So apparently I had gotten myself into tea time with a goddess. This was actually a first. The closest thing before this was some rushed Burger King with a fae lady. Granted that had been a day and a half on it's own, but it hardly matched a legit garden tea time. I looked over the recently materialized table. "So do you conjure tables often, or is it just a party trick?"

Luna smiled and wave at Fluttershy, who was trying to meekly sneak a peek while brewing tea. "No, tis..." She scrunched up her face for a moment. "It is just a teleportation spell. I always have tea on this table. No exceptions. The table is somewhat special."

I looked it over. It was dark midnight blue, with stars spelling our Luna's name. Though expertly made, the stars looked like Luna's name was written in a child's handwriting. In all it's scratchy, uneven glory. I tried to fathom why, but shelved it as Luna looked ready to barrage me with questions. "Princess, if I may, I have a standard protocol when dealing with beings at your level."

Luna quirked an eyebrow. "You have dealt with beings like us before?"

I nodded. "And a few that could blow you out of the water, then drink the water you were in because you weren't enough of a snack." Yeah, the demon king from a while ago could eat her alive. So glad he was stupid. "Anyways we play a game. You get a question, I get a question. We can not answer if we please, but no one can lie." I reached into my pack and thought of one specific tool. "This will beep if we lie." I pulled out a small star. A healthy fireball that didn't burn my skin. I placed it in the middle of the table. "Here's where the game part is. If we don't lie, but don't tell the full truth, the star will flash. So we can use more questions to ferret out straight answers. First one to lie losses."

She smiled at the little star. "Do you not trust the word of a princess?"

I nodded again. "I don't trust anyone really, especially when they could turn me into pocket lint with a spare thought. besides." I smiled back at her. "Do you really trust me?"

She let out a laugh. One. Single laughs are always creepy. "Ha. No, I do not, but you seem suitably cautious. I shall ask the first question then." I nodded and leaned back in my stool, balancing it on two legs. "What was that thing you dropped. It wasn't magical at all, but that noise..."

Ohh, somebody was jealous. "A flashbang grenade, no matter what I answer the star will pulse for anything less than a full technical read out, so why don't I let you play with one?" She nodded and I scooped one out of the bag. I had a fair collection of them anyways, so even if she took it there wasn't a huge loss. "Don't pull the little circle. That's what activates it." I passed it across the table and dropped it in front of Luna. "My turn now. How easily can I ensure I never get ambushed by you again?"

Luna chuckled at this. "A simple question, though if sparring with you is that fun you can't. However if you don't want me to actually stab you then not hurting ponies is a good start." The star pulsed slightly, and Luna stared.

I smirked. "Playing things close to the chest princess? Your turn then."

She nodded, while staring at the the star. "What, is that?" She pointed at the star with a hoof, as if it offended her godlike power.

I chortled a bit. It was dark and mysterious, really. Totally not a girly giggle. "That's a North Star. It's something a friend of mine cooked up. Basically it's a light that had some fancy lie detector built in, but it uses some spells that make it basically tamper proof. He called it the North star because it will never guide you wrong." It was clunky, but I said everything, and the star didn't pulse. I smiled. "Now then, how likely am I to be able to get a home and a job anywhere in this world?"

Luna took a moment to process this. While she did that I looked towards the door. Fluttershy was staring at me again, and I waved. Besides asking about fluffy she hadn't talked to me at all. I was fairly certain I scared her. As I rightly should. However, Rarity was walking out the door with tea, and was not quaking in her boots. My reputation as a fearsome killer in combat was not known to these colorful ponies, and their lack of fear nearly hurt my feelings. I waited as Rarity brought up some tea. She smiled and poured me a glass. "Sugar for you dear?"

I nodded my head. "A ton of it please. I like sweet tea."

She nodded and poured in a fair amount. No where near as much as I was used to, but I wasn't going to ask for more. As she looked ready to speak, Luna cut her off. "You may find a job and home easily enough. Once we finish your interview we must ascertain if you truly are just trying to make a life, then we'll decide how best to acclimate you." The star flashed again, Luna glared. I however smiled.

