Chapters Author's Note
I'm serious, I don't write, so why am I making this? please tell me. I need help.
SLAP!!
"Now if I add the 4 dividends..."
"Twilight."
"...carry the 2..."
"Twilight!"
"..and question reality..."
"TWILIGHT!!!"
"Huh?" Twilight looked up from her scattered papers, startled by the sudden yell. She turned to her left and low and behold there was the dragon Spike who's face was a mix of frustration and determination.
"Spike? What's wrong?"
confusion quickly flashed across Spikes face, "You!" he answered, "You've been sitting here for hours studying that stupid book." He walked over and checked the title.
"'Every Word and it's Description Seared into your Brain'? Why do you need to read that?"
Spike waited for a response but was met with silence. He observed Twilight, her face frozen. She didn't appear scared but Spike checked behind himself just in case since the lavender mare was apparently looking there. Spike waved his hand in front of the Unicorn.
"Helloooo? Anyone in there?"
spike1
1 .
a thin, pointed piece of metal, wood, or another rigid material.
"Twilight! What the heck is going on!" Spike shook her furiously. She was like a soft statue. She wasn't dead but whatever she was doing, it wasn't living. It was like she was in her own little world. Eventually Spike couldn't take it.
"I am very sorry about this and doubting the very existence of my gentledrake description but here goes."
SLAP!!
When claw met face, face met right shoulder, and shock met Unicorn. Once again Twilight went silent but more of a astonishment type of silent which was better then nothing. She slowly raised a hoof to her stricken cheek and turned to look at the dragon who was actually starting to get a bit fearful. Twilights gaping mouth attempted to formulate words which unfortunately ended in a crashing disaster. Soon only lips with scales could break the silence.
"So...uh...Twilight...Are you okay? You need anything from upstairs that could get me out of this...erm...particular vicinity right now?"
"SPIKE!!! How could you!? You just slapped a mare in the face!"
"Oh really? I hadn't noticed" Spike said before stopping himself.
"I didn't know you were capable of such brutality!"
Spike harrumphed, "Okay, now you're starting to sound like Rarity. Then again, anyone sounding like Rarity would instantly make them a better creature in general but that's beside the point."
rar·i·ty
the state or quality of being rare.
"the rarity of the condition"
Once again, all features from Twilights face vanished. Spike studied her features and sighed to himself.
"Alright then, let's knock a couple respect points off the cliff and hope they don't die slowly."
SLAP!!
"..."
"Sorry Twi but..."
"SPIKE!!!!! Hu...wha...bu...the... Twice!?!?"
Spike shrugged but couldn't help thinking to himself that this may or may not be his only chance at revenge for Gem Incident of 25 (whatever that means).
"You keep going dead on me...what do you expect me to do? Wait for you to just decide 'hey, I guess being frozen like this for a few days is fine, might as well snap out of it now.'?"
fro·zen
1 .
past participle of freeze.
SLAP!!!
"Would you quit that!?"
"No." Spike was actually beginning to enjoy this. True, his karma chips were probably getting stacked on Twilights side but still...He had quite a few to use as well.
Twilight continued rubbing her cheek, which had started to get a noticeable redness to it. before she could say anything more however, the bell to the library front door began ringing. Twilight got up, not before stating that this conversation wasn't over, and went upstairs. Opening the door to the basement she was met with...
"Pinkie Pie!"
...uh...yes, that's who!
"Ow! Pinkie, I know who you are."
"Yeah, but they don't." Pinkie said with a smile as she pointed as us.
Twilight stared in the direction Pinkie was indicating, but seeing nothing due to being a lowly Unicorn with the Power of Friendship and not the Power of...well...Everything, turned her head back to the Pink menace.
"Okay, whatever, anyway Pinkie, what do you ne..."
pink1
1 .
of a color intermediate between red and white, as of coral or salmon, and it means me!
"Hey Twilight, I was thinking of working on something for the party, ya know so it doesn't blow up? First after I load up the cannon I have a pony get inside that cannon, preferably Flutters, Once we do that we can add some bits of confetti to the cake and maybe I can purposefully leave the sprinkles on the cannon cause it's canon and all that. Ya dig?"
dig
1 .
break up and move earth with a tool or machine, or with hands, paws, snout, etc.
