Author's Note

The quoted part is the actual dialogue spoken from the premiere. Everything else was done on my own.

Scr—ew?

“Okay, let’s review what we already know.” Twilight said. Spike began pointing to an attendance sheet with the missing Young Six.

“Smolder, Ocellus, Silverstream, Yona, and Gallus disappeared together.” He then turned back to the rest of Mane Six and Starlight Glimmer. “That’s all we know.”

Applejack flung her hoof. “They probably just went off hidin’ somewhere.”

“Unless they used some kind of spell to disappear.” Starlight replied worriedly.

“Oooh, or went undercover!”

“Maybe they were attacked by a ferocious shrimp! Nopony ever expects that!”

Fluttershy gasped. “Shrimps can attack?”

Pinkie Pie yanked upwards before poking the pegasus. “Nope! That’s why nopony expects it.”

“HOLYSHIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!”

Before anyone can realize what was going on, Sandbar crashed through the door of Sugarcube Corner and knocked down a stack of prepared cupcakes on the floor. Rarity shrieked to the top of her lungs.

“Jesus fuck, Sandbag!”

“It’s Sandbar.”

“Snicker bar! What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you high or some shit?”

“Daaaaamn straight this mans on crack. I’m on that Tootsie bruhhhhh!”

They awkwardly watched Sandbar picking himself, only to trip up and fall into a shelf of donuts.

“Fuck me...”

“What exactly did that kid even smoke on? We don’t make fucking weed here!” Rainbow Dash cried.

“Ugh I must have had Angel force feed this kid Tree Hugger’s buds when he found me another animal to butcher for dinner.”

Everyone turned around and glared at Fluttershy.

“What? I checked up with Zecora to make sure the requirements were met for his age!”

“Yo Pink panther!” Sandbar unconsciously yelled towards Pinkie Pie. “Felch me some of that vaginal juice you got from yesterday!”

“Ewwwwww!” Everyone else grossed out.

Attempting to defuse the tension, Pinkie quickly dashed over to the fallen colt and gripped him by the neck. Her smile could not be any wider than a murderous intent.

“Don’t you mean... a fucking cupcake drilled up your ass because that’s the LAST CELESTIAFUCKING TIME I WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT STUPID SHIT TO MY FACE?!”

“Ya, heh heh...” Sandbar slid his tongue out with warm bits of saliva dripping down his belly.

“Okie fucking dokie lokie...” She shoved an undamaged box of cupcakes down Sandbar’s throat, before sending him flying into the Everfree Forest with a hoof to his chin. Even then, Pinkamena Diane Pie would forever be traumatized with the unforgotten voice shrilling behind him as he soared in the air.

“THAT’S FUCKING GREEEEEEEEN!!!!!”

The mare rolled her eyes and slammed the door shut, growling, “From now on, I don’t want none of your stupid ass church giggles. Pretend that this never happened.”