All I Had to do was Stop

I've been caught and figured out and put on the spot as my parents grill me about the suicide note that I thought for sure I had thrown away. The only explanation I can come up with is that I must have missed the trash can after I crumpled it up and it must have rolled out of plain sight. I feel like a complete idiot for being so careless and now even worse for how I just made my parents feel. Now, I have no idea what's going to become of me after this.

Everypony in the house fares no better than my parents as they peak over our shoulders to read the note that sat on the table before us. Save for the quiet sniffling and sobbing of ponies around the house, everything was dead silent. The most audible pony sat on her haunches in the corner as she steadily grew louder and after a moment of putting it together, I identified her as the pegasus who suggested I take my own life. If only I could work up the nerve to tell her that I forgive her...I can't get a word out of my mouth for the life of me.

"Puff Puff...Sweetie..." My dad sobbed, finally breaking the silence. "What in the fuck...are we supposed to do about this? We just found out that our pride and joy was close to jumping off a Faust damn building..."

"We saw her trotting near that building late at night!" One of the officers I recognized gasped as something clicked in his brain while tightly clutched his service cap and began to weep. "If we knew that's what she was trying to do, we would have done something!"

"You actually snuck out and tried to do it?!" My mom gasped in utter horror while my dad began sobbing even harder. "You mean to tell me that you snuck out of the house at night while your father and I were sleeping to try to kill yourself!? Baby, why!?"

I could do nothing but hang my head in utter shame for once again, I have destroyed the ponies I care so much about. At this point, the mare who wronged me before began galloping towards the front door as she continued to weep with her cheeks swelled up, apparently about to get sick. It was when I looked towards the door that had been left open by the mare hastily exiting the building to vomit in private, my attention was brought to a new din in the form of a beeping sound that you would hear from a truck backing up.

Upon further observation, I could indeed see a large, red and white van with flashing blue lights on top which I quickly identified as an ambulance slowly backing up into the driveway. Once parked, the doors to the cab and the back door to the patient compartment opened where two medics trotted towards the front door of the house while the third prepared a gurney with straps on it. That's when it finally hit me and I realized that a brand new crisis had emerged altogether.

"Sweet Luna's moon..." I gasped as my pupils shrank to pin pricks. "Mom!! Dad!! You Didn't!!"

"Puff Puff, we're so sorry!!" My Dad cried out. "We didn't know what else to do!!"

"We're scared, sweetie, we just...we don't..." My Mom began before clamping her eyes shut and clenching her teeth before utterly breaking down. "We don't want to lose our baby!!"

My parents sobbed as every head of every pony in the house was hung and most were creating puddles on the floor as they wept. Gem and Crystal hugged me for a moment as the medics who showed up to take me away entered the room before the police chief gently placed a comforting hoof on my shoulder. After another awkward moment, Chief Bluestreak gently took my hoof as if to signal for me to get up from my seat before being hoofed over to the medics' custody. No, I can't go with them! I mean, I know I have problems but everything was starting to go so well! This will undo all the progress I've made!

"No wait, M-mom, Dad, don't..." I stammered as the Bluestreak and the two paramedics began gently pulling me towards the door. "I-I can't go with them! Guys, I swear, I won't ever hurt myself, please don't let them take me! I don't wanna go!!"

"Wait! She's not crazy!" Clutzy Cried out as he bolted up to random ponies including his parents as he flailed his hooves around in a desperate attempt to grab their attention. "She doesn't need to go to a psych ward! Gahh, why the fuck can't anypony see me!?"

It was no use. Everypony knows that I'm sick and that I'm a danger to myself and need to be under the care of professionals before I do something I and everypony else around me will regret. Who am I trying to kid? I was literally just about to jump off a building just a mere month ago. One doesn't fully recover from that as quickly.

My parents are each holding onto one of my forehooves as I'm being pulled back by the ponies in white coats, trying their best to comfort me before I'm taken away. It was when I looked back at the stretcher they were preparing for me that I started to panic as I'm claustrophobic and I don't do well with being strapped down or held in place.

