Author's Note

BIG WARNING LABEL: The content of this story contains severely offensive humor. I recommend not reading this at all unless you're either one of my friends or impossible to offend.

Misfits

"It's almost time to go, Spike," Twilight told her young dragon friend.

"You know when Rainbow Dash says ten minutes, she probably means a hundred."

"Not if she doesn't want us to leave before she gets here."

"True."

"Wearing your trench coat tonight?"

"I'm the vampire of the group, right? Better if I at least look the part."

"You and your wit."

Spike cracked a grin.

"It's cold out, so it's probably a good thing I've got my hoodie."

"I swear; with those things on, you and Rainbow look like twins."

"Except I don't hit on you every time I see you."

"I still don't know if that would be weird or not."

"Hard to tell. You came from an egg, so we don't really share any DNA, but I'm technically your legal guardian."

"Yeah. That's a sticky situation."

"Eh. We'll figure it out."

A horn honked outside as they finished their conversation.

"Time for some food," spike said excitedly.

Both of them rushed out the door.

"What's up, nerds!? Get in!"

Spike and Twilight hopped into the back seat of the truck. Fluttershy was there in a dark sweater, and Applejack was in the front passenger seat with a t-shirt. Twilight opened the back window to talk to Pinkie and Rarity. Pinkie was also in a shirt with the addition of sweatbands on her forelegs, and Rarity wore her leather jacket and choker combo.

"Hey, Rarity, are you ready to look fabulous!?"

"Absolutely, darling!"

Rainbow set her eyes on Spike in a playfully seductive manner.

"How's my favorite little dragon doing?"

"Uh...Fine..."

"Rainbow, stop being a pedo," Twilight pretended to scold. Pinkie heard this and burst out laughing.

"Aw! You never let me have any fun."

"Give it a few years, then you can have all the fun you want."

Pinkie's fit of laughter escalated.

"By the way," Rainbow mentioned, "I scored four new records from the local shop. Look 'em over and tell me what sounds good."

She gave Twilight the compact discs. Twilight started naming them off.

"'Sleeping beneath the ashes of creation by End This Day, deafened art of bleeding secrets automated on deadlines by Cast From Eden, I am the end by Coma Eternal, and everything I touch falls to pieces by Dead to Fall.'"

"All of those came out when we were kids. They don't make a lot of stuff like that anymore. The most recent record I have is probably shadows are security, and that came out almost thirteen years ago."

"Which one do you guys think we should play first?"

The vote was unanimous. First up was everything I touch falls to pieces. Rainbow Dash ignited the engine and popped it into the car's CD player. She cranked it up so Pinkie and Rarity could hear.

"We're, like, the only ones who still buy CDs these days," she stated as she started driving.

"We need to be figurin' out what we wanna' eat," Applejack reminded them, "I could go for a burger and shake right about now."

"That sound good to you guys?"

"Yeah," they all agreed.

"Burgers and shakes it is, then."

Rainbow rolled down the windows as the first song started.

"When I try to turn away from that image, I have failed those I've created in my own image! I have crumbled! I say in a small and frail voice 'I will not fall'! And under the pressure of her gaze, I say "I will not crumble"!

I will not fall!

I will not crumble!

I will not fall!

I will not crumble!"

Everyone in the truck was headbanging by the time they reached the restaurant. They'd gotten to the third song "Graven Image" and liked the sound of the record so much they finished the track before exiting the vehicle.

"Wow! That was amazing! Why don't records like that come out anymore?"

"Because everybody wanted to whine about the production and how they 'ripped off' melodic death metal bands, but let's be real here; every melodic death metal band ripped off In Flames and At The Gates."

"Sounds like Rarity," Applejack sniggered.

"Rude," Rarity muttered.

"Hey, Twilight, I'm starving," Spike brought up.

"Come on, guys. Let's go in," Twilight told her friends.

"There has to be somebody out there still making melodic hardcore metal," Twilight argued, "Once something has a cult following, it sticks around in the underground."

"I've heard there are a few legit projects going on right now. Word has it there's a band called Renounced overseas that's reinventing the 90s hardcore metal sound. Another band from here called Drawing Last Breath mixes more melodeath influence in like the bands we listen to. There are some other ones too, like Show Your Teeth and McClane."

