Relationship Counselling

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Vinyl Scratch found herself apprehensive about the question she had just been asked, the ticking clock in the background doing nothing at all to help coax it from her mouth. Her eyes were staring into an empty void just beyond her assigned sex therapist, while her brain occupied itself with various mental distractions.

“Ms. Scratch? Are you okay? I was just asking how you and Ms. Melody became a couple.”

Sat in a chair on the other side of the room was Tarnished Silver, an earth pony mare of plentiful sexual experience, her grey coat accentuated by a mane of variously silvery hues, shimmering gracefully as Celestia’s sun made its presence known through the window blinds.

She may have said she was a ‘mare of experience’, but I’m still having trouble believing that that mouth has had a dick in it. Vinyl thought, a string of annoyances now bubbling up from her subconscious.

“It’s, uh, k-kind of a long story.” Vinyl stammered.

“Those are the best kind, my dear. Start from the top, if you would.”

Vinyl sighed, and closed her eyes, positioning herself comfortably in the recliner beneath her, trying not to think how many stains have ever been on it from previous clients.

“Well, at the time I was playing a gig at my local down near Canterlot’s city limits. This would have been several years ago now, I was just startin’ out, y’know?. I’d just signed a new contract to be their DJ on the weekends, and I was happier than I’d been in a while. Near the end of the night, I heard the bell ring for last orders; I looked over at the bar and there’s a mare sitting there that just looked… I dunno, out-of-place? Like, the sort of more that should be in a wine bar rather than my dive.”

“So, what did you do?” Tarnished enquired.

“Well, my first thought was ‘That mare needs a stiff one’, so I catch the barkeep’s attention, and silently direct him to serve her up my favourite pick-me-up, on my tab. Once she had the drink in her hooves, she looked over at me, probably not quite sure what to do. I make a drinking motion with my hooves… and the next thing I see, she downs it in one! That was a triple shot of scotch, neat, with a dash of Red Yak in it! I mean, I drink it in one all the time, but she didn’t look like she’d ever had anything harder than a Long Equestrian Iced Tea.”

“Was it that obvious she didn’t belong there?”

“Totally, although I didn’t realise just how far out of her depth she was until she staggered off the barstool and started making out with the pool table. I kinda felt bad for her after that; I left the rest of my set on autoplay, and trotted over to her. I did intend to apologise, but she was out, like a lights-in-a-house-after-hours out. I couldn’t leave her at the bar, so... I figured I’d take her back to my place.”

This earned a small eyebrow raise from Tarnished Silver. “A rather unusual thing to do for someone you don’t know, wouldn’t you agree?”

“I’m a nice mare like that… and I don’t need the CCPD breaking down my door at dawn, asking me where I last saw a missing somepony. Anyway, I couldn’t rouse her, so I carried her on my back. When I got to my apartment, I put her on the couch and found some extra blankets to cover her. I didn’t want to leave her alone, so I found some cushions and got comfy for the night. Then, morning came...”

====

“Ms. Melody, I just received the preliminary report from Trying Patience regarding your consultation earlier. I think it’s very clear that we have some issues to discuss.” Cupid Stunt leaned forward, his white fur shimmering against the twinkle from the window blinds as his horn cut into the sunbeams like a knife.

Octavia, meanwhile, found herself nervously rubbing her hooves together, visibly uncomfortable at being asked to delve into her own personal history. “Where do you want to start?”

“Well, the most striking thing from this report is that you seem to have a lot of anger. While Dr. Patience don’t doubt that Ms. Scratch might be a recent trigger for some of it, he seems to be of the opinion that it may go much deeper. Do you have any thoughts on this suggestion?”

The cellist sighed, and rested her head back. “Nothing comes to mind right away. Can you be more specific?” she asked.

“Well… let’s start with the basics. How was it growing up? Were you happy as a child? Did you get on with your parents?”

Octavia gritted her teeth, a subconscious reaction that did not go unnoticed by the room’s other occupant; Cupid now knew he needed to dig a little deeper on the subject at hoof.

