Arc I
Sparkling
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Silky eyelashes fluttered as lids that were such a pale blue as to be nearly white closed slowly, momentarily obscuring the garnet irises of her eyes. When they opened once more, they were wide, shining, glistening with emotion.

Prismatic bangs dangled in front of her eyes, but they only made them look deeper, more intense as she stared, long and deep, into my eyes.

Her cute, pouting lips parted, a small gasp of breath slipping between them as she drew in to speak.

". . . . Whut?"

"I said 'I wanna rut Pinkie Pie senseless.'" I repeated myself, leaning back against the side of the tree in Ponyville Park, looking over into the cyan visage of the bemused pegasus beside me.

"And I don't mean just, like, 'senseless', senseless. I mean like, 'drooling, crosseyed, cum-drenched mess on the floor,' kinda senseless."

Another slow blink, and then she stammered a bit. "Uuhhhhh, wh-, er. . . I . . . seeeee." She blinked a few more times, then shook her head, as though clearing it, and reached up, rubbing at her face with a dainty hoof. "Right. And, why, exactly, are you telling me this?"

hazel eyes slowly blink beneath ginger bangs. My lids open again, so I can stare into her face long and hard.

". . . . Whut?"

She growls and facehoofs, groaning for a moment, then looks at me. "Dude! This is Pinkie Pie we're talking about! Just go up and say 'Oh, hey, Pinkie, I'd like to rut you into a slobbering mess!' I'm tellin' ya, she'd lift her tail right there!" She paused a moment, then lifted a hoof. "Literally, so maybe make sure you're not, like, at some foal's birthday party, or somethin'."

I frown slightly. "Riiigggght. . . . Just one problem." She lifts a brow at me, and I cock an eyebrow right back at her. "Well, two, really. First off. . . I've only been here a few months! I don't know anything about your anatomy or anything!" She shook her head, blinking in confusion, and looked at me like I was an idiot.

"Wha- Dude! We're naked, like, all the time!"

Fair enough. "Yeah, and? I know where things are, in a general sense, but I don't know how you differ from human girls! I wouldn't know the first thing about pleasing any of you! That's why I came to you!"

"Are. . . . Are you coming on to me, Fyren? If so, I'm . . . not sure I'm cool with that."

"Of course I'm not, Dashie!"

"Oh, well, that's good, then."

"I know you're gay!"

She froze for a second, blinking rapidly and staring at me, back slowly stiffening up, even as a blush crossed her features. "I-I-I am not!"

I snort, blowing a breath out of my mouth in disbelief. "Yeah, right, Dashie!"

"I'm not!"

"There's nothing wrong with it, Dash!"

"I know that, but I'm not gay!"

"Really?"

"Really!"

"Really?"

"Really!"

I lean back against the tree, looking at her sideways, and lick my tooth. "Then how do you explain the fact that you are constantly making googly eyes at AJ's flank, hm?"

Had I know that her face could turn that shade of purple, I might've said something about this a lot sooner. It went nearly black and for a second I thought she was going to pass out. She got herself back under control, however, stamping a hoof on the ground, and glared at me past her blush. "I-I do not stare at her flank!"

"Pphht! Yeah, you do."

"No, I don't!"

"Damnit, Dash, I see you do it, everytime we're at Sugarcube Corner and you think no one is watching! You practically drool. If I had a bit every time one of your wings has nearly put my eye out, I'd be rich!"

“That- That is so not true!”

“Dash! What. . . How- I saw it with my own two eyes!”

“And I don’t care! I do not stare at AJ’s flank!”

“Yes, you do!”

“No, I don’t!”

“Yeeeeeessss, ya do!”

“Grrrr, for the last friggin’ time, Fyren, I do not stare at my best friend’s ass!”

I hold up my hands, shaking my head. “Oh, fer buck’s sake! Ok, enough! It doesn’t matter if you’re gay or not!”

“It matters to me!”

“Shut it! All that matters is, you’re a mare!” It occurred to me at this point that I had never actually gotten a good enough look to confirm that, and this could potentially really damage my rep around here. I pursed my lips. “Uhhh. . . . .R-Right?”

She smirks and nods. “Well, yeah! Only the most awesome mare in all of Equestria!” She was too busy preening to notice me mouthing the last four words along with her, moving my hand like it was a mouth. Of course, when she glanced over before I was finished, that kind of ruined the moment. I froze, glancing at her, and she froze, looking at me.

She narrowed her eyes.

“So, anywaydoyouthinkyoucouldhelpmeouthereDashie?!. . . . Please?” I asked, quickly, in an attempt to interrupt whatever horrible thoughts she might have been contemplating.

She blinked, looking down at me from where she had taken to flapping her wings in the air above me. “How does me being a mare have anything to do with being able to help you?”

I blinked back at her, frowning. Really? Could she be that clueless?

“Uhhhh. . . “ I clear my throat, trying to think of how in the hell I was supposed to explain something to her I thought would be obvious. “Err, b-because you know what feels good, to a mare?” I say, looking at her like she’s the idiot, this time.

Of course, my stare has absolutely no effect on the cocky pegasus, and she gives me a blank look. “What?”

I facepalm, groaning, and shake my head. “You have had sex before, right?!” She snorts.

“Well, duh! Are you kidding?! I’m so awesome, every stallion in town wants a piece of this flank, and I’d be an idiot not to take at least some of them up on that! . . . Being straight, and all! Yep! Straight as a string!”

“With a few knots in it.” I mutter.

“What was that?!”

“Nothing!”

“I’m not gay!”

