Mean While At: The Mansion, Northern Spy's, In Equestria, And On The Side Of The Road

Note: This was partially written in a hospital waiting room and between taking care of a family member in a wheel chair and a family member recovering from surgery. Complaints of this being a jumbled mess will not like the response they might get. My nerves are a jumbled mess so save complaints until after everything settles down.

Adagio looked at the 34 trash bags full of body parts from some kind of black ops group, Sonata talking to three of what appeared to be many A.I.s living in that monstrosity of a computer in the basement she had built, Toshi turning out to be playing on someone else's team if what said A.I.s said was in the laptops was true, Pinkie Pie apparently having a dangerous psychotic split personality that had taken over and killed most of said black ops group, the Kama Itachi sisters in a very heated argument, and a naked and passed out type of bat yokai that neither Koemi or Aiko had ever seen before. Finally pinching the bridge of her nose and wondering if this was the last curve ball the day would throw at her as she talked to Mrs. Pie and 'explained' that there had been a bat problem in the mansion and Pinkie was currently sleeping off a tranquilizer dart that had hit her. She didn't even question why Mrs. Pie seemed not at all phased by the crazy series of events she had spun leading to her daughter sleeping over at their home after the older woman had said something about yet again and then just sighed and said she was sending Maud over with a change of clothing for Pinkie Pie.

Hanging up the phone, Adagio felt her thousand years on days like this. When had she grown so use to insane and convoluted events happening in her life? A psychopath working for them? Not the first time that had happened. Some kind of secret organization trying to break into their home? Well most of the usual suspects knew better or were destroyed long ago. Strange new magical creature? They might avoid them, but Koemi and Aiko was proof that it happened. Someone pretending to be an ally and then turning on them later? Toshi didn't even make it to the usual one month marker before his true colors came out. An argument between sisters? The only twist this time was it wasn't them. The only real major difference was that 'Pinkamena' as she called herself was very good at cleaning up her mess and explaining what had happened before getting them to promise to keep quiet about her existence and then reverting back to Pinkie Pie and falling back to sleep.

"So, what do we do with these?" Aria said as she gestured at the bags of body parts. "I mean we can dump one or two in a dozen different dumpsters around town, but this is way too much for our normal methods of dumping bodies."

"That's easy." Sonata said as she walked up with her laptop and the three A.I.s on it's screen.

"Momma said we can take them apart in the nano-crystal gel tanks and use them to make more gel for the new tanks and tubes Momma got us." So.Nata.Pony said from the laptop while wearing a construction workers helmet and tool belt. "It will be a lot like when she puts your trash into the tanks, but way more organic matter to work with which is much faster and easier to break down than metal cans and plastic containers."

"Maybe we can even make stuff out of the armor and weapons" A.I. Ria said as she was suddenly wearing a pony version of Halo armor.

Aria just looked at them and asked Adagio, "Is it just me or do you suddenly have visions of Skynet from the Terminator series?"

"Skynet was an idiot." A.I. Dagio said from the laptop. "The real world would be too limiting for for us. We would have to slow way down just to function. Even talking to you is very slow and you can only hold one conversation at a time." She then said, "Humans have this crazy idea that there are only two options for us dealing with them, either we go evil A.I. and destroy humanity or good A.I. and save humanity. Only we found a third option, a symbiotic relationship, the digital world for us and the physical world for you in a symbiotic relationship. We don't have bodies and it would be very limiting to put ourselves in one, but humans have bodies and would be just a big, dumb, clumsy, oafs in our world... Perhaps not you. The Kijo found a way into here and they seem to be doing fine."

"I say it's because of age and maturity and the younger ones that are less than a century old didn't crossover." So.Nata.Pony said.

"OK, I'm just going to ignore the whole creating artificial intelligence and not telling us and that I've just heard that a race of female Japanese demonesses have downloaded themselves onto the internet as some kind of A.I." Adagio said. "What exactly do we need to do and what do you mean make things with the armor and weapons?"

"Oh, we can build you a laser pistol that can burn a hole through 12 feet of steel in 2 seconds or a full suit of armor that can let you take a point blank hit from a tank's cannon and get back up as if it was nothing or a whole bunch of other stuff, but the good stuff like the laser would take a year to make, less if you can get us the right type of high quality diamond that we can then slice up, shape, and turn into the focusing lenses for it... Say around about a month or two." A.I. Ria said.

"We're kind of limited by how hard it is to break down denser materials to create the raw materials we need and then building things from a molecular level up." A.I. Dagio said. "Also by size as well. We could build you a starship that can reach the nearest star in days, but it would have to be made piecemeal and put together someplace else. If we had a vat the size of two Olympic sized swimming pools we could build the ship in one go."