“Do you have any siblings?”

“I… have a brother, Concerto Concord. He’s a bit older than me, and works as a clerk in the Canterlot Royal Library.”

“What was he like growing up?”

Octavia put her hooves together, hard. “I wasn’t old enough at the time to know, but I learned later on that he had a developmental disorder. He’s not a bad pony by any means, he’s just… difficult to live with. My parents were very defensive of him, and he often needed extra attention to do simple things, like homework.”

“I see. How do you feel about the extra attention he got? Be honest, my dear.”

Octavia paused, and took a breath.

“I fucking hated it. He even got extra tuition for that state exam for upper-tier schools. I was expected to pass it without that extra tuition, because I was normal.”

“And did you?”

Octavia fought back tears, only to have one escape down her cheek, splashing into the silk cushion. “... I failed. By half a mark. My brother, on the other hand, passed. I sat there, looking at the exam report, and… I just walked to my bedroom, and cried on the bed.” Octavia sat bolt-upright, he hooves now more animated than they had been for some time. “My brother, my socially-awkward, literal-minded, developmentally-impaired brother, had outclassed me. Me. The normal one, the one with friends, and the one who knew what she wanted to do with her life. That should have been me who went to Canterlot Prep, not him!”

Quivering and breathing rapidly, she sank back into the silk cushions. Cupid adjusted himself in his seat. “Something tells me you’ve never said this out loud before. I take it neither your brother nor your parents have any idea you feel this way?”

Octavia shook her head. “No… and they never will. It’s not my brother’s fault it happened as it did.”

“What about your parents? What sort of relationship do you have with them?”

“My father and I get on reasonably well. Unfortunately, my vocation has not been kind to me financially. My father always said to my brother and I that if we needed money, he would sort it if we paid him back. My brother has always been the better of the two of us at balancing his finances, so he’s rarely had to ask for help. However, a musician’s life, especially one spent hopping between cities, is fraught with financial peril. In fact, on one trip, my cello suffered severe damage, and had to be professionally serviced. The amount of bits was substantial, and I agreed a repayment plan with my father. However, two months later, work had dried up to the point where what I was making barely covered rent and food. So, I sent a telegram saying that I could no longer pay back the bits I borrowed from him.”

“How did he take it?”

“I got a reply saying to pay him back when I could. When I next visited, my father was initially away, and only my mother was in the house. Things… got rather heated.”

“In what way?”

“She accused me of taking advantage of my father, and kept making references to my brother and how he’d never have done what I did. She called me a disappointment.”

“And how did that make you feel?”

“I… saw red. To my eternal shame, I smacked her across the face with my hoof, and I stormed out of the house. When I was still in Canterlot, I’d occasionally see my brother; he’d make eye contact with me, but he never approached me for a conversation, nor did I have the courage to approach him. I haven’t seen any of them since my move to Ponyville.” The earth pony sighed. “You must think me a monster for slapping my own mother.”

Cupid shuffled his papers. “I’m not here to pass judgment. What you have told me certainly backs up Dr. Patience’s initial assessment. It does not matter whether your anger is justified or not; the point is that it exists, and it needs to be dealt with, especially with regard to your housemate. Does Vinyl know about any of what you’ve told me?”

“No, and she doesn’t need to be burdened with it.”

“Well, that is indeed your choice. How did you two meet?”

Octavia wrinkled her nose. “After being fired from the orchestra, I went into a bar, at random, and took a seat. I wasn’t really thinking straight, and I think I just zoned out for a while. Then, all of a sudden, the barpony deposits this drink in front of me, and points to somepony else. It’s loud, and I can’t hear them, but she appeared to want me to drink it. I was so pissed off from earlier that I said ‘fuck it’, and downed it.”

“What was it like?”

“My memory is a little hazy, but I think I liked it. My next memory is waking up on this couch, right…”

====

“So, what happened in the morning?”

