YHaY: The Human of the Guard

This felt weird. Currently, we were waiting on our side of the bridge, while a massive minotaur taunted us on the bridge in a heavy downpour. Apparently, minotaur military tradition stated that if there was a stalemate such as this where neither side wanted to fight in a particularly difficult battle because of the terrain, there was a solution. Each side sends out their greatest warrior to fight to the death. The winning side got to choose the battlegrounds so long as it was still within a mile of the undesirable terrain. Or even just bypass a certain obstacle and start fighting immediately.

How did I know this? I was part of the escort for our general to meet with the minotaur general, where it was all explained to me firsthand. It seemed like a decent problem solver, unless one or neither side provided a fighter. Then what? Stay there until the end of the war? Go around each other? Fuck if I knew.

The minotaur yelled another insult at my army. About how cowardly we were to face death. After being able to observe common ponies for a month or so, I could accurately state that the average male was a fucking pansy ass coward. The females, Raindrop included, had this weird mix of being both like a guy and a girl. They liked girly things, but they were more apt to get into fights and other things that seemed more manly. It just left me scratching my head. Still, of the girls, no one was sent out either. As the day grew longer, I was getting more and more annoyed by that minotaur on the bridge. Just the way it seemed to shove it's way into my skull, and the way he said it. Reminded me of the posturing douchebags back home. The kind that bragged to no end of how great they were or how great the group they belonged to was. Even without any evidence they would spew generalities that were likely just opinions rather than fact.

It was about 3 in the afternoon of the fifth day when I'd finally had enough. If he talked any longer, and I didn't do anything, I was bound to go insane. I grabbed my helmet and shield, belted my sword, and marched through the camp towards the bridge. Much to Raindrop's surprise.

When she caught up to me, she hissed into my ear while trying to slow me down, "What do you think you're doing?"

Her body was no match for my robotic legs as I pushed on, answering her in a whisper, "Settling this damn thing. We're out in the field sleeping in puddles of mud while more rain pours on our heads. It's pissing me off." I gave her a barely visible smile and wink, and she let go to watch me pass through more ponies.

Said ponies began to take notice, and I started developing a nice little crowd. Even a tall white pony that I could swear I'd seen before. All of them were whispering about what I was doing. They stopped following me once I passed the forward guards of the camp, and watched from afar as I stepped onto the bridge.

I stared up at the massive hulk that was my opponent. As I donned my helmet and strapped under my chin, I was already thinking about how this fight should go for me to win in this David and Goliath scenario.

A few stones and a slingshot are definite no goes. This isn't the Bible, and that's way too smart for humans here. Besides, minotaur skulls are too thick for that. No, I'm going to have to rely on some advantages that are in my favor.

I drew my sword and adopted a combative stance, He's big, and real heavy. That means while he can wield a tree as a club, he's going to be really slow to move all that weight. But that also means.... The minotaur laughed as he stared down at me and began a few final baddie lines to intimidate the pony army and to boost the morale of his own army, I'm going to use my prosthetics to their limits to be as fast as possible.

"You ponies choose to send a human against the greatest warrior of the Makriá Kérata?" His laugh bellowed across the plains, deep and horrible. It was that of a demon.

"Very well! I shall show you your own weakness!" He declared. He swung his club in a flashy way, grinning down at me.

I only needed to wait for a second before he made his first move. He lunged forwards swinging his club downward in a horizontal strike. I rose my shield, quietly trusting the smith who made it, and caught the club. The club bounced off, throwing the monster off balance, much to his own surprise. I, however, was pushed backwards to the low barrier of the bridge side, my feet skidding on the wet stone.

Without missing a beat, I rushed forwards with blinding speed, attempting to seize the advantage. The minotaur, as slow and bulky as he was, still reacted in time to glance my blow off his club.

A hoof came up to strike at my crotch. I didn't see it in time to drop my shield down to block, or to reposition my metal legs to save my precious family jewels from an absurd invasion of common decency. In other words, he was going to kick me in the balls. Guys don't do that to other guys.

Cloven hoof met sensitive tissue, and lifted me off the ground to launch me several feet backwards. When I landed, I let out the most horrifying, inhuman screeches ever to exist as I cradled my one eyed snake. I was going to fuck him up before, but now I was going to make him bleed.

