Bloody Pit of Harmony

It is the year 2018, and the members of GWAR have smoked all the krak on the pitiful planet Earth. After a brief withdrawal, and much pondering on why they returned to this rock in the first place, they decided it was time to once and for all destroy Earth. They were going to do a kick ass world destruction tour, and this time, they weren’t going to just slaughter the bohabs that went to their shows like usual along with a few random innocent people they run into on the street to feed Balsac the Jaws of Death. They were going to annihilate the whole city they play at and the entire surrounding area. They were going to unleash Gor Gor the dinosaur on anyone who fleas and the Penguins were going to rip apart anyone Gor Gor doesn’t eat with their huge mutant beaks.

To further ensure that the world would be uninhabitable and no one would even know that there was once life there, the World Maggot was going to devour almost everything and make the carcass of Earth its nest. The remainder would be a battleground for the endless battles to come between Gor Gor an the Penguins. It all went down flawlessly and it was time for GWAR to get in the Scumship and leave.

***

GWAR were cruising the universe looking for Metal Metal Land because they killed all the strippers on Earth and desperately needed to find a strip joint before one of Blothar’s penises got angry. While the rest of the band was busy thinking of new material to hypnotize slaves into buying their merchandise with, Pustulus Maximus was snorting coke off the steering wheel of the Scumship. They trusted him to drive there, but he had no clue how to get to Metal Metal Land because he had never been there before; but he didn’t want to look like a poser in front of the other members of the band, so he was just going to snort some space coke, wander aimlessly, and hope for the best. While wandering aimlessly, and doing kick ass space drugs, it is always best to do so on hyper drive.

Entire planets were disintegrated by the flames from the engines of the Scumship, however, the only thing worrying Pustulus’ mind was if his buzz was going to wear off. He looked in the rear view mirror of the Scumship and realized one of the planets was being destroyed in the pussiest of ways possible. It just kind of crumbled in on itself. No big ass explosion or surface melting; he couldn’t even hear its inhabitants scream in agony. This sent him into a cocaine rage.

He ripped off the steering wheel and sent the Scumship into hyper hyper drive, and then kind of blacked out while pressing every button his blurry vision would allow. The other band members finally took notice and came out to see what was going on.

“Hey, this isn’t the way to Metal Metal Land!” said Jizmak Da Gusha.

“Of course it isn’t. How could we have been so foolish? The only way to get to Metal Metal Land is by stolen car!” replied Beefcake the Mighty.

“Then where are we going?” asked Balsac the Jaws of Death.

“Guess we’ll just have to find out, because I can’t get the controls to work at all,” said Blothar.

The all went back to what they were doing before like it was no big deal, ignoring Pustulus’ unresponsive, potentially overdosing body. The fuel that was powering the Scumship, (at its core were the souls of bohabs, GWAR uses every part of the bobhab) finally ran out, but just in time for them to be caught in the atmosphere of an unknown planet on an unmarked galaxy.