“HAPPY SUMMER SOLSTICE!”

“Yeah, yeah, happy sun day. Twilight, why is there a pony’s hoof in my hand and not a beer? Or a cigarette. Or literally anything but a pony’s hoof.”

“Happy Summer Solstice Miss Twilight!”

“And a happy Summer Solstice to you too! And the reason Clean is we have to celebrate the holiday AND your release! We have to get you introduced back into society so you can make friends!”

“Happy Holidays there Clean.”

“Happy sunshines Danny Dish. Glad to have you. And Twilight, I couldn’t care less about the holiday. I just wanna get back to work. I was on ‘vacation’ for a few too many years, and I don’t trust ponies to keep my castle clean.”

“Have a good Summer Solstice you two.”

“And a happy Summer solstice to you too. I’m sure you don’t Clean, you didn’t trust anyone to touch your room no matter what.”

“Happy Sunny Summer Solstice!”

“Sun. And of course not! I had all my shit on there.”

So, Twilight and I spent most of the day greeting everyone. Eventually, as the sun was in the middle of the sky, Celestia came out onto her podium and called for everyone. She started with a message to everyone, greeting them all, and setting up the premise for why we were all out there.

She also ended up introducing her sister to the crowd, garnering shocked gasps and some murmurs in the crowd while some looked more accepting. I stood up from my folding chair that I had stolen from a closet in the library and climbed up the stairs to the stand. I laid a hand on Luna’s back and looked out to the crowd and waved.

“Hey, moony, do a Princess wave, like this.” And I held my hand out palm first and rotated it left and right.

“O-oh, okay.” And she raised her hoof and attempted to copy my movements, which didn’t work figuring her lack of fingers.

“And for those of us who are older, and know of him, I introduce… Clean!”

“Oh shit, me too, alright I was just here for moral support. Uh, hello everyone. Not everypony because I see a couple griffons here and I’m sure as fu- I mean sure as he- ah godda- I’m not a pony. There. Hello everyone.”

A couple of the more senior looking ponies acknowledged me, some of them I remembered from ages ago. Two pegasi foals flew up and dropped a ring of flowers around Luna’s and I’s heads.

“Oh sick nasty, I love it. What is this, Gucchi?”

“And without further ado, let the celebrations commence in full!”

And with a cheer all the ponies dispersed to various stands of food and games. I watched Celestia walk over to Twilight and start talking, as I started to follow I felt someone wrap their hooves around my hand.

“Uhmm.. Prithee Sir Knight. May I speak with you?”

“Hmmmm rokay Raggy.”

“Raggy?”

“Yeah its a reference… Nevermind, what is it, how can I help you mate?”

“Mate?! Well, surely not yet but-”

“Stop. No.” I flicked her on the nose. “Mate is a term for friend where I come from, not as someone you do the horizontal tango with.”

“Tango?”

“Holy shit, are all of my references going to go over your head? Alright, fine, no more slang, how can I help you Princess Luna?”

“Oh, well, I wished to thank thou again for your help. You saved not only me, but the rest of Equestria.”

“Well, leave it to the janitor to clean up the mess. Heh, I love saying that.”

“A janitor, but I assumed you were a knight?”

“Me? A knight? Hell no, I just clean the floors in the castles. I just also happen to be real good at beating the shit out of bad guys. You not included, again, that was Nightmare Moon.”

“Well, yes, but-”

“Oi, no butts, unless… shit if I say anything it will be sexual harassment. Nevermind. Anyway, don't apologize.”

Suddenly, we were both stopped by Twilight hopping in place repeatedly going “Yes yes yes!”

“Huh, wonder what's got her so happy.”

“Yes, it is indeed strange. And dearest sister has quite a strange grin on her face.”

“Yeah, she does… oh fuck.”

“Oh fuck? What prithee does that mean Sir Knight.”

“Its Clean. Call me Clean. And I think I just-” I was interrupted by Twilight looking to me and bolting over, knocked me down in a hug.

“Yay! You get to stay with me!”

“Fuck you Tia, you can’t do this to me! I have work to do!”

Celestia walked over to us, picking Twilight up in her magic and setting her down as Luna helped me off the ground. I dusted my now dirty coveralls off and checked my pockets for my box, pulling them out and opening them.

