Soon after she had snottily trotted away, Twilight returned (more hastily than she would have liked to admit) to fetch her dragon assistant.

"Spike, as much as I hate to say it, I need you. But not her."

She then stuck her tongue out at Rainbow Dash like an immature little filly after helping Spike onto her back. Her first book review was complete. She flew off, with the pegasus yelling insults about lameness and nerdy former unicorns after her.

"Well, that went well..." began Spike.

"It sure did!" Twilight replied. A smile of true happiness shone on her face. "I gave her book just the right amount of criticism! Now, who should we do next?"

The dragon mumbled under his breath.

Immediately, his caretaker jerked her head around to face him. Ferocious eyes. Not good.

"What did you just say?"

"Nothing!" Spike said, though guilt was practically streaming around him in rivers.

"Oh, okay." She was back to normal. It was hard living with someone who could turn mad at any moment. Both ways, the angry one and the crazy one. "How about Applejack?"

"AJ?" said Spike, though For Celestia's sake, no! was really what he was thinking. "I don't know, Twi. I mean, her element is honesty, so, even if you review whatever she made, she'll still be able to tell you what rating it really deserves."

"ARE YOU SAYING I REVIEW INCORRECTLY?!"

"Heh heh...no, no, not at all!" he chuckled, nervously fearing for his life.

"Well, we're going to Sweet Apple Acres, and that's that!"

"Yeesh, Twilight, calm down!"

"CALM DOWN?! YOU EXPECT ME TO CALM DOWN IN THIS SITUATION?!"

The moral of the story is, "Never mess with a powerful alicorn princess who has defeated tons of major villains by herself (who cares what people in love with the mane five say) and could blow you to bits. Actually, that didn't really happen, but this particular story could use some action and drama. Right, guys?

Ugh. They can't hear me. They're too sensible to break the fourth wall.

Anyway, when they arrived at the farm (to Spike's dismay), Applejack was busy bucking apples in a part of her vast orchard close enough for the young alicorn and baby dragon to find her.

"Howdy, Twilight!" she said, continuing to do so. Her hat was nearly falling from the momentum of the task, though a bright smile crossed her freckled face. She was sweating hard.

"Where's Big Mac?"

"Oh, he's gone Starlight's old village fer an apple delivery to somepony-or-other, name starts with 'Sugar,' Ah reckon."

"And he left you to get the apples done all by yourself?" Spike was astonished.

"It's gotta be done. If we don't, the smell'll attract some o' those rotten fruit bats right from the other side of Equestria."

"Have you ever considered why they haven't renamed Starlight's old village something else," said Twilight, making a red herring, "so it wouldn't remind her of her fascism every time somepony says it?"

She still felt bad about accidentally turning Fluttershy into the monstrous Flutterbat.

"Well, what'd they call it before, 'Our Town?' That right there's a darn ridiculous name fer a place."

"I suppose, I mean, they sang,
'In Our Town, in Our Town, we don't have to wait
To find out that our destiny
Is just to emulate!' " She had imitated the tune in perfect timbre and key, since she had her spell on again.

"Twilight, why are you singing that? You know how evil Starlight used to be!" her assistant said, horrified to such an extent that it made his green pupils grow small.

"I can't help it! It's catchy! And Starlight is my pupil now. Or was. The point is, I'm not going to let her usurp me!"

"You alright?" said the freckled, orange mare, hauling a bucket of apples to the barn with her mouth.

Twilight was not alright. She had just realized something unfortunate. A facehoof succeeded this realization.

"No! I didn't charge Rainbow!"

"What now?" said the Earth pony. "How much does she owe ya? Ah know from personal experience Rainbow's gotta lot to work on when it come to bits. Honest." Twilight could have sworn the normally easygoing mare's face flash with ire for a split second, but when she blinked, it had assumed her usual expression again.

"Nothing like that." The dragon finally slid off Twilight's back and onto the ground. "You see, Twilight's got a-"

"How many times do I have to tell you to shut your mouth, you annoying little juvenile dragon thingy?!"

"Oops."

"Twilight's gotta what now?" said Applejack, not really paying any attention to the conversation. She was working. Twilight didn't understand. She didn't have to work anymore.

Now that she had learned every petty "friendship lesson" possible, she got to lounge around in a luxurious castle while Starlight tried to please her and ponies sent fan mail and baked goods to her.

Heavens to Betsy! thought Applejack, she's gettin' more spoiled an' huffy than Trixie herself!

Suddenly, Trixie appeared from behind a tree. Not without the aid of the grayish cloud of a smoke bomb, of course.