"Ahh! Wait! Please, don't strap me down on that!" I cry out as I start to struggle, which only caused the medics to tighten their grip on me. "No! Please! Mom! Dad! Don't let them take me!"

Just by saying that, I made my parents sob even harder and it was when the three ponies who showed up to take me away yanked me away and my hooves out of my parents' that they utterly broke down. As I was strapped to the stretcher I watched as my mom, my dad, and everypony who had showed up to show support embrace each other they wept for me, my heart sank to a different kind of low. It wasn't just me who was ailing but once again I had caused pain and heartache for my friends and neighbors much like the year before.

"Anypony!? Hello!?" Clutzy shouted as he desperately continued to search for somepony who might be able to see him. "Oh come the fuck on!!"

It was no use, nopony can see him but for me to try and tell him that would just reinforce everypony's suspicions they had about me all along. I was rolled on into the back of the ambulance and I took one last look at the drama I caused and the faces of my friends as I was clicked into place before the double door was shut before me. I can't count how many times I've seen my dad cry as he was a stallion who was always in touch with his soft side. My Mom was always a little bit harder to move but never before until today have I seen our police chief so much as sniffle. Tears were running down his face full bore as he tired to comfort my parents.

No sooner than Clutzy had floated through the closed door of the ambulance did the driver switch on the vehicle's siren and shift into drive before I was whisked away to a psychiatric facility where I would spend who knows how long. As the vehicle swiftly whipped out of the driveway, I watched as my parents and my friends quickly faded away in the distance I plopped my head back onto the gurney that I was strapped to and began to sob. Clutzy began gently stroking my mane as to try to comfort me. Easier said than done in this situation but his efforts will never go unappreciated.

"You're gonna be okay, Creampuff." Clutzy said softly as he rode alongside me in the ambulance and continued to stroke my mane. "We'll figure this out. We'll find a way to let them know.

I could do nothing but lay on the stretcher as the ambulance made a few swift turns down the streets and the driver suddenly gunned it and from what I saw out the back windows, we were passing cars like they were standing still. From the looks of it, we're heading South on the Interstate. Who knows how far away from home they are taking me?

It's been a really long time since I've felt this low. Once again, I am property of Equestria and the state of Manehattan but instead of an orange prison uniform, I'll probably be sporting a hospital gown or a straight jacket or something. Just when things were going so well, it all came crashing down once again. I have been deemed by my parents, our local police, the mayor and several members of my community to be a danger to myself and now I have been committed to a psychiatric hospital.

After what I estimate to be a forty-five or so minute drive, which was so quiet you could probably hear a goldfish breath, the ambulance exits the interstate into a familiar city which I soon identifies as Saltzicuse. It's a fairly large city of about a hundred and forty thousand ponies. I've mentioned it before, it's located in the center of Ondamonia County and is home to the nasty lake that shares the same name. It's a tough city with a crime rate well above the Equestrian average especially for its size and about once or twice a month, its police department gets sued for beating somepony's ass for littering or jaytrotting.

The medics were no conversation whatsoever and only exchanged a few words between each other on the way there. Not long after we entered Saltzicuse, the ambulance pulled into a parking lot and took the "Ambulances Only" entrance towards what must have been the facility that would now be my home for however long the state deemed necessary. On the side of this huge brick building reads "State of Manehattan Mental Health" so I guess that kind of narrows it down as to where exactly I am.

The whole ride down, in fact even when they were taking me from my parents' place, these guys hardly said two words to me and it was no different as they backed the van up to an entrance, opened the back doors and began to wheel me out. Honestly, I didn't feel much like talking anyway. I just wanted to get in and out as quickly as I could so I could go back home to my parents.

The paramedics who brought me here began chatting amongst themselves as they wheel me in through the front entrance, Clutzy following us the whole way. At the very least, I won't be alone and I have a friend with me. As they wheel me in further, we pass by a desk with two stallions in white lab coats sitting next to each other. One was a sort of heavier set, kind of darker purple guy with a short gray beard and the other was a sort of beige and bit thinner, both of them middle aged. I'd say around their early to mid fifties. I bet I'll be under the care of at least one of these guys. I'm about to find out for sure.