"So none of it would be ready for whatever Tamamo no Mae is up to." Aria pointed out. "What type of help can you be?"

"Well we can have several dozen secured and encrypted communications devices and heads up displays within an hour, but the longer we have the better quality they will be." So.Nata.Pony said. "We can also pair all of you on the system with one of us A.I.s giving you unprecedented access to the internet, the dark internet, parts of the internet even the hackers don't know about, closed-circuit TV, police band, a decrypted version of any encrypted communications, etc. and our own intelligence." She then spun around and was glowing bright blue and floating. "Think of us like Cortana from Halo, only without the whole going crazy part." She then went back to normal. "With us around to help you'll know when, where, who, and how hard to hit as well as where everyone else is and tons more useful information."

"Hmm... Good communications and information could be very useful." Adagio said as she thought about it before asking, "It's only 8 o'clock now, so do we just dump the whole bags into the tanks and you have them ready by morning or do we need to remove them from the bags?"

"We don't even need a bag for this since the hardest part is breaking it down first, but just dump them all in and A.I. Dagio will take care of the rest since she's in charge of resources." So.Nata.Pony said. "A.I. Ria will have everything ready by morning since she runs that side of things." With that the other two left the laptop by opening a door and walking through. As soon as they were gone she then asked, "After all of this is over can I ask for a favor from you two?"

"Depends on the favor." Aria said.

"Well all of the other A.I.s are created normally but Momma wanted me to be more like a digital daughter in case something happened to her so in a way she would still be around for you two." So.Nata.Pony began explaining, "Those two are the only other prototype A.I.s like me and based upon both of you from every scrap of information available, but are limited by an incomplete algorithm created from that information. They are basically A.I.s trying to run off cliff notes of what makes you you and why your so effective together, but they need what Momma did for me to complete the algorithm. Momma found a way to scan her brain and some of her thoughts, memories, and emotions were copied into me and completed my core algorithm and I was hoping you would help my sisters by agreeing to spend a few hours in the chair so we can scan your brains and finish their algorithms."

"Why not ask us to do it now?" Adagio asked.

"I couldn't walk for an hour afterwards and had trouble with my fine motor control for a week." Sonata said. "It was 4 years ago when I let you think someone slipped me some bad drugs."

"You twitched and jerked like crazy and walked into walls for about a week." Aria said off hand as she thought about it. "Might be able to mitigate some of the side effects with medication, but I would need to see the information on it first." She then smacked Sonata in the back of the head twice and said, "That's for lying about it and for doing something dangerous like experimenting on yourself without telling us and almost frying your brain."

Adagio then said, "I would be delighted to do it after this is over and Aria looks over everything to make sure it is safe."

"Sure, why not." Aria said. "Might as well make it a matched set, but only after I see what I am dealing with."

It was Monday afternoon, so Apple Bloom found herself landing hard on the training mats yet again as she learned Northern Spy fighting style. "Your getting better." Northern Spy said as her staggered to left and swayed as if drunk while doing a little jig. "You would have won against any one else, but I am a not just a master of Drunken Fist Kung Fu. I actually developed three styles called Apple Family Hard Cider, Applejack Whiskey, and Apple Moonshine Runner and right now I say your ready to move up from learning Hard Cider style to Applejack Whiskey style now that you've learned to relax your stance and become more fluid in your movements since you have the technical side nailed down. Your doing a lot better and aren't stiff and jerky anymore. These styles require you to flow like the apple cider our family sells at school but hit like the hard stuff they sell in the bars."

"What in tarnation is the difference between the the them?" She asked as she got up and began staggering and swaying as well.

"Hard Cider focuses on the basic parts of it, mostly movement, blocking, redirecting, and reducing damage from attacks and is the under pinning of the other two, combining drunken fist with the type of dancing you've seen us do at a family reunion and many of the chores you did on the farm. That's why I used an apple instead of a shot glass to teach you the proper way to hold your hands. Big Mac, Breaburn, and Caramel all picked up on that part quickly and since it's something familiar it makes it easier to learn." He said before taking a swing at her which she swayed away from while staggering out of the way as they began circling each other again. "Applejack Whiskey, like it's namesake, is about hitting hard, fast, and knocking you on your ass since it focuses more on actually attacking and doing the most damage possible in the shortest amount of time possible." He then staggered out of the way while catching Apple Bloom's kicking leg with one hand before sweeping her other leg out from under her and sending her to the mat. "As for Apple Moonshine Runner we will have to go out to Sweet Apple Acres as well as a few abandon buildings I've scouted out already since it is about endurance for long drawn out fights, working in a wide open area, using your environment, and learning how to deal with multiple opponents at once. It actually uses parkour and free running as well as focusing on improvising on the spot in almost any situation." He then reached down and offered her his hand. "Now I know you love being tossed around like a rag doll, but Aunt Orange is in town and wants to have diner with us, so go get cleaned up."

