Book 1: Foundation of Equestria

Skiadrum looked at himself in the mirror. For some reason, he felt very heavy in the chest, the cause was yet to be found. His stomach also didn’t feel well, as if something was inside, wriggling around. he couldn’t get that gorgon out of his thoughts, what she said ringing in his ears as if she was just behind him.

Drowning in so much fear you no longer feel it

You can't feel fear, if you're nothing but fear

You've been broken too many times

The mere idea of emotions terrifies you

why couldn’t he shut these words out? he’d been called worse, he’d been told worse, but still, they wouldn’t go away. His fur shivered from a cold that never left, a freeze that would turn a wendigo to ice. When you felt nothing, then you felt icy and cold. he hung around the dragon lands a lot, his secret cave was within an active volcano with lava not far away from him, but even then, he still felt that chill.

He sucked in a deep breath, watching his dead yellow eyes barely blink. It hadn’t bothered him before, but all of a sudden it was unsettling. If she had turned him to stone, would anybody see a difference other than a different colouration? Likely not. that hadn’t bothered him before either, but now it did. he hated it. odd, he could say he hated something, but even that was lost to him. An oblivion of nothingness, it was detestably comforting. The mere idea of emotions terrifies you. was that the cause for these strange aches? Was he afraid? How would he know if he had lived in fear his whole life? it was thoughts like these that made the days suddenly harder than normal.

he was content most of the time, having a near never ending patience and the ability to shut others out. times had changed. Now he felt restless, that patience was wavering to something unknown and that stupid Draconequus kept cracking his doors, near impossible to shut out. he could describe it very well, there weren’t any words for it. the weight within grew heavier, the more he remembered those words the heavier and heavier it got.

Drowning in so much fear you no longer feel it

Skiadrum put a hoof to his chest, feeling his hearts. One was beating a steady rhythm as if it was artificial, but the other, it was going so fast he could barely feel it. the more he looked on at the reflection, the worse it felt. Breathing was starting to become very slightly more difficult, the weight making his lungs and diaphragm work harder than normal. Then something strange happened. Water. he could see water coming from his eyes? Why? He’d never done this before? His fur was shivering even more, streaks of water darkening his already dark fur and dropping silently onto the floor.

His eyes were burning, his throat was constricted and felt like something was trying to come up, the cold suddenly feeling worse than ever. What was this? what was going on? shouldn’t he be afraid of all of these strange happenings? But then again, how could he fear, if he was already scared…

You can't feel fear, if you're nothing but fear

With his magic, he opened the cabinet beside the mirror, searching for something. anything that could take this away. He couldn’t take his eyes from the reflection that was starting to twist. He could feel it, but he could see himself changing. His eyes had narrowed to a scowl, his lips had peeled back, jaw shut as tight as possible, his back, and there was something in those yellow orbs. with a blink, it was gone. his body was shaking violently. His magic felt something metallic, and he pulled it towards his line of vision. A blade. Small, meant to do clean cuts and little more, something medics used at times if they had to get inside you to help you and fix a problem.

He’d done this before. Skiadrum lifted a hoof, his wrist facing him. A spell was removed, one that he’d managed to manipulate so it automatically activated, and it took his effort to undo it. when he’d look away from it, the spell would come back, and it’d be hidden. The blade slowly cut his skin beneath his fur, the metal leaving a red trail.

It stung, tingled, and it made the feelings on the inside lessen. Inner pain was something he could never adapt to, no matter how well he’d adapted to everything else. He used external pain to, in a sense, shut it up. It was temporary, but it felt better than this hot fire leaking from his eyes. He’d watch his cuts leak red, and not the clear water from his eyes. It felt better already. The red joined with the clear on the floor bellow him, the two swirling and merging with one another. Today it wasn’t enough. Sometimes it was harsher, so he needed more than a few red stripes.

The mere idea of emotions terrifies you

He looked to his bandaged body, the spell activating and hiding his new marks that still bled. The bandages were enchanted to numb his wounds, to keep them from hurting. His horn flashed, the enchantment weakened, and the very thing he had asked for was delivered. It burned, the kind that he wanted and not what was in his eyes. It made the weight inside lessen, his breathing not as restricted. It was almost addictive how much better he was feeling. That burn, that specific kind of burn outweighed the freeze that was drowning him.

He looked into the mirror again, the pain coursing through him bringing a warmth even a volcano couldn’t bring. The water was still going, but he looked normal. He knew what he did wasn’t normal, but it was for him, and it made life bearable. The mask was back on tight, and Skiadrum watched as the water started to stop flowing and eventually dry up. He released a breath he was unaware he’d been holding, calming himself down. He could still hear her words though. His lessening of the enchantments had done what it needed, but he felt that he would have to do more later if these words kept ringing in his ears.

You've been broken too many times