"Here's your latest patient, Doctor Bleeding Heart." The medic wheeling me down the hall said as he stopped in front of the desk. "The one who thinks she's seeing ghosts and tried to off herself."

That got a slight chuckle from the other two medics and the beigh guy at the desk. I'm sure they were chuckling about my seeing a ghost and not my suicide attempt, I don't think anypony could be quite that cruel. The purple doctor however did not appear to be one bit amused and gave them quite the expression that screamed that he was rather miffed by their behavior.

"You think that's funny?" The Purple stallion whom I presume to be Doctor Bleeding Heart retorted angrily. "This poor mare is severely ill and you're making light of it? Shame on all of you!"

Clutzy looked equally as upset with them. It does take me a while to warm up to new ponies ever since this whole mess started but I think I like this purple doctor already and I'm relieved to be under the care of somepony who gives a damn. His expression turned softer when he looked at me as I was still strapped to the gurney but then he tensed up once again and resumed scolding the other staff who had brought me here, whom were all taken aback by being reprimanded like this.

"She looks very uncomfortable!" Doctor Bleeding Heart scolded as a vein on his forehead became quite prominent. "You need to loosen those straps, they're clearly way too tight!" He then turned to the doctor sitting next to him to reiterate his grievances. "I'm telling you right now, Doctor Coal Hammer, our staff needs to start treating our patients with more dignity around here!"

"You really live up to your name, you know that?" The guy I presume to be Doctor Coal Hammer sighed with a chuckle which seemed to only upset Bleeding Heart even further.

"It's called basic equine decency." Bleeding Heart retorted. "You wouldn't know."

"I'll let your insubordinate behavior slide this time, only because we've established that she sees...er, thinks she's seeing ghosts. That's very...interesting."

The three ponies who brought me in then resumed wheeling me down the hallway as they rolled their eyes at what I assume was Doctor Bleeding Heart's dismay. They don't really seem to care and nor does that Coal Hammer guy. In fact, the look he's giving me as I'm wheels away is really discomforting. I don't know how to describe it really. He's tapping his chin with a pencil as he gives me this look that screams of wheels in his head turning. I can't get myself to give him nor the three medics any eye contact but I can see it through my peripheral vision.

As the two doctors bickered amongst themselves, I was wheeled down a few more halls and after another few turns, I was pushed into an elevator and with the door shut, we were raised up to the third floor. After exiting the elevator, they wheel me down another series of corridors past several rooms occupied by various ponies with all kinds of troubles. Some of the locked rooms were quiet while others were anything but. Some ponies just watched nonchalantly as I rolled by while others pounded on the small windows as they screamed incoherently. One of them kept licking the window. These poor ponies are so sick they probably don't even know what got them here.

Upon reading some of the signs as I rolled by, I could tell that we were passing through the ward for the more violent and dangerous patients. They had gold stars on each of their doors similar to the ones I was assigned in prison as a warning to staff how prone a pony was to violence. I was given one star as I was fully cooperative with prison staff so I was at a zero risk. None of these doors have any less than four stars and most have five.

After passing through a set of double doors with a sign that read "Pedofoal ward" we strolled past some of the less "desirable" of ponies. I use quotes because I don't like to label ponies like that. Don't get me wrong, I really...really don't like foal molesters...like at all, and I don't know anypony who does. Though he's a ghost, I can tell that Clutzy is getting chills by just passing through here. Nevertheless, they are all sick and disturbed ponies and most of them probably experienced traumas that drove them to do what they did to end up here. Again, no excuse for what they did, but everypony at least deserves to be treated for a sickness.

Again, some of them just quietly watched us through their windows while others made a fuss and drool over a pretty young mare being wheeled by and I began to blush when I realized that one of them started to...pleasure himself, to put it lightly. Like I've said before, I'm rather short for an adult mare so they may perceive me to look younger than I actually am. Needless to say, that one and others who behaved similarly had between four and five stars on their doors.