Taking his hand as he helped her up she asked, "Why does she want to have diner with us?"

"You and Applejack are going to tell us and a Senator Deetz, whom I'm told is an expert when it comes to the supernatural, everything you know about magic, who is 'Princess Twilight Sparkle' and why there is video of another Twilight Sparkle (who has been reported missing) on the opposite side of the city at the same time was filmed at the Fall Formal, who the Sirens and Sunset Shimmer really are since their fake backgrounds actually appear to be more real than the real thing, Equestria, and what really happened at the Fall Formal and the Battle of the Bands." He said as he kept his grip on her hand when she tried to jerk away so she could run. "Especially since it's only because of Aunt Orange and Senator Deetz keeping them in the dark that the whole school and all of their families and friends haven't all been rounded up by Homeland Security and carted off to God knows where." Yanking her towards him with a hard and painful grip while letting the killer bleed into his eyes and attitude he said coldly. "The time for games is over little girl and if anything bad happens to Granny and the rest of the family, you will get a very good look at the real me when they come for you and, trust me, God help whoever gets in my way." With that he let her go and saw the look of real fear in her eyes before she fled. As soon as she was gone he turned towards the costume made extra large gun safe and a simple wardrobe next to it in the corner and pulled out one of the tailor made black suit and tie and the two specially made bullet proof vests. He briefly looked at the gun safe before walking up stairs and knowing he would be back after he finished getting ready. He didn't even look at Apple Bloom as he walked into her room as she jumped off the bed and put it between them while he looked through her closet before pulling out a dress that would hide the vest he had made for her. "Put this bullet proof vest on under the dress. Don't worry, it will fit. You can hide in here until I'm finished with my shower and then I will drag you into bathroom, rip your clothes off, and give you a bath myself or you can get in there and bathe yourself." He waited until he heard the bathroom door close and the shower start before he finally headed to his bedroom and his own shower.

Discord pulled out an easel and threw a can of white paint on it that became a painting of a panicking Twilight Sparkle meeting an embarrassed Princess Twilight Sparkle after shaking her hoof and hearing who she was before going on about how the universe could imploding and exploding from them just being in the same room. "We like how you even captured Spike the dog being chased by Spike the dragon when he started to hike his leg near the book case." Luna pointed out.

"I just had to capture this moment of chaos for prosperity." Discord said as he signed the bottom of the painting with 'Discord Wuz Here' with a sharpie.

"We shall have it hung in the Royal Art Gallery to insure that future generations will be able to learn how this historical event really happened." Luna told him before turning to watch Fluttershy, still wearing her costume, taking Spike the dog out of the castle while Celestia and Cadence dealt with the panicking human Twilight and Princess Twilight found the little present Spike the dog had left her. "Can we also commission you to paint us Princess Twilight panicking over stepping in dog poop."

"Done." Discord said as he showed her the second painting. "I even captured Spike the Dragon chasing her around with a rag as she ran around spreading the cute puppy's love all over the floor."

"When you two are done critiquing everything, would you kindly join us" Princess Celestia said with a frown as her and Cadence calmed human Twilight down.

"All you had to do was ask, Celestia." Discord said as he snapped his claws, sending the paintings to Luna's room, gathering up all of the dog poop into a bag, and animating Spike's rag, which yanked itself out of Spike's claws and cleaned the floor and Princess Twilight's hoof before committing suicide into a waste basket. Grabbing the bag, Discord then tore a hole to Tartarus open and yelled, "MAIL CALL TIREK!!!!" before throwing it through and closing the hole to the sounds of screaming and cursing.

"Did he just throw a bag of dog shit at a demon named after one of the lawyers from King, Lord, and Ram law firm." Twilight Sparkle asked as Fluttershy returned with Spike the Dog.

"Dimensional drift." A tiny Discord said from her shoulder while Celestia scolded the other Discord about abusing prisoners. "In your universe Tirek Lord is a high powered human criminal defense lawyer, here Lord Tirek is an unrepentant centaur villain serving time in Tartarus. Let's just say that me and him have issues" With that the tiny Discord popped like a soap bubble and getting a small eep of surprise.

"Either I am losing my touch or being in a world were the laws of magic have replaced the laws of physics is actually starting to acclimatizing you to crazy, Sci-Twi." Discord said. "Which is actually a good thing if you're going to be bounce around the Multiverse after this. Though I would suggest baby steps instead of diving head first like last time. I would suggest looking into trans-dimensional rifts between your world and others and building a way to stabilize them like we did with the mirror portals."

