Gone was the green grass of the Equestrian Grasslands. Gone was the blue sky. Gone was the solid ground. Engla and Discord were on a tiny island floating in... nothingness. She looked around. This was one island of many, each one weirder than the last. Odd colored trees, odd colored grass. Islands floating upside down. Birds flying backwards. It all made the cow's head spin.

Discord said something in his bizarre language. Engla for the life of her couldn't even guess what it meant. Dainn had commanded everyone in the clan to try and learn Ponish, but they barely had had any opportunity to do so. Even Ortwin and his storyteller memory had managed to pick up just a few words and it was his job to remember things. Engla herself only knew one word. "No.", from Daring Do's rape. She wasn't going to say it anytime soon.

Discord laughed, snapped his fingers and disappeared. Engla's heart almost burst for the few moments she was alone in this mad realm.

"Two Faced God, give me strength." she whispered to herself.

When Discord reappeared he was holding the Black Tongue.

"Discord. My love. My brother needs that. Give it back!"

"Oh, how would I dare to steal from my "true love's" brother?"

The way he said "true love" frightened Engla. While not outright sarcastic, the tone was doubtful. All of the Caribou. All of Equestria hung in the balance. Even Discord would burn if the Great Fire wasn't stopped. Only the Two Faced God could stand against it.

"I just made a copy of it for myself. You should have seen the look on your brother's..."

A smaller Discord popped out of Discord's ear "By the way, why am I only learning about him being your brother now?" and popped back in.

"face."

Of course Dainn would be stunned. He had ridden to the four corners of the Caribou steppes to find the black tongue and the portal that let them flee to this land. Three clans declared him a heretic for trying to recover the knowledge and artifacts of the old ones and had tried to kill him and his clan. To see the Black Tongue replicated as if it were some common bauble couldn't have been pleasant for him.

"Actually, I think you should!"

He snapped his fingers again and changed outfits. Engla had no idea what was going on, why he was holding a piece of wood with colored pastes and why a piece of cloth was held in place by a wooden structure. Discord's hand started moving faster than her eyes could follow and in mere second on the cloth appeared a picture of her brother desperately trying to hide his stunned expression.

"See? Absolute gold. So I decided to give him two more copies as well. I also left him a little bell."

"Why's that?"

"So he can contact me for that one "great favor", of course."

What was that favor her brother would ask for? Discord's fingers snapped again. They were in one of those Equestrain wooden yurts and she was strapped to a weird box with glowing lights and a white, solid, flat substance with multiple red lines coming out of it.

"Do you really love me?"

"Yes." Engla replied firmly.

Discord ripped some of the white substance and studied it.

"It says here on the polygraph that you started sweating more when you answered that question. It could be because you're lying or it could be because you're exited to be with me."

"Or it could be because the furniture here can talk and she's not used to that." a voice beneath her added.

"Good point, chair!"

Discord's fingers snapped and the box disappeared. This wasn't disturbing anymore. Sure, her environment was foreign to her. She had never been in one of Equestria's stone or wooden structures but she was pretty sure that Equestrian furniture didn't usually talk or stick on the ceiling. Wait. That was the floor. She was the one sticking to ceiling. What had replaced her fear was disdain.

Her clan had used every little material possession they had, every one of the few magic tricks they knew and regular tricks they could come up with to eke out an existence on the harsh Caribou Steppes. Always hanging on by just a tread. And here was him, her owner, her "lover" who had the very fabric of the universe at his finger tips and was using it to amuse himself like a toddler who had gotten a hold of his or her father's bow, thinking it a mere toy, not a vital tool his family depended on for safety.

It wouldn't have been that bad if she didn't know another fact about him. She knew what had tamed him. Friendship. Discord could have been the greatest Khagan that had ever lived and he had held out for just the thing that happened naturally to you when you weren't as dumb as Ivangir. Only now did it truly hit her how ridiculous that was. This was a fawn in an adult's body. Engla's mind had been racing how he could get him to love her. Now she doubted he even understood what love was. That made things simple.

"Take me."

"Huh?"

Oh, by the Two Faced God! How could anyone be so stupid as to not know what to do when a cow was telling him to take her? She desperately resisted the urge to her eyes at him.

"Fuck. Me."

Discord blushed.

"Here? Now? Really?" he mumbled.

