My Little Convicts - Crime is Magic

Chapter 1 - A New “Dawn”

Twilight woke up in her cell and rubbed her eyes as she looked at the alarm clock. “Uhhh.” She groaned as she realized it was still 5 am in the morning. “More sleep for me.” She said as she laid down on her bed. “After one book.” She stood up from her seat and walked over to the shelf to pick up a book. It would have been a lot easier if she had magic, but her horn collar prevented such an action.

After she was captured, Twilight was placed in solitary confinement in Canterlot’s Castles dungeon. security prison. She had a rather clean and decent cell with its own toilet, study desk with a lamp and a bookshelf filled with whatever books her mother sent her. And the best part was she had it all to herself.

Under normal circumstances she would have been executed without trial for high treason and acts of terror. But since her mother is a noble and a very close friend of Celestia, she was instead kept prisoner and was regularly interrogated on the whereabouts of her fellow thieves by her own dad. She refused to speak and kept her mouth shut every session.

Her mother was overjoyed to see her given the circumstances that led to her capture. They had a heartfelt conversation and she told Twilight that she managed to convince the princess to spare her. Eventually the guard had to pry her away from Twilight because she refused to leave. Twilight on the other hand was relieved that she was saved from the Gallows.

Her brother on the other hand was an entirely different story. He was the Celestia’s finest guard as well as the captain of the canterlot garrison. And let’s just say he wasn’t as enthusiastic meeting the pony who made him look like a total fool. There was a heated argument and he walked away disgusted at what his little sister has become.

Twilight looked up to the calendar from her study. “Summer Sun Celebration huh.” She said as she opened her book. “I guess sunbutt’s busy being a sunbutt.” She said as she remembered how her old teacher expressed how disappointed she was. Twilight replied to her by making whale sounds much to the monarch’s annoyance. Celestia really hates it when you don’t take her seriously.

Several loud knows came from her door as she turned towards it. “Face the wall of the cell and put your hooves where I can see them.”

She obliged but was surprised. Normally when she was interrogated, her dad will just walk into the cell and casually ask questions. But she was never ordered to face the wall and never was she interrogated this early in the morning. She trotted towards the wall and did as she was told.

Two armored RBI agents in SWAT gear stormed in the room. The blindfolded and cuffed her as they dragged her out. Twilight’s heart was racing. This was the first time she was taken out of her cell ever since she was imprisoned. What were they gonna do to her. Did they prepare a special interrogation room, are they going to torture her or has Celestia had enough of her silence and decided keeping her alive is no longer worth it?

“What the hay is going on!” Twilight asked. The guards didn’t respond as they continued to drag her. “Hey I’m talking to you. Answe-mphh” she mumbled as she was gagged by a third guard.

Twilight heard an elevator door open and began to fight back and resist much to the annoyance of the agents. She felt the butt of a rifle slam into her back causing her to groan in pain and cease her struggle. After thirty awkward seconds riding the elevator the doors opened and she was dragged into a room and was sat down in a sofa.

One of the three agents ungagged Twilight and removed her blindfold while the two other stood guard at the doorway. Twilight inspected the room she was in. It was a large personal office with a bugbear rug on the floor. There were bookshelves and picture frames as well as an ancient set of unicorn armor holding a longsword by the fireplace. Behind the desk in front of her was a tall white unicorn pony with a blonde mane looking over Canterlot throught the window.

“Who are you and what the fuck is going on here?” Twilight asked as she rubbed her aching back. The mysterious pony commanded the agents. “Leave us.” The guards immediately left without questioning his command.

“A beautiful night sky isn’t it Twilight?” The pony asked as he used his magic to take a bottle of wine and two wine glasses from one of the many shelves in the room.

“Yeah, it is a nice sky.” Twilight answered. “But Sunbutt’s going to raise her fat ass any minute now. So back to my earlier question, why the fuck am I here?”

