I groaned, rubbing my head. My bed felt wrong. Fuck it...I can sleep like this. I was drifting back off the sleep when a gust of wind blew over me. The fuck? I was sure I closed my window last night. I reached out to slam the window shut but my hand passed by where the window should have been and flopped to the wet grass next to me. I blinked. Why was there grass in my room? I pulled my covers off my face and looked around at my...What? Why was I in a forest?! I stared at the forest before flopping back down on my mattress. "It's too fucking early for this shit." I groaned. I rolled over and attempted to get back to sleep.

Keyword: Attempted.

I was quickly jolted back into reality by a wolf howl close to me. I quickly scrambled off my mattress and stood up before looked around, currently shrugging off the odd weight on my back. Trees, trees, plants, wooden wolves surrounding me, open field...Wait, what? Wolves. Made of wood. With glowing green eyes. I stared in shock at the impossibilities surrounding me, snarling. Was I dreaming? Suddenly, one of the wood wolves pounced towards me.

"What?" I muttered intelligently before my throat was torn out. I gurgled out a scream as pain exploded through me. Not a dream, defiantly not a dream! My vision blurred before I was back before the wooden wolves. I blinked. "What?" I muttered again. Before my throat was torn out. Again.

I was, again, suddenly standing next to the wolves and...two bodies on the ground. The wolves turned to me, snarling, blood dripping from their fangs. "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!" I screamed as one of them snarled and leapt towards me. I threw myself backwards, away from the bloody fangs. I had no fucking clue as to what was happening, but I wasn't about to start asking questions! As I hit the ground I heard a clattering and looked to my right to see a handgun lying there on the ground next to me.

Where the fuck did that come from?! Did I have that on me?! As the wolf turned to me, growling, I decided on fuck it and grabbed the gun. I fired off round after round, maybe hitting the wolf twice in about fifteen bullets before the gun began to click as I pulled the trigger. I took a single step backwards before a wolf behind me took a chunk out of the back of my leg before another tore my throat out. Yet again.

I was standing next to the wolves again. This time I pulled out the handgun instantly for some reason, it was out of bullets so I don't know what I was expecting. As a wolf leaped for my throat again, I lined up the sights as if I had all the time in the world. Which, judging by this damn pattern, I might well have. I pulled the trigged and the wolf screeched as a bullet shot through its left eye, it would have been a good shot but I had been aiming for the middle of its forehead. Its momentum flung it into me, sending us both to the ground. I almost grinned for a moment before I heard it growl.

"How the hell are you STILL ALIVE?!" I screamed. It snarled. And then the fucking bullshit happened. Its. Motherfucking. Eye. Grew. Back. I gave it an even glare, "Oh, fuck you."

And, surprise, surprise, my throat was torn out. As I was bleeding out I noticed something on the ground next to me.

I HAD A SHOTGUN WITH ME THIS WHOLE TIME?!

This time I was ready. As soon as I...reincarnated? Whatever. As soon as I was brought back I pulled out the shotgun, finally realising what that heavy weight on my back was, and shooting one of the hellish wolves as it leaped for my throat. The kick of the gun almost blasting me off my feet, it sure as hell made me stumble back. I was just glad I had it braced against my shoulder and not by my waist as they do in films. Still, I could tell I'd be feeling the recoil for a few days. As I regained my balance I realised the wolf I'd blasted wasn't getting back up. Pretty hard to do when your neck and head are gone. Even for these resilient bastards. I'm actually surprised I hit the damn thing.

I pumped the barrel, which was a lot harder than I though it'd be, "Who else wants some?"

Of course, instead of playing fair, they all swarmed me. I shrieked and managed to take out another two of the pack before I was...before I had throat removal surgery.

After that it was a game of patience. Sometimes I took out one or two before...before being, uh...defeated. Sometimes I'd go down before even taking one out. But in the end the reminder of the wood wolves scarpered.

Once I was sure they were gone I gave a sigh of relief. "Okay. Where the fuck am I?" I asked myself. It was then I saw the bloody corpses of...me. "EW!" I cried before throwing up.

After I wiped the bile away from my mouth I turned away from the bodies for a second, only to look back as the forest started...absorbing the guns and everything that wasn't attached to my bodies! I just stared before the leaves on the ground began swirling around before settling to form words. 'Go.' I didn't need any further prodding and span around and ran away from the freakish place as fast as I could. As I ran I may or may not have gone in the opposite direction as an arrow the leaves were pointing. Eventually I came to a stop. There hadn't been any words in the ground or freakish wood wolves for a good while. I panted, getting air back into my lungs, while I was used to running, I was more used to straight, concrete paths, not forests with twists and turns. I sighed, just where was I? And how the hell had I gotten to this infernal place?! I needed to think. I started walking in a random direction, it was a better choice than just standing there and waiting for something else to kill me. As I walked I realise something else. I was parched! I guess running for your life makes you thirsty, huh?

"Great, now I need water." I grumbled. Like today couldn't get worse.

