Just when you think this town can't get any weirder, it does. The kids, wives, and I were walking toward Sugarcube Corner to see the preparations for Dash's birthday bash being made by our pink friend. She was hoping over a banner while swishing a paintbrush around that somehow had all the colors of the Bow. " How's the banner coming along aunt Pinkie?"

" Almost Jackie boy." With one more pounce and swish of her brush, the banner was complete. " Voila! So, what do you think?" The banner depicted our friend in mid-flight with other Rainbows on the edge.

Dash came over and admired it. " It looks awesome Pinkie. But don't forget, it's also the same day I moved to Ponyville." Oh boy.

" What!? How could you not tell me about something as important as that? Now I need to think up a whole new game plan." She zipped off to the left only to reappear on the right with even more balloons and streamers. " Okey dokey, now I got everything to make your birthday anniversary or should I say Birth-aversary, even better." Her expression then went one-eighty and pulled Dash to where they were face to face. " Rainbow Dash."

" Yeah, Pinkie?" She sounded a bit nervous, though seeing Pinkie serious would make anybody nervous.

" You realize by enlisting me as your party planner, that I will guarantee that this will be the funnest, wildest, most spectacular party in all of ponyville to date!" She told her while making Dash lay on her back. Giggity.

" Uh... yeah, I guess."

" No guesses! Parties are no picnic."

" Then what the hell were those picnic parties?" The moment I finished that sentence, Pinkie fixed me with a growl and a stare that made my blood run cold. " I'll just shut up now."

Pinkie turned back to Dash. " Party's are serious, and you have my certified Pinkie Party Promise, that you will have the best birthday party ever!" She told her while doing the motions of the Pinkie promise and ending it by putting an actual cupcake in her eye. Bet that stings like hell.

" Okay, thanks." Pinkie's expression changed back to its original cheerful mood.

" Good. Now, who's ready to join this super-duper party-pony to plan this super-duper paaaarty!?" She asked us while doing a few tricks.

Before any of us could answer, a voice from across the street got our attention. " I am."

The one who said that was an earth pony stallion wearing a poncho, a Yancy stetson hat, and he was blowing on a noisemaker while a rubber chicken rode on his back. When I got a good look at him, I leaned over to Jackie and Lulu. " Get three coffins ready." They both giggled at the reference while Pinkie went to go meet the pony with no name.

" Who're you, stranger?" If I had to take a guess, I'd say he's the pony with no name.

The guy spits out his noisemaker and fixed us with a glare under his hat. " The name's Cheese, Cheese Sandwich." Dammit! " I plan parties." This got Pinkie excited.

" What a coincidence. I'm Pinkie Pie and I'm throwing a party." Somehow, I don't think this was a coincidence. If I had to bet money on it, I'd say the Norns fabricated this from the very beginning!

" Ohhh it's no coincidence my little pony. My cheesy sense was tingling, telling me a party was in the works." Does every nutjob have a sixth sense about nothing!?

" You have a cheesy sense? Double amazing, I have a Pinkie sense." Correction, every nutjob, and Pinkie.

" Yes, I sensed you did. And I happen to be the Premiere Party Planner in all of Equestria. Here's my card." He handed each of us his card. Damn, a watermark and raised lettering, this guy must be a pro. " If there is a party in need, there I'll be. Be it shindig, hoedown, wingding, or hootenanny, I'm your pony."

" What about a kegger?"

" Other side of the card." I flipped the card over to see a couple of ponies doing a keg stand.

Pinkie pronked over to Cheese with a cheery smile. " A pair of party pony planners in Ponyville, what could be more perfect!?" A ham sandwich and a blowjob?

" I don't know if it can get any better, but having two expert party planners will definitely make this birth-aversary epic! Think you two can handle it?"

Pinkie was the first to answer. " You can count on me!" Then the new guy surprised us.

" Oh, I don't think so." We were a bit confused and slightly alarmed by his answer. " I know so!" He then takes off the poncho and stetson, revealing his curly brown hair and a yellow collared shirt. And being that this is Equestria and a special occasion, Cheese burst into song.

When the song ended and everyone started following him to make Dash's birthday bash, Luna and the kids stopped me in my tracks. When I turned around, I saw that Pinkie wasn't following us and looked kind of down, most likely from that quip Dash made. I went over to see what the problem is. " Hey. You alright Pinks?"

She tried perking up but didn't do a good job convincing anyone. " Yeah, I'm good. Just... taking it all in." Her head slumped and her mane deflated a little. " Go ahead and join them, I'll catch up with you later." A small tear escaped her eye, though she quickly lapped it up with her tongue.