Finally, we went through yet another set of double doors labeled "Suicide Risk Ward" which I assumed to be my stop. I assumed correctly as we stopped in front of a door to an unoccupied room which one of the ponies bringing me here stuck a key in the lock and opened it up. At long last, they pushed me into the room and began to undo my straps. At long last, I could get off of this stupid gurney and move around as I wished...to an extent of course.

"Doctor Bleeding Heart will be seeing you for your first therapy session tomorrow." One of the stallions who brought me here said as I was allowed to hop off the gurney. "Dinner will be brought to your room at six."

Without another word, the three ponies accompanying me on my way here rolled the stretcher out of the room, shut and locked the door behind me as I stood in the center of the room to observe my new surroundings while Clutzy did the same. The room I found myself in was...actually not that bad. It was a decent sized room, certainly puts the cell I had while in prison to shame. It had an actual bed rather than a rickety cot and upon further observation, the mattress was some sort of memory foam.

As I continued to look around, I noticed that the legs of the bed were wrapped in a thick layer of foam, I assume to keep patients from banging their heads on it. It seemed that every otherwise hard surface in the room was covered in this safety foam, even the floor underneath the carpet seemed to be quite spongey. There's even a small end table with a TV in the corner opposite of the bed. As I looked closer at the TV, I noticed that it was bolted down to the little table and the table to the floor. It looks like every piece of furniture in here bolted down to ensure safety.

Next to the bed is a bookcase full of all sorts of things I can read to pass the time. There are some of the standard things like magazines ranging from sports and hobbies all the way to health and fashion. They even have some books on pet care and marine biology. That's right up my alley, I'll have to take a look at these later. Oh, they even have comic books! Nice! Huh, that's unusual, there's even a small bathroom off to the side with a sink, a toilet, and a small shower. I never had such a luxury when I was in prison. Just by glancing at the mirror, I could tell that it was made of some sort of reflective, flexible plastic. Understandable, we don't need somepony breaking glass and acquiring a weapon now do we? I wonder why they had regular glass in the pen.

This was all a reminder that I was not here to be punished but instead to be provided with the help I need. It did help to put me at some modicum of ease. I was here because ponies care about me, not because they are angry with me. I admit it, I really do have some rather serious issues and coming to terms with that in itself is progress. It's true, just over a month ago, I was less than an inch from committing suicide, just because I don't feel like killing myself right this very moment doesn't mean that I'm well. Okay, maybe this is all for the best. Maybe this won't be so bad.

At six o'clock on the dot, I was brought a tray of dinner which included an apple, a yogurt, a little carton of orange juice, a daisy and cucumber sandwich, and a cornbread muffin. I confess, I'm a sucker for cornbread but the stuff my dad makes blows this away. What can I say, my dad has Southern Equestrian heritage. Which reminds me of something else. My poor mom and dad. I wonder how they're doing right now.

Do I blame my parents for having me sent here? No, not one bit. My parents are not trained nor equipped to help me. They are scared out of their wits, they are desperate and had no other options. They called those ponies to come and collect me because they knew that I would be taken to a place where I would get professional help and be kept safe. They had me brought here because they love me and want me to get well. I'd be nothing without them and I love them with every fiber of my being.

The lights were out for the night which ideally should mean that most of the staff save for the night security should have all gone home by now. That meant that Clutzy and I could finally talk more. He and I talked of my troubles and what led me to want to take my own life to begin with. No, I don't hold it on that neighbor who made the suggestion. She as well as everypony in town were angry with me and as a grown mare, I'm responsible for my own actions, and she obviously felt horrible afterwards so i forgive her.

After a while, Clutzy and I watched TV for a little while and read some comic books until it got to be around eleven at night. Needless to say, I was getting very tired after this incredibly long day so I lay myself down on the bed and bid my little spectre buddy good night.

"Good night, Clutzy." I said with a yawn. "I think things can only get better from here on out. My therapy starts tomorrow."

