Last Time on "Am I Losing My Sanity?"

Jake being the dumbass he is, blurted out the first thing that came to his mind and this event would shock the minds of all of Equestria and the entire universe.

"HOLY SHIT, YOU GOT AN ERECTION COMING OUT OF YOUR HEAD!!!!"
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"Hehehehe"

Now

Brain Reboot complete

Jake rubbed his hands together and stated "Sorry for that random outburst but... are you a genetic mutation? You know, half pegasus and half unicorn?"

The ponies were all shocked by this statement spoken by the strange creature as they all assumed that all would know what an Alicorn is.

Celestia however was still pissed from when the human knocked her off stage so she rebutted "What are you strange ape?"

"I'M NOT A FUCKING APE!!!!. I'm a human and my name is Jeff" our favorite human responded, clenching his fists.

Gasps were heard all around the crowd, for there had been none brave (or dumb) enough to curse at the princess with no fear. The princess however kept her calm (and that barely unnoticeable eye twitch) in check and stated "I am Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria and mover of the sun."

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*Snort* "Bwahahahaha!!! Good one, princess. I can believe the ruler part but moving the sun is impossible. The earth orbits the sun. That's the way things work" the human responded confidently with a smirk on his face.

"Then how do you explain this?" Celestia responds. Suddenly the Sun is moving across the sky in a rapid motion. Jake mesmerized by the event, lets his jaw drop, piercing the ground and hitting some unknown civilization.

"How dafaq you doing that shit, horse lady?" Jake asks while dragging his jaw back up.

"Magic" Celestia replies simply.

"Magic doesn't exist." Well not on Earth at least.

Cue yet another collective gasp from our audience of background ponies.

Suddenly a floating cupcake appears in front of Jake and he turns to see that Celestia's horn is glowing. Jake realized that magic must exist in this world unlike Earth, so there was only one more option left for him to do...

Jake somehow got out the "Holy Bible" and a Cross from behind his back. Backing up slightly he yelled out, "I REBUKE THEE IN THE NAME OF THE LORD!!!!" Unfortunately for him he didn't see any of God's judgement rain upon the white pony. All he saw were the angered and confused stares from the ponies that surrounded him while Celestia held an amused look on her face. Jake however just continued to moonwalk from the ponies holding his hands up in surrender.

"Stop moving, strange one" Celestia ordered, with the amused smile still on her face.

Jake stopped in his tracks (still holding the"Bible") and turned around slowly "Yes....?"

"I see that you are not from this domain, for this is a new experience for you so I am willing to let all the disagreements between us pass and let you go".

All the ponies had widened eyes in response as they were sure that this "thing" would have been killed on the spot, instantly because he had spoken "incorrectly" to royalty.

With a traditional Japanese bow, Jake replied "I thank you for your generosity, crazy horse lady".

Celestia replied "You are welcome "Human" but call us "ponies".
"M'kay" then our hero ran off into the town to see what it had in store for him. All the ponies looked in the direction that the strange new creature had ran off too. Clearing her throat to get the ponies attention, Celestia began her speech [Which I was too lazy to right down -Author].

Jake's Pov
That was weird. I just come here to learn that these ~~horses~~ ponies are the main sentiment beings on this planet. They have 2 beings from mythology that I can remember, Pegasi and Unicorns. Now that I think of it, it should make sense that there is magic here since Unicorn=Magic, right?
However, I just want to confirm this so who better to ask then the "all powerful being" within me?

"Drake, was all that white horse say was true?"

"Yes, she is right. Magic does exist on this planet but ask questions later. I'm too busy organizing this crazy mess of a head you have at this moment
*Beep* *Beep*
*Call Has Disconnected

What the fuck was an answering machine doing in my head? Meh, whatevs. That's future Jake's problem and last time I checked I'm not in the future. Anyways, as I walked around the town and took in the sights I notice that this town is a bit too "babyish". I see that pink is a very common color to see on these houses. On Earth I would say these houses are a mix between modern and classic (It's the straw roofs).

I continued walking along the path until I spotted a store that looks like it came right out of "Hansel and Gretel", with the place decorated to look like a gingerbread house. I however did not take the risk of going inside the house cause with my luck Imay be the next one served for desert.

Unfortunately, I do not have good navigation skills so somehow I ended up right back in the middle of the town. This walking made me tired so I decided to take a seat next to the statue and take a little nap.
*Snore*

I think this world is out to get me or something because I woke up to seeing a Wood-Wolf in front of me. I mean really, it was just staring right into my eyes. And growling too. But that breath though, it was worst then the smell of mystery meat served on Tuesdays (which I still think was a failed government experiment).

Using my instincts, I bitch slapped that nigga outta my face. However, I got up to see that I was, well... kinda surrounded by 10 or so of these Wood-Wolves. I think I just slapped the Alpha by the way the others were sort of looking at me and "it". The Alpha got up and pointed it's wood-paw at me. Suddenly the Wood-Wolves are pounced towards me.

I did my patented "crouch n' place head between knees' and hoped for the best. After several seconds passed, I realized that I wasn't becoming a gourmet entree so I uncovered my eyes and looked up to see a dome of blue electricity protecting me from the Wood-Wolves. I looked down to my hands to see that they were glowing electric blue.

OH YEA, I'M A GOD ONCE AGAIN!!! Seeing that my electric powers were working at this moment, I decided to dispel the shield and fight these Wood-Wolves head on.

