Strange Currencies

When Strange Mirror woke, up, everything that had happened yesterday came crashing down on her at once. She groaned and pulled a pillow over her face. She could not deal with this.

Okay. Time to assess.

There were no guards battering down the door. That was a good start.

Matthew and X were not in bed, but she could hear X cooking in the kitchen. Matthew was probably in there with him begging for scraps.

There was no screaming and crying from outside, so things were probably okay, but she had to be sure. She shouldn’t have gone to sleep. She found the sunglasses and mustache X had worn last night. His suit coats were big enough on her to cover her cutie mark. She rushed for the door.

“Oh, not again!” said X, rushing out of the kitchen, his voice muffled by the spatula in his mouth. Matthew was sitting on his back with a whole pancake clutched in his beak.

“I just need to check and make sure everything’s okay!” said Strange Mirror.

“Well get some buttermilk while you’re out!” said X, shouting after her as she hurried out the door.

The Palace Ring was still standing, for the time being.

Pedestrians bustled past her on the street. Strange Mirror flinched away from them, worried that any one of them could be a Changeling. She didn’t know if she’d lost her ability to sense them along with her condition. Naturally, she recognized the Unremarkable Brown Pony on sight, and the two buffoons who had ambushed her in her room had been pretty obvious.

Were there more Changelings out there? Watching her? Waiting to catch her alone? She suppressed a gasp as a red and gold changeling walked past. No. That one was brightly colored so probably good? There was something a little disturbing to her about the good ones being a different color from the bad ones but she couldn’t put her hoof on it. But if a changeling wanted to hide, why not disguise themselves as a changeling? No one would ever guess. Best to steer clear either way.

She hit the corner store — buttermilk, blue fur die, cutie mark makeup. And the newspaper. Couldn’t forget that.

“Nice mustache,” said the shop pony.

“Thank you,” said Mirror, hurriedly throwing bits at him.

She rushed back to X’s apartment building and flipped through the paper in the relative safety of the stairwell. No lurid front page articles on terrorist attacks, that was good. Nothing in the crime section about their little adventure at Central Archives, which could be good, bad, or neutral. Good — nobody thought it was a big deal. Neutral — the report hadn’t made the papers. Bad — the Principality was taking it very seriously and suppressing the report.

Strange Mirror closed her eyes and wished to Harmony that she wasn’t being secretly hunted by the Shadowbolts.

Well. If she was, there was nothing she could do about it. She was basically already tortured to death in Mexicolt. So no point in worrying. Time for pancakes.

“I was about to go out looking for you,” said X as she came through the door. “Your pancakes are probably cold.”

Strange Mirror tossed the shopping bag to X and fell on her plate of pancakes like a wolf on a lamb.

X rustled through the bag. “What’s all this disguise stuff for?”

“We gotta go incognito,” said Strange Mirror around a mouthful of pancakes. “These are really good!”

X set the bag down. “Oh. I was going to turn myself in after breakfast.”

Strange Mirror almost spat out her pancakes in shock. But that would have been a waste. She choked down her mouthful with a suddenly dry mouth. “What?”

X stood stiffly and held his head held high. “It’s the right thing to do.”

“Horse apples it is! We’re gonna stop this thing ourselves!” said Strange Mirror, slamming down her plate on the coffee table.

“How?” said X, aghast. “Also why? We have two heroic princesses in this city. They’re supposed to handle stuff like this.”

“If they believe you. Anyway, there are layers of bureaucracy between you and the princesses. By the time the news filters through to them, it could already be too late. Fur dye please?”

X eyed her skeptically as she went into the bathroom with the shopping bag. It took her half an hour to dye herself dark blue and paint over her cutie mark with a simple bubble design. She considered asking X in to help her, but she worried that might get sexual. She was stupidly attracted to him, and she didn’t trust herself not to just fuck the hours away while the city burned. She pulled her mane into a quick bun and looked in the mirror. it was still amazing to be able to see herself.

Damn, she was pretty.

Anyway, hopefully this would be enough to throw off the guards and the changelings. She didn’t have time for much else. She stepped out of the bathroom and found herself snout-to-slightly-higher snout with X.

“I don’t suppose I can change your mind,” said both of them at once.

They paused, stared at each other, and spoke again.