SLAP!!
"Spike!!" Twilight yelled.
"Yes!?" Spike yelled.
"Canons!" Pinkie yelled.
Spike came up from the basement with a stack of books he was supposed to be sorting. When he made it to the top he looked at Twilight expectantly.
"What is it Twilight?" He said oblivious to the recent events.
"Wait...if you were downstairs, then who..." realization washed over the book worms features, "Pinkie!? Did you just slap me?"
Pinkie smiled as if she were telling you directions to closest building built with a basement, which is oddly specific, "Yep!"
Spike grinned, "Let me guess, she was staring into the distance with an expression that made a blank slate look like it had personality."
"Nope. I just felt like slapping her." Pinkie stated, still somehow happy with herself.
Spike almost felt disappointed, "Oh, so she wasn't staring like that?"
"I never said she wasn't silly."
The confusion of being around Pinkie hit Spike full force and chucked it up to Pinkie being...
"PINKIE!"
...uh...yes, that.
"Yeah Twilight?"
"Was I staring in the distance weirdly or not?"
"Oh you were but I thought it better for you to figure it out on your own, ya dig? It would be like an adventure or something."
ad·ven·ture
1 .
an unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity that Celestia sends you on when she's bored.
SLAP!!
Can I Upgrade to an Apple?
Button Mash made his way through town with one goal in mind. The steely determination on his face showed he wasn't one to be screwed with at the moment. As he trotted forward he finally saw his destination. As he approached the yellow filly, she noticed him and smiled.
"Hey there Button. Ya need someth..."
"The gods demand tribute."
Yeah, Buttons a weirdo sometimes. Applebloom could definitely attest to this as she stared at Button who hadn't changed his expression nor gave any indication that he was going to explain what he meant. This left them awkwardly staring at each other. After, say, five minutes, Applebloom broke the silence.
"What?"
"The gods demand tribute."
With an eyedrow raised Applebloom asked, "And who maght these gods be Button Mash?"
Button Mash reached into his bag and pulled out a banana, "The gods of nutrition."
"Again Ah ask 'who' Button?"
The two foals stared at each other again, however, Button wasn't so steely determined at the moment as he kept shifting his hooves.
"Uh..." he finally squeaked out, "...my Mom."
Applebloom smiled, "Well ahlright Button, but here's my second question..." she pointed with her hoof at the fruit in Button's possession, "..what's with the banana?"
Button smirked suddenly, an expression he's not keen to wearing, trust me. It was almost scary until he pointed to a particular problem on the banana: it's broken stem.
"The antennas broke on this, I'd like to upgrade to an apple."
Applebloom looked at the banana, and then back at Button, and then back at the banana, and then back at Button. When she spoke she couldn't help but basically dump a bucket of confusion with her expression.
"What?"
"I'd like to upgrade to an apple. This device wasn't quite as good as I hoped." Button held the device and smiled as if nothing he had said was strange...that is, until a thought hit Applebloom.
"Button..." she began to ask, "Are you and Split still toge...?" before she had the chance to finish, fate decided to have a sense of humor and Applejack trotted into the conversation.
"Howdy Button! How ya doing?"
Button looked at Applejack in surprise...or, whatever it is that Button feels when things don't go...to...plan, yeah it's surprised. Button tends to say the wrong things when he's not...
"I'm conducting business between myself and this banana!"
...(cough) prepared.
"Uh okay...didn't know yer barn door swung that way Button."
Button could only stare at the orange mare completely oblivious. His eyes could only fixate themselves upon Applejack with the intent of digging the answer out of her brain surgically. Fortunately, this didn't happen, what did happen though is a certain pink pony came bounding out of...of the apple cart...somehow...don't ask.
"Hey Applejack! Hey Button Mash! Hey Applebloom! What's happening you guys?!"
Without hesitation Applejack replied, "Button's gay."
Pinkie didn't miss a beat, "Oh really!? That's good! I like it when ponies are gay cause it's happy!" Pinkie gasped loudly, "I need to throw the B.I.G. Party. Haha, the letters spell BIG." and with that Pinkie vanished into thin air.
