with the false hope of a normal week in this land of weird colourful ponies. Well, lets go see what Queen Cheesecake wants." He spoke aloud again as he walked off to his room to prepare for his trip. "Maybe I should look for a roommate so I don't talk to myself as much. Eh, I'm good company."

One train ride later

Anon stepped out of the Canterlot train station and looked out at the the streets of the city, they castle looming over the buildings that surrounded it. "Ah Canterlot, the city with the most obscure horse pun name in all Equestria."

"Hello there Anonymous, we are here to escort you to the castle." Anon jumped slightly before turning to see who had spoken, finding two guards, one with a smirk on his face while the other was clearly not impressed by something.

"Sorry guys but I don't swing that wa- OW!" Anon's quip was cut off as the smirking guard whacked him on the head with a bambo stick he pulled out of nowhere. "What was that for?!"

"The princess gave me this to stop you from being, in your terms, 'a cheeky little shit' as her majesty put it." The smirking guard explained with a chuckle.

"He's been waiting to say that to you since he got that damned stick." The other guard groaned.

Rubbing the sore spot in his forehead, Anon groaned and shook his head. "Alright alright, I was gonna cut down on my crap when I got there anyway, you don't need to use positive punishment on me for Christ's sake." Sighing, Anon took in a breath and motioned for the two guards to lead the way. The trio walked through the streets towards the castle in relative silence, mostly because Anon didn't want to be hit by the prick with the stick again, brought up too many memories of Catholic school. "Why are you two even escorting me anyway? I know the way."

"The princess wants to avoid another 'Pancake Incident.'" The sensible guard stated. I really need to name these two.

"Ahhh, I gotcha."

"Miss Pennyworth is still finding syrup in places..." The guard muttered with a haunting thousand yard stare.

"So many dead butterflies..." The guard with the stick whispered while shivering.

"It all happened so fast..." Anon added with a low tone. "I still have nightmares about the unicycle..."

The three shivered and quickened their pace towards the castle.

Inside the throne room, Celestia looked around at a set of machines being set up by her royal mages, happily ticking things off a list as she inspected each magical device. "Looks like everything is good to go, I just need to get Anonymous to agree to this and then we can begin." She stated calmly as she walked to the centre of the room.

"Um, Princess, if you don't mind me asking, how are you going to get the human to agree to this?" Celestia's assistant Raven Inkwell asked with concern. "He seems like the type of pony to not want anything to do with this kind of thing, much less have a main role to play in it."

Celestia chuckled and gave her assistant a reassuring look. "Don't worry Raven, I have just the thing to convince Anonymous to go along with my plan."

Raven looked to her employer with uneasiness, unable to imagine what it would take for Anon to go through with this plan willingly.

Suddenly, the door to the throne room opened and the guard with the stick waltzed in with his usual smirk. "Anon has arrived your highness." He announced while walking up to his ruler.

"Thank you Smirky Shield, was he any trouble?" Celestia asked with a giggle.

"Only had to hit him twice ma'am, once at the station and again when he made a comment about Miss Fleur De Lis' flank. He's waiting outside for you with Sergeant Clear Sky."

"Thank you, send them in please."

Smirky nodded and jogged out to fetch the two while Raven shook her head. "This will not end well..."

Author's Note

Multi-chapter story for a change, might as well try this to see how I feel about it.

Anyway, hope you all enjoy this shitshow of crude humour and the lowest forms of comedy. I will not be sorry for anything I do in this story, and trust me, imma do a lot of stupid shit in this story.

A girl has to get some enjoyment somehow right?