Threshold

In a curious way, we expect there to always be noise buzzing around our ears. There is a constant babble in the periphery of our lives, either floating in from an open window or caught it snippets as others glide past us. Finding true silence is a quest which few will ever complete.

There is something paralyzing in the moments when the silence creeps up on you. When you expect noise, so your brain is puttering along at its usual pace, ignoring the world around you. Silence falls like a cherry blossom fluttering to the ground. Nothing remains.

I remember the first time I felt this. With a woolly scarf draped over my snout, I trotted along to the market through a blanket of freshly fallen snow. My mind had been whirling with to-dos and meaninglessness when the nagging voices faded nothing filled the void they had left. There were ponies everywhere, all on a mission and moving as usual, all with little puffs of breath rising from their mouths-- but between the flurries at their hooves and the scarves around their faces there was no room to make a sound. My panting breaths rushed through me, and I became afraid to sniff or shiver or even step too loudly and break the silence. Nothing but the hum of the universe in my ears. It was like realizing I was in a dream.

The second time I experienced this happened much later. It is a memory with no pretense, as though I had read one page out of the middle of a book, never bothering to skim the rest. The air was hot and sticky, and the buzz of cicadas rolled out of the forest.

“I’m waiting for you!” called out through time and space and eternity. This time, it was like waking up from a dream. A very long dream.

The cicadas silenced. The wind froze. I was very aware of myself as I stood in the still and oppressively humid summer air. The town was nearly invisible in the fog which hung around its head.

Almost involuntarily—no, entirely involuntarily—I recited a few facts to myself in a harsh little whisper: “I am Rarity. Today is Thursday. I am alive.”

I stood in dew-covered grass near the edge of the Everfree forest. The air smelled of rain, and the sunlight of the early morning filtered through the thick cloud cover. No shadows were cast in this otherworldly light. The world seemed as an unfinished painting.

I wish to Celestia I could remember where I was going or what I was doing so far from town, but I think that is a mystery I will never solve. But here I was, sweating and bleary-eyed, standing near the edge of the forest and looking right at a well-hidden structure which looked as if it had sprouted from the ground overnight. Moss, vines, and other vegetation veiled the building; some had grown there, but some dangled from outcroppings and overhangs with rootballs and dirt still clinging to their stems.

As far as I could tell, the building was an abandoned shopping center which I had simply never seen before. One outer wall was solid glass, through which I spotted an old fountain and a set of escalators. Everything which wasn’t covered in moss and vines had black mold creeping across its surface.

A form shifted inside. Rising? Bracing? Cowering? It was difficult to tell, little more than a dark smudge beyond the dingy glass.

I squinted and watched as the crumpled shape of a pony hauled herself to her feet, fell, vomited, and righted itself. Without thinking, I broke into a run towards the strange building and the clearly injured pony within it. As I galloped, the pony’s head snapped up at attention, looking, it seemed, directly at me. In a flash, it disappeared.

Despite this, I reached the dilapidated structure and stepped gingerly through a shattered hole in the wall of windows.

A shopping mall. I was certain, now. A shopping mall which looked ancient and yet brand new-- not a single neon sign hung above a storefront, no hint of merchandise or even display furniture anywhere. A building which had only just been finished, and now stood abandoned, never used. Saying that it made me uneasy would be an understatement… just standing in the place filled me with unshakable dread.

“Hello?” I called into the emptiness. My voice did not echo back to me. “I saw somepony in here… are you alright, darling?”

I stepped slowly and carefully through grass so thick it may as well have been a meadow untouched by ponykind. “If you’re in trouble, I can help.”

Soul-crushing silence.

I could feel my chest constricting in fear. It had been a long time since I had last faced the supernatural like this. But nothing had ever truly felt like this. My head was swimming from lack of oxygen and there was a strange buzzing sound gathering in my ears. A hum. The hum of the universe.