“Well, she was still on the couch… right up until last night decided to bother me again, and I let out this absurdly loud burp. Now, that woke her up… it must’ve caused her to panic something fierce, because she leaped out of the bed like a mare possessed, went for the nearest open door, and bolted herself inside. Unluckily for me, she’d chosen the bedroom, so I now had two problems; a mare having the mother of all panic attacks, and I now had a locked door between myself and my vibrator.”

Tarnished Silver let out a small chuckle, before she realised she’d let slip her professionalism slip, and went back to her usual nonchalant self. “So, what did you do in the end?”

“I rapped on the door a couple of times. I might have mentioned that I was horny as fuck, and that either she was going to open the door vountarily, or I’d pick the lock with my magic and come in anyway.”

“What did you do next?”

“I picked the lock, and when I went in, I found her trying to tamper with the window. I think she was expecting me to walk over to her, and didn’t seem to have an answer when I went over to my dresser and removed my vibe instead.”

“You seem to have very few… inhibitions when it comes to sex, my dear.” the elder pony observed.

“I ‘spose so. I’ve always been kinda open about stuff like that.”

“Well, I’d like to understand a little more how you came to be this way. How was it growing up? Do you have any siblings?”

“Well, my parents are both hardcore rockers; when me and my brother were both teenagers they taught us about sex and drugs, y’know what was safe and what wasn’t. They made sure that we could look after ourselves.”

“It sounds like they were very open about things. Do you think it’s rubbed off on you a lot?”

“Well, I’m not a fan of the whole drugs scene, so I’m already a lot different. I don’t mean to make them both out as irresponsible; they kept all paraphernalia well away from us, and they try to be responsible as they can when taking them. My dad’s a pothead, and my mom’s really into acid, so it’s not like they’re taking anything super-dangerous, but they usually only take stuff with a friend, or one at a time just in case of a bad trip or something.”

“Were they as open about sex, too?” Tarnished Silver asked, genuinely curious.

“I had a one-on-one talk with my mom, and my brother had the talk with my dad. My mom was pretty open with me, gave me the basics, and said that it’s perfectly normal to explore my body, but only in private. So, yeah, that’s what I did. What started out with my hooves led to me finding more inventive uses for magic and finding interesting things to shove in there. That was, uh, until a few months later.”

“Why? What’s happened then?”

“Well, um… it’s not something I talk about. Promise you won’t tell anypony?” Vinyl plead.

“You my word. This is a place of help, not judgment. Please, continue.” Tarnished gestured with a hoof.

“Well, uh, okay. See, I’d just got home from classes, and my parents were out at a concert, so I could hear everything in the house… and I heard some sobbing coming from upstairs. Sure enough, my little brother, Long Play, is sobbing into his pillow. I know he heard me come upstairs, because I saw him turn his head away from me when I got to the door. He tried his best to hide the fact he’d been crying.”

“What was he upset about?”

“Well, I sat on the end of his bed for a few minutes, not really saying much; when he got more comfortable, he sat up, and we got talking. He told me how he’d been trying to talk to this mare he really liked for weeks, and how he’d finally worked up the courage to ask her out. She turned him down, but she didn’t just turn him down; she flat-out humiliated him, saying how dare a ‘common pony’ like him even attempt to court a pony of ‘noble blood’ such as herself.”

“That is… most regrettable. I can see why he was so upset.”

“Even when I was talking to him, he was trying to not cry. Only the week before he’d been so bubbly and full of joy; I’d introduced him to one of my passions, EDM, and he was so happy he’d found a new musical rabbit hole to dive into. But then, when I looked into his eyes, it was like that pony had ripped his dignity and self-respect away from him. And then… it happened.”

“What happened?”

“Well, I got up, and hopped onto the bed, scooting up to him. I told him that he was worth so much more than what that bitch had judged him. Then I leaned forward and… I kissed him. I wanted to show him that he was wanted, and, well… by that point I knew what I wanted; I tossed his bedclothes aside, and despite my brother’s shyness, his body told me that I was wanted, too.”

“Did you…” Tarnished asked.