“None broken, good. Anyway, did you seriously just stick me down here in Ponyville? What about the castle? Who the hells gonna keep it clean?”

“Now now my faithful knight, who do you think has been keeping the place tidy in your absence. We hired some of the best janitors to keep up with your slack.”

“Alright, you know what, fuck this.” I said, taking a cigarette out and popping it in my mouth. I pointed to it and a small flame appeared, lighting it. I nodded in appreciation to Celestia. “So how long am I to stay here for? I love you little Twi, I do, but I get antsy when I’m not working.”

“Well, I think three months would be a good vacation.” Twilight said.

“Ha. No. Try again.”

“You know, four months sounds pretty decent, don’t you say?” Celestia said.

“Yellow card, not looking good team.”

“Oh! Perhaps six months would be more appropriate!” Luna said, getting in on the joke.

“And a red card, that's a penalty. Ha, sports ball jokes. Anyway, I’m staying for a month and I’ll walk back to Canterlot if I have to.”

“We’ll see, come sister, we should go to partake in the celebrations before we have to return.” Celestia said, bringing her wing over her sister and walking off, leaving me with Twilight.

“Well, Uncle Clean… Wanna go party?”

“I thought you’d never ask. Go hang out with your friends, I’ll take Spike.” I said, noticing him standing beside me and picking him up.

“But I wanna hang out with you!”

“You just made those friends Twi, you can hang out tonight when we’re all done. Spike and I need our manly bonding time.”

“Yeah Twi! We gotta bond!”

“Oh fine! Be that way!” She said pouting, to which I patted her head.

“Yeah yeah, go with your friends, Spike and I are gonna chill.”

We both watched her walk away, until spike leaned down and whispered in my ear. “So… what are we gonna do?”

“...I kinda wanna go to the bar…”

“...”

“...”

“I’m going to the bar. I’ll get you whatever you want from the stands on the way.”

“Gem ice cream?”

“If they have it, hell yeah. I think I have a bag of holding around here somewhere…” I said, rummaging through my pockets and pulling out a small threaded bag with twine holding it closed. “Perfect, glad I grabbed that this morning.”

We both walked towards the bar I had gone to the previous night, with Spike picking and choosing various foods and games along the way. As it turns out, it was very similar to the fairs I had been to before.

-=- -=- -=-

“Oh! Oh! Honey, lets go try the gun range!”

“Fey, you know you can’t hit shit with those. Why would you wanna waste your money like that?”

“First off love, it's not MY money, it's YOUR money.”

“Ah, good point. I repeat and rephrase, why would you wanna waste MY money like that?”

“Because you love me.”

“Damn right, lets go miss several shots and eventually just buy the toy.”

“Thanks honey… I love you so much ***....”

-=- -=- -=-

“Hey, Clean, you okay?”

“Wha? Ah yeah, my bad lil buddy, I’m not used to being in crowds again, makin me antsy.”

“Well let's go to that bar then. I have everything I could want, and my tummy is a little upset now.”

“Aight, i’m just gonna grab a beer and see if there's anyone I recognize.”

“Oh! Mister!”

“Huh?” I look down to see a small purple unicorn filly with dull blond hair.

“I saw you the other night! So your names Clean?”

‘Yeah, nice to-”

“Dinky! What are you doing over there!” A purple unicorn runs up to us. “Mom ran off somewhere and now I can’t find her. Oh… hello sir.”

“Hello miss, are you two sisters?” I said, looking between the two.

“Uhmmm, yes. Sorry to bother you, I’m Amethyst Star, and this is Dinky Doo.”

“Doo? You wouldn’t… nah, coincidence. What's going on with you two?”

“Sorry, we’re looking for our mother, she ran off somewhere earlier during the Princess’ speech.”

“Well, need help lookin? I got some free time, Spike?”

“I’m good!”

“Fair, so why not let us help?”

“We’re good sir, thank you, come on Dinky we need to go now.”

“But sis!” The filly said. “He’s tall he can help us look!”

The older unicorn picked her little sister up in magic and sat her on her back. “No Dinky, we need to go.”

The older one took one last look at us before running off.

“Woah. That was rude.”

“You said it little buddy, now I really need a drink…”

“Yeah… I think I could go for some soda pop.”

-=- -=- -=-

So Spike and I made it to the bar, the name ‘Paddy’s Earish Pub’ still pissing me off. I threw the door open to notice it again almost empty with the occasional straggler sitting alone at a booth drinking.