“No, this is the right thing to do.” They said.

Each narrowed their eyes at the other. Strange Mirror snorted. This was getting annoying.

“Well, listen,” they both said, “I don’t have time to try and change your mind, so…”

“Aurgh!” screamed Strange Mirror, and she bolted out the door.

✭☆✭☆✭☆✭

The wind at the edge of Palace Ring whipped over Strange Mirror, plucking at her bun, ripping tendrils of red hair free to float around her head. She’d decided to go naked as part of her disguise because she usually wore clothes. But she wished she hadn’t — it was cold up here.

The edge of the Ring was a wide open plaza-slash-park, with a railed observation deck at the very edge. Pay telescopes and small, politely worded signs warning dire consequences for ponies who attempted to fly, climb, or levitate over the rail were spaced evenly along the rail. From here, Strange Mirror could see only the clear blue summer sky out over the edge. She stopped at a park map to confirm that she was, in fact, over the third buttress. It had been a long trip — she’d had to walk to the funicular trolley, and ride that up to the palace tier. She’d sat looking at her hooves the whole way, paranoid that somepony would recognize here and alert the authorities. She wasn’t wanted, as far as she knew, but there was no reason not to be cautious.

Once at the funicular station, she could have taken a streetcar to the edge plaza, but she didn’t want to go through what she’d gone through on the funicular again, so she opted to walk.

Now, here she was. Her heart was in her throat. She could just look out over the edge, and see if there was anypony there, working on a terrorist attack. Yep. Just go check.

Strange Mirror wanted to puke.

Feeling like she was walking to the gallows, Strange Mirror dragged her hooves across the cobblestones to the railing. She hooked her hooves over it, and, ignoring the posted warnings, leaned out into space.

Seeing Canterlot like this took her breath away. In the nine years she’d lived here, she’d almost gotten used to it. With her condition, she hadn’t had the liberty to do a lot of sightseeing. Now both of the lower tiers stretched away beneath her. The Saddle Buckle tier looked like a model from up here. There was Central Archives. There was Easy Glider Square. She imagined she could make out the sign of Buckowski’s, the bar where she’d met X. Further below, so small that she could cover whole blocks with her hoof, was the Basal District. Through it all wound the Canter river, gleaming in the morning sun.

How much of that would be destroyed if the Palace Tier collapsed?

She forced herself to look down.

Nothing on the third buttress.

No. Wait. There were some workponies down there, at least a half dozen pegasi in orange vests and hardhats. They were flapping on and off of a small platform near the top of the buttress. Several of them were brown.

As she watched, two more pegasi flapped up towards the buttress, carrying some sort of large fetish between them — an arrangement of branches and chains, with a large chunk of glowing green stone in the middle. She didn’t know what that was, but whatever it was, it couldn’t be good.

Strange Mirror wasn’t normally afraid of heights, but she suddenly felt vertiginous. She pulled her head back from the edge and slumped to the cobblestones, hot, silent tears squirting down her cheeks. it was happening. It was really happening. She had to get down there and try to stop them. But how?

There might be service entrances, but she didn’t know where they were and they’d be locked. It was too far jump down, and she didn’t know how to teleport. What could she do? Find a guard and accept punishment for her crimes? Nope, she was still too proud and too scared to try that, and at this point it would take too long. She could start throwing magic bolts at them but she doubted she could hit anything at this range. What could she do?

Then she had an idea. It was an amazingly stupid one, but it was the only thing she could think of that might be able to get her down there in one piece.

She stood up, leaned over the railing again, and waved both forehooves in the air. “Hello! Helloooo! Commander Mandible! That is your name, right? I know you’re down there and I need to talk to you!”

The workponies on the platform froze and stared at her. For a flicker, Strange Mirror wondered if she was wrong and they really were just ordinary workponies. Then there was a brief conversation below, and two pegasi flapped up to her. One had blue eyes, one had green eyes, and both had bandages on their faces.

They picked her up and carried her down to the platform. Once there they waited by her sides, holding her in place. From here she could see that there were three of the strange fetishes. The workponies (workchangelings?) were attaching them to the stone of the buttress by strands of some sort of organic changeling goo. The Unremarkable Brown Pony was there. He turned from supervising the workers to smile at her.