Author's Note
Huh...I guess...this...writing thing isn't...isn't so bad. Maybe I can get used to it. Also, can anyone guess the meaning of B.I.G.?
(BTW I do love the Buttonbloom ship. What? You thought you met a normal person on this site? As if. No offense.)
I just wanted to say real quick that these stories are not on a specific time schedule and are not chronological, meaning this story comes at whatever time you want unless something proves otherwise (e.g. stating that they're in the old library even though it got destroyed BY JOHN CENA).
Twilight sat inside the Friendship Castle reading a book, as per the norm, shutting out the rest of the world, once again, per the norm. The day had other plans though.
knock knock
"..."
Knock Knock
"..."
KNOCK KNOCK
"Hmm...?" Twilight lifted her head and turned towards the door. Hearing no more sound she returned to her studies before...
KNOCK KNOCK!!
...will you stop interrupting me!?
"Oh! I'm not expecting anypony. I wonder who that is." Twilight stated. She then got out of bed and made her way to giant castle doors. Upon arriving to them she used her magic to open them. On the other side was Maud.
"Oh. Hello Maud. Long time no see...um what are you doing here?"
A brief second silence passed before Maud responded, "hello twilight. it has been a long time since i saw you last." without another word, Maud stepped into the castle, which actually wasn't that hard since castle doors tend to have wide entrances.
Twilight huffed, "Come on in." she closed the door behind Maud and followed her as Maud trotted to the center of the giant room. Stopping she turned around and faced Twilight. the two stared at each other for a few seconds until Maud spoke, "i need your help twilight."
In one particular room labeled "Experiment Room 4B a lavender unicorn and a grey (i guess) earth pony stood with symbols written on the ground. In front of Maud was a crystal of some sort. Twilight had a few generic technology objects taped to Maud's head, ~~per the norm~~ which she hasn't done illegally to anypony ever.
Twilight looked up from her notepad and addressed her emotionless friend, "You sure you want to do this?"
Maud merely nodded, which was a lot of movement for her part.
"Okay then." Twilight pressed a conveniently placed button on a giant computer thing she never used to help solve friendship missions with. After some hissing, the machine burst into flames causing the room to be filled with smoke.
Twilight coughed for a few seconds and then used her magic to fan away the smoke. What she saw, left her speechless. There before her, were three Mauds. A purple one, a red one, and a pink one.
The pink one smiled looked to her right at the red one, "Hi, I'm Maud. Who are you? Why do you look like me? (gasp) are we twins!?"
"Shut up! i hate loud ponies!"
"Can't we all just be friends? Ya know, like the ones kiss each other...a lot?"
"No! I hate kissing!"
"Oh! What about parties!? Do you hate those!?"
"Yes! Especially parties! Even the ones my sister throws"
"WHAT!?!?" Pinkie was suddenly standing in between all three ponies (how does that work). Her tears began to water, "I thought you loved my parties Maud."
"I love your parties Pinkie. Maybe we could go have one right now heheh."
Twilight looked at the four ponies for a few more seconds and thought I can stay here nad possibly stop a catastrophe or she turned her head to the door Let the princesses solve this one.
An elderly pony slammed a book that was lying in his hooves as he looked at his three sons in their makeship bed made from scrap metal they had found in the wastelands.
"...and that's how Equestria fell kids. Now shut up and go to sleep while your mothers Twilight, Rarity, and Ember and I seal our marriage all night long, causing your minds to be scarred forever. Goodnight!"
Author's Note
Yeah, the beginning of this wasn't meant to go in this direction. Sometimes my fingers and my brain don't connect.
Next chapter is going to have a special guest I choose randomely out of a comment with this 😐 emoji in it.
"Why the word buck though?" Applebloom asked her sister confused, "It's a swear word ain't it? Why do we use the same word something we do as a job?"
Applejack had stopped her apple bucking to address the little filly and was now wishing she hadn't. She replied, "Um...why the sudden interest Applebloom?"
Applebloom looked annoyed as she asked, "Do you know how embarrassing it is for ponies tah ask what ya do for a living only to respond with 'Ah've been bucking my whole life'?"
"Well uh...um...it's just that..."
"Come on Applejack. There has to be some reason." Applebloom looked at her daughter pleadingly.