He laughed awkwardly, obviously unsure of how he should react, as I struggled to my feet, trying to pry my hands away from my crotch. I calmly, and a bit stiffly, walked over to my dropped sword. The moment it was in my grip, I launched without warning, closing the gap between us. His club swung from the side in an attempt to strike at my head. I dropped to my knees, sliding underneath the club right to his own legs. My sword stabbed upwards, right between his own legs. It didn't go far, but it didn't need to. I achieved my sick revenge by stabbing his manhood with gusto.

He roared in agony, falling to a knee and dropping his weapon. I took the opportunity to stab him in between his upper arm and his arm socket, effectively rendering his arm useless. He tried to retreat a few steps away, trying to figure out which wound he should clutch with his remaining good arm. I didn't give him space. I lunged again, missing his other socket, but still managing to dig my blade into his chest very near the joint.

His arm went slack like the other as he recoiled away from me. His face was contorted in pain, eyes squeezed shut. I slashed at his left leg, then his right, forcing him into a kneeling position. I punched him with my shield, and he fell onto his back. I took my time walking up to his face to let him feel the pain longer, and to build a sense of dread in him. I rested the point of my blade on his jugular, and waited until he opened his eyes. This close to him, I knew he could see some of my face. To taunt him, I gave him a toothy smile. As his face twisted in horror, I buried my blade in his throat, letting him drown in his own blood that gushed from his throat. He died slowly, staring past me as he felt his life drained away, twitching futilely as his systems slowly shut down.

The valley was quiet from both sides. Neither pony nor minotaur made a noise, as they stared at me, the human who'd bested the minotaur. Like an animal killing a war god. It had to be impossible, surely. But then again, I wasn't an animal, and that dead body wasn't no war god.

I let my shoulders sag as I listened to the rain patter on the bridge and tink off my helmet. I felt tired, like I was carrying the weight of the world on my back. I wondered if I would ever be free from war, much less peace of mind.

Turning, I made my trek back to camp, trudging through the mud. Among the mass of ponies, the large white pony at the head of them all. I tried to go past her, but she stepped in my way. Quirking an eyebrow, I tried to walk around her only for her to mirror me. I grunted in annoyance, and almost sat down, but decided against it since I didn't really like getting covered in mud. The white pony looked me up and down, and while she didn't look horrified like most ponies, she did look incredibly sad.

Hmm, that's a new one. Suddenly her horn lit up in a golden glow. Suddenly, my chinstrap was undone, and my helmet was ripped off my head. The helmet slapped against the wet ground, as the pony gasped in surprise. She looked horrified now, staring directly into my eyes. I stared right back with a dead, emotionless stare. In the corner of her eye, I saw the faintest of hints of a tear growing.

Ah, so she knows that these eyes aren't real, or at least that there's something wrong.

"Poor, poor human. What kind of nightmare did you go through." She asked me rhetorically. A pair of hooves clopped up from the crowd of ponies, and Raindrop appeared. She rushed right up to me and hugged me with the strength of giant.

I gave her a few reassuring pats on the back, and looked back to the white pony. I had a nagging feeling that I'd seen her before, but where?

"Is this your human, little one?" The white pony asked.

Raindrop immediately released me to pop a salute, "Yes Princess Celestia!"

Celestia looked away from me to Raindrop. Taking the opportunity, I picked up my helmet, wiped away the mud before putting it on again.

"What can you tell me about him?" She asked. Well, demanded nicely to be more accurate.

"Not much really." She lied, "He came from a human fighting ring, so he's got a fair number of scars . But some of his scars don't look like they were made by any weapon I know of."

"What of his armor? They don't look like standard issue armor for our humans."

Raindrop bit her lip, uncomfortable with the question, "W-well, you're right, it isn't armor. They're extremely advanced prosthetics. From what I can tell, they're stronger than the average human arm. Same with his legs. But if he works for a long time, he starts getting lethargic."

Celestia seemed to have steeled herself from shock now, so instead of a gasp, she looked nearly hurt. Like a precious loved one had verbally wounded her.

Her recovery was quick, as she spoke again, "In any case, I'm grateful that he took the burden of taking a life from my shoulders. I've seen many battles in my life, and I've unfortunately had to take many lives. It weighs on the soul, you know, even at my age." She looked away from us to regard the army on the other side of the bridge retreating as a small contingent recovered the dead body.

"It seems as though tomorrow will bring a great struggle. I suggest that you get an early rest once we make camp on the other side." she softly suggested.