“I’m afraid Aunt Celestia will no longer raise the sun anymore.” He said he uncorked the bottle of wine and poured its contents in the two glasses in the desk behind him as he continued to look on. “She’s gone.” He added without a hint of emotion in his voice.

Before the stallion can take one of the glasses, Twilight lunged forward and drank both of them before raising her hooves in the air and shouting. “Finally! About time that bitch took a well-deserved nap.” The mysterious pony only sighed at Twilight’s reaction. “Wait a minute. Did you just call Celestia, Aunt Celestia?.... Blueblood?”

The mysterious pony turned around and looked at Twilight with a stoic expression in his face. “Yes. It’s me.” He said plainly.

“So how’d she die?” Twilight asked as she took the entire bottle and began gulping its contents. “Was it diabetes?”

“Thankfully, no. She did not di-”

“Fuck!” Twilight interrupted as she slumped on the sofa. “Guess I owe someone fifty bits.”

“She’s not dead.” Blueblood explained as he sat on his chair. “She’s been foalnapped.”

“Well, that’s one crook I wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alley in the middle of the night.” Twilight said as she drank some more of the wine.

“I couldn’t agree with you more.” The prince replied as he snatched the bottle of wine from Twilight’s hooves and poured himself a drink.

“Hey!”

“She’s been foalnapped by Nightmare Moon.” Blueblood said as he took a sip from his glass. “She took her during the opening ceremony in Ponyville. As we speak the town burns.”

“Was she assisted by cultists?”

“Yes.”

“Were they same ones from high school?”

“…yes.”

“Well what’d you know, guess I wasn’t so delusional at high school wasn’t I?” Twilight said.

“Twilight, proving one’s point by providing concrete evidence is not delusional. Assaulting suspected “Nightmare Moon” worshippers on the other hand… it’s a bit over the top.”

“In my defense they are indeed cultists.” Twilight replied.

“You see Twilight; this is the reason everyone avoided you during high school.” Blueblood explained. “You’re a psychopath”

“But why didn’t you avoid me in high school?” Twilight asked.

“Because you looked like someone who would start a school shooting.” Blueblood said plainly. “I simple want to be in you ‘good’ side. You know just in case you finally snap.”

“Really Blueblood?” Twilight cocked an eyebrow at Blueblood.

“Just kidding, I hung out with you because our families are allies.” Blueblood explained. “And allies look after each other Twilight, they don’t ditch each other because of some moody teenage problem.”

“Yeah, yeah spare me the mumbo jumbo Blue, but… what does this foalnapping have to do with me?” Twilight asked.

“We’ll get to that later.” Blueblood answered as he leaned back on his chair. “But you have some explaining to do first.” He said as he pulled several files from a drawer. “It seems that you have quite a record. High treason, armed robbery, acts of terror, possession of illegal weapons, and theft.” He continued as he reviewed her file.

“And how have you been doing ‘your majesty’?” Twilight asked sarcastically. Blueblood answered by pointing his cane to his painting on the wall. It reads

Prince Blueblood XXV – Director General of the Royal Bureau of Investigation

“Big deal! I bet it’s just nepotism at work.” Twilight grumbled. Blueblood used his cane to turn a picture frame on his desk for Twilight to see. It was a picture of Blueblood wearing the typical RBI field agent uniform standing on top of a captured ten wheeler truck filled to the brim while RBI agents unloading sacks of cocaine and other contraband.

“I’ve been busy these past eight years.” Blueblood said as he threw the file back to its drawer. “Now where were we? Ah yes, you may have been wondering why I had you escorted here.”

“Escorted! I think dragged would be a better term for that.” Twilight said.

“Whatever, I’ll just get to the point.” Blueblood said as he stood up. “I’m making you the leader of a six mare team composed of convicts whose goal is to rescue Celestia.”

Twilight laughed. “Rescue her! Seriously, after she ruined my life.” She laughed harder this time. “Oh Blue you were always the comedian aren’t you.”