"Good night, Puff Puff." Clutzy said softly as he picked up the blanket and dropped it over me. "I'm gonna go scope the place out and make sure everything's kosher. Heheh, maybe I can swipe one of those security guys' hats. Hahaha, maybe then they'll know that I'm actually here and you're not just seeing shit!"

"Heheh, we can only hope. Have fun out there."

Celestia's sun poked up over the horizon like it does every morning which revealed to me that I was fortunate to have a window to the outside. The clock bolted to the wall says that it's about half past eight I can honestly say that I slept really well. Clutzy was floating around the room as always when I woke up and soon after, breakfast showed up. A steaming bowl of oatmeal, a cup of applesauce, a little carton of juice, some baked beans and a hoof full of strawberries. Nice. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a picky eater at all. Even before I was locked up, no matter how cheap or basic food was, I was always glad to have it. Some creatures around the world don't even know where their next meal is coming from.

At around ten o'clock, a hospital staff member came to collect my tray and informed me that Doctor Bleeding Heart would have me sent to his office so we could formally meet and discuss my issues and how we would go about treating them. He seemed very nice. I mean, I know the only time I've seen him, he was rather upset and short with some of the staff but it's because he didn't like how they were essentially making light of my problems. He seems to genuinely care about his patients.

Sure enough, eleven o'clock rolled around and two security guards and a nurse unlocked my door take me to see the doctor who was assigned to my case. With a guard to each side of me and the nurse in front of me, they escorted me to the elevator and ultimately down to the second floor. As always, Clutzy followed us every step of the way. After a short trot and a few turns down the halls, we ended up before a door adorned with a placard that read "Doctor Bleeding Heart". The nurse then gave the door a knock and within seconds, a familiar purple head poked out.

"Your patient is ready, doctor." The nurse said before she and the two guards began trotting away to resume their other duties.

"Yes, Creampuff Lime is it?" Doctor Bleeding heart greeted with a smile as he extended a hoof for a shake to which I obliged. "Please, come in, make yourself comfortable."

I was a little bit shy at first like I always have been but I was put at ease as soon as I trotted through the door. His office was set up in a way that you could tell that a therapist who genuinely enjoys his work practices here. There was the standard office desk on the far corner of the room and in the center there were two bean bag chairs to sit on. In one corner was a small table with a smoldering incense burner which was very soothing to say the least. There was even an electric tea kettle on another table next to an office water cooler. All over the walls were various framed diplomas and certificates from very prestigious universities. This guy is the real deal.

"Creampuff, it's so nice to formally meet you in a more comfortable setting." Bleeding Heart said as he shuffled through a folder which I assumed was my case.

"Likewise." I replied, feeling much more at ease than I was a moment ago.

"I hope the staff was good to you after I had words with them. Care for a cup of green tea?"

"Oh, I'd love some. Thanks."

Doctor Bleeding Heart is a unicorn and he used his pink aura to levitate the kettle from where he sat before me and poured two cups of tea. He first levitated a cup to me and then one to himself. He took a sip as we sat across from each other but it was a bit too hot for me to sip from just yet so I will wait until it cools a bit.

"So Creampuff, I've been going through your case and I've learned quite a bit about what's troubling you." Bleeding Heart said softly as he sat across from me. "But one can only learn so much from reading somepony's files. Please, tell me about yourself."

"Well...um, gee where do I start?" I asked with a chuckle.

"How about the accident last year? That's where this all stems from, no?"

"Right. Well, It was spring break when I was going to RIT. I was supposed to hang out with some friends after luch with my parents. Schools were letting out for the day and there were buses everywhere. I was getting held up every time I had to stop for one."

"Uh huh."

Doctor Bleeding heart started taking notes on a clipboard.

"So I almost made it to where I was supposed to meet my friends and there was a bus stopping just ahead of me that I thought I could pass before Clutzy hopped off."

"Is Clutzy that little colt who died that day?"

"...Yes."

"And how did you feel after it happened?"

Words couldn't accurately describe how I felt when I learned that I had killed that ten year old colt and upon being asked to describe it, I really had to think for a minute or two. As I pondered my response, Bleeding Heart took another few sips of his tea as he patiently waited for me to answer his question. I really don't know how I can describe it but damn it, I'll try.

