Intermixture

Everybody resumed their positions as the Imperial Admiral sat back in his command chair.

"We are within range to complete the mission." Enolc said.

Kerzon nodded to his Ascetic and moved up to the tactical station.

"Get the fuck out, Sin." He said bluntly.

"No hoes in my town." Little Sin quietly muttered to himself.

"Alright! Let's get this shit done!" Admiral Kerzon 'Xytranai said enthusiastically. He sat down and calibrated the manual targeting and firing system to a clearing in the State of Katar. He pressed a control that engaged an aiming reticle on the view screen.

He looked at the view screen and narrowed his eyes at the sight of the clearing.

"Catch-phrase." He said in a purposely deepened voice. He then slammed his fist into the fire control and began aiming his manual targeting system as the energy projector powered up.

In the process of charging, the energy projector malfunctioned and powered down. Kerzon's tactical console exploded in his face and he was knocked on the floor. He got up and regained his balance as the bridge started to shake rapidly and random consoles started to spark. The lights in the room started to flicker and the ship started to malfunction.

"What the fuck is going on with my ship?" Kerzon exclaimed.

Tivos looked at his readouts and looked back at Kerzon. "We're experiencing a ship-wide systems failure. Everything is going crazy!" He yelled over the rumbling and shaking of the ship. Tivos looked back at his readouts and stood up in shock.

"What is it?" Tody asked.

"Our slipspace drive must be malfunctioning. It is spinning up on its own."

"So? We've done that like a million times." Eyha said. "Who cares?"

"You don't understand. We are making a slipspace jump, but the external inertial dampeners are still online and active. Regularly we wouldn't be able to make a jump if they were active. They are sort of like parking breaks. There is no telling what could happen if the ship were to jump with the EIDs still online. We could be torn apart, or we could be teleported into oblivion. Slipspace is a very delicate procedure, and although we take it for granted because its a reliable technology, small things like the external inertial dampeners still being online could end up being really bad."

"So what do we do? Sit here on our asses and die?" Little Sin said.

"Yep." Kerzon said back to him, trying to get him aggravated.

"Shut up, bitch." He said back.

"If I were you guys, I'de hold on tight. We are about to jump!" Tivos exclaimed over the frantic noise. Kerzon sat snug in his command chair while Little Sin prepared himself at tactical. Eyha and Enolc braced themselves as Tivos held onto his chair tightly. Tody had nowhere to sit so he went over to a support column and held on for dear life.

Suddenly the ship started to accelerate. The bow sparked with glowing light-blue as it began to punch into slipspace. The hull started to creak and screech as the structural integrity was compromised. The bridge was shaking to a point where the Sangheili and the Human could not even stand.

The blue sparks on the bow soon expanded into a massive portal large enough for a COS class SuperCarrier to enter. The ship began to enter slipspace and the crew began to yell as the ship was shaken apart. The intense shaking persisted for a few minutes as the ship's structural integrity weakened more and more. The ship was on the verge of ship-wide structural failure when the slipspace drive began to shut down. The ship exited slipspace suddenly and the system failures stopped. A large jolt could be felt as the ship decelerated into normal space. Everybody was sent slightly forward as Tody could be seen flying across the bridge doing cartwheels in mid air, only to collide with the view screen at the front of the bridge.

Everybody got up and looked at the view screen, which was still offline.

"Report." Kerzon ordered.

Enolc got out of his chair and looked at Kerzon. "Well, this is a fucktastrophy."

"What are you talking about? Fucktastrophies only happen in my bed."

Enolc proceeded to point his finger in various directions. "Well, the engines are over there, the slipspace drive is over there, the bridge is right here, and the rest is somewhere in this section...... or something."

They all heard a quiet, strained voice from the front of the bridge. "Ugh." Tody said as he struggled to get on his feet. Everybody ignored him and proceeded to find out what was going on.

Tivos sighed. "All systems are coming back online, don't listen to Enolc's sarcasm." The view screen came back online and a bright light shined through.

Tivos went over to the sensor station to get their bearings. "Admiral, we are in a planetary atmosphere. I'm reading vegetation, fauna, I'm even reading towns and cities. There is intelligent life down there.

Suddenly the weapons systems came online again and the tactical console snapped on. A soft humming noise could be heard as the energy projector began to charge again.

"The guns are back on." Little Sin said.

"Bow chicka bow wow. Wait, what's that noise?"

"The energy projector is back online and its about to fire." Little Sin said calmly.

"Bow chicka bow wow..... wait, so there's life down there, right?"

"Yes." Tivos said warily.

