"Well, where do you think I should start?" the mare asked eagerly.

"I, uh...here's the thing, Twi," Spike tried, "maybe you need to-"

"What? Do some public advertising first?"

"Sure," agreed the baby dragon, despite the fact that had been the exact opposite of what he was going to say. He bit his lip. He knew this wasn't going to end well, whatever it was that Twilight wanted to buy.

If she was the Princess of Friendship, and she had a crown, a castle, tons of friends, and much more, why would she even need to save up for something? She was richer than anypony he knew.

Unless she was trying to purchase was some crazy machine in order to get Flash Sentry to recall what happened in Half-Land. That sounded like something Crazed Twilight would do.

Half-Land, where she turned into that creepy thing that stood on two legs.

Half-Land. What a weird place it was. He hadn't deserved to turn into a dog, did he?

"Come on, Spikey-Wikey," said Twilight in a creepy but cheerful manner, "let's go do some advertising! At Sugarcube Corner! I'm sure Pinkie will let us..."

"Twilight, Pinkie just works there, she doesn't own the place."

"Yeah, well, she lives there. I don't care about the Cakes. They're too nice to be smart. Now, if you keep trying to poke holes in everything I say, I'm going to tell all Equestria you have a crush on Rarity."

"But, everyone already knows that I have a-"

"Too bad! Well, then, I'll...I'll..."

"Ha!" said Spike. "You can't think of anything else to threaten me with."

Twilight silently fumed and laid down on the ground, racking her brain for consequences. After a few minutes, an evil grin spread across her face as she extended her wings for dramatic emphasis.

"If you keep criticizing everything I say, I'll take away your favorite rubies for THREE WEEKS!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Spike yelled in horror, collapsing on the ground.

"Hmpfh," said Twilight, folding her wings and trotting off smugly. She was going to get her way, like a little princess. Well, she actually was a princess, but, besides that, yeah...

Twilight suddenly felt the urge to sing. Others may have thought she had a beautiful voice, but the truth was, she used a spell to sound like that. It was quite fortunate that Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns had not required her to take a music class. Never take the pleasant sound of silence on your ears for granted.

"You'd think others would listen
And try to be supportive
Unlike goofy little dragons
Who are nothing but gem hoarders

But they don't, even though you're a deserving princess
Though you try to get more attention
Your reputation falls to pieces
Because of that annoying little dragon whose name rhymes with like even though I don't like him sorry that's the first word I could think of!

Well, it's time to think about me
And my lessons, and my friends
To make sure my story has a happy end
Who else carries themself more importantly? None!

'Cause I am the princess
I'm the star pupil
(Starlight, your attempts to usurp me are futile)
I'm going to show the world I know how to criticize
I'm going to save up and buy that...sorry, can't tell you, you guys!

Don't care about who says what
The Pies or the Cakes
I'm the princess, and I'm going to do Whatever it takes!

Well, it's time to think about me
And my lessons, and my friends
To make sure my story has a happy end
Who else carries themself more importantly?

The answer is, nopony!"

"Ugh, mercy!" whined Spike, clutching his ears.

"You don't like my singing? HOW DARE YOU!!! I'M GIVING YOU A BIG, BUSHY MUSTACHE!!!!"

She was met with an elated, "Yay!"

"Drat, I forgot that's a reward to you," she muttered under her breath. "Well, we better get going--forget the whole advertising thing. Let's just show up at somepony's door, because a certain little dragon already wasted a whole lot of my precious time..."

Twilight and Spike had flown up to Rainbow Dash's house first, since they were starting with her group of close friends. Unfortunately, cloud doors were impossible to knock on. Anyway, she was not home.

It turned out that she was practicing her latest flight routine with Spitfire and Fleetfoot.

"Hey guys, what's up?" the sky blue pegasus said, flying down to meet them. She swooped up and expertly landed on a cloud.

Spike cautiously began, "Well, Twilight was wondering if you-"

"Silence." The alicorn glared at her dragon assistant. "Rainbow Dash, you are just the pony we need! I'd like to ask you a few questions. Is that okay?"

"Uh, yeah, that's cool with me. Just don't ask me really, really hard stuff. Make it quick, 'cause I gotta finish practice soon."