"I felt so..." I began as I eyes started to water. "...horrible. I felt like a scumbag for what I did and what it resulted in."

"You felt remorse." Bleeding Heart replied. "Regret perhaps? Does that sound right?"

"Yeah...I let my own selfish need to get where I was going that I ended up killing a young kid."

"I don't think you were being selfish as much as I think you were simply not being cautious enough while driving. It's a mistake. We all make them. Some bigger than others but what really determines the type of pony you are is how you atone for it. What happened after all that? You served time, correct?"

"I did. I got a year in the state pen."

"What happened while you were there?"

This would be hard to answer, not because I don't remember but because it'll be hard for me to talk about. It was honestly, the hardest year of my life but I felt that I deserved every second of it. Once again, I'll try to explain it the best I can.

"I-I...got my ass kicked at least twice a week." I replied as a lone tear began to roll down my face, to which Bleeding Heart responded by levitating a box of tissues over to me. "I also got...*sniff* I also got...raped a couple times when I was there."

"I'm so sorry." Bleeding Heart said softly. "Nopony deserves that. It doesn't matter what you did, nopony ever deserves to be sexually violated. Was it staff or an inmate?"

"It was both. the first time it was an inmate and the second time a guard."

"Did you report it?"

"N-no, I never did but...I recently found out that they got charged with abuse the other day."

"Oh, I read about that in the paper. It must have been them then?"

"Yeah, those are the ones."

"Tell me why you never told anypony about your problems? That could have ended very badly for you and those who care about you."

Oh, I know this one. I've always been this way. I really don't like bothering others with my own problems.

"I just..." I began. "I felt that after what I did, it would just piss off everypony around me even more to go asking for help."

"See, that's why I don't think you're a bad pony at all." Bleeding Heart replied as he continued to take notes. "Not by a long shot. You're anything but selfish and you think about others to a point where you neglect your own needs. Let me ask you, did you ever watch Mr. Dodger's Community as a foal?"

"Aw, I used to love that show! I learned so much from Mr. Dodger. He was Equestria's grandpa who you could visit after school and talk about feelings with. I cried for days when I found out he passed away."

"I grew up watching him too when I was a little colt back in the seventies. He's who inspired me to take up this line of work. Now, there's this one quote from him in particular that spoke to me and I think that everypony should always bear in mind."

"Which one was that?"

"He said 'sometimes in life we find ourselves in situations where we need to ask others for help...and that's okay.' You shouldn't ever feel ashamed for asking for help."

He really had me there. I was one of Mr. Dodger's most famous quotes and I completely forgot about it in my adulthood. Okay, so he has brought up my depression and my problem with trying too hard to please others. Only a few others I can think of that he has yet to mention.

"So, let's address the most severe problem we have here, Creampuff." Doctor Bleeding Heart suggested as his previous advice really had me thinking. "Why did you want to take your own life? Your parents and neighbors reached out to us and they were so horrified and frightened when they found out what you tried to do."

"It got to a point where I felt that I just wasn't wanted around anymore." I replied as I continued to dry my tears with a tissue. "After I was released from prison, not a single pony in my hometown wanted to be within a mile of me. I just...I wanted so badly to pay my debt for my mistake and devote my time to giving back to the community but...nopony would give me a chance. I started thinking that the only way to give closure and a sense of justice to everypony who loved Clutzy...was for me to die."

"I um..." Doctor Bleeding Heart started to turn on waterworks of his own. "That's really sad, dear. At first, your neighbors were understandably upset and I daresay outraged by what happened but...that's just so cruel. Nopony ever deserves to be made to feel that ending their life is the only way to fix things. You're certainly not the only one who made a mistake and when the members of your community realized it, they had hurt you so badly and the damage had already been done. You didn't deserve that."