Engla wanted to slap him. Whatever Godforsaken void had birthed him had probably dropped him on his head repeatedly. She closed her eyes and asked the Two Faced God for patience.

"Whenever you want." she said in the sweetest voice she could fake.

"Give me a second."

Gladly. Engla closed her eyes. She had been taken many times by Caribou that weren't lookers but Discord outdid all of them. It was as if someone had cut up like 10 different species and haphazardly sewn them back together. Even the warbeasts she blew to get her daily sustenance were prettier than him. Sexy thoughts. She needed sexy thoughts and fast. She was home. She was on the grass. Adelgis was about to take her. She was truly his. Engla licked her lips.

"You can open your eyes now."

Before her was an Equestrian bed in a weird shape with a red cover. Around it, tiny fires burned in transparent cups which smelled oddly pleasant.

"Don't worry. This one can't talk. That would just be silly."

Engla climbed onto it and spread her legs. Discord undid his pants and her heart almost burst again. There was no way he was putting the torture instrument he had just taken out inside her. 7 interconnected orbs , each one covered in tiny spikes. She wanted to run. She didn't know where to but she just had to.

She closed her eyes again. In her arms was Dainn, shivering, with a festering wound on his chest. Bravely earned leading a charge. As was his duty. If he could do his, she could do hers.

"Go ahead. Take me."

"In my arms?"

"I think you know what take me means by now, Discord." she said, allowing herself to be snarky for once.

As Discord started pushing into her, her very being turned into pain. She had been with brutes, she had purposefully been whipped to please the Two Faced God but this was on a whole new level. At least when the spikes would make her bleed, she'd moisten up, she comforted herself sarcastically. A million prayers ran through her head. Virgin bucks didn't last that long. She hoped that that also held true for virgin whatever-the-hell-Discord-was. She gritted her teeth as time slowed down for her and Discord started getting a rhythm.

"Do you like that?" he asked.

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Then I do too."

She expected Discord to get up to his antics while fucking her, to get into some crazy costume and do something silly, but he was too concentrated. At least that would have given her something to distract her from the pain. But instead it was monotonous, agonizing torture until finally, Discord's eyes started rolling back.

"Yes, oh, by the Two Faced God, yes!" she cried out, faking an orgasm with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.

It was finally over. Except it wasn't. One of the orbs started swelling. And swelling. As if this needed to get any more painful. To the point that Discord couldn't move anymore. They were awkwardly stuck together.

"Swear to me, Discord. Swear you'll be with me here as long as I live!" she cried out.

"I swear!" he cried out and started cumming inside her.

And with that, today's trial was over and Engla allowed herself to pass out.

Author's Note

At this point I can rename this series to "Everybody Hates Ivangir", can't I?

*Rant alert*

With this reboot, I originally wanted to import as many vanilla Caribou characters as possible. Sad thing is that most of them don't have any personality so there really wouldn't be anything to import. I'd just be bringing in more Ivangirs into my story. And let's be honest, he sticks out like a sore thumb in his clan. They constantly have to babysit him so he doesn't ruin their subtle plans. Don't worry. I already have a fairly fitting end for him in mind.

There are however two Caribou in vanilla that do have some degree of personality.

First, King Dainn. That is, in "Meet thy Maker" he has personality. In the stories before that, the Looney Tunes theme could be playing in his head on repeat for all we knew. Khagan Dainn however is a completely different beast from King Dainn. He was written before I read "Meet Thy Maker" and I don't regret the completely different spin I gave him. Let's not beat around the bush, King Dainn is a piece of shit through and through. If he were in my story, the mile long list of deep personality flaws would have done him in almost immediately. Khagan Dainn seems almost knightlike by comparison. Change just one detail about him, his ideology, and you've got yourself a hero. Yet all his virtues only serve to bring Equestria suffering.

The second one is Gunne from "Bruised Apples". He would feel right at home in Khagan Dainn's clan. But that's a bad thing. The religion of the Two Faced God is centered about personal acts of piety (though it's gender specific what said acts entail). Even if him and Ginna could have been born cursed, something that completely goes against this, redemption would have been easy. Gunne would have quickly worked to appease the Two Faced God and thus erase his pariah status that in vanilla completely molded him. Heck, his parents could have done it for him. He'd thus be a very different person, named Gunne for no other purpose that hamfisted fan service.