Vinyl nodded. “I watched the videos my father thought he’d kept hidden… but this was nothing like them; the scenes in those were fast and intense, focused on giving the mares in them a rough, hard rutting. But with my brother… we took it slow and, honestly, it was the best sex I’d ever had… or since. What he lacked in experience he made up for in biology; each and every inch of him filled me, like a key that fit perfectly in its intended lock. I’d had orgasms before, of course, but nothing matched this one; I came so hard, that before I realised it, I was gripping my brother like a vice, riding my orgasm until both of us snapped back to reality.”

“Has that impacted your relationship with your family at all?”

“Well, I laid down boundaries with Long Play. I stopped short of calling it a mistake, but I said that we couldn’t risk it happening again. It did make things a little awkward between us, but so far, nopony has noticed it and started asking questions.”

“I take it your housemate knows nothing about this?”

“N-no… I think if I told her, she’d end our relationship… she’d probably be so disgusted with me that she’d never want to see me again…”

“Well, you mentioned earlier that she didn’t see too put off when you grabbed a sex toy out of your dresser.”

“She wasn’t put off, no...”

====

“... and I heard this really loud noise. I didn’t know where I was, so I bolted for the nearest open door, and I shut and locked it behind me. My heart was pounding in my chest; I thought that the Canterlot Ripper had come for me! But then I heard a knock, and I heard a mare talking. She said she had the horn, and would I mind terribly opening the door so she could get her vibrator. I went to the window, needing some fresh air, but the bolt refused to open. To my surprise, the door opened, and rather than coming for me, the stranger in her abode, she went to retrieve her toy.”

“Well, it sounds like she definitely had her mind set on something…” Cupid observed.

“I know, right? She’d gone to the effort of ensuring I was safe, but I was more than a little surprised at her… priorities compared to what I was expecting that morning. So, I follow her to the couch, and, she’s true to her word, she’s going to town on that thing. Right where I had been sleeping, no less. So, I walk around to the front of the couch, and try to talk to her.”

“Did it work?” the unicorn enquired.

“Well, it did end up getting me some breakfast…”

====

“But I was like, ‘I’m kinda busy here’, but she still insists on talking. ‘Aren’t you concerned about me?’, ‘Aren’t you worried I might have some sort of injury?’, and other really boring questions. I said that she was awake, walking, and talking, so, no, I wasn’t that worried, and could I now be left in peace to fucking climax?”

“Did she leave you alone?” Tarnished queried.

“Pfft, did she fuck. She just sat there… I might be open about this sort of thing, but I wasn’t used to having an audience. It really put me off, so I tossed it aside, and figured I might as well do something productive, like get some breakfast. When I realised she was still sitting there, I offered her some toast; within an hour or so, we’d discussed our respective musical talents, tastes and careers.”

“What did you make of Octavia’s musical tastes?”

“I used to think that classical music was for stuffy old ponies, as a serenade in retirement homes to days long gone… but she taught me that even classical music has its subgenres. I wasn’t a fan of operatic, but I soon developed a taste for orchestral music. I know ‘Tavi didn’t think much of my jam, but I like to think I’ve at least brought her around to tolerating it rather than scrunching her face up at it like she first did.”

“Did that sharing of musical tastes lead to you two to decide to live together?”

“Nah, that was somethin’ else. The bar I was hired at? New owner took over and wanted to turn the place into something ‘more respectable’, or some shit. Point is, I was out on my ass again. Luckily for us, though, Princess Celestia a few weeks back had passed a decree granting anyone who wanted to emigrate from Canterlot to Ponyville a bursary and housing assistance. We looked at each other and said ‘Fuck Canterlot’.”

====

“So, how did you end up living together?” Cupid asked.

“Vinyl lost her job, and we moved to Ponyville. Living together was just more practical.”

“Are you saying that you started living together before becoming lovers?”

“Believe me, nobody was more shocked than I was when the pieces began coming together for that. I’d never thought of myself as a filly-fooler… but Vinyl had this magnetism to her. She could also be quite thoughtful, like when she made dinner one evening. I’d just been shot down for a job I’d been hoping for, you see, and when I got home, I could see that Vinyl had made a real effort for me. All the stress of that day just flooded back, and I just broke down in tears. She led me to the sofa, and just listened to me spill my problems. Later on that evening… well, let’s just say we pushed the two beds together and shared it for the first time.”