"My point stands, then."

"Does anyone else feel like making a pretty red waterfall on their necks right now," Rarity asked.

"Totally," Pinkie responded.

"Wow. We're messed up, aren't we," Rainbow laughed.

"I won't even point out the irony of that statement," Applejack interjected.

"You're one of us too, country bumpkin."

"I know, I know."

"We should go back to my place when we're done," Twilight suggested.

"Been lookin' to read some new comics," Rainbow agreed.

"I've built up a nice collection of horror games. Maybe we can even stream some tonight."

"I'm down."

The crew continued to eat and chat for a bit.

On the way back to Twilight's house, they resumed the CD and started headbanging again. About halfway there, Spike noticed something outside the window.

"Hey guys, there's a homeless dude out there!"

Rainbow paused the CD and stopped the car.

"We should go check on him," she told everyone.

"Mm," they concurred.

They all got out of the car and went over to him. He was an elderly looking earth pony.

"Hey buddy. You okay?"

"Sorry. I didn't mean to be in the way."

"You're not in the way. We just wanted to check up on you."

"I'm alright."

"Me and my friends were on our way home. Are you hungry?"

"Yeah..."

"AJ, can you drive everybody back and get him something?"

"Sure thing."

"I'll stay here until you guys get back."

"Spike, will you stay here too," Twilight asked her friend, "I don't want anybody trying to hassle them."

"Say no more. You can count on me."

"Thanks."

She gave him a peck on the cheek and everyone besides Spike and Rainbow Dash got back in the truck.

"How long have you been out here?"

"About ten years..."

"I'm sorry, man. It's gotta' be rough."

"It's not all doom and gloom. Every once and a while, I'll meet good Samaritans like yourselves."

"We're glad to help."

"I appreciate it."

"So, what's your story?"

"Pretty much lost my job. My wife took the kids and left. Started fallin' behind on my bills and it just went downhill from there."

"We've got a little money. If you want, we could probably get you a hotel room for a couple nights."

"Really? You'd do that for me?"

"It's the least we can do."

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it."

"Did your dragon friend fall asleep?"

"He's got mild depression. He'll doze off from time to time if he doesn't keep himself occupied. It's how he deals with it I guess."

"Do you think he's a suicide risk?"

"That purple Alicorn we were with is his guardian. Her name is Twilight. She's always checking up on him. I don't think she'll let anything happen to him."

"I'm glad he's got someone to look out for him."

"We all do. I'll occasionally pretend to flirt with him from time to time to make everybody laugh."

"He's a bit young, isn't he?"

"That's just how we joke around. We have dark senses of humor. Sometimes my friends will call me a pedo and I'll laugh at it because we know it's not true."

"Can't say that type of humor is my cup of tea. Then again, I'm an old guy."

"Different strokes for different folks, right? Besides, we have massive respect for all kinds of humor. It's one of the ways we get through the day."

"Can't argue with you there."

"Regardless of what our beliefs are and how we live, one thing takes precedent over all else; doing the right thing, and the right thing for us is to keep each other and everyone else smiling, even during the worst times."

"I've always heard of someone having a good head on their shoulders, but I think a good heart is what really matters."

"I think so too."

As they finished exchanging thoughts, Rainbow and Spike's friends returned.

"How are things here," Twilight asked.

"Your friend has insight I wouldn't expect from a youngin'. I suspect you all do."

"Hey, Twilight, I told him we would put him up in a hotel for the next few days. Would you guys mind chipping in?"

"No problem."

Twilight gave the stallion his food and woke up Spike.

"Hey. How are you holding up," she asked her companion.

"Better now that you're here."

"We're dropping this guy off for the night, then we'll go home and play some games."

"Alright."

Everyone boarded the truck and they were off.

"Goodnight, man. Get some rest, okay?"

"I will."

The seven friends left the hotel building.

"He seemed really sweet," Twilight noted.

"He is," Rainbow confirmed, "Poor guy's been through a lot. He deserves better than that."

"Yeah," they all agreed.

"Anyway, we did what we could. I hope he gets the happiness he deserves."

Rainbow hopped in the driver's seat of the truck.

"We still have a record to finish."

Her friends cheered at the prospect of hearing the rest of the music they enjoyed. They all jumped in the truck with her and made their way to the road home.