Quick breaths were hitching in my throat as I stumbled backwards and--

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Falafel, Pickle, or Avocado. Silly me. It must be the lack of sleep. The buzzing in my ears wasn’t anything but this broken fluorescent light illuminating the sandwiches in the Kwik-Grab. Silly, silly me.

The sandwiches were all busted up pretty badly. Wrapped in paper and stamped roughly by minimum-wage workers, you couldn’t ever expect them to be in good condition. But these were the last dregs of the day, laying there in the bottom of the bin like crumpled bits of paper in the bottom of a wastebasket. Falafel, Pickle, or Avocado. Nightwhisper hated all of them. He liked a plain tomato and cheese. Which one could I pick everything else off of and leave the least amount of flavor behind as possible?

I suppose this was why I had so quickly lost consciousness. The stakes were high, but the entertainment so low. Part of me wanted to tell him to just pick it off himself and deal with whatever he thought that kind of back-talk deserved. The rest of me remembered what happened last time.

Falafel was the way to go. Less sticky, less flavorful. Surely he wouldn’t notice if I removed the patties and ate them myself.

I lifted the sandwich with my magic and turned to face the rest of the establishment. Places like these were almost non-places-- never a destination, always an unexpected rest stop. Built from a kit, practically, without any touch of uniqueness or life. Just a few rows of low shelves and buzzing lights and the fuzzy, dull tones of radio fizzling beneath everything else. Everything a nasty shade of lifeless blue-green. Everything artificial, even the air pumped in at an optimal temperature. As I said, a non-place place.

I carried the battered parcel to the front of the store and dropped it on the counter. The young colt standing there looked just as dead-eyed as me.

“Could I get a pack of Marlburro, too?” I asked softly.

He barely reacted. He wasn’t looking past me, precisely-- it was more of a glazed and vacant stare in eyes which refused to meet my own. I couldn’t be sure if this was due to the hour, or the influence of something else entirely.

I cleared my throat. “Marlburro? Please?”

The bell on the front door tinkled gently. The colt’s eyes flicked over to the door, then back down at the magazine he had open on the counter.

I sighed deeply. “I’m not sure why I’m being treated this way but I would really appreciate it if--”

“Hooves on the desk no funny business,” a gruff voice beside me spat.

I jumped to the side and shrank away from the stallion beside me. He did not stutter. He had a spell charged on his horn and ready to fly… a terrifying dark red that sparked and sputtered.

Once again, fear clutched my chest and I stumbled backwards and into a cardboard display. Still, neither pony made any notice of me. Thank Celestia.

In a whirlwind of panic and fear, I somehow made my way into one of the aisles and cowered against the shelves, desperately trying to come up with a plan. I closed my eyes and knocked my head against the shelving in the hopes that it would snap my out of whatever it was I was trapped in.

“Rarity!” A sudden hoof on my foreleg made me gasp. “We need to get out of here, come on!”

Large, sparkling eyes. A familiar shade of magenta, flickering frantically across my face. Familiar, yes-- but, at the same time, radically different.

“R-Rainbow Dash?” I mumbled.

Her eyes flashed with an emotion I couldn’t quite place. Her breath spread warmth across my cheek.

“Let’s go, Rares! Come on!” she hissed. She gave my foreleg a swift tug and it slid cleanly along the linoleum. My chest collided with the floor and all the air left my lungs with a thump.

“Hurry, please!” she begged, now dragging me along the floor as I tried to catch my breath.

The sound of a magical blast knocked the sense back into me, and I was on my hooves in an instant. Then I was running, with Rainbow’s front hooves clutching my chest and hoisting me off the ground the slightest bit. There was an odd ropiness to the muscles in her legs as they flexed against my flanks, I thought. It was difficult to form any sort of rational thought just yet.

There was sand beneath me. Cold sand which looked grey in the light of the moon. It rushed past us like a river. There was nothing to focus on but the motion as I hung limp in Rainbow’s grasp.

Once Rainbow’s panic-stricken heart slowed its beat to a more usual pace, she released me and came to a reluctant stop. The Kwik-Grab was barely a dot on the horizon.