I flipped my little detective switch. Mostly because she had said we. now she talked all prim and pretty until tea time, so a lesser woman would have assumed she was slipping back, but I knew what you did to try and sneak past the North Star. I had another interview. Thinking over the days reaction I thought of who all knew I was there. I remembered walking up to the cottage. Twilight said she had sent a letter to princess Celestia. Bingo. Now all I had to do was wait my turn. Luna grumbled. "Just how much info does this little star want?"

I knew that wasn't her question, but that's how the game is played. "Only the full truth." I smiled as she glanced back up at me, then realized that she had asked her question. Pony pouts are adorable by the way. "My turn, when's my interview with Celestia?"

It was cruel to wait for her first sip of tea, but the spit take was all the revenge I needed. She dabbed her face with a napkin. "Well, I assume the game is that you know the answers?"

I smiled wide, taking a sip of my own tea, which was honestly pretty good. "Nope, the game is figuring out the right questions. That one was a freebie by the way. Now, I ask again, When do I meet Celestia?"

Luna smirked. "I was right, you are most fun. She is due to meet you this evening, when day court is finished. And since you have so kindly explained the game I shall also release that I was here to decide whether or not you should get the chance to meet her." I nodded, made perfect sense, though Rarity's face, and her sudden backing towards the door made it seem more outrageous. Luna took a much more careful sip. "Do you plan on harming any of our subjects?"

So, any pony you may meet in your travels, no matter how unlikely, will never tell you one thing. Humans laughing is apparently terrifying. And any response of sprinting away, or swords being pointed at you is to be expected. I only learned this after falling out of my chair, and then having Luna baring a frankly enormous amount of swords at me while screaming about my war cry. I think it has something to do with the teeth.

After I finally recovered and lightly brushed the blades away I recovered my stool. "Nah, I hate hurting things. At least as long as they don't deserve it." The North Star pulsed. Traitorous bastard.

Luna looked at it, but knew I had to be telling most of the truth. Then she smiled. Somebody was finally learning the game. She gestured to my seat. "Well then, I believe it is your turn."

I nodded and tried one of the small cookies the princess brought with the table. Oatmeal raisin. I stared at it. I don't know how long, but it was long enough for Luna to get antsy. "Are you well Ms. Draitha?"

I shook my head, then took a bite, savoring the flavor. "Yeah, 'm fine. Next thing you know you'll have creme horns." As soon as I answered the question the North Star beeped. Then zapped me with a small pillar of fire. "OUCH." I stared at it. "Murderous little bastard. That doesn't count Luna, no distracting with sweets." I looked to her, but she honestly looked more... concerned than anything. I shook it off. "Look, next question, okay? Who the hell is Celestia?"

She nodded, but it was a slow nod, as if trying to catalog a large amount of information. I took another bite of cookie, while looking as angry as possible. Luna seemed to ponder something a moment. "Celestia is my sister, ruler of the day. She is the co-princess of Equestria, and a friend of the pony you know as Twilight Sparkle." I took the final bite of the cookie and looked at the crumb while chewing. I thought about how I should really be over this by now, I literally didn't know how long it had been since those days, but a few things brought back memories. Luna interrupted my reverie. "Why do my cookies make you sad?"

I stared at her, and she flinched. I might have gone full angry glare, which was normally what started a long process that had ended up with three dead gods and a small genocide last time. I sighed and stared at the crumbs again. "You get one answer about that, get it?" She nodded, leaning forward. "So, background. I used to be normal, for a human I mean." With that I gestured at my body. "My species isn't special, most can't use magic. Hell, where I came from nobody can. But, one day, I just... poofed away. Went through the cracks in reality. I popped up in some other world, lived there a while, and poofed again. I've been hopping ever since. Normally I appear beside a dead body, take their identity, live as them for a while." I shrugged, then glanced at the cookie tray. "And a few things, remind me of someone. Someone close to me." I sighed and grabbed another cookie. "It's the closest I'll ever get to seeing him again. So that's why your damn cookies make me sad." I threw the cookie, watching it sail across the sky. As it flew I pointed a finger at it. "Solaire" A jet of fire flew form finger and melted the cookie into ash and dust. "Game over." And with that I got up, and walked to find a good sitting tree.