Ignoring that tongue action, the kids and I went to our pink friend while Luna went with the others. Orion went first. " Are you sure you're okay aunt Pinkie?"

Pinkie gave a little sniffle before bringing all three of my children into a hug. " I'm fine, I just have to face the fact that I'm not the only Premiere Party Planner around." She gave them a little squeeze before letting them go. " You guys go ahead and help with the party, I'll catch up in a little bit." The kids looked to me to see if that was alright. I nodded and they zoomed off to catch up with the others.

I chuckled at their antics before directing my attention toward Pinkie. When I sat by her, she still didn't look very happy, which for Pinkie, was just plain wrong. " You wanna tell me what's bothering you?"

She took a moment to compose herself. " What I said was true, about not being the only party planner. I knew that I wouldn't be the only one around, but I never thought that there'd be a better one than me!" After that outburst, she finally breaks down and cries. To make matters worse, she brings me into her hooves and cries into my chest, thank Odin everyone went with Cheese otherwise this would be embarrassing.

After a minute or two rubbing Pinkies back trying to calm her down, I decided it was time to join the others, not to mention my clothes were getting soaked. " Listen Pinkie, I'm going to check on the others and see how the parties coming along. When you feel better come join us, a party wouldn't be the same without you." The last statement made her perk up a bit. " Never forget that." I ruffled her mane back into its fluffy state before catching up with the rest.

It got weirder. This place got even weirder in the last two hours. A stage was set up for a band where an even larger banner of Dash was set up. A glass bowl the size of an outdoor swimming pool was filled with fruit punch. A small fountain off to the side of the pool sprayed different liquor streams. Thank you, Cheese! At the moment, I was providing ice with Frostbite for an ice sculpture when Swagger came by to offer his assistance. " Bob! You're just in time. Grab an ice-pick and start carving."

" Sure." While grabbing a pick, he looked to see the new guy. " Who's the new guy, and where's Pinkie? I'd thought she would be the one organizing this thing?" He asked while carving away at the ice.

" She was and hopefully still is. She's just a bit upset that someone might take her self-appointed title as an ultimate party planner." I pointed over to Cheese, who at the moment, was hanging those little banner things you hang above the party area with a bow and arrow. " He doesn't mean no harm of course, but it's still getting to Pinkie's pride." I shook my head while continuing to help with the party.

While I headed toward the stage to prep the sound system, Discord flashed next to me. " Sorry for being late, I was teaching Hobbes a new trick." Discord took a look around and let out a whistle. " Damn! Pinkie really outdid herself for this." I tried to tell him differently but he just kept ranting. " I mean, I've always enjoyed the parties she's thrown, but this one seems to top them all." I heard someone approach the stage. When I saw the one who got on stage, I tried to shut Discord's mouth. " Pinkie finally moved from kid-friendly to full-on epic, stupendous, most amazing-" He would have continued had I not clamped his mouth shut. He gave off a muffled 'what?' while I pointed to the pony on the opposite side of the stage.

On the stage with us, on the verge of Niagara fall level tears after hearing Discords rant, was Pinkie. She turned away from us and was about to run off, but then she caught sight of Cheese blowing up balloons in the shape of Dash's cutiemark. Her sadness was quickly replaced with anger as she stormed off the stage to confront Cheese. I turned to Discord with an unamused frown. " Remind me to kick your ass later." We both left the stage to see what Pinkie was about to do.

Pinkie stomped over to Cheese, making everyone stop what they were doing as she went to confront who she believed to be her usurper. When Cheese was done with the balloons, Pinkie turned him around to face her. " Listen here, buddy! Around here, I'm the party planner in this town, and no frizzle-haired pony with too much sugar in their diet is gonna replace me! You got that!" Irony...

Seeing this come out of nowhere, Cheese tries to defuse Pinkie's mood. " Miss Pie, I'm not trying to take away your status as Ponyville Party Planner. I just want to help the party along." Cheese explained to Pinkie, hoping her mood will change and they can work together.

Unfourtanetly, Pinkie was being a bit shortsighted with the whole situation. " I don't think so, pal! There's only room for one party pony in this town! And there's only one way to prove which one of us is the best." She took a few steps back from Cheese while narrowing her eyes. Cheese Sandwich did the same obviously knowing what was going to happen. Glad someone does, 'cause I have no idea what the fuck's about to happen. " I Challenge you... To a Goof-off!" Everyone with the exception of Swagger, the boys, and me let out a shocked gasp.

Discord looked very excited about this. " Oh, joy! I haven't seen a good Goof-off since the battle between Patch Adams and Gilmore Happy."

