A World Devoid of Color

“Hey, Rainy, you all done?”

Letting my mind settle back into reality, I turn to Mocha and nod, quickly shuffling over to the closet and putting the broom and dustpan away. The broom fell over, letting out a resounding thunk as it hit the ground. I quickly righted it and shut the door behind me. Mocha let out a sigh of relief and gave me a small smile. “Great, looks like we finished cleaning up,” she stretched out, her back arched and her rump in the air, “and it’s fiiiiiiiiiinally the weekend.” She yawned, her back letting out a loud crack as she pulled herself straight, turning towards me. “I’m so excited that we’re going to finally visit Ponyville and get out of this dreary place for once. What about you?”

I give her a vague nod, hoping that she’d assume I shared her sentiment. But it was a lie. Honestly, I was just as scared as I was a week ago, perhaps even more so. Every day it crept closer, the bitter memories of the past threatened to pull me into the darkness I barely managed to escape from. The disgusting pot of all my worst feelings, my sickest days, of every string of sanity that unraveled in front of me.

I hated feeling like this. I hated, hated, hated it. I should be happy and excited to see my friends again. I should walk right into town, a smile on my face, and see how they’re doing! I’ll look them in the eyes and ask them how they’re doing with each other! I’ll ask them their feelings towards Rainbow Dash and if they’re happy that she’s gone, and how they’re doing so much better without her! How she was the worst worst worst friend they ever had and I’ll smile and agree with them and—

“Shhh, it’s going to go well. Nothing bad will happen.”

My thoughts dissipate into nothing as I feel Mocha pull me into a hug, petting my head. We sit there, and I can’t help but start crying. I’m sorry, Mocha. That you have to put up with somepony like me. A total mess. A crybaby. A weakling. How can you still speak to me so softly and hold me so tight every time I lose myself? What cruel creature lead you to me and made you such a blinding light in my life?

“I’m sorry.”

Mocha said nothing in response, simply letting my tears soak into her fur as the sun slowly dipped behind the buildings, leaving the shop dark and cold. After however long, Mocha released me from her hold and gave me a smile. “Alright, let’s go home.” She draped my leg over her back and helped me hobble home, countering and balancing my weak and scattered steps as the street was plunged into a deep darkness, the moon dim and only the small ball of luminescence that Mocha cast lighting the way.

We eventually get home, and I’m managing to walk on my own four hooves at this point. I heard the click of the locking door behind me before I feel myself collapse onto my bed and black out into a pleasant, dreamless sleep.

“Rainy, let’s go. Wake up, we need to go!”

I awaken with a start, Mocha shaking me violently. I nearly fall off my bed in surprise, but catch myself and sit up. I cough—my throat straining to produce words—and attempt to ask what was going on, but she cut me off before I could say anything.

“We’re going to be LATE, Rainy! The train is leaving in 20 minutes!”

Oops.

Adrenaline shooting through my body, I roll off my bed, land on all fours, and slip on my saddle bags as quickly as I can before shooting out the room after Mocha. Dashing down the hall, Mocha throws open the door, glancing back at me to make sure I was following, and grabs her bags with her magic before hopping out the door. I exit right after her, and she barely takes a second to slam the door closed and lock it before we rush through the hallway and down the stairs with only our destination in mind.

With every step that pounds into the ground, I feel a bolt of energy course through my veins, clearing my head of all thoughts except: Go. Go. Go. For a moment, I was back in the sky, rushing past all the clouds, the wind blowing through my mane and the sun beating on my back. I barely noticed my wings begin to extend as I pushed myself to go faster, and then faster, and then faster, until I was barrelling down the streets, all the buildings and ponies I passed barely registering as a blur in my line of sight. It wasn’t the slow, sickening blur of tiredness and confusion that I usually felt. This was the blur of speed, of flight, of freedom from any limitations that could ever keep me down.

For a moment, I felt happy.

I skidded to a stop, nearly crashing straight into the railing of the train station. Still able to hear every hard pump of my heart, I turn and look back to the direction I came from. Mocha was just rounding the corner nearly two blocks away, slowing from a mild trot to just barely dragging her hooves as she drew closer. Stepping next to me on the train platform, she collapsed onto her knees, letting all of her luggage drop as her magic cut out, and taking several deep breaths before speaking.