“Wow…” Rainbow said, chest still heaving from the hasty escape. “So. I guess you live in San Palomino now?”

“Are you kidding me, Rainbow?”

She rubbed her foreleg nervously, eyes flicking from cactus to cactus in the distance. “I mean, I--”

“I’m not going to let you just waltz back into my life like this,” I said, and started off at a trot back towards town. I could feel a lump creeping up my throat.

After a moment of what I assumed to be stunned confusion, Rainbow kicked off the packed sand and glided back to my side. “I just saved your life back there!” she reminded me, her voice cracking repeatedly.

“That’s arguable,” I said.

Rainbow sputtered something at me, but I don’t think she had a true response.

“I don’t have time for you right now.”

She stopped moving. I did not.

I had things to do and places to be. It wasn’t my fault she had been missing for a year. It wasn’t my fault I had to—

“Please?” Rainbow said. “Don’t I even get a chance to apologise?”

“If you had given us better than radio silence for a year, I might consider it.”

She broke into a gallop, catching up once again. I didn’t even cast her a glance, just kept my eyes trained forward and my gait as sure and steady as I could. It wasn’t easy to shake off the adrenaline pumping through me, and my hoofsteps slipped and slid in the drifts of sand.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to, Rares. I just didn’t have the time. It was always rallies and races and press and between all that I was just…” she trailed off. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? You have to believe me, I am. I came back to make up for all the time I missed and you’re the very first pony I had to see.”

I scoffed. “Yeah, and why’s that?”

She shrugged. “Well, I dunno…”

“Did you somehow ignore me more than the others?” I suggested.

“No…”

“Was your betrayal of me more intense?”

“No, but I know everypony has like… stuff going on…”

“Oh, so you pity me?” A cold, empty laugh fell from my lips. “I’m done just fine, Rainbow Dash. I don’t need your pity.”

“Rares, stop!” With a sudden flash of movement, Rainbow Dash came to stand before me, her wings spread to their full length to block my path. “I have a lot of regrets, okay? I wasn’t off having a grand old time, it was hard for me, too. I knew you all for, like, ten years then I was just… alone. That’s hard.”

The setting sun filtered through her feathers and fell at my hooves like dappled light through leaves. She was such a small pony, nearly a full head shorter than I, but the way she stood held so much power and authority. Even in her vulnerability, she was so strong.

“I did a lot of things that weren’t like me,” she said. Her wings were starting to slowly drift back to her sides. “And I did a lot of things that I wouldn’t have done if you guys had been there for me. I know the others are doing awesome, but it’s kind of hard for somepony like me to just change their loyalties like that, you know?”

I let a wry chuckle escape me. Rainbow’s mouth twitched to a smirk ever so slightly.

“You gotta give me a chance, okay? I promise, this is the last chance you’ll have to give me.”

“Oh, Rainbow…” I sighed heavily, shaking my head and doing my best to avoid Rainbow’s eyes. She had a haunting gaze. Such a little pony, but such big eyes. “Dear Celestia, don’t let me regret this. Walk with me, Rainbow.”

Rainbow’s eyes twinkled, and she fell in step beside me. At first she was very quiet, unsure of how to proceed now that she had been invited in. For a while, it was nice to just walk beside her in the rapidly cooling desert air. I noticed she had cut her mane in a style somewhat similar to her old hero, Spitfire; a harsh style which swept back from her face, giving the odd impression that she was moving at great speed even as she stood still in front of me. I wondered dimly if this was an enforced style of the Wonderbolts, or yet another attempt to appear as one of the herd.

“I like your mane,” Rainbow said suddenly, as though she had read my mind. “It covers your face less.”

“It got to be too much of a hassle, I suppose.” I dipped my head, letting the smaller, tighter curls fall forward.

Rainbow grimaced a bit, swallowed loudly.

“How was the tour?” I asked.

“Long,” she said. “Just… just really long.”

“Was it everything you hoped? Fame, fortune, Wonderbolts?”