“Strange Mirror,” he said.

“Commander Mandible. I like the hat. It’s a good look for you,” said Strange Mirror.

“You look good as a blue,” said the Unremarkable Brown Pony.

“Why are you doing this?” said Strange Mirror. “You feed on love. Dead ponies can’t love anything.” Her eyes darted between the fetishes. She had a clear shot at one of the two fetishes that were hanging from stone. A telekinetic blast should knock it off into the city below — hopefully it wasn’t something that would explode on impact. The third was still lying on the platform. She had an idea for that one. A really stupid idea. But what about the third one?

“Love is a tainted food source,” said the Unremarkable Brown Pony wryly. “It has been linked to excessive sentimentality and reduced cognitive ability. Our researchers have discovered that suffering and fear are far more nutritious.”

“That’s amazing. Scientists really are making the most unbelievable discoveries these days,” said Strange Mirror. Green Eyes and Blue Eyes were keeping a tight grip on her forelegs. She needed a distraction, and she didn’t know where it was going to come from.

“I’ve reconsidered firing you, you know. You’re clearly very resourceful, even without whatever disguise magic you’ve allegedly forgotten,” said the Unremarkable Brown Pony.

“I’ll never join you,” said Strange Mirror.

The Unremarkable Brown Pony smiled coldly. “There are ways of overcoming that.”

“Great,” said Strange Mirror. “That’s just great.” She didn’t want to be brainwashed. That would not be fun at all.

Overhead, Strange Mirror caught a glimpse of lavender feathers. She looked up as casually as she could. Matthew. He was a good bird. He tilted his head questioningly. She gave the slightest of nods.

Seconds later, the blue-eyed changeling was laying on the platform holding his bandaged face and squealing in pain. Green Eyes stared up at Matthew, confused. Then he raised his forelegs over his face as Matthew dove in for a second attack, aiming right for the eyes.

The next few seconds seemed to move both very fast and really slowly at the same time. Strange Mirror, all four legs free, dove straight for the Commander Mandible. She knocked him down with a double kick to the chest. Mirror trampled over him and charged through confused changelings towards the closer of the two attached fetishes. She pulled together the strongest telekinetic blast she could, took aim and fired. Changeling goo and stone shards flew from the impact. The fetish hung for a precarious moment from a strand of webbing, then plummeted out of sight.

Strange Mirror whipped around. The element of surprise had faded, and Matthew was flapping away, leaving loose feathers in his wake. Six angry changelings surrounded her, disguises discarded, closing in.

Something bumped the back of Strange Mirror’s hoof. She looked down. The third fetish was just lying there.

Time for that stupid plan. She picked up the fetish with her forelegs.

“Put. That. Down,” said Commander Mandible, baring his fangs.

“Listen, I gotta go,” said Strange Mirror. “You guys are great, though. Never change.” And she launched herself back over the railing.

Everything inside of Strange Mirror was floating. The platform, studded with gaping changeling faces, was moving away from her at an incredible rate.

It was over. There was no getting out of this. She was going to die. She was going to hit the ground at terminal velocity. Her bones would turn to powder on impact. The rest of her would be reduced to pony pudding. If she was lucky, she’d die of shock on the way down and wouldn’t feel it. She began to scream.

Something slammed into her back. It seemed too early. She couldn’t even see any rooftops.

“Ouch,” said X, from beneath her.

“Caw!” said Matthew, from off to one side.

Strange Mirror rolled over on X’s back and wrapped a foreleg around his neck. The Canter river was beneath them. She kicked the fetish away and watched it tumble down and splash in the water below. “I thought you went to the guard?”

“I chickened out!” shouted X. “I don’t want to go to jail! So I came to help! Matthew found me just in time, I guess? He’s a hell of a bird.”

“Caaaaw,” said Matthew modestly.

“They’re coming after us!” shouted Strange Mirror, watching a wave of tiny black dots fly off the platform atop the Third Buttress.

“But you stopped them! You saved the day!” said X.

“I didn’t!” said Strange Mirror, wrapping all four legs around him. “I got two of those things, but there’s still one left!”

There was a flash of green light, followed by a shattering noise from behind them, like the biggest wineglass in the world breaking. Strange Mirror looked back. Tendrils of green mist enveloped the top of the buttress, dissolving everything they touched.

