Joe's dream.

I was walking through a section of woods as a snappily dressed bear, with Spike in the form of a smaller bear with a bowtie. I saw a table nearby with a basket on it. " Hey, Spike-spike, looks like a beautiful day to swipe some picnic baskets." I tip-toed my way over to the table and swiped the basket.

Spike saw a problem with what I was doing. " But Joey, Ranger Flash won't like that."

" I'll handle Ranger Flash, after all, I'm smarter than the average bear." I turned 'round with the basket and went to head back with Spike, but I felt a tap on my shoulder.

The one to tap me was none other than Ranger Flash. " Well hey there Joey. Well, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to hand over that bask-" I cut him off short by jumping on his being and started to maul him.

" Graaaahhhh! Roar! Grah!"

" Gee, Joey, it's not very nice to maul Ranger Flash," Spike told me while I held Flash by his collar.

" You want some of this!" Spike fearfully shook his head. I went back to mauling Flash with more vigor. " Graahhh!"

Waking world

I was growling in my sleep, thinking of the dream I was having when I was woken up by three howler monkeys that I call my kids. " Huh, what? Aww, I was having the most wonderful dream. I had a hat and a tie with no pants on."

Scoots shook her head before taking the initiative. " Trying not to think about what you meant, it's time to go help Pinkie with her super important project."

" Yeah, you promised we could come with you guys," Jack told me while putting on his socks.

" I promise you, kids, lots of things, that's what makes me such a good father."

Orion came back with, " Actually, keeping your promises would make you a good father."

" No, that would make me a great father."

Back to Scoots. " So, are we going to help Pinkie or not?"

Luna decided to wake up from our conversation. " Yes, you can come with us."

Jackie was also woken up. " Now, go back to bed, it's 3 A.M." The kids got off the bed and headed for their rooms while my wives and I nestled back in the sheets.

" Ohh, 3 A.M., now I'll never get back to-" I couldn't finish 'cause I was out like a light.

Later at the crack of dawn, I escorted my family over to Pinkies place for the aforementioned secret project she mentioned the other day. When we got close to Sugarcube Corner, I saw the other girls walk up to the door with Spike and Swagger following behind. " Hey, Swagger, Spike. How are you doing?"

Spike rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before answering. " A little weird. I dreamed I was a small bear, and you were a big bear, mauling a ranger that looked like Flash." Weird.

Swagger came up with this. " That's odd, I dreamed I was a giant shark in a rock band." That's even weirder. Wait.

" Luna, did you screw with our dreams again?" Luna had a mischievous smile, saying exactly what I was thinking. " Oh for the love of, that's it, I'm deleting your progress on Doom."

" Go ahead, I've beaten that game so many times, I could play it blindfolded."

" Nevermind." I knocked on the door and waited for Pinkie. When the door opened, we were greeted by Pinkie, wearing a yellow lab coat and face mask. " Hey, Pinks. What's with the outfit?"

" No time to explain, get in!" Using her strange abilities, she pulled us all into her small apartment. When we had a chance to look around, the place was covered in piles of different colored rocks.

Twilight was the first to ask. " Pinkie, what's with all the rocks?"

" Oh, Twilight, these aren't rocks. This is all rock candy, to make rock candy necklaces when Maud gets here." Pinkie explained while mixing a batch.

" Okay, but why are you dressed like that?" I pointed to her yellow lab coat.

" I thought I'd do a Breaking Bad reference for the readers." What? " Anyway, I need your guys' help tasting the candy to see which ones are the best."

" Alright, candy for breakfast!" Orion sounded the charge for him and his siblings to have at the piles of candy. Great.

We were at this whole candy tasting thing for hours now, and most of us were getting pretty sick of it. While Pinkie went on about the importance of how the rock candy would help us bond with her sister and how she has our core qualities, I tried to pry the kids away from eating too much candy, it was not going well. " Kids, I think you've had enough sugar, and Scoots, I don't want you to go and rot your teeth."

Early on, the kids took it upon themselves to take the largest pile for themselves, now it was reduced to a small pile of rubble. All three of them popped their heads out of the pile and they looked like they were on meth. Shit, I really hope Pinkie was just joking about the Breaking Bad thing. " Oh come on dad, just a few more?" Orion asked while gobbling down blue rock candy.