Kerzon looked back to Little Sin, who was now dry humping his tactical console for no reason. "I wanna be with you!" Little Sin sang. "Make belief with you! Homoney homoney!" Little Sin noticed Kerzon staring at him. "What?" He said.

"Well?" Kerzon said in response.

"What?"

"Intelligent life? Cities? Towns?"

"What do you want from me, you douche bag?"

"Turn off the fucking super laser dumbass!" Kerzon said.

"Ask nicely." Little Sin said smugly

"Please fuck yourself with a rusty machete, now do what I say."

Little Sin sighed deeply. "Okay." He disengaged the energy projector and powered down the ships weapons systems. The humming stopped.

Kerzon sighed and rubbed the back of his head. "Do you know what planet we're on? Looking at the view screen I can already tell its not Sangheilios."

"No. I haven't the least bloomin' clue where we are." Tivos said.

"Shut up." Little Sin directed towards Tivos.

"Where is the closest town?" Kerzon asked.

"About a kilometre and a half north from here." Enolc said after looking at his readouts.

Kerzon glanced at the door at the back of the bridge, and then back at the view screen.

"Little Sin, Tody, Enolc, Tivos, Eyha. Get your shit together, we are taking a phantom down to the ground. Time for some first contact."

They all went to the small storage crate at the back of the bridge. The only two who actually got anything were Little Sin and Kerzon.

Little Sin grabbed an extra shotgun, a standard UNSC 8 gauge, as Kerzon swapped out the sword he currently had equipped for another sword, his own personal energy sword that he named Koir'Sang. They all headed threw various corridors and elevators before arriving at the ship's first starboard hanger bay. They loaded up onto one of the phantoms, the rest loaded into the fuselage as Kerzon piloted the troop carrier. He powered up the phantom's anti-gravity engines and took off.

Rainbow Dash brought Tucker close to the ground and dropped him off, Tucker barely managing to land on his feet. "Easy there Dash."

"Your wings better heal quick, because I don't like the idea of always having to carry you."

"I'm sure your opinion on that will change later." Tucker said, laughing.

"In your dreams." Rainbow Dash said. "C'mon, let's go try and find the others."

"You make me feel as if you don't want to be alone with me." Tucker said. "But I know you do. Nobody can resist Dr. Love for long."

"Have your balls healed yet?" Rainbow Dash asked, bending over and started putting on a fake, seductive demeanor.

"Yeah, they totally work now." Tucker said, excitedly walking up behind her.

"Good."

Rainbow Dash then kicked Tucker in the balls and started to walk away.

"Oh fuckberries." Tucker groaned. "My fuck berries!"

"I warned you not to say anything. Now let's go before you dig yourself into an even deeper hole."

"I-I don't think I can walk." Tucker said. "Can you carry me?"

"No." Rainbow Dash said, still walking.

"Ah well. You can't blame a guy from trying." Tucker said.

Tucker then stood up, holding his manhood and started limping after Rainbow Dash. It took them several minutes to get to the market, mostly due to the fact that Tucker kept falling to the ground moaning. But when they got there, they spotted Applejack among the crowd.

"Hey, there’s some of them now." Rainbow Dash said.

"Fantastic." Tucker moaned.

"Hey! There's Rainbow Dash." Pinkie exclaimed. "Rainbow Dash! We're over here."

"Hey Pinkie." Rainbow Dash said, walking up to them. "What are you guys doing?"

"What's wrong with Tucker?" Caboose asked.

Rainbow Dash turned and looked at Tucker, raising her eyebrow.

"I fell down some stairs." Tucker said quietly.

"I hate when that happens." Caboose said. "I was thinking about getting one of those magic chairs that move up and down the side of the steps."

"No, I think I've done enough falling for now." Tucker said.

"Glad to hear it." Rainbow Dash said.

Sarge looked at Tucker and started laughing. "What's so funny?" Tucker asked.

"You didn't fall down stairs, did you Tucker?" Sarge asked, still laughing.

Tucker didn't answer, he just glanced at Rainbow Dash, which made Sarge laugh even harder.

"I think I'm liking her already." Sarge said, wiping a tear out of his eye.

"Want to know what? Fuck you Sarge." Tucker grunted.

"I'm willing to bet that that was an ironic choice of words there blue." Sarge said with a smirk.

"Calm down you two." Applejack said, walking between Sarge and Tucker, expecting a fight.

"Don't worry, I'm calm." Sarge assured her. "And I'm willing to bet that Tucker doesn't have much fight left in him at the moment."

"You got that right." Tucker said.

"What are you two tal-" Applejack started to ask.

Sarge just smiled and motioned his head to Tucker. Applejack looked at Tucker, who was cradling his crotch. Then she looked at Rainbow Dash who was glaring at Tucker. Applejack started to laugh.

