Fluttershy and the Janitor

The week carried on, as weeks tended to do. For Fluttershy, it went quite well. She had made a new friend, and devoted some of her daily time to cheering up Discord. His job was hard, and it was apparent that the other students were either taking him for granted or outright not appreciating all the hard work he did in making the school clean and tidy. Fluttershy had taken to bringing him baked goods- -to the extent that she could bake- -and sometimes spending her free or lunch periods with him.

To her friends, however, the situation was far more sinister. Most of the students found Discord terrifying. Either they were creeped out by him- -he would often stand perfectly still, smiling and breathing heavily- -or subject to a number of cruel pranks that could never really be traced back to him. When one student spilled breakfast cereal in the stairwell, for example, her locker was found the next day plastered with perfectly even Happy-O’s glued to the entire surface. The day after, she fell asleep in the courtyard and woke up with her person covered in them. Another time, the water in the water fountains was replaced with chocolate milk. On Thursday, the furniture in one room was found fastened to the ceiling (with a small student named Pipsqueak found in one of the upside-down chairs), and the day before the blackboards had been discovered to have been bleached into whiteboards. The worst by far, though, was that every bathroom in the school had been closed off for “maintenance” immediately after lunch on Taco Tuesday. In that case, Discord had caused a mess that would permeate the school for the rest of the week.

Then, of course, there was the fact that each and every one of them knew that he was boinking Fluttershy. This boinking was, in their mind, performed with great vigor.

On Thursday, the group- -save for Fluttershy, who was occupied in the school’s boiler room- -was waiting in their music room when Sunset appeared.

“Twilight!” she cried, running through the door and slamming it behind her. “I got your text. Sorry, I didn’t see it because there were four thousand and eighty one from Rarity and I don’t ever read those so it got buried. You said it was an emergency- -”

The others were looking at her angrily, save for Pinkie Pie, who was bloated and rolling around on the floor in pain.

“Um, why are you looking at me like that?” asked Sunset.

“You know you’re a student, right?” said Applejack. “As in, you’re supposed to go to school?”

“I am at school,” she said. “And I’m not actually a student here.”

Twilight looked around. “Where’s Spike?”

“He’s watching my spell,” said Sunset.

“Spell?”

“Yeah. You have no idea how much effort I had to do to get that thing to work. There isn’t a lot of magic in this world, so I had to improvise.”

“Improvise?”

Sunset nodded. “I just spent the last week eating witcher mushrooms I found in the woods and dancing naked around a sacrifices in a shrine I found deep in the woods. I may have summoned a demon, so watch out for that. Also, Spike might be just a little traumatized.”

“So you were doin’ some weird mumbo-jumbo in the woods?” asked Applejack.

“And you didn’t invite me!” groaned Pinkie. “Sunset, you know I love unholy rituals! I want to be a sacrifice! Ow…”

“Pinkie, what’s wrong with you?”

Rarity sighed. “The other day she discovered that the drinking fountains were filled with chocolate milk.”

“Eew,” said Sunset, making a face. “That sounds disgusting.”

“Indeed. And yet she still drank six gallons.”

“Sixteen gallons!” cried Pinkie Pie. “I wanted to see how much there was! And there was a lot!” She sat up. “Actually, I’m going to see if there’s more…”

“No you’re not!”

“I can’t help myself!” cried Pinkie, bursting into tears. “I have a probbbblem!”

“Was that the emergency you called about?” asked Sunset.

Twilight shook her head somberly. The group then went about saying- -in the most graphic and disturbing ways possible- -what the new janitor was doing to poor, innocent, formerly-virginal Fluttershy.

“…and she doesn’t know how to defend herself!” said Rainbow Dash. She was frantic. “She’s all meek and adorable, she doesn’t even know she’s being abused!”

“Are you sure about this?” said Sunset. She looked a little queasy. “You are sure his name was Discord?”

“That’s hardly the problem!” cried Rarity.

“Yeah! Look!” Pinkie Pie produced a list and shoved it into Sunset’s face. “This just isn’t possible! It’s breaking the law!”

“It’s not impossible to break the law, Pinkie.”

“Yes it is! Look right here! It says ‘stories cannot contain sexual content with humans or anthros under the age of eighteen!’ Right there! We’re gonna get banned!”

Sunset took the page. “Really? That’s a rule?”

“Of course it is! That’s why we’re all virgins!”

“I’m not,” said Sunset, as if the idea were ludicrous.

The entire group gasped collectively. “Sunset!” cried Rarity.

“You- -you aren’t?” gaped Applejack and Rainbow Dash simultaneously.

“Did it hurt?” whispered Twilight.

“YOU CAN’T DO THAT!” cried Pinkie Pie. “The RULES! Sunset, you’re a minor!”

“No I’m not.”

The room gasped again. Rarity put her hand over her chest. “You mean…you’re eighteen?”

“Then why haven’t you been buying me beer?” demanded Rainbow Dash.

“Because you have to be twenty one to buy beer,” said Sunset. She laughed. “And I WISH I was eighteen again. Ha. That would be great.”

“Then…how old are you?”

Sunset frowned. “You do realize that in my reality I was Celestia’s personal protégé BEFORE Twilight was, right?”

“Well, yes, you mentioned that…”

“As in, Celestia took Twilight after I left. When I was twenty four. And Twilight was five. And Twilight in Equestria is in her mid twenties.”

“So you’re…”

“I’m forty seven.” The entire room fell silent as the other gawked in horror. “And believe me, I’ve had sex. Lots and lots of pony sex. I mean, who hasn’t? It’s perfectly natural. Stallions. Mares. Actually, there was this one girl in magic school, Twilight Velvet…”

“That’s my mom’s name,” said Twilight.

