A World Devoid of Color

I stop and stare; this is the place I thought I’d never see again. From the station, I can see straight through the town. I can hear the chatter of the ponies from the square and the market, I can smell the trees and grass riding on the wind from the apple orchards, and even the sweet smell of cooking from Sugarcube Corner. This was it. The place I’ve known and loved.

The place I was deathly afraid of.

Mocha looks back at me, her eyes filled with glee. She grabs my hoof and starts pulling me out of the station and down the street, her demeanor screaming ‘Let’s go and explore!’ Finding no reason to argue, I simply let myself be dragged along for the ride. She stops by a strawberry stall near the market’s entrance and starts some small talk with the stand owner. The mare has a mane of various shades of raspberry and a pale yellow coat.

...Was she new here?

Mocha finishes up her conversation, and with a small basket of strawberries in her magic, says her goodbyes before moving on to another stall. I try to stop her, but somepony else interrupts me before I can even grab her tail.

“Oh, I haven’t seen you two around here before! Welcome to Ponyville!”

I feel my stomach drop, worse than when I was hurtling down to the ground after a wing cramp, worse than after the Wonderbolts rejected me. The fact that my four hooves were on the ground made the feeling all the more real. I couldn’t place her voice, but I knew. I knew that voice was not a good voice. It was the voice that haunted and terrorized my dreams. I want to fly away. I don’t want to see her. I don’t want her to see my shame, how far I’ve fallen.

“I’m Princess Twilight Sparkle, but feel free to call me Twilight. May I ask who you two are?”

I need to leave, I’m not ready for this, I want to go home, I want to—

“It’s lovely to meet you, Twilight! I’m Mocha, and this is my friend, Rainy.” She pulls me close, bringing my line of sight directly to Twilight. My panic subsided, replaced by pure fear. I didn’t know how to react. “She’s a little shy, so don’t let her silence worry you; she’s quite a kind pegasus.” She let go of me, and I did my best not to curl up into a ball and implode from all the pulling force I wanted to use. “It’s surprising to just talk to one of the princesses out of the blue! Uhm, no offense.”

Twilight giggles. “I know, I just don’t like being treated like I’m some ‘big thing’. I’m a normal pony like everypony else.”

Twilight begins to depart but takes a quick glance at our rears. “Oh, you two are still blank fl-” She stuffed her hoof in her mouth, a mix of shock and embarrassment on her face. She does a quick bow to the two of you, “I’m sososo sorry, I shouldn’t have brought that up, I’m sorry if I offended you or-”

Mocha laughs and waves it off. “No worries, it’s bound to be brought up one way or another. Rainy and I were just unlucky, I guess. But we’re doing fine, so it’s not too much of a loss in my opinion.” I simply shrug, going along with what she said.

Twilight looked relieved. “Thank you, it’s just that I haven’t seen anything like this before.” A warm smile grows on her face. “Maybe you can come and talk to me later? I think I know a few ways I can help you two out!” Without waiting for a response, she turns away and jogs in the direction of the castle.

Mocha lets out a breath I didn’t know she was holding. “Wow, who would’ve expected that meeting the princess would be so...casual? Scared me a bit, I’m used to royalty and the like being so high-strung.”

Wait, the Wonderbolts rejected me?

“Well, the ones I’ve seen on the news, at least. But the Princess of Friendship came to greet us and apologized to us for a mistake. I can’t wrap my head around it.”

That can’t be right. I can’t fly very well.

I groaned and clutched my forehead as a headache rushed over me. Everything faded into the background as I focused only on the beating of my heart and the rhythm of my breath. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Heavens, my head hurts so bad.

I don’t even like the Wonderbolts.

“You want to head to the inn first?” I lower my hooves and look up at Mocha, who’s staring at me with a worried look. I nod and drag myself after her, trying my best to ignore the burning in my forehead. “Sorry about that, I couldn’t help but want to look at all the stalls,” she glanced back at the luggage she was floating around, “but I guess it would be easier if this wasn’t in the way, right?”