“I assume problems started cropping up after you became involved with each other?” Cupid enquired, an eyebrow raised.

“Yes. Vinyl is… well, infuriating to live with in general, despite her ability to be thoughtful. I like things being clean, but Vinyl doesn’t seem to realise when stuff needs to be cleaned; I usually have to remind her when things get really filthy, even when it comes to taking the bins out. Stuff like that really tends to sour things, especially if we ended up having an argument over it.”

“It’s interesting you mention that; there’s actually been a lot of discussion in this area amongst professionals.”

Cupid was right in that there had been lots of discussion on this subject amongst professionals, he just failed to mention that most of it took place when inebriated. The unicorn reached for his drawer, and removed a pamphlet, placing it on the table.

“As mentioned in this leaflet, each individual has their own ‘threshold’ for cleanliness. Many people are fastidious when it comes to how clean their living space is, some are casual about it… and at the other extreme, some have no threshold at all, and will live amongst rubbish in perpetuity without intervention. The key is compromise, and we can work on that later. I think I have all that I need for the moment, now that I think about it. If you’d like to wait in the waiting room, we’ll have someone call you both back in shortly.”

====

“So, am I to understand that you moved in before you became lovers?” Tarnished Silver asked, matter-of-factly.

“Well… sorta. If I had to look back, I’d say I was attracted to her almost immediately. I didn’t really have any experience in relationships, so I didn’t want to put my hoof wrong and push her away. She’s smart, like, waaaay smarter than me, and, I dunno, having someone around you that’s smart feels... comforting, somehow.”

“How did you two end up becoming involved with each other?”

“I made the first move. I sort of had to....my first instinct was just to get it over with, a kiss out of nowhere or something, but the more she told me about her home life, the more I realised that I had to rise to her level. So, one day while she was busy looking for work in Ponyville, I went all-out; I got some fancy scented candles, somehow figured out how to lay out this fine dining set ‘Tavi brought with her, and I even dusted off a cookery book my grandmother left me; it had a recipe in it for an amazing blue cheese and broccoli quiche she used to make when I was a foal.”

“What did she make of it all?”

“Well, the door opens, she walks in, and I greet her when she gets to the table. She then just… starts crying. Not the ‘crying at a movie’ kind, this was full-on ugly crying. I just… froze. I didn’t have a clue what to do… I felt powerless to help. I remember leading her over to the sofa, and setting her down, but I didn’t say much; I didn’t know what to say, y’know?”

“Would you say that you often have difficulties with other ponies expressing emotions like that?”

Vinyl sat up. “When you put it like that… I guess you’re right. My family’s never been big on showing emotion, and I’ve never had this feeling of what to say with ponies that do. Sometimes I think other ponies are born with this built-in handbook that tells them what to say and what to do.”

“Was school especially hard on you, in hindsight?”

Vinyl sighed, and lay back in her seat again. “The work was fine, but I never seemed to be able to make friends. Like, proper friends. I was always ‘that weird foal in the corner’ to them; sure I had people I hung around with, but I got a nasty wake-up call that people you hang around aren’t always your friends.”

“What happened?”

“Well, it was my birthday, and Manehatton had opened a new Laser Tag arena a few months ago. I really wanted to go, and the five ponies I usually hung out with agreed to meet up. You want to know how many turned up? One; and he was too embarrassed to admit to the others that he showed up the next day. When I got back home that night, I went to my room, and I just slumped on my bed. I blamed myself, for not being worth the time of people I thought were my friends. I know it sounds silly to get hung up on something that happened in school…”

“On the contrary; school life shapes how we deal with the world as adults. It stands to reason that something like that would have an effect on your ability to trust others, even as you became an adult. But, we can help with that. For now, if you’d like to return to the waiting room, I’ll have someone send for you both shortly.”