“Hey! Clean! Knew you’d be here eventually!”

“Hey Danny give me a cold one and a soda pop for the dragon.”

“Aye aye, you got it partner.”

We both sat down at the bar, noticing a pinkish earth pony drinking at the other end, I sat Spike on the opposite side away from her. Danny eventually came back with a beer and what looked like a glass bottle of soda. He started looking around for a bottle opener, so I grabbed mine and pulled the cap off then did the same with Spike’s.

“Well horse apples, those hoofs of yours are useful, aren't they?”

“Yup, now tell me, any news in town?”

Spike sat back in his chair and sipped on his drink while I pulled the glass bottle to my lips and took a long swig before pulling out my smokes and taking one out.

“Hey, can I get a shot of your strongest stuff?”

“Oh, sure, 2 bits.”

I pulled a handful of bits out of the bag and dropped them on the counter. He pulled out a shot glass and poured a clear liquid inside.

“This Vodka?”

“Vodka? You mean Wodka.”

“I will fucking stab you if you say ‘Wodka’ again. Why is everything in this world just called the same thing but with different letter. This is pissing me off.”

“Yeah yeah, rant like a drunkard. Here's your shot.”

I dipped my finger in and held it in front of Spike. “Got a light?”

He blew out a bit of fire, causing my finger to catch the greenish flames. I brought the finger up to the shot glass and snapped my fingers, causing the flame on my hand to look like it bounced to the shot. After that, I brought the drink up to my cigarette, lit it up, and breathed in. After a second, I took the stick out of my mouth and downed the shot, letting out a puff of smoke after.

“Impressive parlor trick there Clean, do cater?”

“Fuck you Paddy, where is everyone else? I know there's gotta be at least 4 other people who work here.”

“Yeah, most are out at the little fair, that griffon over there works for us tho. Her name’s Bee.”

“Bee the Bird. This just makes me wanna cry. Hey, forget I asked.”

I sat there with Spike smoking and drinking for a while. As it turns out, my tolerance to alcohol waned significantly. Not only that, but this stuff was different than what I got the previous night.

“Hey, Danny, what's up with the alcohol tonight? It's a fuckton stronger than before…woah schwarmy.”

“Yeah, we ordered fancy stuff for the holiday. Buy it now while it's still here, because it won't be after tonight.”

“Hey, so Imma be here a month, think I can toss you a couple coins and ask to order enough for me for a month?”

“Depends on how much you got partner.” He said, cleaning the counter and nudging the pink pony from before that was now passed out.

“I will give you 100 bits now and pay for every drink later.”

“Make it 200.”

“Now you and i both know you can buy a crate of these for 50, I’ll need probably three crates, so 170 bits. Gives you 30 to play with, plus me paying for the drinks.”

He mulled it over for a second, before pulling out an abacus and tossing the dots on it side to side.

“Make it 180.”

“Deal.” I said, holding my hand out and taking out my now coin pouch of holding.

We shook hands and exchanged coins before I ordered another beer for the time being. I didn’t dare look at what the brand was, as I already knew it would make me mad.

“Hey, Spike, tell me, hows Twi been since I’ve been gone?”

“Well I’m glad you asked Clean! She’s practically been a shut-in, constantly studying and going to classes but never going out and making friends.”

“Figures, what about… Oh fuck I forgot about Blueblood.”

“You forgot about Blueblood?”

“Yeah, I kinda told him to gather all the guards and that I would be back… let's hope the princess took care of everything like she always does.”

“Yeah… But back to what we were saying. Twilight has been pretty much a complete recluse for a while now. She just likes studying that much.”

“Fair enough, hey what about-”

We were interrupted by a stallion opening the door and looking in. He walked up to me and asked, “Are you Clean the Human?”

“Yeah, can I help you mate?” I said, finishing my drink and setting it on the bar.

“Hmph.” He said, walking away and opening the door. “Its him.”

He moved out of the way, and there was a very familiar pony.

“Dearie?”

“Dad?”

Author's Note

Heya guys, sorry I've been gone for a bit, been working on other stuff plus some personal life stuff. Had some free time, and decided to do some writing. Expect more to come.

Check out some of my other stuff if you like, tho reading the story before this one would help more if you're new. Hiatus over...probably.