Nope. Trixie still held the shiny Blue Ribbon of First Place when it came to the Annoying Awards.

"The Grrrreat and Powerful Trrrrixie" - she waved a medium blue hoof in the air dramatically - "would like some cider."

"Oh, Trixie, what a - suprise to bump into you here!" said Twilight, forcing herself not to go insane once more at the sight of the former travelling magician. Who lived in world where magic was real. How pitiful.

"I'm sorry, Trixie, but it's smack in the middle o' summer here, an' we're fresh outta cider thanks to...that flashy pegasus we all know an' love."

An' hate.

"We don't start making new batches 'til the autumn season, when all our apples are gettin' pretty ripe. Makes the best cider, ya know. These here are called Vista Bella apples, one of the earliest ripenin' varieties. They sell pretty fast, so if you got a mind to, you can buy some, go home, an' get yer pretty little unicorn hooves all dirty makin' some cider for yourself."

"What?" said The Great and Powerful Trixie, totally discombobulated.

Applejack sighed.

"You know nothin' 'bout growin' apples, do ya, Trixie Lulamoon?"

Her whole explanation had been wasted on this pony, of all ponies.

"Well, then, since ya see I'm tryin' to get some work done here, you can either work fer an hour an' get some apples or go home."

"And leave our presence," added Twilight.

"Oh, Twilight," Trixie greeted, with a smug grin, turning to face her former adversary, whom she still managed to annoy out of Equestria as a supposedly "reformed" pony. Recognition and understanding switched back on in her mind. "I hadn't noticed" (ignored) "you before."

The completely, totally Humble and Penitent Trixie? Yeah, right. That would be almost as ridiculous and unlikely as the real Discord saying "I can be klutzy."

"Well, get out of here and go bother Starlight! Why did you even come here?"

"For your information, Princess Twilight Sparkle, I was sent to this poor farm to acquire more cider by one of your friends."

"Rainbow." Applejack gritted her teeth. "Ah she bet she sent you so Ah couldn't teach her a lesson in pony. It's gonna take her a long time to pay all those bits back, fer sure, an' she better have something to say 'bout making me lose half my business this month by decimatin' my cider supply!"

"I couldn't help but overhear-" interrupted the blue unicorn.

"You were eavesdropping?!" the other three shouted at once.

Trixie defended herself.

"Give me a break. There isn't much to do in this mundane town except talk to Starlight and go to the spa and a few other places. And Starlight is much better than you."

Twilight's whole body turned crimson. Her mouth abruptly turned down, and her pupils narrowed.

Don't you know who you're dealing with, O "Great and Powerful?"

As Applejack and Spike ran for cover, the former hoping her farm wouldn't be destroyed by an imminent magical outburst, Twilight's horn began to glow lucid red.

Trixie shrieked and ran, forgetting to use a smoke bomb in her terror. Her pale blue mane and tail looked straight instead of slightly curved as they billowed out behind her.

"EVERYONE! SAVE YOURSELVES! TWILIGHT SPARKLE IS OUT TO DESTROY NOT JUST ME THIS TIME, BUT US ALL!" Even in this situation, she was overdramatic. Twilight obviously didn't want to obliterate everyone from the surface of the world, only Trixie Lulamoon.

Trixie would have fit in nicely with the Flower Ponies. It was strange that she hadn't befriended them yet. Then again, she wasn't exactly friendly to most other creatures, be they insects or ursa majors.

With the object of her fury gone, Twilight's dangerous side subsided and the skies cleared.

"What was she going to say?"

"She mighta been wonderin' 'bout what you said earlier, Twilight, how you 'had to do' somethin', an' Ah never get to hear what it was."

"About that. I'm going to keep it concise." She drew a deep breath.

"I am now an official literary critic."

"WHAT IN THE HAY?! Pardon me, Twilight, but Ah just can't see ya doin' that job an' doin' it..."

"What?"

"AJ, be careful!" warned Spike.

"I don't wanna hurt you, Twi, but...Ah can't see you doin' a good job as a critic."

"Why not?"

"You're just kinda...a little, ya know, uptight." Applejack was being honest, but she was also being cautious.

"UPTIGHT?! I AM NOT UPTIGHT!!!!!"

One and a half hours later, they had managed to calm Twilight down, for the moment, at least. Equestria was lucky she had not destroyed it in her fit of rage.

"So, do you have anything you want me to review?"

Applejack started to chortle, which made her weathered brown hat move around on her head.

"Oh, filly, I ain't no writer!"

"Really, you have no material at all?"

Twilight crossed her front hooves and raised an eyebrow.

