Author's Note

Fair warning, Clouds of Ecstasy is not a typical smut story. At least, not yet. This first chapter doesn't have any sex scenes and, without spoiling anything, features themes that some may consider off-putting. There's nothing too disturbing here, but keep in mind that it may get a little heavy at times.

Enjoy!

Splintered

“You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”

The orange brown stallion nodded, his hands in his pockets as he walked along the sidewalk. “Of course I am, you’re basically forcing me to do this.”

“But if I leave it up to you, nothing will ever come of it. C’mon man, what’s the worst that could happen?”

He swallowed hard, balling his pocketed hands into fists, his heart resembling a jackhammer. “But I don’t… I didn’t sign up for this.”

His friend turned to him, smiling back at him. “Splinter, you can’t just keep hiding yourself away in your room forever. You’re 26, you gotta get out there now before it’s too late!”

Splinter sighed and looked off to the side, his face in a frown. “Maybe I don’t mind being alone. And what do you mean ‘too late’?”

“Well, you gotta do it while you’re still young, you know! Bigger chance you’ll score someone who is too!”

This whole ordeal was already exhausting him before it even started. It was Friday night, and he was going to just chill at home, play some video games, surf the web, watch television, anything that he liked to do to unwind. That was until Starshot, his unicorn friend from back in high school, threw a giant monkey wrench into his plans by showing up at his door. With him, he brought a brilliant idea, one that Splinter immediately looked up against. Still, arguing with him was a lost cause. He was a lot more energetic than he was, and eventually he managed to convince him into joining him for a night into town. Well, convince is quite an overstatement.

Ranchtown had a university, and during the weekends this spelled partying, partying and more partying. The town was well equipped to accommodate the many thirsty students with many bars and a few clubs. The more rowdy ones already took a head start and were drunk before the sun even set. One had to be careful of those guys, because they’d puke all over your coat and pants before you even knew what hit you.

Splinter was not one of them by any means. He was not a student, he didn’t go to parties and he definitely didn’t like mingling with these folks. He worked as a wood sculptor. Not a high octane job, but he enjoyed it because it allowed him to work in peace and let his artistic side speak. Hearing how much people enjoyed his work was enough of a thrill for him.

But now he was in the thick of it. Noisy idiots being noisy, obnoxious drunkards hitting on or making out with girls. What a fucking nightmare to be around. How the hell was he going to see the end of this night?

“Splinter,” Starshot said, turning toward him and putting his hands on his shorter earth pony friend’s shoulders. “I know that you’re nervous, but you’re a nice guy! It sucks seeing you alone like this, you deserve to have a nice mare to go with you, you know!”

Splinter rolled his eyes. “Well, thanks, but if you’re looking for a soulmate for me, then why the hell did you take me here? All I’m seeing is party girls and possibly sluts. What makes you think I’d get along with them? I’d have more luck at a library or something.”

After a few moments of silence, and Starshot blinking at him dumbly, Splinter sighed again and shook his head. “I think you’re just trying to set me up with the hot ones.”

The light teal coloured unicorn laughed and tapped him on the shoulder. “And what’s wrong with that? Don’t worry, I’ve got a pretty good eye for this. I’ll find you someone you’ll like, and with me as your wingman, what could go wrong?”

He turned around and motioned for him to follow. “C’mon, I know a nice place.”

Splinter swallowed the nervous lump in his throat. They were still gonna go through with this. If it only were this simple.

After a couple of minutes of walking, Splinter and Starshot stood before a very modern looking bar. The outside facade had smooth black panels and tiny spotlights to illuminate the name in big white letters; Regnum Majestic. At the very least, this place was a lot more calm despite being quite busy. This didn’t occur to Splinter at first. Not everyone out tonight was looking to party until they puked, some prefered to socialise and get drunk in a more subdued manner. They looked at eachother.

“Well, is this better?”

Splinter nodded. He was at least a little bit more on board with this now, but his nerves were still getting to him. He silently wished it all just turned into a dud, so that they could just leave it alone and the two of them could just hang out. Before he could even say anything, Starshot already had the door open for him.

They went inside, letting the door fall shut behind them. The unicorn eagerly began to scan the place for any “potential candidates”. There were a lot of ponies there, most of the tables taken with only a few more free. The soft music in the background was mostly drowned out by the chatter, but Splinter could still recognise the song. He stood by, idle, his hands still in his pockets fidgeting with the cloth inside.

That was when he felt Starshot’s elbow nudge against his side. “Whoa, Splinter! Look at that!”

He looked at him and saw that even his eyes were wide and his mouth hanging slightly open. He followed his gaze and he followed suit.