At hearing Discord's excitement, I glared over to him. " I have a suspicion that you created such a thing like this."

" One of the few good things I contributed to this land before getting stoned." Discord boasted while puffing out his chest.

I bonked him on the head before turning back to Pinkie and Cheese. " This Cheese has stood alone a long time Pinkie Pie. You think you can out goof me?"

" I don't think so. I know so! And the stakes are high Cheese Sandwich. Whoever wins will be dubbed the Ultimate Super Duper Party Pony, and headline the Rainbow Dash Birth-aversary Bash!" She yelled while stretching her hooves to the sky. Though one question still remains.

" What happens to the loser?" Swagger asked for everyone.

Pinkie simply responded with, " Doesn't!" Another round of gasps and shocked screams. She then goes up to Cheese. " So... are you in Cheese, or are you boneless?" It's weird to see Pinkie taunt someone.

It seems her taunt stuck. " No one calls me boneless. Right, Boneless?" He asked the rubber chicken on his back, expecting some sort of response. The rubber chicken remained a rubber chicken.

" Then the Goof-off is on for high noon." Twilight then made to correct Pinkie.

" Um, Pinkie, it's already three o'clock." She pointed over to the clock tower where it did indeed say three.

" Oh. Then make it ten after!" Yeah, that sounds more official. Not!

Ten minutes later.

I stood on the side of the town square between my Valkyries while waiting for Pinkie and Cheese to square off. The two of them walked down from opposite ends of the road while wearing ridiculous-looking outfits. I'd describe it, but it seems I miss an article every time I look back. Once they were a good twenty paces apart, Discord appeared in the middle while wearing a referee uniform. " Alright, before this Goof-off can begin, let me state the rules."

" This thing has rules?" My scaled pupil asked aloud.

" Of course it does. This is the only thing I bothered to make official, in my chaotic life." He snaps his fingers and summons a large book with a red leather spine and gilded edges. He opened the book to a certain part and began to read the rules. " Now, both competitors have free range to Goof about, be it by singing, dancing, playing, prancing, joking, or performing to make the judge chortle, chuckle, giggle, guffaw, hoot and holler, whoop it up, and party down! The goofier, sillier, wilder, the better." While Discord explained the rules, Pinkie and Cheese would make faces at each other with it ending when Cheese spit out a mouse that played a small tuba. Discord then turned his attention to Rainbow. " Rainbow Dash, since the winner will be headlining your party, you are the judge."

Dash looked a bit nervous about the whole thing. " Heh, Big, tense competition on my Birth-aversary. What could be better?"

" This!" Discord appeared by the fountain with a chalkboard behind him while dressing as a Bookie. " Place your bets, place your bets! I have 25-1 on Pinkie being the one to win, a 25-1 on Cheese winning, and a 50-1 on a mystery surprise! I also offer video poker!" He pointed to the side where a video poker machine appeared. A general rush was made to the board where ponies gave Discord varying bits on the bet they wanted while a few elderly ponies lined up for the virtual game. When no one was looking, I slipped Discord a thousand bits for a bet. When everyone had made their bet, Discord continued with the challenge. " Cheese Sandwich? Pinkie Pie? Are you ready?"

Pinkie made for a cliche. " I was born ready!" She more or less directed toward Cheese.

Cheese Sandwich went with this. " I was ready before I was born!"

Not wanting to be upstaged, Pinkie came back with this. " Oh yeah? Well, I was conceived ready!" This made us all cringe.

" Okay, we get it. Let the goofing begin!" Discord announced before heading over to us. What came next could only be described as a chaotic orgasm.

Cheese started the whole thing off with some accordion music while Pinkie was rolling on a ball juggling cupcakes. While Pinkie fed the desserts to Dash, Cheese brought out a cheese wheel the size of a house and rolled it down the street while he kept playing the accordion. When Cheese started dancing with cheese shoes, Pinkie fished Dash up from a hot air balloon while making balloon animals and bubble figures. After that stunt, they both got their companions, Boneless and Gummy, to do a little dance. Gummy really knows how to bust a move.

After the sidekicks had their moment in the spotlight, Cheese went and placed Dash on a float that was made entirely out of cheese, making her look like the queen of Wisconsin or something. Pinkie accused Cheese of using her song so she went and busted out her party cannon, blasting the whole float with confetti then used it to launch herself in the air. Whether or not Cheese was trying to compensate, Cheese brought out a fucking party tank! Where the hell did he get that? Pinkie had just about enough of this and brought out a giant rainbow pyramid pinata. She had it hanging by a crane and borrowed jacks hammer to smash it open. When she smashed it, the whole square was blanketed with confetti, sprinkles, streamers, balloons, and anything else party related to where none of us could really see.