“It’s eating the stone!” she shouted.

Cracks were starting to form in the stone around the buttress. Rubble — rocks that must be as large as a pony — started to fall from the underside of Palace Tier. Strange Mirror’s insides turned to ice. It was happening. It was happening, and she’d caused it.

Then there were two smaller flashes. Two tiny dots, one indigo, one white, appeared next to the Third Buttress. Magical light enveloped the stone. Rubble began to fall upward.

“Holy mother of Harmony,” said Strange Mirror. “Princesses! Luna and Celestia! They’re fixing it!”

“I told you!” said X. “I bet they sensed the magic from the attack and came to help!”

“Also changelings! Getting close!” said Strange Mirror. They were faster than X. Much faster. Soon one was so close X’s tail was whipping him in the face. He opened his maw, showing razor-sharp teeth. Strange Mirror pulled back a hind leg and lashed out, kicking him right in the nose. He tumbled away with a yelp.

X banked and dove closer to the rooftops. X used the features of the Canterlot skyline to his advantage, navigating them with the familiarity of a native. He dove between double chimneys and around onion domes. Soon he had lost all but the most astute of their pursuers. Commander Mandible — now a quite remarkable gunmetal changeling instead of an unremarkable brown pony — lead a pair of followers through every trick X tried to throw at them.

Strange Mirror tore lightening rods and weather vanes off of buildings with her magic. She hurled them back at their pursuers. Most of them missed, and when they hit, they did little more than annoy the changelings.

“I have something to tell you!” said X.

“Now’s not the time!” said Strange Mirror, marshaling all of her magic to tear a gargoyle off a carved stone drain spout and hurl it backwards at Commander Mandible. He dodged, but it hit one of his followers right in the face. The changeling spiraled to the pavement below in a barely controlled tumble. “I got one! I got one!”

“I love you!” said X.

“I still think its a little early for that!” said Strange Mirror.

“I just want you to know how I feel before we die!” said X.

“That’s the spirit!” said Mirror, chucking a loose brick from a chimney at Commander Mandible. “Stay optimistic!”

X was getting tired. He was slowing and his flight path was sloping down towards the street. This was concerning, but it provided Strange Mirror with a better array of projectiles. She started chucking flower pots and decorative planters. They were heavier, but easier to throw because they weren’t anchored in concrete. Commander Mandible dodged them easily enough, but his remaining wingbug soon went down, plummeting to the sidewalk. By this time their little flying circus had gotten the attention of the guard, and he was in manacles as soon as he hit the ground.

Commander Mandible pulled up alongside them, snapping at X’s wings with his fang-filled maw. He tore a chunk away — all feathers, no blood. But the sight filled Strange Mirror with rage. She leaped off of X’s back, steering herself with her magic. She landed on Commander Mandible.

“Mildred! No!” screamed X.

Strange Mirror wrapped her forelegs and her magic around Commander Mandible’s neck and began to squeeze. He tried to snap at her but he couldn’t reach her. His trajectory began to waver, then dive. He was heading towards the river — intent on taking her with him? She freed up a foreleg and began bashing him on the head with her hoof. It took a few tries, but finally, his wings went still, and he half fell, half glided to a stop inches from the river railing.

Strange Mirror groaned in pain. She had scrapes and cuts all along her right side from the rough landing, and her head hurt from doing so much magic. She felt like she’d been doing griffon vodka shots all night long. She dragged herself away from Commander Mandible, stuck her head over the railing and puked into the river. The rapid current whisked her vomit away so fast she barely saw it. Green Eyes had been right — if they’d tossed her body in there, nopony would ever have seen it again.

X landed next to her and grabbed her in a hug.

“Sir. Ma’am? We have a few questions for you.”

Strange Mirror sighed and looked for the guards that hand no doubt gathered around her. But they weren’t guards. They were thestrals, in sunglasses and plain black suit coats. Shadowbolts.

“Oh no,” said Strange Mirror. “Oh no.”

The shadowbolts were leading Commander Mandible away. X was looking at them with relief. The fool. She pushed him away.

“X? I lied to you again. By omission, this time.”

“What?” he said, blinking with confusion.

“I love you too.” She kissed him, then pulled herself up over the railing and jumped into the river below.