It took a while for anyone to approach me. Apparently shooting off a magical disintegration beam to end a game is not considered either normal or sane by most ponies. I did get a tray of oatmeal raisin cookies teleported to me though. I glared at them as I munched. I could never bring myself to keep them in my bag. Despite the near limitless space, I didn't have many bags with a time stop spell on them. But one did have milk, which I gladly drank with the cookies. I expected to be left alone for the rest of the day, or at least until Celestia arrived. So imagine my shock that Fluttershy seemed to walk up after a few minutes of mentally girding herself. "Uhm, if it would be okay... I mean, if you don't mind. Could I... sit with you?"

I gestured at the free spot across from me. "Free country."

She nodded and sat in it, a small basket in her mouth. This led to a minor crises of faith about speaking with a basket in her mouth, which I quietly resolved as pony magic. The yellow pegasus (I still want wings dammit) opened the basket, and supplied her own glass of milk, as well as a variety of muffins, treats, and to top it off, a small batch of scrambled eggs. I quirked an eyebrow at it as the small pony looked to me. I sighed. "I feel like there's a master plan at hoof Ms. Fluttershy."

She nodded, which was surprisingly confident given her inability to talk. Then I noticed her staring at my teeth while muttering. "Not a lot of canines, so mostly plant with meat as an additive. Ape like, so most of out grains are right out. Oh, and looky there, those rear teeth are definitely for grinding." She continued like this under her breath, it was mildly unnerving. However having my diet planned out by my teeth was far from the weirdest thing to happen to me today, and she wasn't asking me to talk. She then picked up the eggs and passed it to me. "Rarity said you hadn't had anything to eat when you showed up. I know cookies are good, but you need actual food too."

Oh look, sadness was knocking again. I grabbed the plate without thinking. "Yeah, believe it or not I've made that speech a thousand times." She tilted her head. She was cute as a button. I took a bite of eggs. "I hate eggs." This didn't stop me from taking a second, larger bite.

She tilted her head the other way as I continued eating. "Who'd you give the speech to?"

I shrugged, actual food was good for getting me to chatter, plus I was honestly fairly tired from spellcasting, so my tragic backstory (trademark) could be opened up a little bit. "Close friend... the closest. While ago, back before I became all this," I gestured over my body. "I was his impulse control. He would want to stay up on some hair brained scheme, or eat stupid stuff because it was closest. Then I'd have to swoop in and fix it." I took another bite off eggs. I really didn't like eggs, unless they were a good omelette. "He did the opposite for me. I'd try to do the perfectly logical thing, and he'd run in wearing a pair of sheets to spirit me away to toga parties, or some other weird shit. We really worked well together."

Fluttershy sat there for a moment, and I finished the eggs. I popped the plate on the floor, then drank my milk. The next thing I knew I was on the receiving end of a pony hug. I could feel a muzzle in my chest, which was weird. I raised my hands and muttered. "Dammit, this was Justin's thing." I gave a half-hearted tap with my hands that could have been construed as a hug in certain lights. Fluttershy backed away sheepishly. "I-I'm sorry, it's just y-you're so sad. I thought a hug might make you feel better."

I smiled at her, like really smiled. Gods, before that I think the last time I really smiled at someone was saying goodbye to Piper. I shook off the memories. Being in funks makes me remember, and I hated that. "Yeah, hugs help. I just wish I could be somebody else, that makes this way easier."

Fluttershy didn't seem to understand, but nodded anyways. I leaned back, enjoying the calm. I was about to close my eyes as a soft hoof tapped me and pointed towards the house. I gave a quiet harumph, but grabbed my pack and walked to the house. I opened the door to find the inside completely black. My senses went wild. My old friend paranoia was knocking on my door. I pulled my pistol out of it's holster and kept it in my right hand, and channeled energy into my left. I took one step and touched a tripwire. Suddenly colours were blasted in my face. I saw an outline move above me and raised my pistol to it. "SURPRISE!!!"

I then was tackled by a pink event horizon. A pistol shot fired, and I hit the dirt. I heard screams, and saw confetti all around me. Apparently I had tried to shoot a surprise party. Whoops.

Author's Note

Three chapters, woot. I'm having a blast with this story. Comments are loved,so feel free to drop a line.