Apparition Amphitheater Presents: Mr. Killjoy

Bleary, dazed, and confused, the pony that calls himself Mr. Killjoy woke up with a blinding light shining on his face as he was seemingly laying face up on a very flat, very hard surface. While in his stupor, he tried to roll right-side up, but felt a tug against his limbs. Snapping to attention in alarm upon the first attempt, he tried to pull them against himself suddenly, but the swift motion was met with iron clad resistance with all four hooves remaining in place. With his awareness slowly coming back to him, the pain in the side of his head came rushing back, forcing a groan to leak out along with a spittle of blood. The throb in his head suddenly reminded him of what happened just before he blacked out, and gave a clue as to why he was-

“Oh good, you’re awake!”

“Wha... what’s...

“I wasn’t expecting what happened to happen, but one of my combos told me that you’ve been a veeeeeery naughty pony and that you were going to do something to me.” There was the squealing sound of sharp, polished metal scraping roughly against an unknown surface. “I just didn’t think you’d go for the classic! Go all ‘SHING, SHING, SHING, SHING’ like that stallion in the movie... what was his name? Something Bates? Hmmmmm... I can’t remember. I know there were a bunch of lame sequels and a... weird scene-for-scene rewritten version, but that’s not the point.”

“I... ugh... I,”

“Point is, ya lost. Too bad, so sad. I was actually rootin’ for ya. You seemed kinda fun, and I could tell you were enjoying the party a bit. Would have let ya go if you would have not brought that knife down the stairs with you. Bad move on your part. I mean, come on. You were lead down into a cellar. A CELLAR! Do you know how dumb that is? Ok, sure, you were armed with the knife, and you were hoping to be to big bad killer while I was the poor defenseless filly. But you still should have felt something was a little wrong with the situation, especially with a knife just sitting there like that, out in the open. It was there for you, and you took the bait. I just had to wait long enough for you to go exploring, see it, and look to see if you would pick it up. After that, I had to wait to see if you had the guts to come downstairs with it.”

She rose up out of her chair and disappeared into the darkness, but only for a moment, as she returned with this strange sawblade like contraption, except instead of a blade fitted to it, it was a disk that had feathers grafted to it. What in-?

“Oh, don’t mind that. It’s for later.” She cantered on over until she was face to face with him. “Ok, so, you’re probably wondering what’s going on, right? Why am I strapped down like something out of a cheap horror reel. Don’t worry. I’m not going to be so egregious as carve you up to make cupcakes, or whatever, or use your coat as part of an ensemble. Nope, nope, nope. That’s going a little bit too far.” She leaned back a bit and pawed at her chin with her hoof. “That saaaaaid, I’m not letting you live, either. You brought this on yourself, like the others.”

“O-others?”

“Oh yeah, you don’t know do you? You aren’t the only ‘party pooper’ out there. Every single self absorbed jerkface that thinks they’re a genius because they murdered a couple ponies that want to bring a little light and joy to everypony’s life always ends up coming to me, one way or another. I always try to keep an eye out for rising trouble makers and keep other party planners safe, but there are leeches that slip through the cracks. Poor Cheese wasn’t quick enough to stop what you were going to do at the Burning Mare festival, considering the fire I can juuuuuust barely see in the distance. I do hope he’s alright...” She worried. Looking back to- “They called you Mr. Killjoy, right? Good name... Good song, actually. Don’t ask from who. Nopony has ever heard of them... not here, at least.” She sighed, “You’ve done quite a bit of damage. Four known incidents, including Burning Mare, and 3 other rising party ponies. And you came directly to me when you thought you were hot stuff... or because it was convenient. Who knows. It’s not really THAT important.”

She wandered away, back into the shade, only to come back out with the knife. “So, now what, right? Well, I’m going to keep a few promises. First off, I’m making you your cake, and it’s going to be the bestest ever. It’s too bad you won’t get to taste it, but you’re going to be helping me make it anyway. Good time too, because I’m AAAAAALL out of eggs. Used the last to make all the treats for the party. I could go buy some more, but we won’t need to. That’s where you come in.”