I stopped and looked around, looking for the best direction to take. That's when I heard it. Water. I quickly ran towards the sound of the precious liquid. I almost whooped for joy when I found a large river. I dropped to my knees next to it and scooped up water in my hands, the current stronger than I expected and almost pulling me in. Running water was safe to drink, right? I shook my head and drank as much as I could. As I drank I heard some small noises behind me, but I decided it was probably just a squirrel or something and leaned out for some more water. That's when something rammed into me and sent me flying into the water. I submerged for a second before surfacing. I looked around and saw I had already gone quite the distance. Where I was knelt before one of the wood wolves was stood, watching me. As I shot down the river I shot a glare at the Wood Wolf that pushed me in, the cunt.

I growled and tried to get ahold of the bank, but I was moving too fast and only succeeded in hurting my hand. Well at least it can't get any wo...No! I didn't say it! It doesn't count! I didn't finish the thought! It doesn't count! I was pulled around the turn in the river and saw the drop and rushing water. I was in a waterfall. "IT DOESN'T FUCKING COUNT!" I screamed. As I flew off the end of the waterfall I screamed for about three seconds before my head smashed into oblivion on a rock midway down. As I...reappeared into existence I let out a yelp as I fell through the air before smashing my head on the same rock. And again, and again, and again. I let out a frustrated scream, trying desperately to just move a few inches, but there wasn't much I could do in midair, yet the next time I...uh...came back, I fell and passed the rock by. When I realised what happened I let out a triumphant whoop before I realised I was still going to hit the water at close to terminal velocity. My cry of victory turned into a cry of terror a moment before I hit the water face first. For a split second I felt agony as my neck snapped, and then I reappeared not far above the water. I thought I was finally out of the horror show when I hit the water safely.

Of course that was when the falling water pushed me under. I span for several seconds as I panicked. Before long I lost track of up and down and my lungs began to burn from lack of air. I swam up, just to come to a wall. I started panicking. I looked around everywhere, I twisted, turned and struggled not to breath. I couldn't let myself die like this! I couldn't! Against my best efforts my mouth opened and water rushed in. I couldn't breath! Just water and water! I was barely aware that I had sunk to the bottom of the river. I began convulsing and thriving as my lungs felt like they were on fire. I started clawing at my face. NO! I needed air! I needed it now! NOT LIKE THIS, NO, NO, NO! Right as I blacked out my last sight was of a fox's snout poking into the water, mere inches away.

I let out a sudden gasp and my eyes sprang open as I began falling again. I looked down and landed in the middle of the pool, away from the falling water. I was finally free from that horror. I swam to the bank and pulled myself out of the water, I shook as much water off me as I could before walking off, my shoes squelching as I went. I grumbled under my breath as the constant noise from my shoes and being soaked to the bone began to get on my nerves. I wiped water out of my eyes and my foot caught on a tree root. I gave a yelp as I tripped up and went rolling down a hill. As I went I saw a large rock getting closer and closer. I gave a groan internally right before I smashed into the rock head first, my skull splitting open.

I looked down at the body and sighed, "Well...at least I'm not wet anymore." I set off walking again, keeping an eye out for roots or...just about anything really. I started pushing through bushes, just wanting out. I pushed past another bush, spitting leaves out of my mouth. "Ugh...where's the damn..." I trailed off as I spotted a dirt path leading out of the forest. "Exit...Well, looks like my luck's finally changing." No sooner had I said that then I heard a loud snap above my head. I looked up and saw a huge branch falling towards me. I opened my mouth to scream, but before any sound had a chance to escape the branch shot into my open mouth, cutting me deep into my body. I felt the vibrations as it shot out of my body and sunk into the ground, impaling me there. Then I felt the pain. I started screaming as best I could as my insides felt like they were being repeatedly stabbed while on fire. Blood began leaking out of my mouth and down my body.

I hoped that it would be over soon, but it seemed like I was due to suffer. I could feel myself dying, but the pain...the pain was too much! Shaking, I reluctantly raised my handgun slowly to my head. I started sobbing, not wanting to do it. But the pain was too much! Feeling my guts torn apart and my body slowly shutting down, I couldn't take it! I pulled the trigger.

I fell into the dirt and shuddered. That...was wrong. I looked up and saw my body, the bullet hole into the head. I shuddered again, "Never again." I whispered. "Never." Doing...that to myself...It wasn't right. I turned away and continued along the path, trying to put the event out of my mind. After what seemed like another hour or so the forest eventually stopped and...I was out? I blinked and looked back. Yep, I'd finally left the forest. Huh.

I let out a whoop of joy and did a little jig, "I'm out!" I giggled. I had a good look around, there was a little town not far ahead, it seemed quaint, like the sort of town you'd see on a postcard. At least now I could finally find out where I was! I made my way towards the town, a skip in my step. But as I approached I noticed something was wrong. The place looked like a ghost town. I wandered through the abandoned town. Where is everyone? As I continued walking I started slowly feeling like something was terribly wrong. This wasn't right. I hadn't seen a single soul. No people, no pets, not even pigeons. It wasn't right.

Was I alone here? But the place was clean and...it looked like everyone had just evacuated. It didn't make much sense. Hell, nothing made sense. Especially the...thing that happened when I di...I...when I got hurt. I sighed and rubbed my head. Well, at least this day couldn't get more fucked up, right?

"Hi!"

"WHOA!" I screeched, falling on my back.

"Oops. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm..." It was then I saw who was speaking. Or rather what. A small pink horse.

"Fuck you, universe," I groaned, "fuck you."

Author's Note

So this is something I've been toying with for a while.

Oh yeah.
Kill Count: 16.