I never really gave that any thought. For the longest time, I felt that I was the last pony who deserved a break. I mean, Clutzy has been trying to convince me of that for a while too but to have a professional therapist tell me that...it just really got me thinking about it more. We all knew from the very beginning that it was an accident and that I'm not vile enough to do something so wicked on purpose. Even Clutzy, the victim of all ponies understood that. Hell, even his own parents didn't hate me. My head is starting to ache with all these thoughts rushing through.

"While you're tossing that around, let's talk about another issue we have here." Doctor Bleeding Heart continued. "You've been observed talking to somepony who isn't actually there. I'd like to know more about that."

"I've been seeing Clutzy. That colt I hit last year." I said as I started to sweat and avoid eye contact with my care provider. This will be difficult to discuss but I trust Doctor Bleeding Heart so I'll be honest and tell him everything that's been troubling me. "That night when I was just about to jump off that apartment high rise, he...showed up and stopped me from doing it."

"But he passed away. He's no longer around. He's not actually there."

Without turning my head, I turned my gaze towards my ghostly little friend who twiddled his forehooves together as he stared at the ground he floated above. Doctor Bleeding Heart was taking more notes and as he continued to write down details of our conversation, Clutzy looked back over at me and with quivering lips, floated backwards and disappeared through the wall behind him. What is he doing that for.

"I've seen this before." Bleeding Heart said as he looked up from his clipboard and back to me. "I've treated many patients whose actions resulted in somepony's death, whether intentional or otherwise. Most of them genuinely feel remorseful. Others, not so much. Some were too sick to even understand what they even did or why it resulted in them being brought here. See, my point is that many of my patients who truly regretted their actions reported having seen and spoken to the deceased victim. The guilt becomes so overwhelming that the pony becomes desperate for some sort of comfort in the situation as they failed to find it elsewhere."

Clutzy occasionally poked his head out from the wall to check up on us while Bleeding Heart and I talked. I don't know what to make of this one. I know I'm the only pony who can see Clutzy and Bleeding Heart is genuinely trying to help but I know I've been seeing him. We're able to hug and bump hooves and he even picked me up when I had fallen off the edge of the building. Is Clutzy thinking of leaving my sight as to aid in my recovery? I'd never ask such a good friend to do that.

"Creampuff..." Doctor Bleeding Heart said softly as he looked me square in the eye. "...you need to forgive yourself. Can you do that? If not for yourself, for your parents and your friends."

"I...I..." I stammered as more tears began rushing down my face which Bleeding Heart promptly began wiping away with a tissue held by his unicorn aura. "I can...I will..."

"Mind speaking up, dear? Didn't quite get that."

"I can and I will." I spoke more firmly with a little more volume.

"You can and will what?"

"I can and will forgive myself."

"I'd like to see more enthusiasm."

"I forgive myself."

"Can't hear you, dear."

"I forgive myself!"

"I'm not convinced."

"I...I forgive myself!!"

"Say that again!"

I then leapt up from the nice cushy bean bag chair on which I sat and poured my heart and soul into my next self empowering outburst.

"I FORGIVE MYSELF!!"

Doctor Bleeding Heart followed suit and he too leapt from his seated position and proceeded to egg me on even further.

"Bull! You didn't convince me!"

"I FORGIVE MYSELF!!!"

"Will you two shut the fuck up in here!?" A colder more bitter voice snapped as the door to Doctor Bleeding Heart's office suddenly swung open.

My doctor and I were suddenly snapped out of our moment by a familiar beige stallion in a white lab coat standing at the doorway as he held a folder of some sort in his wing. Now that he wasn't sitting behind a desk, I observed that he was a pegasus and a really rude one at that. Okay, I mean, yeah we were getting a bit loud in here but surely something good will come of us. It was quite evident however, that Doctor Bleeding Heart was rather miffed as we were interrupted while making an important breakthrough.

"Doctor Coal Hammer, seriously?" Doctor Bleeding heart sighed as he face hoofed. "Creampuff and I were just in the middle of-"

"Well, that's just too damn bad." Doctor Coal Hammer cut off. "You and I need to have a word. Now!"

"Excuse me, for a moment, dear." Bleeding Heart said to me with an apologetic look.