Luna came over to back me up. " You heard your father, stop eating all of Pinkie's work and save some for the necklaces." Luna gave them a stern look that even I would bend to and they left the pile. " Now come on, we're having a picnic this afternoon with the pets and Maud when she arrives. So let's head back to the house." Luna left out the door with the kids and me following her.

" Unfortunately, I can't come with you Moonpie. Swagger and I have to continue to fortify the castle for that ultimate threat your mother foretold. But, I'll try and meet up with everyone when I can." I gave her a kiss and sent my love over to Jackie before heading to the old castle with Swagger following. " So Swagger, you really dreamed you were Jabberjaw?"

I was setting up the third gun turret along the south wall when Swagger came by with some mines. " Hey, Tex, where should I bury these?"

" Let's not bury them yet. For all we know, the great threat might have the ability to fly. Leave them by the front gates, just in case."

" Alright. By the way, where did you get all this stuff anyway?"

" Every now and then, I'd go back to Midgard and head to a few surplus stores. I trust my army with their skills and weapons, but it never hurts to modernize. As a matter of fact, I have a little project in Canterlot, where we're setting up a radio tower to improve communication." Swagger seemed impressed with the deed.

" Sounds good to me." Swagger went to put away the mines when he noticed something over the bridge. " Tex looks like we got company."

I looked to where Swagger indicated and saw that Pinkie was pronking over to us with a mare that I could only assume was Maud. " Pinkie! Meet us in the forum." I put down the ammo cache by the turret and headed down with Swagger following me. When we made it down, Pinkie was hopping around a grey mare with a grey dress and blank look that would put the best poker face to shame.

I went to make the introductions. " Hi. You must be Maud. I'm Joe Huffstutler." I held out my hand for a greeting.

For a good few seconds, she just stared at his hand with that blank expression before finally giving it a shake. " Yes. My name is Maud." Her voice was very monotone and devoid of emotion, so much so that I almost didn't register her question. " Who's your friend?"

Swagger, just as weirded out by Maud's behavior, made his introduction. " Bob Lee Swagger. It's nice to meet you." She did the same thing with Swagger and slowly shook his hand.

" Nice to meet you." She looked around the place with the same blank expression. " You should replace that wall."

" Sorry, what?" Maud went over to the wall and gave it a couple of taps. The spot where she tapped started to crack and spider-webbed across the before the wall completely crumbled. " By the gods. How did you do that?"

Pinkie came over and wrapped her arms around her sister. " Isn't she amazing!? She can see a rock and tell you all about it."

" The wall had a clay imperfection in the mortar. After a thousand years or so, it becomes fragile." Again, monotone, but it did seem like she had some small amount of joy in telling us this fact.

" Well, thank you very much. If you have the extra time, maybe you could give this place a lookover, see what should be replaced. But that's for another time. How's it going with the others?"

Pinkie answered for both of them. " Terrific! Everyone has really hit it off with Maud and now all that's left is you two."

" Alright, I guess we can take a break to bond with your sister." Maud and Pinkie followed the two of us out of the castle and back towards Ponyville. While on the way, I decided to ask Maud some questions, helps with bonding you know. " So, Maud, Pinkie says you're in school. What are you studying?"

" Rocks." I waited to see if there was more to her answer than just rocks, but it never came.

Swagger went and took the conversation. " Well, if rocks are your thing, then maybe we should head over to Herot?" Why didn't I think of that?

" Good idea, Swagger. Ladies, care to visit Herot?" I turned to them to see if they were up for that.

" That sounds great. I don't think I've ever seen your kingdom?" It's true. None of the girls, besides Jackie and Luna, ever shown interest in Herot, though Rarity has a good excuse. " How 'bout it Maud, want to go see an underground kingdom?"

" That sounds exciting." For a moment, I thought I saw the slightest hint of a smile from her. But, just as quickly as it appeared, it vanished. " Where is it?"

I created a portal to the front of Herot's city hall and gestured toward it. " After you ladies." Pinkie jumped through the portal while Maud and Swagger casually walked through. When I went through, I saw Pinkie zip around looking at all the buildings and monuments to the gods. Maud, on the other hand, nothing but a blank expression, though she did look around. " So, Maud. Whatcha think?"

She turned around, looked me right in the eye, and said, " Any houses for sale?" As soon as the words left her mouth, Swagger and I burst into a fit of laughter. " What's so funny?"