"Why are you laughing?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"You don't want to know." Sarge said.

"Come on y'all. Let's go find the others." Applejack said.

"Okay!" Caboose yelled.

"Let's go check on Grif, I need to make sure I didn't hurt him." Sarge said. "Too much."

"Alright, Fluttershy’s place it is." Pinkie Pie said, starting towards the cottage.

It took just a couple minutes to make it there. Tucker started to feel a little better along the way and stopped groping himself. Applejack knocked on the door and Fluttershy answered.

"Hello Applejack." Fluttershy said, letting her in. "Oh, you brought everyone else?"

Pinkie, Caboose, Sarge and Big Mac walked into the room

"Everyone else?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Well, Twilight and Rarity are here with Church and Simmons."

Sarge looked over at Grif, and Grif glared back at Sarge.

"Nice to see you too soldier." Sarge chirped happily. "Feeling better?"

"Not particularly." Grif muttered, then looked around. "This room is fucking crowded."

"He has a point." Rainbow Dash said. "How about the guys stay in here and we go outside for a little privacy, I need to talk to you girls anyways."

"Oh alright." Twilight said.

The ponies then left the room, leaving Big Mac and the other stallions in the room.

"Who is the big guy?" Church asked.

"This is Big Mac." Sarge said. "He works on the farm with Applejack."

"He is tall and red." Caboose said.

"Yes Caboose, we can see that." Church muttered.

Tucker stood there awkwardly, trying to get in a comfortable position. "What's wrong with Tucker?" Simmons asked.

"I don't want to talk about it." Tucker muttered.

"Rainbow Dash kicked him in the balls." Sarge said, barely containing his laughter.

The others looked over at Tucker, who then gave an ashamed nod. They all started laughing. All of them but Tucker.

"I hate you guys." Tucker said.

"What the fuck did you do to her?" Grif asked, now sitting up on the couch.

"I sort of... maybe... walked in on her in the shower." Tucker said.

"Was she naked?" Caboose asked.

"They're always naked you fucking idiot." Tucker responded.

"Oh my gosh you're right." Caboose gasped. "Hey Tucker! You said I would never see a girl naked!"

"Caboose. Be quiet." Church commanded.

"Okay."

"Why did you go in the room?" Simmons asked. "Because if you didn't know she was in there then that’s not that bad."

"I knew she was in there." Tucker said.

"You're a fucking pervert." Church said.

"No dude, I knew she was in there, but I had left the room when she started so when I came back to the room I didn't hear anything." Tucker said. "I thought she was done."

"So you thought that the best idea was to barge in?" Church asked.

"I don't know!" Tucker said. "I wasn't thinking, you have to believe me!"

"Don't worry Tucker, we know that you don’t think." Grif said, laughing.

"Thank you." Tucker said, then glared at Grif. "Screw you Grif."

Rainbow Dash led the girls far from Fluttershy’s home, stopping by a tree.

"Why did you bring us all the way out here Rainbow Dash?" Twilight asked.

"We could have just as well talked in a different room of Fluttershy’s home." Rarity said.

"I brought you here so the others wouldn't hear me." Rainbow Dash said.

"What's wrong?" Fluttershy asked.

Rainbow Dash looked at the ground and let out a sigh. "Tucker came into my bathroom when I was coming out of the shower." Rainbow Dash said, avoiding eye contact.

Each of the girls gave a slight gasp.

"Is that why he was holding his, er... area?" Rarity asked.

"Yes. Well no." Rainbow Dash said. "That wasn't until later."

"What happened then?" Fluttershy asked

"When he opened the door I instinctively kicked him in the face." Rainbow Dash said.

"And then what did you do next?" Twilight asked.

"Then I closed the door and dried up." Rainbow Dash said.

"That's it?" Applejack said. "Even I woulda done more than that."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Rainbow Dash asked bluntly.

"Well, you aren't exactly the most docile of ponies Dash." Rarity said.

Rainbow Dash was about to retort that statement, then she sighed and stared at the ground, contemplating what to say. After a couple minutes of silence one of them spoke up.

"You like him, don't you Dashie?" Pinkie asked.

"What?" Rainbow Dash said quickly. "No way!"

"It is okay to like him Rainbow Dash." Twilight said, smiling. "He seems like a fun stallion."

"I do not like him! He is arrogant and seems to think that everyone will like him if they meet, he can't take no for an answer, and he is just so... so..." Rainbow Dash said.

"So much like you?" Fluttershy asked.

"Yes. No. I mean he is pretty cute but-" Rainbow Dash started. But after she said that she brought her hooves to her mouth and her eyes opened wide and the girls stared at her.