“But…you got here when we were in the sixth grade,” said Rainbow Dash.

“And you started dating Flash Sentry that same year,” said Applejack. She counted on her fingers and then cried out. “Holy Celestia naked and covered in apple buttery, you’re one of them pedo-philes!”

Sunset’s face scrunched, to the point that a human face could scrunch. “No I’m not. We never did it. That would be weird.”

“It’s still creepy as nuts!” said Rainbow Dash.

“And I think it’s weird that you use the same swear phrases as we do in Equestria even though Celestia isn’t your divine and eternal autarch,” said Sunset, annoyed. “And as I said, I’m forty seven. Which means I’m exempt from the rules.”

“But Flash Sentry- -”

“EXCEPT!”

“Okay, okay,” muttered Rainbow Dash. “You don’t need to yell!”

“I DO!” cried Pinkie Pie. “IT’S THE ONLY WAY TO DROWN OUT THE VOICES IN MY HEAD!”

Applejack slapped Pinkie. “Quiet, you!”

“Harder,” said Pinkie, shivering.

“I think the bigger problem,” said Sunset, “is that Discord is here.”

“Why?” asked Rarity. She gasped. “Do you know him?”

“Not personally. But there’s nopony in Equestria that doesn’t know OF him.”

“Why’s that?” asked Twilight. “Is he famous?”

“He’s an interdimensional chaos-god who spent several thousand years tormenting our population because he found their pain and confusion hilarious. He’s one of the most dangerous creatures known to pony kind.” Sunset paused. “And that might explain the magical signals I’ve been finding…”

“I’ve been detecting them too,” said Twilight.

“Really?” Sunset seemed surprised. “Which Elder God statue did you dance naked around?”

“I don’t dance naked. I don’t dance at all. If I did, though, it would be Dagon the Blue-Lit Flower of Creation. I detected it with SCIENCE.”

“Bah! If there’s one thing I’ve learned in Equestria, it’s that science can’t be trusted! I trust my horn!”

“You don’t have a horn,” noted Rainbow Dash.

“Unless…you do?” said Pinkie. She gasped. “That explains why you never wear skirts!”

“I never wear skirts because they’re drafty,” said Sunset, covering the part of her body where Pinkie Pie was looking.

“But aren’t you normally naked as a pony?” asked Applejack.

“Yes, but I have a tail. And no, I don’t have THAT kind of horn. I had a horn on my head. And I miss it a lot. I mean, do you know how great having a horn is? Especially when you can find a mare who will let you strap her down and force her to suck on it until you nearly blow her head off with magic?” Sunset shivered. “Oh, Twilight Velvet…”

“That’s still my mom’s name,” said Twilight.

“Oh,” said Sunset. She cleared her throat. “Yes, well, I imagine it is. But yeah. Discord. He might very well be the cause of the magic surges.”

“From his horn?” asked Pinkie Pie. She paused. “Actually, we could just ask Fluttershy about that. She knows Discord’s horn better than anyone at this point.”

“Discord actually has two horns, normally.”

“Two?” Pinkie Pie’s eyes went misty, and she looked down at the floor. “Hot dog…imagine what I could do with that…”

“But why would our Discord have any sort of magic at all?” asked Applejack.

“Because there’s a good chance it’s the same Discord,” said Sunset.

“Is that even possible?” asked Twilight.

“It might be, I don’t know. With Discord, it doesn’t matter if things are possible or not. He’ll do them anyway.”

“Hence our Fluttershy problem,” said Rarity, darkly.

“That I don’t understand,” said Sunset. She started pacing. “Everything I’ve heard from Princess Twilight suggests that Discord is reformed. In Equestria, he and Fluttershy are good friends.”

“Are they…you know?”

“I don’t know!” said Pinkie Pie. “Describe it! Ooh! Do an interpretive dance! With Applejack!”

“I don’t think so,” said Sunset. “Actually, I’m not even sure Fluttershy over there is into stallions.”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes went wide. “Really?”

“I didn’t exactly ask, but most mares are pretty flexible. We outnumber stallions ten-to-one.”

“Oh…” Rainbow Dash looked around, and then grabbed her stomach as she made the least convincing groan of pain any of them had ever heard. “Oh, my stomach! Must be a delayed reaction to those fish tacos…so many tacos…delicious, smooth tacos…I need to go to the nurse’s office. And definitely not that dimensional portal on the front lawn.”

Applejack grabbed her collar. “No you don’t!”

“But what should we do?” asked Rarity.

“I don’t know,” said Sunset. “I’m new to this whole friendship thing. Have you tried talking to Fluttershy about it?”

They all looked at each other, then at Sunset. “We…tried,” said Rarity. “And she…” Rarity shook her head.

“She might just be embarrassed. How old is she again?”

“The same age as the rest of us. Sixteen.”

“No,” said Pinkie Pie. “She’s a year older than me. I think she’s seventeen.”

“And I’m fourteen,” said Twilight.

The others looked at her. “What?”

“That’s my age.” Twilight blushed.

“You skipped a few grades,” said Applejack.

“Um…sort of. I actually graduated high school at age eight.”

“Then why are you here?”

“I’m working on my master’s thesis. And teaching five math classes, plus general chemistry.” Twilight blinked. “Didn’t you know that?”

“Does nobody tell us anything?!” cried Rainbow Dash.

“Apparently not,” said Sunset. “But setting that fact aside, we should talk to Fluttershy. Maybe not in school. At that age, she’s probably nervous. Maybe a little embarrassed. And we don’t want Discord interrupting us, especially if he IS magical. That could get messy real fast. So why don’t we go to her house and visit her there?”

The others looked at each other, considering for a moment. Without a word, they decided that doing so sounded like a good idea. � �1Ty��L