Fight Scene

Spotting three of the Wood-Wolves dive towards me, I decided to try out a move from "InFamous 2".

"Gigawatt Blades" I spoke concentrating my electric energy into blades. Taking a fighting stance, I swung my blades into the Wood-Wolves and amazingly I cut though them just like butter. The remains of these guys fell down to the ground. However about 10 secs after this, I saw a green aura circle the bodies and a flash in front of my eyes. After the flash passed, I looked to see the same Wood-Wolves standing and boy, do they look pissed.

Unfortunately, I was getting a little dizzy (which might be a side affect to this power) so, I had to finish of these "Woodies" fast. These "wolves" weren't giving me anytime to recover as I had to keeping moving or ducking to avoid being eaten by wood. I deactivated my "Gigawatt Blades" to save my energy and I tried to come up with a new strategy.

"Eureka, MotherFucker!!" I exclaimed stopping in time to avoid a dive from a "Woodie". I could just use this other move from "InFamous2".

Using my electricity to give me a boost, I jumped up about 30 feet in the air. Hehehe, dumb "Woodie", you should be running now. I then fell down towards the ground and in a small voice I muttered "
Thunder Drop".

Upon hitting the ground, I created a huge shockwave of electricity which blasted away the "Wood-Wolves" about 10 secs. Getting up and looking around, I started to see a familiar blackness cloud vision. Falling down to the ground, I spoke with little strength, "Ha, I won ".

I got up to see that I was surrounded by a deep black space once more. I just thought "Let there be light" and it suddenly appeared. What the fuck was going on here? And where am I?

"You my friend are inside your head. I call it, The Training Room" My ~~tormentor~~ "friend" appeared out of nowhere flying spreading his electric-light until he stopped right in front of me.

"What the fucks, am I doing in here?" I wondered as I have never been into my own head before.

"You have over exerted your power so you blacked out and appeared here. There are some rules that apply with your power.

1. Don't over exert yourself above your level. This will lead to dizziness and of course, Unconsciousness.
2. Practice, Practice, Practice. If you don't practice and get your powers under your complete control. you won't be able to stop random, uncontrollable pulses of energy.Also as a by product you will gain Electromagnetism Manipulation
3. SUGAR. Your energy runs on the sugar that's in your body. When you run out of usable sugar in your body, the fuel for your powers will become your Life-Span. So that's the gist, any questions?"

Do you really think, I was paying attention to all of this? If you think I was, you really must not really know me. While he was talking I was trying to get that scratch away from my balls. I caught the important stuff though, "Get sugar, Practice and exert yourself".

"When the fuck do I get out of here?" I replied.

Looking at a clock that suddenly appeared in mid air the ~~bitch~~ Phoenix replied, "Now".

Grabbing me with his wings, the faggot threw me up into the air and widened his mouth engulfing me inside of it. I was however screaming like a ~~girl~~ manly man until I saw a light at the end of the tunnel at which that moment, I seemed to regain consciousness.

Getting up from the ground, everything around me looked the same. The time was around the same (I didn't get that) The "Woodies" on the ground, me wondering what the fuck just happened and the widened eyes of hors-err ponies. Wait, WHAT!!!

Clearing my eyes to make sure I wasn't dreaming, I still saw the ponies looking back and forth at me and the "Woodies". They kept this up for around a minute until they just directed their sight on me.

What was I doing? I was playing with my thumbs until they made up their mind and started talking to me. I saw 6 particular ponies standing in front of the others. I, however am too lazy even describe them (and you should know who they are, right?).
Seeing that the ponies were not going to be saying anything, I just said "Me and "Woodies" fought and I won".

"Woodies?" a purple unicorn responded back to me.

"You know, Wood+Wolf=Woodie" I responded.

"Oh, you mean Timberwolves".

So that's what they are called, okay kinda weird but I can accept that. Seeing that not a single pony had really moved yet I just had to ask, "Do you guys just stand still all day or nah? I think it's kinda creepy to be honest".

My response from them however was a pink thing flying into my chest, sending me flying back into the base of the statue with a big "Oof!!". I look forward to see a pink ~~abomination~~ ~~monster~~ pony looking into my eyes with what has to be the biggest smile I've ever seen in my life. This is not totally creepy or whatever.

I could practically hear the thoughts of the other ponies. "Pink pony is gonna get eaten by weird monster!!!" The tension was so thick I think I could cut it with a knife or maybe a machete. Yea, those things are co-

Breaking my train of thought (and the tension) the "creepy pink thing" started speaking at near light speeds "hiwhatsyournamemynameispinkipiedoyoulikepar-mhhh!!!". I just covered her mouth since I didn't really care about listening to her rabble anymore.

Speaking to her I said three things "1. The Name's Jake, 2. I'm ok with parties, and 3. Lay off the drugs".

When I finished speaking ~~The Abomination~~ Pinkie just jumped super high of my chest and in the air and then exploded into pink particles while saying "Oki, Doki, Loki".

Looking up into the sky and back the crowd of ponies (who have strangely stayed quiet this entire time) I just commented in a calm voice "I'm not getting paid enough for this shit".
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*Boom*

Author's Note

Me : You were never going to get paid anyway!!!
Jake : Then how the FUCK did I get roped in this.
Me : No telling *Throws Jake into the abyss*