"This isn't a quiz!"

Rainbow's pinkish mahogany eyes brightened upon hearing this, and she rose a few inches in the air.

"Really?! Then what's it about?"

"Well, um, you...like A. K. Yearling's works, right?"

"Duh! And it's Daring. Do."

"Whatever, I don't believe in fictional characters - and you think she's a good writer?"

"Totally, Twi!"

"Oh really? Give me the name of a pony who can't write as well as her!"

"You probably couldn't, Twi! All you're used to writing are lame essays and letters that say 'Dear Princess Celestia...'" Rainbow yelled hoarsely, jabbing a hoof at the lavender mare.

Seeing that Twilight had hurt her friend, Spike tried to mend things. After all, she'd done the same for him before. Twilight was beginning a rant that started with, "How dare you say that essays are...lame! Well, technically the word 'lame' means they're unable to walk, which I guess is true because, have you ever seen a-"

Spike clamped his claws over her mouth, just in time.

"Rainbow, I think what Twilight is trying to say is that she wants to measure Daring's skill."

"Oh, well, sure."

Twilight fumed.

"She's, she's, actually, she's probably a lot better than me."

"I!!!!" shouted Twilight, struggling free of Spike's grip. She raised her head to shout "IT SHOULD BE 'BETTER THAN I!'" towards the sky.

Spike grimaced. "Please ignore her. She's a little bit crazy today."

Rainbow snorted. "Ya think?"

Twilight seemed to have recovered from her grammar-police fit, for she asked the sane question "Oh, you're a writer?"

The mare brushed her rainbow bangs aside lightly and blushed, something very rare for her.

"Well, I guess...I could use some help. Don't have much experience..."

"Perfect!" Twilight beamed, opening her wide wings.

"Let me guess, you're trying to write an Action and Adventure book, like Daring Do, right?" said Spike.

Rainbow mumbled a little, then raised her head.

"You sure you want to see it, you guys? It's pretty bad."

"I'm willing to give anything a try." Twilight said with a smile.

"Ok." Rainbow stopped to call over her shoulder. "Spitfire, I'll be right back! Follow me! The uh...draft of the first seven chapters is at my house."

As she dashed away, her mane and tail appearing as vivid, colorful rainbow blurs. Twilight and Spike followed at a slower pace.

The unwitting pegasus was completely blind to the fact that she was about to get roasted.

Rainbow handed Twilight her manuscript, slightly fidgeting, as most authors do when they are showing someone their work. Twilight scanned through it, emotionless. Then, a thoughtful look appeared on her face.

Spike knew what was coming.

She opened her mouth to speak normally, but all that came out was a shrieking yell.

"YOU CALL THIS LITERATURE?! THE GRAMMAR IS ATROCIOUS, FOR A START, NOT TO MENTION YOUR HOOFWRITING. IS. TERRIBLE!!!!"

"Hey, back off!" asserted Rainbow angrily. "You said you were open to anything!"

"THIS IS TOO POOR TO EVEN BE INCLUDED IN ANYTHING! YOU DIDN'T BOTHER TO SPACE YOUR PARAGRAPHS, AND YOU'RE CONSIDERABLY LACKING NECESSARY PUNCTUATION!"

"Well, I don't care about that stuff, it's for total eggheads! I just wanna write! Ever read any of Daring Do's awesome books?! I can't be exactly like her!"

Spike decided that this was getting too vicious, and he was going to do something about it. Before Twilight (whose face was now red) could take another turn in the volley of insults, he did the one immediate thing that might be able to stop it.

"Stop!!!!!"

They both ceased arguing and glared at him.

"Twilight really wants to be a..."

"I don't know what she wants to be, but she's bullying. Like a critic!"

"Um, well...that's it."

"Are you kidding me?!"

"I know, right? She's the least qualified mare for the job-"

"Talk about bullying! You two are just, you're just...ugh!" Once again, the Princess of Friendship turned up her nose and walked away, trying to shun them in a dignified way.

"Princess." scoffed Rainbow.

"Exactly." the baby dragon replied with a sigh.

Author's Note

I would REALLY like to use em dashes, but I don't know how to make them on mobile!