The trip to the inn barely registered to my pained and confused brain. What happened with the Wonderbolts? Why was I so afraid of Twilight? Why did I feel a hole growing in the back of my mind? All these questions suddenly cropping up, and I had answers to none of them. I fear the answers, but I can’t remember what they are. I’m afraid of my friends. My friends are...my friends are…

Another shot of pain rang through my head, and I felt myself being carried onto a soft surface. “Rainy, do you need anything? Water? Painkillers?” I nodded. My head hurt. It hurt so fucking bad. I wanted it to stop. I needed it to stop.

I’m dimly aware of Mocha’s departure or return until she taps me on the shoulder and hands me a few tablets of aspirin. I take them dry, coughing a little as I feel the medicine run down my throat before grabbing the cup of water that Mocha placed onto the bedside table and downing it in two gulps. Collapsing onto my back, I place the cup on the table and try not to let tears form. Why was this so painful? Why was I so pathetic? Not even a day into the trip and I’m already ruining it.

My face becomes wet for a moment, only for Mocha to wipe the tears off and crawl into the bed with me, pulling the blanket over us. “Shhh, you’ll feel better before you know it. We can rest here until then, m’kay?” She lets out a yawn. “The morning was a bit hectic anyways, I think we both deserve a little rest.”

I close my eyes, plunging my vision into complete darkness. I saw nothing. The only things I heard was the beating of our hearts. Already the pain was subsiding, and

What did I do to deserve you?

“Rainbow, there’s no friendship meeting this week. Please leave.”

I look up from staring down at my hooves. “Wait, why? I thought these meetings were important to you.”

Twilight sighs and motions towards the table behind her. “It’s kind of difficult to have a friendship meeting without any friends.”

I glance at the table, and the reality of the situation begins to set in. Nopony else was here. Only me and Twilight. I turn towards the alicorn, panic beginning to rise in me. “M-maybe they’re just late? They could come eventually!”

Twilight shook her head. “They won’t. Rarity sent me a formal letter announcing her refusal to attend these meetings, and Pinkie flat out ignored the question when I brought it up. So, no, they’re not late. They’re not even coming.”

“What about Fluttershy? She might come! She—”

“Or maybe she won’t, Rainbow Dash! I wouldn’t be surprised if she finally got some assertiveness and ditched as well! And I wouldn’t blame her. I probably would do the same!”

“She wouldn’t—”

“She might have, Rainbow Dash. Maybe she would do that to an awful friend.”

I’m unable to get another word out before she sends me flying out the door, and I’m able to catch myself before I get a face full of dirt. I turn to yell at Twilight what she was doing, but I’m only met with the slam of the castle doors, leaving me alone in the chilly evening.

They all stopped coming. It really got to this point, huh. I want to go to each of them and ask them what their deal was, but I know exactly what it was.

Me.

This was all my fault.

I was an awful friend.

I mean, what friends causes this to happen to her friends?

...They’d probably be better off without me. Without me, none of this would’ve happened. But I had to open my big mouth.

My body goes on autopilot towards my home, and I let myself be carried by it. I’ll grab my bags. I’ll hop on the train with a ticket to anywhere.

That’ll get me out of their hair.

Maybe I should just become somepony new. Maybe I’d learn how to be a better pony then, right?

I stop myself and begin taking a detour. There was a favor I had to ask.

My eyes snap open, the midday sun shining through the room’s window. I force myself not to jolt upright and look at my surroundings as I try and calm my beating heart.

I’m still in the inn room. Mocha is still laying next to me, asleep. My headache is gone. And apparently, I was friends with Twilight.

...That’s a surprise.

I feel more awake then I have been in...what feels like forever. Everything seems much louder, much brighter, so much more real then it was. It’s like a fog was lifted from all of my senses. The light coming in from the window was bright, but not blinding. The beating of Mocha’s heart gave a solid thump, no longer sounding like it was behind a wooden wall. The mattress below me... I could feel the spongy texture and my back resting on it, instead of feeling like I’d crawled into a comfy mush.

Slipping myself out of Mocha’s grip, I roll out of the bed, stretching my legs and letting my wings unfurl. My heart felt as light as my hooves, and I wanted to take off running. I wanted to fly right over to Twilight’s stupid face and...and…

What?

I walk over to the bathroom, and give myself a good look in the mirror. It almost hurt to look at, just grey, grey, grey. This was me. This was Rain Chaser. Why did Rain Chaser exist? For me to become a better pony, right? This was my attempt...at becoming a better pony?

The fog set back in.

Why was the attempt such a failure?