"Well, there's this sad little tale 'bout my parents that was told to Applebloom an' Big Mac an' me, but it ain't worth hearin' by your educated ears."

Twilight seemed offended. She snapped open her wings and "hmpf'ed" an "I'm open to anything."

"Alright, then. Ah don't what you'll think o' this, Twi. Ain't funny or silly or anythin' like that."

"GO ON. Do I have to hit you?"

That was a rather foolish thing to say, considering that Applejack was ten times stronger than she (when she was normal), and could buck her high into the sky like a bad apple if she chose. At any moment, for that matter.

It was fortunate that she put up with a lot. The Earth pony adjusted her tattered hat and sighed.

"There were two big fruit farms 'round here, the Apples' an' the Pears'. Sweet Apple Acres, as ya know, was run by Granny Smith. The Pears' farm was run by a stern fellow named Grand Pear.

The two were always competin' with each other, fer business, how they cared fer their trees, an' too many other things to count, but Granny Smith's son, Bright Macintosh, an' Pear Butter, Grand Pear's daughter, loved each other. It all started one day, when they were out in their respective orchards with their parents..."

As the story came to a close, Twilight interrupted the last sentence.

"We don't exactly know what happened to 'em then, but that's the en-"

"I LOST TRACK OF HOW MANY GRAMMAR MISTAKES YOU MADE AT FIVE THOUSAND AND NINETY-FOUR! AND NO ENDING? DID THEY JUST GET EATEN BY TIMBERWOLVES OR SOMETHING?"

"Slow down, now! Ah never said anythin' 'bout timberwolves!"

"I DON'T CARE!!!!

"Twi, I think ya need to calm down an' take a few deep breaths." The farmpony remained composed herself, but started to slowly back away, as if her friend was a dangerous creature.

"I, uh, I agree. You should really work on your anger..."

Normally, Spike was the one who did things with fire. But this time, Twilight roasted him.

Literally.

Who in Equestria knows how she got her hooves on a pyrospell? Thankfully, dragons are fireproof, and for good reason.

"Thanks for your time, AJ," groaned the now scorched dragon. With luck, she wouldn't be charged either. It all depended on Insane Twilight's memory.

Right in the middle of Ponyville, Trixie Lulamoon was doing her daily show. Mare, did she have an unusual, spectacular performance planned for tonight! She buttoned her starry purple cloak, donned her hat of the same fabric, and stepped out confidently onto the stage.

"Welcome, one and all, to THE GRRRREAT AND POWERFUL TRRRIXIE - I mean, my show. Hehe."

Without further ado, the blue unicorn launched into song with a flashy extension of her normal voice.

All the ponies living in this town
There's something that might turn your happy smiles to a worried frown
You've heard of bugbears, and, well, you've heard of ursas
But did you know there's something out there even worser?

You think I'm a lot,
But, I tell you, I'm not
And I'm warning you of the trouble you've got
Coming to you, you, you...

'Cause there's an alicorn
With an out-of-control horn
She'll pretend to be honest and true
Until you she does review!

She will criticize
She's trying to monetize
By calling you a failure
And there's no cure for what ails her!

She acts like she's all for amity
Spending time with friends and family
But then she'll catch you writing a book
She will ask if she can take a look

You think I'm a lot,
But, I tell you, I'm not
And I'm warning you of the trouble you've got
Coming to you, you, you...

'Cause there's an alicorn
With an out-of-control horn
She'll pretend to be honest and true
Until you she does review!

She will criticize
She's trying to monetize
By calling you a failure
And there's no cure for what ails her!

Twilight Sparkle is her name
She's a terror to Equestrian
I hope you feel the same!

She's downright dangerous
And most of all, smart
Before you can stop her
She'll take your story apart!

You think I'm a lot,
But, I tell you, I'm not
And I'm warning you of the trouble you've got
Coming to you, you, you...

'Cause there's an alicorn
With an out-of-control horn
She'll pretend to be honest and true
Until you she does review!

She will criticize
She's trying to monetize
By calling you a failure
And there's no cure for what ails her!

Yeah, made, will she review you!
You'll be done for when she's through with you!

When Trixie had finally finished holding the last note and taken a breath, she noticed her audience was utterly silence, with a collage of perturbed emotions on every face.

She gave a deep, slightly whiny sigh.

"Seriously?!"

Author's Note

The song is called "Evil Friend." The song in the former chapter has been named, "Twilight Complains (She's a Brat).

I kind of imagined this one to be a rock song, with wild electric guitar accompanying Trixie in the background. Of course, I can't make it like that. XP