I did my best to stop laughing before answering. " I'm sorry, but the way you said it just makes it funny. But yes, we do have housing available for rent or purchase." Now she actually did crack a smile. it was small, but it was the first indication that she expressed more than one emotion. " How about I give you a tour?" The two Pie sisters followed me and Swagger while we walked through the streets. " Over there's the market square. There's the forge and the armory is next to it. The greenhouses are down that way, the crops grow year-round since the ground stays fertile. Restaurant Row is down that way. We already left Townhall that also serves as the courthouse. The barracks and training area is down by that river. And here is the warehouse and treasury where all the gems and raw materials are stored."

" Oh, can we see inside the warehouse?"

" Sure. Just do me a favor and keep your jaws from dropping." We went through the doors of the warehouse and worked our way to the middle where a large elevator platform stood, surrounded by guards.

Pinkie looked around the warehouse with a puzzled look. " Hey, Joey? How come your gem warehouse doesn't have any gems?"

" First off, stop calling me Joey, unless you make your voice sound like a wise-guy, it sounds like I'm a kid or something. Second of all, this is just the first floor where we bring in the carts." I pointed over to some tracks that led out into the mines. We made it to the middle where the guards gave me a salute. " Hey guys, working hard or hardly working?"

" Bit of both Sire."

" Good to hear. Four going down today, we'll let you know if we bring anything up." We stood on the platform while one of the guards lowered the platform. We descended for a good five minutes before reaching the bottom. When the doors opened, a vast cavern that seemed to have no end and a floor completely covered in treasure greeted us. When I looked to the Pie sisters, Pinkie had her jaw hanging while Maud's eyes were no longer half-lidded. " Welcome to Herot's treasury."

When the girls got a good look, I hit the button for us to go back up. When we got back up, the guards were laughing at the expressions of the two visitors. " It never fails. They always become speechless once they see all that treasure."

" Yeah, except none of them fainted, so that means I won the bet you son of a bitch." The first guard groaned while the second went to get a large book from off the table they used for meals. When he came back, he held it like he was about to swing it. " Where do you want it?"

The first guard groaned before slumping in defeat. " Right." The moment he said that the second guard smacked the first with the book on the right side of his face.

" Did I just hear one of your teeth break?" Not wanting to deal with those two, I grabbed Pinkie and made our way out.

Back home.

I sat at the dinner table with everyone, hearing how their visit with Maud went. Jackie was the first to go. " I really don't know what ta think of Maud. I mean, she's nice enough, but she really doesn't seem to have a passion for anything besides rocks. She even used a rock to smash an apple when I just asked for it to be peeled."

Luna's turn. " I have to agree, Maud is a bit odd. She kept asking about the different types of rocks I've seen on the moon. I didn't mind it at first, but after an hour it gets kind of annoying."

" What did you think of Maud kids?"

" She was okay," Jack said between spoonfuls of stew.

" I liked it when she threw that rock farther than aunt Dash." Dang, it takes a lot for Scoots to be impressed by someone, especially if they beat Dash.

" Her poetry could use some more material." Didn't know Orion was into poetry.

" Well, I do agree that she is a bit odd, but she does have a sense of humor when it comes to the situation. Not to mention her talent with rocks helped with fortifying the walls."

Dad interjected after finishing his biscuit. " You know, this reminds me of the time when I fought in Nam. There was this guy in my unit, John, who, let's just say wasn't the most interesting person in the barracks. He was from Alabama, and he would talk your ear off about his shrimp boating days, during our drills, marches, and so on. He was definitely weird and we did our best to avoid or tune him out. However, one night, we were ambushed on one of our patrols. While I fired into the tree-line, John would take wounded members of our unit and run back towards the river just before we could call in an air-strike. For a whole hour, he would escort or carry our guys away from the fight while I kept on 'em."

" Once everyone was back at the river, he came back to get me just as our lieutenant called in the air-strike. When we went back to the river, the enemy decided to make one more attempt at us and we were chased down by machine gunfire. I got hit a few times, but me being me, I just shrugged it off." This caused us to laugh a little. " John, on the other hand, he got the million in one hit when a bullet was shot in his ass." This caused us to laugh again.

When Jackie got through laughing, she had a question for dad. " As interesting a story as that is, how does it compare to our situation?"

" Even though Maud isn't like y'all, it doesn't mean she can't become a good friend."

" Plus, and I think I should've mentioned it earlier, but I think Maud just has a different way of showing emotion. I mean, Pinkie has two other sisters, they might act differently as well." My Valkyries pondered my words before nodding in agreement. " Good. Now, who wants dessert? Pinkie gave me a few pounds of leftover rock candy." The kids got excited while Jackie and Lulu looked like they were about to be sick.