Applejack sighed, "Alrighty then. If you insist." Looking out away she lowered her head and began, "It all started with a pony named Apple Core back before Luna was banished..."
A green coated stallion walked down the street's of Canterlot. His blood red mane and tail shown brightly in the sun as did his cutie mark, a bleeding Appleseed. His day had been great so far and he was headed for his next job, but before he could he was stopped by a figure in a black cloth.
"Stop!" she said, "Go nO FeRtHeR!"
Confused the stallion out his only weapon, The great and powerful sword Apple Slice! With one swing this sword had the power to fell a thousand apples. Without. Bruising. A single. One!
"That's impossible!" The mare yelled in much to young voice.
Applejack looked at Applebloom sternly, "You want to interrupt or should I continue the story?"
Applebloom sighed and waited.
"Thank you. Now where was I?
Apple Core...bleeding Cutie Mark...great day...go no further...ah yes!
Apple Core spoke in the language of the apples to the strange creature, "Apples."
"I aM ViCtOrIa uMbRa! tRuE RuLeR Of eQuEsTrIa! YoU AnD YoUr aPpLe family CaNnOt porTeCt Th e pRiNcEsSs forever!!" from under her cloak to red spheres of fire erupted and flew at Apple Core.
He jumped four stories to avoid the blast, but even with this magnificent feet of strength his fur singed. He cursed, "Apples!" Upon landing he brought the sword Apple Slice to the ground causing an earthquake of epic proportions. The ground shook violently. Victoria grabbed hold of a nearby building to support herself but could feel her grasp shaking. Jumping off the buiuldings structure she created fire platforms to keep from falling into the falling chasm.
Apple Slice had split Canterlot in half!
"What!?" a little filly on the sidelines said.
Her big sister put a hoof over her mouth. Shut up she said.
As Canterlot began to slide down the mountain the two continued their battle. Stone whipped past them causing them to bleed and what not.
Finally the entire city crashed on the town ponyville killing all the residents within the fine town. Everyone but three had died: Luna, Celestia, and the sword Apple Slice. The princess took the sword and planted it in the remains of ponyville before rebuilding Canterlot and acting as if the event had never happened. But the sword did something spectacular. From it grew a tree. A special tree from which Apple Core was born again. He decided to live a peaceful life and nurtured the land to the ponyville we know today.
He remembered the last dying words of Victoria Umbra, "Remember me." and named the action harvesting apples bucking, because he misheard her name and thought she said Umbuck and not Umbra.
"...and that is why we call it bucking."
Applebloom looked at her sister for a moment before turning around, "Fine, if you won't tell me, I'm asking Granny Smith."
Author's Note
I'll be honest with you...this went down a completely different path then I meant it to.
"Rarity!" Sweetie Belle yelled. She got no response.
"Rarity! Where are you?" Still no response. Sweetie Belle walked trotted around the Boutique looking for her older sister. Where could she have gone? It was noon, shouldn't she be working? The little unicorn filly continued to search for her sister until she felt a cold chill. A window opened to reveal a storm she could have sworn hadn't been there before. A mist seaped in through the window and began to grow taller. Sweetie Belle backed up in fear as the mist grew to about ten feet. Suddenly it spoke.
"Hello little filly." it's voice was raspy and likely the stuff of nightmares, "I have come to bring you to your sister."
Sweetie Belle smiled happily, "Yay! Thank you mister mist." She trotted over to the mist to hug, finding it's physical presence very real.
"I...wait...what?!" The mist rose what could possibly be an eyebrow, "aren't you afraid of me?"
"Why should I be? You're here to bring me my sister." Sweetie looked up into the "eyes" of the creature and smiled.
The mist confused and annoyed, "I...I don't...ugh you're no fun." A sound liking snapping fingers resounded from a piece of the mist. Trumpets blared a dull note while Discord appeared in place of the mist.
"Actually the term is 'sour' note." Discord said.
Shut up Discord. I get enough of this damn fourth wall trash with Pinkie around.
"What does finding my sister have to do with notes?"
"Nothing little filly, I'm just living up to my duties of annoying everyone that writes about me."
Damn straight!
"Narrator. Would you mind?"
Yeah, yeah. Anyway, Sweetie looked at the Lord of Chaos curiously.
