A Queen of Marble, standing tall and proud.

A King of Plaster, cracked and dried.

Rain poured, hard and loud.

The King crumbled, but he'd already died.

The Queen stood tall, but her marble lied.

The Rain poured, hard and loud.

One thought.

One thought had ruined my entire mood after the pleasant morning in the woods with Lucette. One thought that brought any responses to questioning short and sweet. One thought…

...that had scared me for years.

Should I enter a relationship?

After what happened with...her, that thought scared me on a level that I was still delving into. And now, knowing that the bridge to me and Lucette had been more or less fixed, or was at least in the process of being fixed, and knowing that if we continued on this path, we would be in a relationship?

That TERRIFIED me. The fact that I still wasn’t sure why, after all these years, terrified me even more.

I could guess, I could postulate, but I didn’t want to. Panic clouded my mind. Sure, on the outside, I was just silent and stone-faced, but inside… I couldn’t be any worse.

Sadly, I hadn’t eaten since yesterday, and the servants insisted I eat in the dining hall with Lucette. Thus, I was forced to endure an awkward breakfast with the Awoken. Yes, I liked Lucette, yes, things had been mostly mended but… I couldn’t shake my fears.

I was just glad her daughter was busy with lessons. I didn’t want a child of all people to see me at my worst; it was bad enough that her mother might see it.

Stabbing my fork into my plate of scrambled eggs and rice from Bloodriver, I brought the bite to my mouth and chomped down, trying to simply ignore...everything, I guess. Lucette, the numerous guards in the room, the servants waiting on us…

...sadly, Lucette had other ideas.

“Are you okay, Hamin?” She asked, sounding, for once, actually concerned.

I paused mid-chew. I wanted to tell her. To vent, to scream, to cry...but the worry, the doubt, the sheer fear kept me from it. So, I simply nodded, and went back to my meal.

She frowned. “You’ve been quiet since we got back yesterday. What happened?”

I shrugged, and with a good deal of shame, told a half-truth. “I’m bipolar. Mood swings are normal.”

’Stop it already, please.’ I mentally pleaded, trying to stifle the urge to cover my head.

’Don’t you want her to keep trying?’ Another voice in my head asked me.

’Yes!’

‘No!’ two voices, both mine and not, spoke simultaneously.

“So something is wrong?” She pressed.

I cursed, looking away and putting my fork down as the war in my head continued.

There was a tense silence between us for a moment, filled only with the countless voices within me screaming and arguing, before Lucette spoke again. “Guards.” All the Guards present in the room saluted, creating a cacophonous sound of shifting armor. I was barely paying attention to the sound, though, a far louder cacophony echoing in my soul. “Leave us.”

“Yes, Your Highness,” they all echoed, before marching out of the hall one by one.

When they were gone, Lucette resumed her questioning. “Hamin, I...realize I haven’t been the most hospitable to you since you came here, and that you may not want to talk to me, but-”

“Don’t,” I said suddenly. I clutched my arms. “...Don’t give me hope.”

Another pause. “...Hope for what?”

I felt my skin break out in goosebumps, and closed my eyes as I almost whispered my answer. “...Don’t give me hope of being loved.”

’No more no more no more no more, stop it stop it stop it!’ Images came to the forefront of my mind. Long black hair. Ruby red eyes, pale skin- STOP IT!!

Lucette’s voice barely brought me back to reality. “...We aren’t exactly at the point where I’d say I love you, Hamin, but still-”

“Then just...stop.” I swallowed thickly, instantly realizing the unintentionally but not wholly unwelcome dual meaning that phrase could take. "Better yet, don’t just stop, just...just send me back,” I said finally, after a short pause, nails biting into my arms. I started to shake with emotion I didn’t want. The very emotions that were boiling inside me all this time, barely held back.

I heard her get up slowly from her chair and walk over to me. “Hamin, please, just tell me what’s wro-”

“J-Just stay away!” I cried, scrambling out of my seat and away from her approach.

I saw the worry in her eyes. The concern. It scared me, and I hated it. Too much. I knew the servants were watching, too. My eyes shifted between them all as my breathing picked up. Too much. It was all too much.

“...You had someone before, didn’t you?” She said eventually, gaze softening. I froze, my breath leaving me for a moment.

’How does she know?’

’Isn’t it obvious?’

’It shouldn’t be! These problems are my own, they’re not supposed to be broadcasted!’

“She hurt you, didn’t she?”

I forced myself to look away. To not look into those entrancing golden eyes of hers. To not be tempted by her, or her beauty, or her intelligence, like SHE once did. I felt tears start to form, clutched my head to try and keep the voices out, the images, the pain, the heartache, all of it.

I heard her step closer.