The next day

" How in the fuck did you guys manage to upset Pinkie and send Maud off early!?" I was in the library with my wives and our friends and they told me the bad news.

Dash went first. " We didn't mean to, we just told Pinkie that we didn't bond well with Maud."

Shy peeked behind her mane to answer. " We tried our best to find common ground with her, but we just couldn't seem to do it."

" Okay, so instead of biting the bullet and making friendship necklaces, you outright tell a dear friend that you can't be friends with their sister." They looked at each other with uneasy looks. " Alright, I'm going to see if I can fix your guy's fuck-up." I went to the door to look for Pinkie, but then the door slammed into me, again. " What are the odds that Pinkie was the one to do that again?" I looked out from the door to see that Pinkie was on top of the door. " You do know that the door swings open, it doesn't need to be plopped on to me."

" Sorry, I thought it would be funny. But enough about recurring jokes, I've come up with a way for all of us to bond with Maud. Follow me." She zipped off back out of the library, waiting for us to follow.

The girls looked out the door before shrugging and proceeded out the door. " This ought to be good." I got out from under the door and followed them to where Pinkie was leading us.

" I stand corrected, this is weird. And that's saying something coming from a guy who's lived in Austin." Pinkie dragged us out to an open field where she has constructed an obstacle course that supposedly shows our interests. " So, what's the point here?"

" I call it, The Bring It Together Race. It has all the things that showcase who we are, in one exciting race." Oh, this ought to be good. Pinkie put on a helmet and snorkel for some reason. " The first thing we do, is we go through this tunnel filled with applesauce." She went through the orange tunnel. " Then we land in a pit of frilly fabrics." She landed into a pit filled with what I assume is Rarity's discarded fabrics. " Then, we head over to these stacks of books." Pinkie slams into the books, not really sure what to do with that. " Poker with animals." Can't tell if that's for Shy, or me? She then goes into a chamber where cupcakes were floating in the chamber. " Cupcakes for yours truly." She eats a cupcake and gets out to the next thing. "A few star maps and moon rocks. And to top it all off, a rock-slide." She then points to the large pile of rocks at the end of the obstacle.

As we took it all in, only one thing came to mind. " So, where's my thing?"

" It's a surprise!" And with that, she started to ascend the rock pile.

Twilight seemed a bit worried by the whole thing. " Uh, Pinkie, I really don't think that's a good idea."

Pinkie was half-way up the pile before turning to us. " Oh, Twilight, what's the worst that could happen?" Why do people like to test the Gods? As Pinkie kept climbing, she stumbled and landed on a flat rock. Said rock loosened itself from the pile and started sliding down with Pinkie on top. " Wheeeee!" And she's acting like she isn't in any form of danger, classic Pinkie. When she got to the bottom, the rock she slid on hit a large boulder at the bottom and broke, leaving Pinkie to land on the ground with a flip. " See, doesn't that look fun?" Before we could give our opinions, the boulder she landed on started to shake and groan.

Seeing this, Rarity looked to Maud. " Forgive me for asking, but are boulders meant to do that?"

" Not unless there's an earthquake." Even in the face of weird shit, she still speaks in a monotone.

As I kept staring at that boulder, I was reminded of the early days of making Herot, and a few alarm bells started ringing in my head. " Pinkie! Get away from that thing!" I flew towards her and pushed her out of the way, that's when it hit me, literally. The boulder rose from out of the ground and smacked me into the silk pit. When I looked at what smacked me, the boulder turned out to be one of the worst creatures one could encounter in the underground. A Soul-Eater.

Jackie, Lulu, and Rarity came over to my side, though I think Rarity was more worried about the fabric. " Honey, are you alright?"

" What is that thing?"

" Please tell me the material survived?" All three of us glared over to Rarity, missing the point of interest in this situation.

Looking back at the rocky behemoth, I saw that it was making its way towards us. " Explain later, right now. Move!" My wives and I fled the scene while I grabbed Rarity by the tail. When we were a safe distance from the monster, I clued everyone in on what we're dealing with. " Okay, that thing Pinkie woke up, is a Soul-Eater. Mimir told me that they usually hibernate in caves or remote areas. However, when they're disturbed, they do everything in their power to kill you. They have immense strength, don't feel pain, and fire a beam of energy from their chest to get you at long distance." At that point, the Soul-Eater decided to demonstrate that move by opening its chest and taking aim. " Duck!"