The two doctors the trotted just outside the room and closed the door. Though it was shut, it apparently must be paper thin because I can very clearly hear every word they are saying and out of concern, Clutzy even swooped back into the room and poked his head through the door to have a listen.

'What!? You can't be serious!" Bleeding Heart gasped out of frustration. "You can't just swap our cases like this!"

"It's already been done, so tough shit!" Coal Hammer retorted.

"But we were in the middle of a breakthrough! We were making great progress already and starting all over again will just undo our work! We've built such a great rapport and I've earned her trust!"

"Are you forgetting whose in charge around here? I won't hesitate to make you go back in there and clear out your desk!"

"I...sir, I just want you to be more considerate of what's best for our patients. You're not exactly empathetic with ponies who need you to be."

"I am, and as director here, I've made a determination and a decision on our next course of action. That and you know I don't deal with pedofoals, so have fun with this fucking sicko. Here's his file."

"Sir, I don't mean to pry but maybe you and I should have a session of our own. Did something traumatic ever happen to you as a fo-"

"Ask me that one more faust damn time!! I dare you! I double dare you, motherfucker!"

I've never heard doctors, especially psychiatric specialists get into such a heated argument. Clutzy and I could tell that each other were almost worried that their confrontation would turn physical. For almost a minute, there was silence save for the heavy breathing from Coal Hammer whom has gotten way too worked up for my comfort, and now he was about to replace Bleeding Heart as my doctor? I really don't want to be around this guy.

"You'd better be good to her..." Bleeding Heart said quietly but firmly.

"Or what!?" Coal Hammer retorted. "That a threat!?"

"Not at all. It's a warning. I'm just saying...you had better...be...good to her. She's been through more than enough shit. And If I ever find out that you mistreat her or any of our other patients...I will report you to Celestia's anti corruption bureau."

With that, I could make out the hoofsteps of somepony whom I assumed to be Bleeding Heart angrily trotting away. While we had a moment to ourselves, Clutzy and I whispered amongst ourselves and voiced some serious concerns. The stallion who had helped me reach such a breakthrough in one session was now out of the picture and I had to start all over again with this other guy who just seemed so cold. I anxiously awaited our impending conversation as he reentered the room and plopped himself down on the chair that sat before Bleeding Heart's desk and wheeled on over to me with one of the creepiest grins I've ever bore witness too. I'm scared.

"Creampuff is it?" Coal Hammer asked as he flipped through my file. "You know, when I heard of a new patient coming in who claims to have seen a ghost, I just knew I had to be the one getting in on this."

"That so?" I asked with a nervous gulp.

"This guy...he's trouble..." Clutzy said as he leered at my new doctor.

"You bet!" Coal Hammer replied. "And I believe you."

"Erm...come again?" I asked, thinking for a moment that I misheard him.

"I said I believe that you're seeing a ghost. Heheh, I've been trying to prove their existence for decades and slowly but surely, I've been making some pretty interesting discoveries. See, not only am I a stallion of medicine, more importantly, I'm a stallion of science."

"A mad stallion of science maybe?"

"Ha! Good one! Well look, let's just cut to the chase here. I've been in search of some...test subjects to aid me in my research, if you catch my drift. How would you like to help ponykind better understand the supernatural and paranormal? You'll be like...my own little assistant in my lab. Sound fun?"

No fucking way am I letting this guy perform experiments on me or whatever the fuck he's planning! I want Doctor Bleeding Heart back! Clutzy is equally as concerned and has appeared to have decided against leaving my side as I honestly feel like I might actually be in danger. I'm shutting this guy down before he gets any idea that I'm okay with any of this.

"I really don't feel comfortable with being somepony's guinea pig in some whacky experiment, thanks." I said firmly and proudly.

"Hmm? Oh, you thought..." Coal Hammer began before breaking out into laughter. "Oh ho ho hahhahahh, you...Oh shit that's a good one."

"What's so funny!?" I retorted angrily.

"Oh, you misunderstand me, dear. See, I never planned on giving you a choice in that matter."