Author's Note

Before you ask what the chapter title is referring to:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtHZdlX5G6E

The background patient’s name is Screwloose.

Screw and Lose

“Alright alright brainless maniacs, can you all like chill out already?” Twilight tried to get the non-Equestria representatives’ attention.

“I ain’t coolin’ shit if this fat fuck won’t dish me Smolder’s whiny ass!” Dragon Lord Ember viciously pointed an index claw as she confronted Prince Rutherford of Yakyakistan. “These uncultured central steppe nomads can be slick as motherfucking Garble!”

“YAKS WILL SMASH YOU COCKY DRAGONS! INSIDE OR OUTSIDE!”

“Thaaaat seemed a teeny bit inappropriate.” Thorax commented beside them, only to be responded with a hostility from a particular griffon.

“Why do you stupid changeling cowards hide yourselves like goddamn pussies? I bet you kidnapped Gallus and made your henchman change into him!”

“W-what? Why would I even do something that cruel? I thought you all recognized our reformation!”

“Well then you got fucking siked, TO THE MAX!” Seaspray jumped in, expecting everyone to jump back and enrich the moment.

Princess Luna smacked her face. “I wasn’t supposed to talk today, but this went entirely out of hoof.”

Her sister nodded in agreement. Princess Celestia held out her two hooves over her head. She shut her eyelids in peace as she spoke. “My dearest Twilight, if you can ever find a way to keep the harmony in balance, this meeting shall prevail.”

“W-what do you mean by that, Princess?” Twilight asked.

Facehoofing, she immediately dropped the act. “That means tell them to shut the fuck up so they can stop annoying us.”

“Oh...” Twilight clapped her hooves. “Now that makes much more sense!”

Summoning a giant energy ball, Twilight’s eyes flashed before releasing the magic spell into the real world, destroying everything around the group.

“Twilight, please count the number of survivors we have here.”

As the alicorn counted, she noticed that one of the leaders was missing.

She gasped. “Where’s Grampa Gruff?” She narrowed her eyes onto each of the leaders. “Oh thank goodness, you’re alive!”

“No.” The griffon unraveled himself to be Thorax. “I just did that so I can piss Gruff off when he sees me.”

“Speaking of Grampa Gruff, isn’t he over there?” Ember pointed at the decapitated head of the Griffonstone representative on one of the flattened marble pillars, dripping blood as they looked onwards. Twilight could not help but blush.

“Oops... hehe...”

Celestia rolled her eyes. “Forget about that old fuck, Gallus is probably happier without him anyway.”

“So what’s important right now, is the fact that these six kids are missing and we have to locate where they are so we can retrieve them back safely.”

“Listen, I don’t want yo dirty hooves touchin’ my Smolder once you bring her back! Call this contract done with.”

“Okay Ember, whatever you say...” Twilight grumbled.

“Shit, I think I just threw a fit. My back’s aching like hell.”

“Here, Yak will help ya out Seaspray, like good Yak-loving allies should.” Rutherford swung an entire hoof with the diameter of a log (only more dense) onto the hippogryph’s back.

“HOLY. FUCK!”

And split his spine in two.

Everybody in the castle gasped. Twilight was the first one to speak. “Prince Rutherford! What have you done?”

“What? Yak tradition makes yak do what they do best!” He gave a wide grin that just seemed way too shady.

“Well whatever your tradition is,” Ember replied, “must’ve had a history of second degree murders.”

Rutherford fumed from his giant nostrils.

She shrugged. “Guilty isn’t charged.”

“So, Thorax.” Twilight awkwardly approached the changeling prince. “What is your say on our focus right now?”

Thorax rubbed his chin. As soon as a bulb lit, he shapeshifted into Seaspray and dashed out of the castle.

“I’ll be in charge of Seaquestria until he gets better!”

Celestia stared at the unconscious body of the original hippogryph. “Nope Thorax, I think you’re stuck there forever...”