"So ya think he's cute?" Applejack said, smiling.

"Please don't tell Tucker I said that." Rainbow Dash said quietly.

"Why? Are you ashamed?" Twilight asked.

"No, I'm not ashamed." Rainbow Dash said, letting out a sly smile. "I don't want you to tell him because he called it and I have a feeling I would never hear the end of it."

All of the girls started to laugh.

"Besides, I need to make sure that he likes me too before I say anything." Rainbow Dash said.

"That sounds... reasonable, I guess." Twilight said.

"Do you all promise not to tell Tucker?" Rainbow Dash asked.

All the girls replied with a quick nod.

"Thank you." Rainbow Dash said, now laughing. "Let's get back there and make sure they haven’t done too much damage."

The girls then made their way back to Fluttershy’s home and opened the door to find all the stallions, including Big Mac, on the floor laughing. All of them except for Tucker who was standing still, glaring at them, but with a smile.

"What's going on in here?" Applejack asked.

"If you guys say anything I will kill you all." Tucker muttered.

"Say anything about what?" Twilight said, smiling as she already knew the answer to the question.

Tucker noticed her expression and sighed, assuming that Rainbow Dash told the others.

"You're an undeniable bitch, you know that?" Tucker asked.

"You love it." Rainbow Dash said, smirking. Tucker smiled and shook his head.

"So Sarge, I see you got your cutie mark." Twilight noted.

"Yeah, but uh, can we call it something more manly?" Sarge said uncomfortably. "Cutie mark doesn't sound right to me. It reminds me too much of Donut."

"How about we just call it your mark." Applejack said.

"Speaking of that, what did you even do to get it?" Rarity asked.

"I kicked a stallion in the stomach." Sarge said smugly.

"Why am I not even surprised?" Church asked.

"Hey, he had it coming." Sarge grunted. "He disrespected Applejack and Big Mac. I wasn't about to go and let some weakling walk away after he insulted them."

"Some stallion? Do you mean Grif?" Simmons asked.

"No, I kicked Grif after when I saw him at the market." Sarge said.

Simmons and Church looked over at Grif.

"You actually went to the market?" Church asked.

"That's not important. You actually helped someone do something?" Simmons asked.

Grif just smiled lazily and shrugged.

"I would say that you are an asshat, but the opposite seems to be the case here." Church said.

"I prefer butthat." Caboose said.

"We know Caboose."

"If you guys don't mind, I kind of want to sleep." Grif said, rolling on his side. "I have been up for way too long."

"Now that he mentions it, it is getting rather late." Rarity said.

"I agree." Applejack said. "We need to wake up bright n' early to finish buckin' the last of the apple trees."

"I guess we'll be on our way then." Twilight said, walking towards the door. "Goodbye everypony."

All of the ponies then exited Fluttershy's home and started parting when they heard a strange noise in the distance. It was loud and sounded like some sort of explosion. They all looked in the distance to see a massive, dark blue orb form in the southern sky. They all ran back towards Fluttershy's home.

"Fluttershy! Grif! Something is happening out here! Come out, quick!" Twilight yelled.

Fluttershy and Grif came to the door and quickly and opened it. "What the hell was that sound?" Grif said.

Fluttershy and Grif gasped when they looked past the others to see something emerging from the orb. They all turned around to witness a massive metallic object come out of the orb. Once it had fully emerged, the orb closed behind the object with a hiss. It was huge.

"What is it?" Applejack said in shock.

"Hey, that looks like one of those things that command uses." Tucker said.

"You mean like a space ship?" Simmons replied.

"A what?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"I'm sure you guys are familiar with boats, right?" Simmons said.

"Yes." Pinkie said.

"Well a space ship is like a boat, but it travels threw space. They can go really fast too. A matter of fact-"

"It's so big." Grif said in awe.

"Should we fly up and check it out?" Tucker added.

"I agree with Tucker for once, I think we should. that thing looks like it could be bad. We should scout it to make sure it's not dangerous." Rainbow Dash agreed.

Suddenly a strange sound could be heard travelling upward in pitch, it was coming from the massive object. They all watched as a ball of energy formed out of a hole on the bottom of the giant machine. It grew larger and brighter as as the sound moved very high in pitch.

"This doesn't seem good at all!" Rarity shouted over the noise.

"It looks like its about to shoot a laser!" Tucker yelled.

At the last moment, when the ball seemed to reach it's peak, it disappeared and the sound faded away.

"What n' tarnation was that?" Applejack exclaimed.

"I don't know, didn't look much like a friendly gesture though." Sarge grunted.