There, sitting at the bar was a pegasus, estimated in her early twenties, by herself with a half filled martini glass between her fingers. Her short, mauve coloured dress wrapped around her lightly shaded cyan body tightly and her back was exposed. She wore black high heeled thigh high boots with silver buckles and her long flowing mane was tied into a ponytail, bright pink with baby blue streaks. Her breasts were massive and her cleavage deep, but even those were overshadowed by her gigantic wings. Seriously the largest wings either of them had ever seen. If she spread them, they’d probably take up half of the width of the entire tavern, but as they were folded now, they still reached a good deal past her butt. She sat with her legs crossed and both elbows on the counter, one hand swirling her drink and the other supporting her head. It was obvious, she was drop dead gorgeous.

“Dude,” Starshot said, nudging him again, “That’s the one!”

“W-What?!” Splinter shot back, his nervousness clearly showing in his eyes and voice. “Are you crazy? She’s way out of my league!”

“You gotta aim big, bro! I mean, look at her! You seriously don’t wanna give it a shot with her? I would if I were in your shoes. What are you so afraid of? Getting rejected?”

“W-well, yeah…”

“Then so what? It’s not gonna kill you!”

Splinter sighed and looked at her again. Her long eyelashes fluttered as she took a sip from her drink. There was an undeniable air of elegance surrounding her, the way her back arched and her rump stuck out, and that faint, sultry smile on her lips.

“I… I don’t know about this…”

Starshot smiled at him, tapping his back in encouragement. “Don’t worry man, I’ll handle this. Hang on.”

He walked straight toward her before he could protest. Splinter reached out to stop him, but he was too late. Before he knew it, Starshot was standing right next to her, and his stomach dropped.

“Excuse me, miss?”

The cyan coloured pegasus turned to him, and after only a second, she smiled. “Yes?”

Oh Gosh, even the tone of her voice radiated elegance and her smile made him reel, not to mention her deep violet eyes. Starshot even toyed with the idea of trying to get her himself, but he quickly shook it off.

“Are you here by yourself?” he asked, returning a smile.

“I am.”

“Well, you see,” he turned and pointed at Splinter, who was still fidgeting in his pockets, “I’m here with my friend, but I was just called up and I really need to leave.” She swiveled on her barstool to look at him, and when she did, Splinter went boiling hot in the face.

“Would you mind keeping him company? I feel bad leaving him alone. Plus, he thinks you’re really cute.” He said this last line with a wink.

The orange earth pony was now sweating bullets. Why the hell did he have to say that last bit, that asshole. Now she was gonna think he was a creep, or a pervert or something like that. She kept looking at him, and to his surprise, her mouth curved to a smile. She was giggling.

“Sure, I don’t mind. I was wanting some company myself anyway.”

Starshot looked back at him with a big smile and a triumphant look in his eyes. He turned back at her. “Thank you, miss! He’s a little bit shy, so forgive him if he gets a bit quiet.” he said, drawing another giggle from the young woman.

This didn’t help. This didn’t help at all! What was he going to say to a beautiful young mare such as her? He was a nobody, a clown! She might as well have been royalty compared to him, and now he had to talk to her? Talk about throwing him into the deep end, with an anchor tied to his legs. Starshot walked back to him. “I’m right behind you man, good luck! And don’t forget to buy her a drink!”

He was going to protest again, but he figured there wasn’t much of a point to it anymore. The deal had been sealed, especially as he walked out of the bar and left him alone. He turned to face her, and her smile hadn’t left. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat before marching up to the empty barstool next to her. With legs made of jello, he climbed on top and sat beside her.

The silence that followed was unbearable. He was too nervous to look at her, only able to shoot glances every now and then while playing with a beer coaster in front of him. He did notice she was tracing her finger along the edge of her glass.

“Your friend is very nice,” she finally spoke, with that soft, ladylike voice that didn’t help calm his jitters in the slightest.

“Y-yeah,” he chuckled apprehensively.

“To help you like this, I mean.”

This sentence made Splinter’s heart sink. His eyes went wide and he looked at her to see that she was still smiling as she licked the drop of her beverage off her finger, her knowing eyes half open.

“I… Ehm…”

“Sorry, but if I may be so bold, it seems to me like he wanted to set you up with me. Something of an impromptu date. Am I wrong?”

Oh shit. She figured it out. Splinter’s eyes darted from left to right. He contemplated his next words, but he figured there was no point in denying it.

“How did you…” he said with a half hearted smile.

“Call it a hunch,” she giggled daintely as she looked out the window to see Starshot dive away at the very last moment. “That was very nice of him, you have a good friend if he’s willing to do that for you.”

“Eheheh, yeah…”

She turned to face him and extended him her hand. “My name is Cloud Splitter.”