“I’m serious.” Blueblood replied. “And for the record she didn’t ruin your life, you did.”

Twilight’s expression turned sour at Bluebloods last statement “It was rigged Blue!” Twilight shouted angrily. “The fucking egg test was rigged and she didn’t tell me even years after it was finished.” She began to tremble with hate.

“You succeeded the test Twilight.” Blueblood explained. “You really aren’t supposed to hatch it; she just wants to see how your magic will react to it.”

“I spent seven fucking years loathing in self-pity thinking I was only able to enter because of my mother’s influence.” Twilight shouted as she stood up from the sofa and went face to face with Blueblood who looked down to her. “She means nothing to me Blue.”

“You were the top student in the school.” Blueblood reasoned once more. “You even placed all her personal apprentices to shame.”

“And did you remember what I told her when she offered to take me as an apprentice?” Twilight as she put on a fake smile.

“You told her to e-”

“EAT SHIT!” Twilight interrupted him with a roar of pure anger. “And I told her to take that stupid egg she uses in her rigged test and shove it waaayyyy up her butthole. That was seven fucking years of pure hate released in a single conversation Blue.”

“Twilight, you’re over reacting.” Blueblood reasoned.

“I’ve had with your shit Blue.” Twilight roared as she pointed a hoof at Blueblood. “Just take me back to my cell.” She commanded.

“It’s not like you have a choice here.” Blueblood explained. “And besides, I’ll be sure you’re compensated appropriately for your work.”

“Suck my purple unicorn pussy Blue!”

“You know, unlike you, I keep my promises.” Blueblood replied.

“I’m hearing talking, but not sucking.”

“Remember this is just my promise, Celestia might just throw something else into the pot.”

Twilight stood still for a moment and thought deeply about her next course of action. ‘a faver from Celestia huh.’ She thought. ‘Oh, I have just the thing.’. “Fine, I’ll do it.” Twilight said as she sat down.

“Your gonna do it?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“Why?” He asked. “Was is it that you want from Celestia?”

“I’m gonna keep it a secret for now.” She replied. “But want a fucking bathtub and a shower heater in my cell.”

Blueblood nodded. “I’ll be sure to have it installed.”

“And a fridge filled with the best cider.” Twilight added.

“I can do that as well.” Blueblood said. “But that’s as far as the deal goes.”

“We have a deal then?” Twilight asked.

“Of course.” Blueblood said as he extended his hoof towards Twilight. The two shook hooves in agreement. Twilight was about to pull her hoof away when Blueblood pulled her closer and whispered into her ear. “Don’t fuck around Twilight. Come back alive, I don’t want you dying on my account.”

Twilight pushed him away. “Alright. Jeez man, do you know the term personal-space.”

“My apologies.” Blueblood replied. “But seriously, if you die on my account our families will start killing each other.”

“Yea whatever! Will I get to pick my crew?”

“No.”

“Oh come on.” Twilight complained.

A knock came from the door and a white unicorn mare with a black mane wearing large square glasses holding a clipboard entered the room. “They’re ready for you your majesty.” The secretary bowed.

“Thank you Miss Raven.” Blueblood replied as he gestured for Twilight to follow him. While they were walking Twilight suddenly remembered the critical error in her last heist. The driver.

“What happened to Comet, Blue?” Twilight asked. “What happened? Did he make it out? Is he being held here as well?”

“I’m sorry Twilight, but no one can really survive a .357 to the head.” He answered

------[T]/------

They took the elevator and arrived to a room with five ponies. There was a cyan mare with a rainbow colored mane, a white unicorn, a friendly looking pink mare in a strapjacket, an earth pony mare wearing a Stetson and a pink maned Pegasus mare who looked high as a kite.

Blueblood cleared his throat. “Before I start are all of you aware why you’re here.” Four of the mare’s didn’t say a word as they nodded, the fifth one however was too high to speak. “Good, then I guess you’re already well acquainted.”