"Who are you talking to?" She asked.
Discord smiled, "Nopony. Right now we have more things to worry about." A fedora appeared on Discords head as he continued speaking in a lower tone, "Discord put on his dashing hat to enhance his good looks."
"Mister misty demon can we go find my sister now?" Sweetie Belle pleaded.
"Once again my not-so-trusty assistant has gotten herself into trouble of some kind. I shall have to aid her." Discord turned to the little filly while his hat disappeared, "and the name's Discord not Mister Misty Demon or any other name your adorable self can come up with."
Sweetie Belle nodded, "Okay. So, how do we find my sister?"
Discord smiled, "The only way we can do that is go on an adventure! Follow me!" Discord stepped into a swirling vortex that sweetie could have sworn wasn't there before. Nonetheless she stepped through it. As the portal disappeared the front door to the Carousel Boutique opened.
"Sweetie Belle! I'm home! I had to run to the store! Sorry I didn't tell you. It was an emergency. Sweetie?"
Author's Note
Well, this chapter actually went the way I was aiming for so, I'm happy. Well not exactly. I planned on having another character in here but...meh, whatever.
Sweetie Belle stepped through the portal expecting to be in some strange land, but no. She was on a boat. It was enormous and decorated with [insert ship jargon here].
"Welcome to Great Tear Sweetie Belle! Now before I find a cabin for you let me introduce you to--"
"Damn it Discord! Stop ye bringing of all these here ponies on me boat! I've had enough!" Sweetie looked for the location of the screaming and saw none other than...
"Captain Pippers!" Discord announced, "How be the old crap bag? Still a party pooper? They have medication for that ya know. Just not in this universe."
Sweetie Belle couldn't believe her eyes. This was Pipsqueak. The same colt from her school. How could this be?
"It's Captain Pip Packer to you Discord! And you!" pointing a hoof at Sweetie Belle he said, "Why are you here little filly?"
Sweetie Belle stuttered out her response, "I...I'm loo...looking for my sis...sister Pipsqueak."
The Captain observed Sweetie for a second before nodding his head, "Well, I think you'll do fine. Corporal Spit Ball!"
A yellow Pegasus flew from behind the wheel and in front of her Captain, "Yes Captain?"
Sweetie's eyes bulged from her head, "Captain Spitfire!?"
Pipsqueak ignored the exclamation, "have this filly put in shackles. We've got slave trade with the Griffons on our next route.
"WHAT!?" Sweetie screamed.
ten years later
Captain Pipsqueak lay in his bed pondering what he had done in life. All his wrongs, all his failures. They were one and the same. He no longer desired to live with these memories. He looked to the side of his bed where a young adult Unicorn stood with a knife in her magical grasp.
"Do it then."
With one motion, Captain Pit Packer was a mere body on a mattress, and Unicorn known as "The Blades Mistress" was truly free from her enslavement.
Author's Note
Pleasedo not ask what I was thinking while writing this. Ideas popped into my head and I just ran with it.
You're Talking to Fricken Animals!!
Author's Note
wait...two chapters? I made two chapters? TWO FRICKEN CHAPTERS!?!? Let me say something that I hope I can force myself to remember
...but...even if I did........don't expect a schedule!!
You're Talking to Fricken Animals!!
Macintosh stared. That's all he could do, was stare. There was nothing else to grab his attention...well maybe that adorable looping baby wolf on ground over, but still. Begone wolf, Big Mac think of different things, such as the Pegasus in front of him. The Pegasus that bore such a striking resemblance to butter with pink frosting lathered over it to the point it almost disappeared and would cease to be butter anymore. He opened his mouth to speak the only words he could say.
"You're talking to animals Fluttershy. Dumb, unintelligent, animals, some of which are predators who would eat you were you to die in their presence."
Fluttershy was quite surprised by Mac, but not for the same reason you are, "Wow. Big Mac, I didn't know you could formulate an entire sentence."
"Come again?"
"Nothing" Timidly she shrunk behind her mane, as if a few layers of unused protein were going to help her hide. Good job flutters, you've evented the most ridiculous place to hide. Applaud her folks.
Big Mac did not applaud her though, which is quite rude due to her discovery, and simply pressed on, "Look, all I'm saying is that talking to animals...it's just...ridiculous."