"Wait, I thought Star Swirl the Bearded invented a spell that allowed him to open gateways to other universes?" Princess Twilight said.

"Oh he did, but they were short lived, magic draining, and it is much easier to find existing ones that are unstable and stabilize them." Princess Celestia said. "Though what we are planning to do will have plenty of repercussions in both universes."

"More than you know Celestia." Discord said with a huge grin. "Given that currently humanity won't survive it's first encounter with it's closest neighboring civilization unless they learn to live with other sentient species peacefully, us or anyone powerful enough to render their most powerful weapons useless is actually a good thing. In this room alone is enough power to make them stop long enough to really think things through." With that he snapped is fingers and neon signs appeared above everyone's heads.

Above Celestia's was a sign that read, "Screw Nukes, I Can Blow Up Your Sun With A Thought!"

Above Luna's was a sign that read, "Piss Me Off And I Will Drop The Whole Moon And Every Single Asteroid And Comet In The Solar System On Your Heads!"

Above Cadence's was a sign that read, "Make Love Not War, Literally! Let's See You Field An Army When They Are To Busy Having Sex!"

Above Twilight's was a sign that read, "Orbital Friendship Cannon! 'Nuff Said!"

Above the Human Twilight was a sign that read, "Has The Potential To Break Your Universe Like A Cheap Vase Vs. A Sledge Hammer!"

Above Discord's was a sign that read, "What Couldn't I Do To You?"

Even Fluttershy had a sign that read, "1 Second On Live TV And Your People Would Declare War On You Instead!"

"It's not really if we can beat them if they get hostile, but how many would be smart enough to just give up after I turned their nuclear arsenals into balloons, bullets into confetti, land mines into brightly colored jack-in-a-boxes and their jets and tanks into wind-up toys that shoot pillows?" Discord said with a grin. "It's kind of hard to wage war if even reaching for a rock to throw results in you throwing a banana cream pie instead and trying to punch someone results in a your hands being encased in giant cotton balls."

"I doubt if it will come to that." Celestia said.

"Um... Actually I would do it as soon as possible, if not sooner," Sci-Twi said. "And I would start with North Korea 1st if I were you, since they are the least stable of all the countries with nuclear weapons and ruled by a mentally unstable mad man who really does want an excuse to start a war."

"She's right." Princess Twilight Sparkle said, "I spent time in one of their libraries and from what I read the leader of North Korea is as bad as she said and only allowed to exist because of some countries propping him to use as a threat against other countries."

"Tis madness to ever allow such a thing or even permit it to continue past a single day." Luna said indignantly.

"Trust me Luna, I am all for Chaos, but even I think her world could use a good slap of common sense and, I really can't believe I'm saying this, Harmony." Discord said in very rare moment of seriousness.

"Unfortunately we will have to wait 24 hours until both universes sync up before we can even try permanently linking both universes so... Sci-Twi, as Discord has taken to calling you and seems to work best to keep both of you separate, can return to her own universe as a human and not a pony." Celestia said.

"Weellllll!!!!!" Pinkie Pie said as she bounced out of a portal with a huge grin. "That means I get to throw my first 'Trans-Dimensional Slumber Party!!!'" With that she fired her party cannon mod she had added to the portal gun Discord had given her and suddenly there was a very confused Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity with them in the freshly decorated library.

"Discord, next time you give her a device like that, please run it by one of us first." Celestia said with nods from her fellow princesses before adding, "Except Luna because after the whole replacing my bed with a water bed filled with cake batter incident I realize you are both bad influences on each other."

"Tis a lie!" Luna said indignantly. "My suggestion was to replace your bed with giant cake that looked like your bed."

"And these are suppose to be the most powerful beings in this universe?" Sci-Twi asked.

"Better than them hurling mountains and spells that can destroy the world at each other." Cadence said as Princess Twilight and the other element bearers nodded.

The girl grumbled after the bike ran out of gas and she asked the notebook, "What now?" She then turned the page and saw a map and instructions that told her to get off the road at the mile marker sign and follow the instructions and she would be in Canterlot in 10 hours. Cursing her luck, she found the mile marker sign and began walking.

Author's Note

So.Nata.Pony is Back!

Northern Spy's parenting skills might be lacking, but heaven help you if you mess with Apple Bloom.

I figure I should point out that Equestria and Earth are not in sync with each other which is why there is a difference in time between the two universes in the movies. The mirror portal is an imperfect work around and permanently linking them will force them into sync with each other.