“Sort off.” The mare wearing a Stetson answered. “I still don’t get why you want us to do it, but if it gets us released from prison then I’m all in.”

“Oh my!” Giggled the white unicorn as she inspected the hunk of horseflesh standing before her. “Baby, what do they call you?” She flirted.

‘I’m fucked am I.’ Twilight thought to herself as she inspected her crew. A bunch ragtag convict that looked like they were picked randomly from the fray. ‘Well I never thought I would die a kissless virgin.’ She continued her line of thought. ‘I could fix that though.’ She thought as she looked at Bluebloods ass. She smacked herself. ‘Stop thinking like that Twilight, you are not going to die. You’re going to live.’

“Are you okay Twilight?” Blueblood asked.

“What!” She replied as she looked at the prince. “Uh… Yeah. I’m uh… fine… I guess.”

“Moving on I would like to introduce you to your team leader.” Blueblood said as she pointed her hoof at Twilight. “This is Twilight Sparkle; she will be the pony you will be taking orders from.”

“Yo Sparky!” The Rainbow maned mare greeted. “So what got you turned in.”

“Terrorism and High Treason.” Twilight answered with a stern face. “And it’s Sparkle by the way. What got you in.”

“Carjacking.” The rainbow mare answered.

“Really Blue!” Twilight said.

“Don’t be fooled Twilight.” Blueblood said reassuringly. “This mare has done every kind of petty crime in the book.” He said. “Wait! I worry what you just heard was “This mare did a lot of petty crime.” What I said was This mare. Has done every kind of petty crime. On the book.”

“You got that right Blueballs.” The rainbow mare teased.

Twilight giggled at the rainbow mares reply. “I have a feeling we’re goiong to be great friends.”

“Maybe… maybe, we’ll see.” She replied. “The names Rainbow Dash”

“What about the rest of you?” Twilight asked as she turned to the rest of the mares. “What are you all turned in for.”

“Smuggling.” The Stetson mare answered. “The boys in Manehatten call me Applejack..”

“My online scam was busted.” The white unicorn said dramatically. “Oh, and I’m Rarity”

“This mare has cooked, sold and taken every kind of illegal drug,” Blueblood said as he pointed a hoof to the mare that was staring at the ceiling fan following that one blade while rotating her head like a retard. “And I do mean every kind of illegal drug. Fluttershy’s what they call her.”

“What about you.” Twilight asked as she approached the mare with a strap jacket. “What did you do.”

“I had the world at my hooves.” The pink mare said. “But this agent, he took it away from me. All of it.”

“And who is this agent?” Twilight asked.

“He says his name is Mane, Con Mane.” The pink mare answered.

“Dr. Pinkie Pie over here was the head of a secret underground organization bent on world domination.” Blueblood explained as he trotted towards Twilight’s side. “She was about to succeed, and if it weren’t for the efforts of Agent Con Mane codename 007, she would have taken over on two separate occasions. And that being said, she failed twice.”

“Just wait until I get these straps of Prince.” Pinkie Pie said. “I’ll have you and that damned Agent Con Mane suspended in a rope as I slowly lower you in a tank full of sharks.”

“Great, so we a have a professional street thug, a drug addict/dealer/cook, a smuggler, an online scammer and a spy movie villain.” Twilight said. “I guess this will all work out fine.” She said sarcastically.

“I’ll leave be leaving you here for a while, I have business to attend to.” Blueblood said as he walked out. Before he closed the door however he looked back and said. “You are to wait here until I return. If any of you attempt to run away, you will be shot on sight.”

“Sure thing boss.” Twilight replied. “Me and the girls will just have a friendly chat as while Nightmare Moon does faust knows what to her sister Celestia.” She sarcastically continued.

Blueblood chuckled at Twilight’s reply much to her surprise. “It’s good to have you back Twilight. I won’t be long.” He said as he closed the door and left.

“You two should totally bang.” Pinke Pie whispered.