Am I Losing My Sanity?

Last time on "Am I Losing My Sanity?"

Speaking to her I said three things "1. The Name's Jake, 2. I'm ok with parties, and 3. Lay off the drugs".

When I finished speaking ~~The Abomination~~ Pinkie just jumped super high of my chest and in the air and then exploded into pink particles while saying "Oki, Doki, Loki".

Looking up into the sky and back the crowd of ponies (who have strangely stayed quiet this entire time) I just commented in a calm voice "I'm not getting paid enough for this shit".
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*Boom*

Jake's Pov

Looking up to see that the pink demon had some how disappeared in mid-air, I looked back at the crowd for an explanation.

"Just Pinkie Pie, being Pinkie Pie" they seemed to chorus in a monotone like voice. Not totally creepy or anything.

"Are you guys gonna just stand there or are you guys gonna get on with your normal lives? It's not like am gonna hurt you guys."If you don't make me go insane first.

Suddenly, life resumed as normal for the ponies (as normal as having a human around) but I noticed the purple unicorn from earlier walk towards me.

"Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle" the unicorn spoke to me sticking her hoof outstretched towards me. How dafaq is that possible though?

Bending down to returning the hoof/hand I replied "The name is Jake, the species Human and I am seriously hungry". My stomach growled at that moment as if to prove my point.

Giggling, Twilight replied, "Well I can feed you at my place, just follow beside me". I just followed her, as I really had no knowledge of this weird fucked up world. Looking around to see the ponies do well, pony stuff I noticed everyone shifting away from my gaze. Ok, now that's just overdoing it, I thought as I saw a pony begin to barricade its house.

"Twilight, are these ponies Ok? It's not like I'm gonna hurt them" I asked.

"Well they are a little afraid of change" she replied. Suddenly I heard windows and doors being slammed shut down the path. "Yea, a little afraid" I replied.

"They haven't seen anything like you before, though" she retorted. "So you aren't afraid of me?" I taunted showing my canines. "No..." she spoke with a little shudder.

"Hahaha!!! I'm just playing with ya Sparklebutt" I chortled out.

"Sparklebutt?" she asked with her head tilted towards me.

"You know, the sparkle on your butt?" I confirmed.

"Oh, you mean a cutie mark" she replied back.

"A cutie what?" I asked.

"A cutie mark represents your talent. They usually look like your talent, like someone who is good with baking would have an apron as a cutie mark. Do your species get cutie marks?" she explained/questioned.

"No, we don't get "Cutie Marks" but we are good at several things and not just one thing. Like I am good at drawing and playing sports" I answered. I am also skilled in parkour, fucking with the police and disrupting order.

And with that we apparently arrived at her house which was more like a tree actually. Wait... it was a TREE!!!! This has got to be one of the sickest houses ever. Imagine all the room inside, all the bananas I can eat and the secret undergr-

"JAKE!!!" Twilight yelled out, ending my monologue in my head. "I have been calling you for the last 5 minutes, now come in". I followed her, not knowing that this day was gonna get a lot weirder.

Entering the tree/home the first things I spot are books. Lots and lots of books. Enough to end the international nerd epidemic of the 2000s. I think I made the wrong choice coming here as books and I never seemed to understand each other face to face. Before I ran for the hills, I saw him. The only one who can save me from this mess.

"SPYRO, PROTECT ME FROM THIS STRANGE UNICORN" I yell out diving towards him. He moved to the side and I received a slap from the wall. "Spyro" looked at me with a questioning stare and tiled his head sideways.

"Spyro? I'm Spike the Dragon, personal ~~slave~~ assistant to Twilight Sparkle. And also what are you?" the newly named Spike asked.

"I am a Human, a new creature from this world, lil' dude. By the way is this some kind of library, cause I'm seeing books everywhere." Spike with an annoyed look, just pointed at a sign that read "Golden Oak Library".

What the hell? That sign was not there a second ago. Whipping my head back at Spike and where the sign was I realized that the sign had somehow disappeared from sight. I guess I'll add this in the "Weird Facts about Ponyland" section of my brain. Suddenly I felt my nerd senses tingling. Turning slowly I look behind me to see that Sparklebutt was now sporting a total nerd smile. You know, the big-ass smile, lips trembling at the edge, eyes wide open ready to take in information. You don't want to mess with them at this state.

It could be deadly.

"Have a seat, Jake" Twilight asked.

I took a seat.

"Now tell me,EVERYTHING about your species!" she demanded levitating a quill and notepad over to herself.

I looked over to Spike for back-up. "Nope, your on you own dude" he spoke backing away from the area.

hello sir, Nerd spotted at 12 o' clock
what should we do, Alpha?
initiate the "Secret Operation", sir
initiating the very "Secret Operation"

You may think that I should have gave this pony a chance, but there was one problem...

How was I going to eat when I'm stuck a NERD LESSON?!?!?! Backing up to the door, I started to take the most logical choice that I should take in this situation... RUN!!!!

*CRASH*

Jumping out the window, I escaped the scene unfortunately attracting the attention of every pony in a 100 meter radius. I at this moment charged up the electricity within me to activate my new move... Lighting Boost. Moving at about 1/3 the speed of light I was out of the town in a flash and stopped in the middle of a field.

Well I'm finally done with that shit, I thought.

Digging into my pockets to keep out the chill, I felt something move around them. Slightly shivering, I started to pull out the foreign object out of my pocket. To my shock I ended up pulling out a certain ~~autistic~~ pink pony out of my pocket. Holding "it"in my hand we both just stared at each other with different expressions on our faces and absolute silence. I had a stotic, terminator-like expression while she was smiling without a care in the world.

However, the smile started to chip away at my terminator smile (I could here "I'll be BACK!!!"). Grinning back at the pony I surprised Pinkie by placed her on my head. Hearing music in the background I took epic anime heroic pose I commanded "Lead me strange creature, to the place where I can overflow with food."

"Oki doki loki!" the pony replied back to killing the moment. Pinkie pointed the way to food heaven with a hoof and I "Lightning Boost" us back into the town of misery, fools and mentally insane ponies.

Making it back into the town, Pinkie stopped us in front of a familiar sight... the dreaded "Gingerbread House". I just suddenly started to get the shivers from the place but I didn't mention it. I mean, I have to man up for mankind and show these ponies just what kind of badas-

"Come in!!!" Pinkie yelled back to me with half her body already inside the shop.

"M'kay" I replied walking towards the shop cautiously while holding the "Holy Bible" in my hands once more. I'm gonna be prepared for whatever this pony throws at me.
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"SURPRISE!!!"

I saw way more ponies then what should have been possible inside the shop and food, more food and even more food!!! Looking up, I saw a blue and red banner that read "Welcome to Ponyville, Strange Creature". I was about to comment on the banner when I saw a pitchfork being thrown at me, dodging I quickly let out a bolt of electricity that stunned the poor fellow. That was when I saw that almost all of the ponies had pitchforks.

My limited brain gave me only 2 options...
1. Run like a bitch
2. Get the food

I chose nonexistent Option 3 and jumped over the huge mass of ponies, grabbed as many foodstuffs as I could then hightailed it out of there bobbing and weaving to dodge the various objects being thrown at me. However I could hear in the distance "I TOLD YOU NO PITCHFORKS!!!" nice to see that the pink one is supporting me.

"Yeah, I need a LIVE test subject". Now that, didn't sound too good to me.
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Note #1 : Never go to a party in Ponyville. It's for your own sake.