“It was definitely… as much as I’d hoped,” she corrected.

As much of what?

“I sent you letters,” I said. “Did you ever get any?”

Rainbow nodded. “Yeah, I did-- are you still with that Nightwhisper guy?”

I forced a laugh. “You remember him, do you?” I asked. “Yes, we’re still together. And… I live here now.”

“With Nightwhisper?” Rainbow asked. There was a strange little waver in her voice.

“Yes.”

Rainbow said nothing. She bit her lip a bit, chewed at the corner of it, and squinted into the distance. “So… you live there?”

The town now peeked out from behind a butte, a dusty little place where very few ever ended up, and even fewer stayed.

“Shit. I left that stupid sandwich on the counter…” I kicked the dirt with my front hoof, letting dust cloud around my legs.

“Is there somewhere in town you could buy another?” Rainbow suggested.

“Not one that Nightwhisper likes,” I said. I then quickly added “He has very particular, erm, dietary restrictions.”

Rainbow watched me carefully. “What about you? Did you get dinner for yourself?”

It was my turn to bite my lip, and force another laugh. “I guess I forgot. Silly me. I’ve been in a daze all day…”

“Rare.” Rainbow took my forehoof in hers. “You know you can talk to me, right? Is something going on? You don’t seem like yourself.”

“Well, to be quite fair, you haven’t known me for over a year,” I said. “I think I’m allowed to grow a little while you’re away on tour.”

Rainbow heaved a great sigh and slowly relinquished my hoof. “I deserve that. But, seriously-- you’re out here kickin’ dirt around and worrying about sandwiches? I never would have thought you to go for such a needy guy.” She chuckled a bit.

I rolled my eyes. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Rainbow.”

“Sure. Maybe I don’t.”

But maybe she does.

“Look, I’ll just go back and get the sandwich, okay?” Rainbow offered.

“Don’t be silly,” I said. “It’s dangerous back there. I just wish I hadn’t put that down on the counter, I might’ve left with it by mistake.”

I looked back in the direction of the Kwik-Grab, pondering my options. I ran through what I could remember of the ingredients in mind my, organizing places I could get them, wondering what I would tell Rainbow when she inevitably asked more questions about Nightwhisper. As my mind ran in circles, I could almost feel myself slipping away. This very next moment of calm and I was falling asleep on my hooves. Just as the humming sounds of sleep were beginning to consume me, Rainbow’s voice came floating back to me.

“Oh… You mean this one?” she asked, brandishing the rumpled sandwich.

I stuttered something in confusion.

“You were holding it when I came in so I… I took it from you. I’ve been holding it this whole time,” she explained.

I squinted at her. “You… did what? How?”

She pressed the sandwich into my hoof with the earnestness of a pony passing down a family heirloom. “Just take it, okay?”

It was still so cold, almost freshly plucked from the display case. I looked down at the sandwich, then back out to the Kwik-Grab, and when I turned around to thank Rainbow Dash she had simply disappeared.

“Wh…” I whispered. “Rainbow?”

I whirled about in a circle, searching for the missing pony, waiting for her to jump out at me from… well, somewhere. I threw my head back to look at the sky, as well. Nothing there but twinkling stars and that bright, round moon.

“Rainbow?” I called, this time a little louder. The echo that had been missing before returned. I could somehow hear my voice bouncing back to me from across the vacant deserts of San Palomino. “Rainbow!”

Only my own voice came back to me. It may have been in my head, but it seemed to be warped as it returned to me.

The tears which I had so studiously held back now started to bubble up from my chest once again. I stood there, in the middle of the desert, holding a stupid sandwich wrapped in its stupid sandwich paper, crying tears for a pony that I couldn’t be certain had been there at all.

And the funniest thing is that the thought which stopped my tears wasn’t carefully questioning my current mental state, nor was it wondering which events of the past few minutes had actually occurred. No, the thought which returned me to the zombie-like state I had been in this past year was “Nightwhisper won’t be happy that you’re crying over anypony but him.”

Silly, silly me.