The Muffin Man

     Thank god it was late…I wasn’t quite sure of the time – the bloody wormhole had stopped my watch – but it was late enough that most of the other researchers had gone home. If somebody else found an adorable little unicorn with a bleeding rump and saw my crazy ass chasing after it I don’t know what the fuck would happen. I stalked the halls slowly, tranq gun in one hand, freshly loaded pistol in the other. I wanted to catch the little filly, but I’d maim or kill her if it was necessary. Derpy was my real prize, Dinky was just an added bonus that was quickly becoming a nuisance.

     In her last act of desperation the little unicorn had certainly made herself easy to track. A tiny trail of blood spatter from her severed tail led me through the winding halls and corridors. It ended at the door to the women’s lavatory. The door had blood smeared on it; she had charged right through it. I peeked through the door cautiously.

Dammit

     “It’s okay little one,” I heard a feminine voice coo, “nobody’s going to hurt you anymore.” Somebody had found her. I could hear Dinky’s soft little whines coming from the last stall on the right. I took off my boots and eased the door open so as not to make a sound. “It’s alright sweetie, we’ll get you some help right away,” I heard the voice continue.

WHAM!

     I kicked the stall door open. A slender, red-headed woman was holding the filly tightly, comforting her. My silenced pistol emitted another slapping sound as I put two in her skull, spraying Dinky with blood. She screamed but the terrified howl was cut short as I kicked her in the ribs, knocking the wind out of her. She recovered surprisingly quickly and ran, but a dart to the back of the head put her out. I put away my tranquilizer gun and my pistol and knelt down, looking at what was left of Tina, our receptionist. The bullets had blown massive exit wounds out the back of her skull. What a fucking mess.

     The nice thing about working in a top secret government laboratory is that if you need to get rid of something, it’s not all that hard. I cleaned up the blood and then carried Tina’s limp body to the disposal room. This was a place intended for hazardous waste and other nasty things, and because of that the shaft was one-way – if you went in there, you were locked in, so it wasn’t as if anyone would be crawling down there looking for bodies. I dropped Tina through the one-way shoot doors, hearing a muted but satisfying crunch when she hit the bottom. I never liked her anyway. Now I had to deal with Dinky. I went back to the bathroom and retrieved her limp body and carried it back to my lab. Derpy was still unconscious, lying on the floor bleeding out of her mouth. Both ponies were out cold. I’d have to wait a while to begin my experiments.