This time Fluttershy acknowledged the statement itself, "I know how unlikely it sounds..."
"AKA, impossible."
"...but I really do understand them. They speak to me, and I to them. The chipmunks in the trees, the birds in the sky, the rats in the walls of my house..."
"Which brings me to ask why you haven't had the disgusting varmints removed yet." Big Mac was determined to show this silly little mare how stupid her actions were. Even as a he spoke, a rat, looking very much annoyed by Big Macs words, scurried into Fluttershys mane. Big Mac wanted oh so much to swat it out but luckily...he wasn't as stupid as some may be led to believe. Instead he waited for Fluttershy reply.
"Oh they're not so bad once you get to know them. They just need a little TLC."
"I'm sorry Miss Fluttershy but unless you can prove for absolute sure that these animals understand you and that you understand them, then I'm not going for it." Big stared at Fluttershy resolutely. Fluttershy simply looked up in thought.
"Um...uh...Oh, I know. How about you the tell one of the animals a word and then the animals tells me the word you told them?"
Macintosh wasn't entirely sure this would work, and for good reason, "They can understand Equish?"
"Oh, uh...no...but they can repeat it in animals tongue which I can translate back to Equish so..."
Big Mac raised a hoof, "Alright, I'll buy it." He looked at one of the random rabbits that happened to be strewn about and whispered something. The rabbits face was surprised but thought that none-the-less this was needed. The rabbit made it's way to Fluttershy while Big Mac wore a small smirk.
I may have said something bad...
Fluttershy lowered her head to the rabbits.
...but it's not like it understood me or anything.
The rabbit spoke.
...I hope...
Fluttershys eyes went wide and her faced turned a very loud color of red. She looked up at Big Mac and his smirk slowly faded into an expression of horror.
Buck.
"So let me get this straight..."
Doctor Needle Point observed a clipboard, occasionally looking over it to see a rather large pony wrapped head to hoof in bandages.
"You want me to tell everypony that Ponyville's own Big Mac, the same Big Mac that can break silverwood trees with hoof while seeming undeterred, broke every bone in his body, and then some, while applebucking?"
The slightest nod could be seen from the mummy.
A Perfect Pretty Princess Poem.
A Poem For My Pretty Princess
Dear Luna, so Sweet,
A twinkle in my eye,
For my dear, I am hideous,
Every step you take,
So with these words,
Your Hateful Admirer
Luna finished reading the letter before stating the obvious.
"What the hell?"
I. Don't. Write.
"What the hell is this Karma!?"
The words were expected but it still had an effect.
"I just thought you'd like to read it is all."
Bytha Book was a good friend of Clean Karmas, but he still gawked at his friend, "You thought? This thing has literally know thought in it. Saying that you were thinking while writing this is false advertising!"
Karma, a black unicorn stallion with similar black mane, simply stared at his accuser, unamused.
"Look, I like it, it's not like it's really a story or anything. It's just a bunch of ideas that were running through my head."
"Tripping around in your head is more like it." Bytha Book had a brown coat and green mane, his cutie mark was a book mark with a crossed out 'A' on it. Clean Karma adjusted his glasses and remained silent.
"For example, the first chapter is in all caps. 'SLAP!!'? Is that the best you could think of?"
"I wasn't really paying attention to the titles. Some of the titles were made before the story."
"Hmm. This chapter about Appleslice isn't terrible once you get to the action part of it. But it's still a compilation of retarded stories."
Karma shook his head, "I believe the word is actually Anthology. A friend told me that. True Boo or something--"
"I don't care!"
"And I don't write."
Bytha faceslaped hard enough to hurt himself, "Then there's the title of the story itself. I don't Write is literally a lie! You can't do that!"
Karma shook his head and stood up, "Look it's my story and I'll write it the way I want. It's already online so there's not much that can be done about it." He then left and went to the kitchen.
Bytha continued to read and shake his head in frustration until he saw something at the bottem of the page, "What's this? Another chapter? 'I. Don't. Write.'? When did he add this?"
Author's Note
Yes, this is the last chapter, I'm not updating this anymore. Sorry. I hope you enjoyed the little adventures we had.