“I said stay AWAY!!!” I Shouted.

My ears were ringing and wet, and my vision was spotty at best. I could barely make out any voices, much less my own as I just managed to ascertain the shape of Ventus floating over me.

After a moment, a blue light surrounded me, and my vision returned along with my hearing, though I still had one hell of a headache. Groaning, I sat up slowly.

“Did he just...Shout?” I breathed, rubbing my ear and staring at the door where Hamin had left.

Not long after his outburst, the guards rushed in, weapons drawn.

“Your Highness! Are you all right? What happened? Where is-” one of the guards started to rattle off questions, but I raised a hand to him. I did not need an even bigger headache from the guards trying to interpose themselves in this whole debacle.

“Save your questions, guardsman,” I said as I stood up and brushed myself off. “This is a personal matter, do not worry yourself over it.” I looked to where Hamin had left. “Return to your posts. I must see to something.”

“But Your Highness-”

I turned a harsh look to the guard. “Guardsman. Do not make me repeat myself.” ’Especially when I’m still grasping the situation myself.’

“...Yes, Your Highness,” the Guard relented.

“Good.” With that, I made my way after Hamin, walking out of the dining hall.

Ventus’ voice sounded in my comms. ”You wanna at least explain to me what the fuck that was?”

I frowned. “Something I wasn’t expecting. I suppose I should have though, considering Displaced and their natures.”

”That explained literally nothing, L.”

I sighed. “Look, I’ll explain when we get to Hamin, okay? Hell, he might be able to explain it better.”

”Fine, fine. But don’t keep me in the dark much longer. You made a promise.”

I only nodded, but made no other reply. I knew she understood well enough.

Considering the expanse of the castle’s halls, it took a while to reach Hamin’s room. And in that time I reflected, mulling over what had happened. Somehow, this fear, if not trauma, had been triggered yesterday. And based on his lack of reactions yesterday and his sudden outburst today, that fear had been building steadily.

The question was, was he afraid of relationships, or attachments in general? His words suggested it was relationships, but if so, why did it only start now and not far earlier? He should have known right away after the explanation earlier in the week that the end result of this was either that we would be married or that he would leave. Did he just focus on helping me and plan on jumping ship after?

I groaned and rubbed the side of my head. I just couldn’t figure it out. I could understand having fears about relationships, and I knew it first hand, but at the same time, it was never to the degree of outright trauma like he had shown.

Too many questions, not enough answers.

My biggest worry, though, was how to overcome this. I would admit I wasn’t interested interested in him, but I did feel he deserved a chance for all the help he’d given, or at the very least he deserved to be repaid for his kindness and patience with me.

But how the fuck was I supposed to help a guy who held back a psychotic break every waking minute?

I could feel a headache coming on from the thought. “Guess I’ll have to play by ear…” I muttered.

I eventually reached Hamin’s room, and when I did I saw that Hamin had dismissed his Guard. Sighing deeply, I knocked on the door.

No response. I decided a minor blitzkrieg on his privacy wouldn’t be too bad of a risk. I could always apologize later, and right now he obviously needed some kind of comfort. Opening the door, I found the man at his desk, head in his hands.

I approached warily. “Hamin…?”

“Go away. Please. Please please please please please go away. Take the pain away-” He continued muttering like a broken record, and I stood and watched with sad eyes.

Was this what he had been reduced to? Just at the thought of a relationship? I felt my anger begin to build for whatever bitch could do this to him. I may not love the guy, but he didn’t deserve this kind of pain. Not when he'd tried to help me despite everything.

Slowly, I walked around to the side of his chair.

“Hamin?” I asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.

He flinched, then smacked my hand away. “Don’t touch me!”

I frowned, then took a breath...and punched him in the jaw, sending him sprawling. He cried in pain, looking up in shock at me.

“That wake you up?” I asked, giving him a worried frown.

He placed a hand where I’d hit him, still staring at me. I saw tears build in his eyes just before he forced himself to look away.

“It’s not fair…” He sniffled.

“What isn’t?”

“Why...why do I have to be such an aberrant case? Why do I have to feel this...this pain? Why can’t I be normal? Why can’t I be happy? Why…” He clenched his fists tightly.

I knelt down to him. “Hamin… Why are you so scared?”

He took several deep breaths. None of them seemed to be working as tears flowed freely from his face. “I can’t lose anyone else, can’t can’t can’t can’t can’t, don’t wanna be alone-”

I grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug. “Easy, easy… You’re not alone. Easy. Take it slow.”

He didn’t take it slow at all. The moment I hugged him he broke entirely. Sobbing and wailing and crying out every feeling, every fear that had surfaced. He buried himself into me, his tears staining my regalia.