I shake my head again, sitting up from the tree and gesturing. “Ok, fine! Look, I’ll put it to you straight, seeing as you’re clearly not taking the hint.” Her face twists in annoyance and she opens her mouth, but I keep talking over her. “As a sexually experienced mare, straight or not, you know what feels good to a female of your species. As such, you can instruct me in what I need to know in order to make Pinkie Pie have the mother of all femgasms.”

She stares at me for a second. “Riiiigght. . . . And, would that include having sex with you? Cuz, again, Fyre, you’re cute and all, I guess, but I’m not really into you like that. . . . Not because I’m gay!” I glare at her, and she holds out both hooves, before coming back down to land on the grass. “Not that I would blame you for wanting to taste the rainbow, or nothin’. I mean, I am awesome, after all! In the sky, and in the bedroom!”

I nod along with her, then roll my eyes. “Right, sure thing, Dashie, but no, I don’t intend to have sex with you, or any other ponies besides Pinkie Pie! She’s special, ya know?”

She frowns. “Special? I guess that’s one way to put it.”

“Actually, that leads me on to point number two.” I tap my finger on my chin. “Honestly, Dash, if it was any other pony, I wouldn’t be as worried. I know how sex works, and I figure I could guess my way through a lot of stuff. But this isn’t any other pony. This is Pinkie Pie!”

“Uhh, what is she like your goddess or something? You gonna place her on some kinda super special pedestal, convince yourself you don’t deserve her love and spend, like, a thousand chapters angsting around and beating yourself up about it, until you turn all emo and shit?” She looks at me for a long moment, while I blink at her. Slowly.

She starts looking around as the silence stretches into an uncomfortable degree, and then her cracking voice chimes in to break it. “C-Cause that would just be totally stupid, r-right?! Hahaha! I mean, who w-would even do something like that?!”

She blushes really hard as I cock an eyebrow at her. “Of course I’m not going to do that, Dash! And, of course that would be stupid! I mean, who the hell does that, anyway? Romance stories have a firmly set program to follow. Five chapters of angst, tops, then on with the cuddling! I mean, come on, a thousand chapters!? Who the hell would ever think THAT was a good idea?! Any more than five, and you’d be liable to piss people off, but a thousand?! Seriously, Dashie, you need to get your head examined.”

. . . . So, this is going to be one of those kinda stories, huh, mister writer guy who is definitely NOT me?

Just shut up and get on with it, I dunno where this is going any more than you do!

Oh, greeeeaat.

Anyway. . . .

“Look, forget all that! No, I’m not head-over-ridiculously-masochistic heels in love with Pinkie Pie, I’m not putting her on some kinda pedestal and I’m most certainly NOT going to drag this out for a thousand chapters! (Like, seriously, how, even?!) No, what I mean by “She’s special” is, I think she would kill me!”

She blinked, making a small sound of surprise. “What?! Dude, I know she’s a bit wacko, but she’s not like some kinda serial killer or some shit!” She shook her head, laughing slightly, “Next thing you know, you’ll say she’s gonna bake you into a cupcake and make us all eat you!” She burst out laughing, rolling on the ground and beating it with her hooves. “Ahahaha! Can y-you imagine?! I m-meahahaha- mean, how s-s-silly is that?!”

I sat there, arms crossed over my chest until her laughter has quieted. “YOu finished? Good, because no, I don’t mean like that. I mean, well. . . “ I look down at myself. Shirtless, wearing a simple black denim kilt to cover my private bits and that’s about it. A fine down of ginger hair covers my chest and stomach, leading down to the edge of the kilt. I’m not in the worst shape ever, but I’m far from fit. I’ll never be a lightweight, too big boned, and as of right now, I could stand to lose thirty or so pounds. A distinct pot belly would make me nervous about being shirtless, if I weren’t in a land of magical, talking perpetually naked ponies.

She purses her lips and nods slowly. “I think I get it. . . You’re saying your stamina’s not too good.” I grimace, finding it distasteful to admit, but nod.

“Yeeaaaah.” I say, shrugging. “And, again, this is Pinkie, we’re talking about. Hyperactive, fuzz-ball, giggle-factory, perpetually-tweaking-on-a-sugar-rush, stamina-of-thirty-Wonderbolts-tanked-up-on-energy-drinks, Pinkie Pie.” I grimace again, this time in abstract fear. “I figure that, if I was to try to rut her right now, rather than fucking her into a stupid mess on the floor, she would do that to me, then keep going until I died of a heart-attack.”

She stared at me for a long, silent moment, head tilting left and then right as she eyed me up and down. “Dash?”

“Shush! Stand up.”

I blink and follow her lead, standing up, and she takes off, flapping around me at a slow hover. She nudges me out from the tree a bit with her head, the momentary contact of soft, prismatic mane on my naked back sending a small thrill down to my groin. Shit, I needed to get laid, bad.

After a few moments of eyeballing me, Dash flaps around and stops, hovering in place facing me. “Ok, I’ll do it!” She’s got that look in her eye, that says she’s spotted a challenge, and she intends to tackle it, and I smile.

“Really?”

She nods. “Totes! But, if we do this, we do it my way. You follow my lead, and do exactly as I tell you, got me, big guy?”

I purse my lips, but then shrugs. “Sure thing, Rainbow!”

I mean, what could it hurt?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Shit.

Author's Note

For those of you who caught the references, so far as Cupcakes goes, I’ve not actually read it yet, but I know what it’s about.
For the other story, which shall remain unnamed, please, do not get the wrong impression. As anyone who’s paid attention to the comments section of that story recently will know, I absolutely adore it. That said, I HAD to make a reference to it, and this was the first thing that popped into my head. By all means, let me know what you all think!