" Where? I don't see a duck." Before the rocky ancient could blast us, we all took refuge behind a large boulder with me dragging Pinkie with us just as the beam was let loose. The beam hit the boulder and started to chip away at it. When the beam was cut off, Pinkie looked out to see the boulder was melted halfway through. " Wow! That beam's no joke."

" Yeah, that ain't even the worst part." We moved from our hiding place as the beast lumbered over to us.

While we scattered, Dash yelled over at me. " What's the worst part?"

" If that thing kills you, or you at least die close enough to it, it will eat your soul, hence the name. No afterlife what so ever." The worried looks from the girls turned to full-fledged horror, even Maud showed a hint of fear for a brief moment. I looked back at the monster before unsheathing my ax. " Luckily, I've taken down a couple of these things when building Herot." I charged at the golem and made to chop where its lifeforce came from. Unfortunately, the golem wanted to live and smacked me back over to the others. I sat up and glared over at the rock monster. " Stupid, ancient, afraid of dying?"

I got up and got ready for round two, but before I could move, a grey blur made it's way to the ancient. " What was that?" Twilight exclaimed.

Pinkie pointed over with a big smile on her face. " That would be Maud." We looked back to see the grey blur was indeed Maud facing off the Soul-Eater, and she was kicking its fucking ass.

As the rock golem made to smash its prey, Maud would shift to the side and give the rocky appendage a hard kick, breaking it off. After a few minutes of dodging and striking, leaving the Soul-Eater with no limbs and no way of retaliating. When she was done, she came back over and we saw that she didn't even break a sweat. " Are you guys okay?"

In all honesty, we were too shocked to answer, which was a blessing in disguise. The Soul-Eater was able to maneuver its body to where it could fire at us. As its chest hummed with energy, I noticed it and took action. " Out of the way!" I burst forward and pushed the girls out of the way just as the beam fired. The beam missed us completely and hit the applesauce slide. " That's it, you're rubble, Rock face!" I charged at the limbless rock and lept onto it. I started pounding away at its face, chipping towards its core. With one final punch, I reached into the crevice I made and grabbed hold of the roots that grew around its energy, and pulled it out of its body, ending the life of the monster for good.

I dropped the energy source and made my way back to the others and set my sights on Pinkie. " Was that the surprise you had that was meant to represent me?"

" Actually, no." Pinkie then points behind the rock pile, where a small tub and table with nine mugs sat. " The surprise is we all have a drink of the good stuff from your best stock."

I nodded before remembering what she said at the end. " You took my best stuff?" Pinkie shrunk a little while giving me an innocent smile. " Good, I could use a drink right about now."

A few days later.

After the fight and a few drinks, Maud decided to stay for the duration of her vacation and we were able to make those necklaces. Now we're sending her off with the necklaces we made for her. When the necklaces were exchanged, I came up to her with a book I think she would really enjoy. " Maud, despite your lack of facial expressions, you turned out to be fun to hang out with. Not to mention you totally kick ass."

" Thank you. Let me know if you want my services again." She then gave me one of her rare smiles.

" I certainly will, and here, I think you might like this." I handed her the book and she read the title.

" A journey to the center of the earth, by Jules Verne." She looks back up at me, still with a smile. " Thank you." The train had just arrived and Maud gathered all her necklaces. " Thank you all for a great time." And just like that, she boarded the train, leaving us to say our goodbyes.

Once the train was out of sight and we were able to drag Pinkie back, we all made for our own homes.

After a long day, I found myself sandwiched between my Valkyries as we got ready for bed. " G'night hun." Jackie and I exchanged a kiss good night.

" Good night Jackie."

" Good night darling." Luna and I kissed each other good night.

" Good night Lulu, and listen, no more manipulating my dreams, thinking I'm a cartoon bear."

" I have no idea what you mean, dear." She sent me a smirk before nuzzling next to me with Jackie following right after.

" We'll see." I snuggled with them and let sleep take me. As soon as I was out, I started to mumble in my sleep. " Magilla Gorilla, we got a gorilla for sale. Hey. You shouldn't have taken my banana Mr. Trenderhoof. Brah! Rah ho ho haha!"

Author's Note

Sorry for the wait, but I've been doing a little side project with another author. But that's neither here nor there.

Next up, Joe helps Sweetie Belle with a small dilemma.

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