Luna, Twilight, and I used our magic to clear away a good majority of this crap so we could see the result. What we saw was Dash covered in confetti with bulged out eyes. In the middle of the blast area, stood Cheese Sandwich and Pinkie Pie, glaring at each other with raw intensity. Seconds had only passed but it seemed like hours had passed as the two Party ponies glared at each other with such ferocity, which only made what they did next all the more shocking. They entwined their bodies together and started making out, and they were loud and unashamed about who saw them.

" Woah! Where the hell did that come from!?" We all witnessed the two making out with loud lip-smacking, heavy groping, and dry humping. At least I hope they were dry humping!

While we were all glued to the scene before us, Dash turned to us for some clarification. " So... what do we do now?" Luckily, Discord had the answer.

Discord appeared in-between Dash and the horny party ponies with the same book in hand. " I believe I have the solution right here." He opened the book and flipped through the pages. " Aha, here we go, rule #69 subsection F, Romantic entanglement while being judged. If the two Goofers become romanticly involed during the Goof-off, then one of the three actions must be choosen. A) They can postpone or quit entirely and retreat to somewhere private to resume their entanglement. B) They can decide on which one of them will be the winner. C) They can make a compromise to fit with the reason for there being a Goof-off." Now we were all staring at Discord with Pinkie and Cheese taking a moment of clarity. " Don't be so shocked. I take these things very seriously."

Trying to regain what sense there was to be had before this whole thing started, Dash brought her attention to the pair of party ponies. " So... do you guys want a little privacy or do you want to work together for the party?" Before we could get an answer, the two zoomed off to a discret location. When they came back, Pinkie and Cheese both had shaky legs, Cheese's shirt was on Pinkie, and they both had a cigarette in their mouth. " Okay... does that mean you're both done fighting and ready to work together on the party?"

Pinkie took a long drag from her cigarette before answering. " Let's get this party started!" She was about to zoom off to the party area before remembering something. " Oh, I believe this belongs to you." She took off the yellow shirt before handing it to Cheese. Once Cheese had his shirt back, they both zipped over to the party area.

While we all tried to process what exactly just happened, a thought just occured to me. " Alright! I just won fifty thousand bits!" A few ponies in the crowd groaned at that, most likely losing their bets while others cheered.

Later that night.

With the combined efforts pf Pinkie and Cheese, the party was in full swing and everyone was having a good time. Dash and the kids were swimming in the punch bowl while I was drinking from the booze fountain. Jackie, Luna, and the girls were on the stage wishing Dash a happy Birth-aversary while she went and blowed the candles out on her cake, I swear I saw Celestia sneak a piece before teleporting back to Canterlot.

Cheese Sandwich was going about the place handing out noise makers to the children and small bottles of alcohol to the adults while rolling around on another giant cheese wheel. Pinkie was operating Cheese's party tank and blasted ponies into a net. It would seem the tension between the two had dissapeared as the party kept going and would last well into the night.

I emerged out of the fountain in time to watch as the girls were waving at a departing Cheese. I stumbled over to see Cheese give his rubber chicken to Pinkie before leaving down the road. " Odd, usually it's the girl who gives the dude something rubber." This caused Pinkie to giggle while the rest glared at me with Jackie and Lulu flicking their tails in my face. " Kidding. So, how are you liking your Bash, Dash?"

" It's probably the best party I've ever had! I honestly don't know how anything else will be able to top it?"

" I'm sure Pinkie will think of something. Speaking of, how are you and Cheese?"

" We agreed that he'd be the mobile Party Pony, while I stay Ponyville's permanent Party Planner. Also, we decided to be Pen Pals and meet up once a month for a little woopie." She told us while bringing out a whoopie cushion and made the fart sound.

" Yeah, that sounds great. So what are you going to with that liquor fountain?" I pointed behind me where Swagger was getting a couple of shots out of the way.

Pinkie pondered on that for a little bit before answering. " I'm not sure. I honestly thought Cheese would have taken it with-"

" Mine!" I ran over to the fountain and ripped it off from the ground before hurring back home. Unfortunately, this caused a few of the heavy drinkers to give chase. " You'll never take me alive!"

Author's Note

Alright, the craziness has subsided, and now Joe must face the most dastardly villains he'll ever face. A stallion who has his eyes on Jackie. I don't expect it to be very long.

How about a clip?

And this is for the other reference.