“What-”

“No no, don’t talk. That’s my thing. I’m warning you now,” she growled, pointing the knife at his eye, “Secondly, despite what I’m going to do, I don’t like it when ponies are all frowny. It just makes the day feel so much worse, ya know? That’s what that is for.” She explained, pointing at the contraption. “When I turn that on, it’ll run at a high enough speed to tickle you senseless... which will make it so much harder for you to feel the pain. Either your heart will give out from the constant tickling, or... you can figure the rest out.”

She then walked back over to the machine, and wheeled it closer to his lower right hoof, before she turned it on. It immediately began to spin violently, as the feathers ruthlessly struck the nerves and caused him to start laughing wildly. Unable to get away, he was at the mercy of the device’s brutal method. As he laughed uncontrollably, writing in his binds, Pinkie cantered over to his other leg, pressed it down with an amazing amount of strength to keep it still, and jammed the knife into the flesh. The effect was immediate, as he let out a loud wail of agony before he returned to his laughing fit, tears welling in his eyes. Blood leaked out from the fresh wound as it dripped down into a trough that he could hear but couldn’t see.

“That’s great. Just keep laughing, and you’ll go out with a smile.”

The trapped pony’s laughter forcefully died down as he wadded up a gob of blood from his mouth and spat it at her face.

“Ew... that was rather rude of you,” she pouted, “If that’s how you want it, we’ll do this the quicker way.” She then, while the machine was still forcing him to laugh, rushed over to his head, place the knife on his neck, and slid it across, causing his laughter to cut short and immediately devolve into gargles and choking sounds. Pinkie’s mood soured as she watched his pleading eyes stare up at her as he painfully attempted to laugh and scream from the sensations. It was the worst feeling, and she couldn’t bare to watch it drag out in such a way.

“I’m sorry... I made you suffer, and it doesn’t feel right. I thought the knife would snuff you out like a light...” she then tossed the blade aside walked into the darkness for a moment, before returning with sharpened axe. “A quick beheading will end your fright.”

His eyes widened in horror as she raised the axe above her head and-

-o-v-o-v-o-v-o-v-o-

“This cake is amazing, Pinkie!”

All of Pinkie Pie’s friends gathered about in costume around a large, triple layered cake that was decked out in the best Nightmare Night edible decorations that she could make. It wasn’t exactly normal to serve cake during such a holiday, but all five of them weren’t exactly surprised she decided to go the unconventional route. Besides, there was still plenty of candy, pies, and apples available to snack on for those that weren’t up for such a hefty confection. However, everypony that tried it had nothing but praise for it, saying that it was her best yet.

“Seriously, Pinkie, you’ve really outdone yourself. But, uh, where’s the stallion that helped you with it?”

“Oh, he had to leave. He was SUPER busy. Poor guy seemed like he’d lose his head if he didn’t get back on the road.” she said with a chuckle.

“He sounds like a real knuckle head. But, busy is busy. Can’t fault a guy for trying.”

The girls gave an innocent laugh, wishing the unknown stallion good fortune while the pink mare simply laughed along, already making plans to take a trip to Everfree to feed the wild plants the excess materials she wasn’t going to need. Oh well, she thought, He’s really missing out on such a good cake.

-o-v-o-v-o-v-o-v-o-

As tempting as it is for a bad heart to go ahead and try to be a real killjoy, unless you have a good reason to do so, it’s quite the rude offense to take away the life and bliss that others so generously grant. Worse still when your intentions are purely to make a name for yourself, spitting in the face of others. So, do yourself, and everyone else a favor, and instead of tearing down something just to gain attention, maybe direct a bit of that effort into being kind enough to lift another’s spirits. You never know who you might run into after all, and it just may pay off... instead of carry a hefty price upon scorning them.

The sound of squeaking trolley tires rolling on creaky floorboards could be heard as the theater master began sniffing at the air.

Is that... cake I smell? I’m not much for it, but maybe I could use one... little, itty-bitty slice. Then I guess, I should bid you all adieu, while I go and relax with a small snack. Happy Nightmare Night, my dear audience, and have a fantastic end to the year!

The curtains slowly closed up as the strange figure walked toward the wafting smell behind the tattered cloth. Soon enough, the lights began to dim as the wind died down to a slow whisper, up until all in the theater become still and quiet. Another Nightmare Night had come and gone, and many more would return, along with hopefully another tale from the Apparition Amphitheater.