I tried to be as reassuring as I could, squashing down any concerns he brought up. Eventually, he pulled away, sniffling and looking away, as if in shame.

“S-S-Sorry, I know this is….awkward, a-a-and pathetic-” I grabbed him by the shoulders, giving him a firm look.

“Even if it was, I wouldn’t fault you for it,” I told him gently. “No one would.” I didn't know what he might've done in the past, admittedly, but I could question him on that later.

He still didn’t look at me. “E-Everyone says that at first-”

“Hamin,” I began, “I may not know you well, but one thing I know for certain is that at the very least you are empathetic to a fault. Despite every threat I made, despite every punch I threw, every insult, you continued to try and help me.” I gained a small smile. “Even though you were conflicted from...whatever happened to you.”

He didn’t respond and kept averting his gaze, only sniffling a few times, but the light blush on his cheeks told me he was at least touched and a bit embarrassed.

However, soon enough, he looked back at me, wiping a few final tears. “Th-Thanks.” He took a shaky breath, then seemed to try and steel himself. “I...I guess I should tell you why I...reacted, like I have.”

I shook my head slowly. “Not right away. This obviously is a pretty big bit of trauma for you-”

He stopped me there, eyes suddenly full of steel. “No. No...it needs to be said. I almost hurt you again because of it.” I blinked, but I remained silent at this, watching him as he slowly took a few breaths. After he was done, he began. “I...I’ve had a history of trust issues. It started at first with my family, and their lack of integrity, to put it lightly. Then, there was the first real fracture...the day I lost a girl I considered a sister, even if not by blood. She had trust issues herself, and...I’d been lying to her fairly majorly for most of our relationship. Namely, that I had a physical girlfriend living with me. I’d act like her in some conversations online, even.”

I frowned. “She found out, I take it?”

He shook his head. “I told her myself, when the guilt got to be too much. Because she’d put so much trust in me, just telling the truth on that one lie broke the camel’s back, and she cut herself off from me.”

“And this girlfriend?” Ventus asked after materializing near my head.

He bit his lip, gaze dropping to the floor. “...She was real. Sort of. A spirit, I guess you could call her. One that had no chance of materializing, and thus...had no chance of doing anything but giving me visions or talking in my head.” He clenched his fists. “...She promised to try and materialize so many times...and every time she never did. So…” He started to shake. “...So I broke it off.”

I stared at him for a short while, surprised that anyone could even fall for a spirit, or that his Earth actually had such things. But at this rate, I didn’t question it. The multiverse was very, very strange, after all. At the same time… I couldn’t even imagine what it was like to be led on like that, even if it was by a spirit.

I clenched my fists.

...No. That was a lie. I knew the feeling all too well. Still, this did not explain why he called it a lie.

"Why do you call it a lie, then?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped short. Looked down at his knees, his hands. "...I...don't know." His hands shook more. He didn't sound like he was lying. He sounded genuinely confused. Conflicted.

Reaching out, I took his hand in mine. He looked to me in surprise as I gave him a smile. “You’re not alone in that. I…” I took a steadying breath. “...I’ve had some similar situations myself, being led on by dickish assholes. So I know the pain, even if only in part.” I squeezed his hand. “So if you don’t want to talk about her anymore, then tell me, and we’ll stop.”

He stared at me for a time, and finally gained a smile. “...Thanks.”

“That said,” Ventus began. “If you two continue getting closer and go through with this whole thing, you’ll both have to get past your traumas.”

We both looked away from each other at that. I wouldn't call it a trauma, V. Just...a problem.

“...Well,” I began slowly, licking my dry lips. “I’m...not sure how all this will really go, yet, but…” I looked back to him. “I’m willing to give it a shot.”

He rubbed his arm, blushing a little. I smiled. It was kinda cute.

“If you are, then… I wouldn’t be opposed to it.”

Ventus bobbed in lieu of a nod. “Good, good. But if you’re going after my Guardian, you’re effectively going for me too, got it, dude?”

We both gave her wide eyed stares.

“What? Just because I’m a Ghost doesn’t mean I’m not interested in romance and stuff,” Ventus said with a huff. “Also, uh, you two gonna keep holding hands, or…?”

I blushed hotly, releasing his hand immediately and standing up. Ventus laughed and I looked away firmly, trying to hide my burning cheeks.

This wasn’t going to be easy, was it?

Author's Note

Edited and proofread by the lovely Illua! Give her some love!

NOTE/DISCLAIMER: As many of you know, Hamin is a sort of self-insert. However, this portion is one of the points where I changed things up, made him different from me. Take it as you will.

NOTE: Sorry for any scare a bit ago, I hit Save on the chapter before finishing the edit, eheh... ^^: