Behind the Bleeding Veil

From the diary of Regina Maxwell:

Today was an interesting day. I wore pants for the first time. It was an interesting experience. As you know I struggled and prayed about this. Pants are for boys, girls shouldn't wear boys clothes. I don't want to sin (although I know I am a sinner who is unworthy of God's grace but am redeemed through the blood of Christ). The pants are made to fit a woman's frame and sold as women's pants (although how could something that is intrinsically male ever be made for a female?). I don't know but I decided it was ok to wear them and ask forgiveness if I had erred.

We went jogging and to the gym. Faustine said she took it easy for me and I believe her. She barely broke a seat. I'm not fat but I am out of shape. I was surprised by how tired I got. I never did have much physical activity though. I'm thin but not, I don't know, healthy, athletic? What would be the right word? Oh well; I guess it doesn't matter. I'm the only one who's ever going to read this. I'm still pretty sore from it, even though that was at the beginning of the day. I still plan on working out (two words?) with her.

We then went riding on her motorcycle. She got one with one of her former friends years ago. They used to enjoy riding together. She keeps saying former friends. I wonder why? She's had such a tragic life. I understand here in the fallen world, Satan rules. I still think it might be a bit much though (although who am I am to question The Lord's judgements which are perfect in all things please forgive me). Anyways it was scary and fun and the most exciting thing I've ever done. I loved it and hope to do it again as soon as possible.

Faustine is she about perfect. She's almost everything I could have hoped for in a room mate. She's so beautiful and fun and smart (I know I wrote all this before but it's true). I'm glad she is my best friend (abeit she also my only friend). And when we were riding she took me to this spot that looked almost exactly like where I grew up did and she said it looked like a place which had been special to her. I knew it was a sign from God telling me that I was meant to be here, to guide her to his path, save her soul. Praise be unto the Lord of Hosts.

One thing that has me troubled, Faustine said I should start wearing pants. Like not just for work outs, (workouts? I should look that up.) but just all the time. Her reasons made sense but they're still boys clothes and I would be wearing them only to conform to the fashion of the fallen world. I don't think this is right. It bothers my soul. Yet I can't deny that pants are more practical than dresses for some situations. Even more modest to be honest as they do not allow for open access to your sacred regions. I just remember on the tour, seeing the campus Christian club and they all looked like the same fallen they were trying to witness to. The girls especially looked like harlots with their low cut tops and tight pants. False witnesses are worse than none.I really must pray on this and seek The Lord's guidance on this.

Speaking of which, she told me about the books she was reading. She talked about how they were written by a madman and how anyone who read the third one went crazy and killed themselves. She said it was a joke but something in the way she had told it frightened me. I could almost feel a demonic presence in her words as she spoke. I must definitely pray on this.

So the rest of the week passed. Fluttershy continued to show Regina around campus and the town. They continued to workout together and Regina found that she was actually getting comfortable with the group showers. By the second and start of class they had become second nature to her. She even wondered why in her journal she had been so afraid and taught it had been so wrong to be naked around others (in the context of just getting a shower at least). Although, she still thought it was weird that the school didn't just spend the money to give the dorms private showers.

Classes were all Gen Ed her first semester as to the fact she hadn't declared a major yet (evangelism wasn't a major that was offered). She found the history class infuriating because it promoted the lie of evolution. She wanted to stand up and scream at the professor but knew if she did, she would get kicked out and her mission would end; so she bit her tongue and would later write about how nothing had been as black and white as it seemed before she started and how she was making moral compromises to accomplish a greater good. That some how seemed odd to her since she was always told to stand for Truth no matter what.

Between classes, when she could, she tried to reach out to people about The Lord but as Faustine had told her, most avoided her (some she even caught mocking her for her style of dress). It was then she made the decision to try and blend in more. You can't reach out to someone who refuses to even acknowledge your existence she supposed. So she went with Faustine to get what would be modest, modern clothing.She had to be careful, she was on a monthly allowance from home so she couldn't spend too much. The pants turned out to be the easy part. Finding shirts that weren't cut down to kingdom come was another. But she eventually succeeded.

As soon as she started back to class, she noticed that her fellow students were friendlier to her. Some she even started to look at as quasi friends. Her only true friend continued to be Faustine though. She followed her around like a puppy. Sometimes she even felt like crying when she wasn't around her, but Regina still kept her mind focused on what she needed to do. Which, when she learned she could make pamphlets to hand out, got her in trouble because one of them was an anti-LGBTQIA+ one. She got called in front of the dean for that one and almost got expelled. So, she decided to make another moral compromise and not pass anymore out.

August became September, became October. Halloween was an extremely painful holiday for Regina to watch people celebrate. The open embrace and celebration of evil made her cry herself to sleep some nights. In a world this lost, brining souls to Christ seemed impossible. Even her beloved Faustine, who would comfort her on those nights, was still no closer to accepting Christ when they first met. If anything, she had changed more than Faustine had. Not only had she gone to wearing the clothes of the fallen world but she had even started shaving her legs, arm pits, and shaping her brows (although shaving or shaping her pubic hair was still a no go). She wondered what was next - would she start wearing make-up? She felt so lost and confused. Two incidents would soon take care of her confusion for good.