Chapter One: Public Wifi

Twas but another day in the town of ponyville. Wait, why the hell did i say "twas"? Am I trying to sound Fancy and Cultured or something? Because I can assure you that I am certainly NOT cultured, like, for example, this one time at band camp I....oh wait, I should probably tell this story first. Yeah. Good Plan Jibbles. *brohoofs self*.

Anyways, It was just another day in Ponyville, birds were singing, flowers were blooming and on days like this Ponies like you....would be enjoying the company of your friends! However, the usual bustle of the busy town center was much less abundant today. Could it be? Was Pinkie Pie throwing yet another massive party and invited EVERYONE!? There could be no other such explanation! But unfortunately there was, this mass desertion of a usually crowded area could mean only one thing... Ponyville got public wifi...

Now I know what your thinking, how in the Lord's name did ponies, PONIES, of all creatures, get the ability and technology to have wifi, let alone wifi compatible devices. Well there is a simple explanation for that.....magic.

Yes the princess of friendship, Twilight Sparkle, is also the element of MAGIC. So what did she do when she saw the Humans of Earth with these devices through the eyes of her beloved pupil, Sunset Shimmer? She made them, and then made a social media site to help other ponies get in contact with her and everyone else in Equestria! She called this website "HorseBook" and made friends the mandatory way of advancing your status in the world, online and offline.

Of course there were the awkward stages of such a fascinating and almost limitless expanse of the "Wireless Web". A few funny comments here and there, a few new friends from Saddle Arabia, but pretty soon everyone was on HorseBook, and no one could escape its ever increasing user base. Then the local celebrities came to Horsebook, Ponies created content for their friends who in turn would share the content to other friends who like said content and then the cycle would repeat. Before you know it EVERYONE was on Horsebook, sharing, posting, and talking to one another, sometimes with those they had never met in person.

Who would be the most excited about this then miss Pinkemania Diane Pie? Literally everyone else. This was a complete death sentence to her actual, offline, social life. Ponies no longer wanted to meet at the Town Center to talk and enjoy some tea, they all wanted to be at home, eyes stuck to computer monitors, talking to ponies and other creatures they had never met before. Yes these sorry excuses for human beings had lost all sense of humanity and common morals when they became entrenched into the deep and terrible darkness that is the internet. Pinkie tried to persuade others that this "WEEFEE" was not as fun as a REAL party...but alas such efforts are fruitless when all of your friends are in on it too. Not to mention it became hard to be around Rarity when all she did was brag about how many stallions "wanted her flank", Hmph, maybe if she didnt post pictures or herself in lacy under-garments, looking suggestively into the lens with the caption "Hot and Heated in the Botique", she wouldn't come off as such an easy slut. Not to mention all of Fluttershy's animal post on HorseBook started becoming depressing, with so many pictures of suffering and injured animals on her feed, it became a wonder that Fluttershy didn't start getting all gloomy and depressed. Even so, there came the point that had to be addressed, Pinkie needed to learn how to use HorseBook. And who better to teach her then her old friend and founder of this new age then Princess Twilight Sparkle herself!

Pinkie stood up off the chair she had been sitting on while looking into the empty streets. Such a sight was enough to make her skin crawl, but no time! She stretched her back, a soft audible crack could be heard as she groaned and then let out a sigh of relief, her usually bright eyes had been bloodshot and watery from the tears she had shed earlier, and her face was still covered in the chocolate icing she had shamelessly taken from Mr. and Mrs. Cakes storage unit. Hey, what can she say, comfort food does comfort her, especially chocolate cake icing. She wiped her face off with a nearby tissue, hoping to God it wasn't already used from last nights....."Fun with Mr. Wiggles". She looked at the "special toy" that was just barely covered underneath the edge of her bed and blushed, she scooted it back into complete obscurity under the bed and took a deep breathe, looking at herself in her dresser mirror of her room. "You can do this Pinkie! Just go in there and give HorseBook the Ol'e Pinkie Punch! Charm the Sock off those Shut-in party poopers! Show em what they're missing!

With that, Pinkie grabbed her saddle bag full of confetti and unused balloons and made her way to Castle Twilight, eager to learn the ways of "DA WEB" as she had once heard another, chubbier, more neck-beardy Pony say. He referred to it with such happiness and elation that she felt a tinge of jealousy, that should be joy that SHE is causing! Not some mindless trashy feed with slutty ponies and dumbass horndog stallions. She may be a people person at heart and totally against even so much as making a phone call just to talk, but she resented that society had become so shut in and lonely...she may not be able to stop in according to others but Gosh Darn it she will find the way!

Even if it Cost her Everything to do so...

FORSHADOWING

So Anyways about that time in band camp, there was this really hot mare, and Im talking like a solid 8/10 and she was like "oh are you fluffy? Or just FAT?" so I punched her in the snoot and as she was on the ground with her face bruised and bloody I Replied "Im Fat....but not a fat cunt like you..." and then walked off. Best. Shower. Ever. Even though the other mares in the shower kept screaming and covering themselves, psh, its like they've never seen a stallion before...

Author's Note

I hope you Enjoyed this rather unconventinal first chapter! please follow and share for more! Or not, I dont give a flyin clop. Just enjoy!

• Jibbles