“Rainy...I huff didn’t expect you to...haaaaa...to be such a runner. I mean, I...hooooo colt...don’t think I’ve ever seen you run before.” She takes a deep breath, before letting out a slow exhale, and leaning onto one of her suitcases. “Oh, that smarts. I...I need to work out more.”

...She’s right. When was the last time I ran around like that?

...I think it was, um...how many months ago? I was running home as fast as I could. I was really upset over something. I was running, running, running, c-crying. Wasn’t it after --- yelled at me to never talk to her again?

...?

Why can’t I remember who it was? Why is there just a blank space?

Okay, what happened that day? I was chasing after her. She was running, running away from me. Why was that? She was angry about something. Was it because of me? What did I do? For her to run away, I must’ve done something bad. Was it the thing I did that made me leave?

Wait, why did I even leave?

“Train’s here.”

The train rolls into the station, and we hand in our tickets to the booth before entering our carriage. We place our bags on the overheads, and Mocha reclines back in her seat. What was I thinking about? “Honestly, Rainy, I love trains. The low rumble of the wheels pumping on and on, the slight shake of the train to and fro, the miles of beautiful sights. I personally find it extremely relaxing.” She lets out a short bark of laughter. “Hey, maybe my cutie mark is something to do with trains! Wouldn’t that be a hoot?”

I nod. After what feels like an eternity, I speak up. “My mind has been going a million miles an hour. It scares me.”

Mocha looked at me with mild surprise. I guess that’s expected, I don’t really talk too much, never mind above a whisper. A smile forms on her lips. “Maybe thinking about the trip to Ponyville really put your brain to work. But you’ve always been slow one week, and running yourself in circles the next. As I’ve said before, don’t worry about it too much. You’ll feel better soon enough.”

I guess she’s right. She knows me pretty well. Probably better than I know myself.

But I feel awful right now.

I got up out of my seat, Mocha sparing me a quick glance before returning her gaze to the window. Heading down the hall, I saw the bathroom at the end of the carriage. Quickening my pace, I slipped into the small room and shut the door behind me. I look around the compartment: a sink on the right side with a mirror above it and a privy sitting at the other end.

I turned to the mirror and gave myself a good look at myself. I looked different. Nopony would be able to tell that I was anypony else. They’d only know Rain Chaser. I was Rain Chaser.

Two lengths of hair running past my shoulders and hair swept just beside my eyes? Check. My coltish, windswept hair non-existent due to my current style? Check. All color removed from my mane and fur? Check.

It’s fine, Rainy. It’s going to be alright. You’re just a tourist visiting. Mocha will cover for you. Just enjoy it as much as you can.

...Enjoy this trip? How can I enjoy a trip like this?

I unlock the bathroom door and step back into the train carriage, the floor rumbling under me as the train continued to chug along towards its destination: Ponyville. I returned to my seat next to Mocha and slumped into it, glancing out the window at the passing scenery.

No matter what I tried, or what I said to myself, the paranoia in me kept rising. Maybe I should take the first train back. Maybe I should hide out in the Everfree the whole week. I just...I don’t want to see them. I don’t want to see that look in their eyes again. I don’t want to feel the burning in my heart every time I see them glare at each other, or ignore each other, or argue with each other whenever they pass each other on the street. I can’t handle it.

I feel myself enter a warm embrace, the two hooves wrapped around me tight, but a comforting tight. I close my eyes, allowing myself to be taken by the sensation. Mocha’s head rests on my shoulder. “Hey, Rainy, it’s going to be fine. Nothing bad is going to happen, alright? We’re at a new place where nopony knows us. You don’t need to be afraid of them.”

...a new place?

Yeah, this is a new place. I’ve never been here before. Rain Chaser hasn’t been to Ponyville before. She doesn’t know the Elements of Harmony. She doesn’t know anything has happened. She’s just going to quietly enjoy the countryside. No worries. No panic. It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine.

I feel my breathing slow down and my body become still. It’ll be fine. I can feel Mocha’s cheeks beginning to crease. “That’s the spirit. I’ll be with you the whole way, m’kay?” It’ll be fine. Mocha will take care of me. I’m here to enjoy this. It’ll be fine.

The two of us sit in silence as the train quietly treks on towards my destination.

The trance I was in shatters as the train whistle blows, announcing that we’d reached our destination. Quickly untangling from each other, Mocha and I grab our overhead bags and move down the aisle and out of the train.

Before me was Ponyville.