Splinter’s eyes gazed at her delicate hand, her slender fingers with well manicured, red polished nails. His mind raced. Should he just shake it, or do something stupid like take it and kiss the back of it to charm her? Nah, that would come off too strong. In the end, he just took it with a soft grip. “Splinter. Wood Splinter.”

“Splinter,” she repeated with a charming chuckle. “Are you a woodworker?”

“Something like that… I’m a sculptor,” he answered.

“Ooooh, an artist, huh? I see. Your hands have a certain roughness to it, but they’re still very gentle. It makes a lot of sense.”

Cloud finished the rest of her drink while Splinter brushed his light brown mane behind his ear. His nerves were calming down somewhat, but he still couldn’t really find the words to say. “So ehm… I ehh… Oh! Can I get you another drink?” he asked with as much resolution as he could muster.

After licking her lips, she gave him a stare with half shut eyes that he could only describe as seductive. It looked so incredibly sexy it made his heart pound. “Are you trying to woo me? Or maybe you want to get me drunk?”

Splinter stumbled over his words in an attempt to apologise, but this made Cloud laugh. “I’m only teasing you, dear. Yes, you may.” She squeezed his hand as she said this and smiled warmly.

This woman, maybe she was too much to handle after all. She was dangerously sharp and had a mischievous glint in her eyes. He had to be careful or he would fall head over heels in love with her.

“Your friend was right about one thing though,” she spoke after Splinter made the order to the bartender. “You are quite the bashful young man. You don’t go out much?”

“N-no…” he answered, shaking his head. He figured honesty was the best path to take in this case, even if it was a little uncomfortable to admit.

“And you don’t have a lot of experience talking to girls, do you?”

“Is it that obvious?” he laughed a little, unable to keep eye contact.

Cloud giggled in a way that was custom to her. “Kind of, but don’t worry, you’re not really doing anything wrong.” She placed a hand on top of her chest. “So, it’s because of me that you’re this nervous right now?”

Splinter didn’t have an answer for that, but his sheepish smile said more than enough. The light blue mare gave him a big smile and put her hand on his knee. “You are cute, you know that?”

A dark shade of red began to form on the shy stallion’s cheeks. He made an honest attempt to look at her, but it turned his stomach into a knot. It was not unpleasant. “No need to worry,” she added, “I don’t bite.” She then leaned in a little bit closer. “Well, maybe a nibble,” she laughed softly.

If Splinter wore glasses, they would probably have fogged up at this point. Still, as time went on, the two actually managed to get a nice conversation going. Cloud was so pleasant to speak to, so calm and collected, with just that subtle hint of naughtiness to keep him slightly on edge. Bit by bit, he grew more comfortable around her as he told her about his job and pastimes, and she told him about her life. She was born with abnormally large wings, and while they made her the subject of some teasing early on in her life, they eventually turned into one of her stronger assets. She was a powerful flyer because of it, and she combined this with one of her bigger passions; dancing. It was obvious she had other aspirations, but she remained strangely quiet about them.

“Maybe I’ll tell you later,” she commented on this with a wink.

Yes, everything was turning out much better than Splinter expected. She was, for the most part, open and friendly with him, a little flirtatious even. His worries had all but melted away. He couldn’t help but feel humbled about this, even somewhat thankful for Starshot. Speaking of which, he wondered if he was still watching, and if he was, whether he was getting bored yet.

There was one thing about her that made it difficult to keep from getting distracted, however. Her massive breasts that were either resting on the counter and bulging out the top of her dress, or facing him in all their plump, weighty glory. His eyes darted down to her chest more than once, but never longer than just short glances. He even shot a few down to her legs and her thighs, but never got a look up her dress, not that he was aiming for that.

It was during a conversation that his eyes once again wandered down, and that was when Cloud brought her hand to the top of her breast and gently caressed it with her fingertips, along with a small, acknowledging chuckle. Splinter’s eyes immediately shot up to see her smiling face, and looked away blushing a mere split second later. “I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind if you look,” she said with an enticing tone. “Not at all. Actually…”

She leaned in closer to him again, so much closer than before. Splinter turned to her and his face went crimson, his heart throbbing so hard it felt like it was creating shockwaves from his chest. “I have to admit, seeing you respond like this is kind of fun. I hope you don’t hate me for this, but it’s how I get my kicks.”

Cloud was so close now he could feel her warm breath on his lips. He gulped, his entire body shook and he stared back at her with peepers bulging. “Your friend is still watching, you know,” she continued. “How about I make him proud of you?”

What happened then he couldn’t comprehend no matter how hard he tried, and it made Starshot’s jaw hit the pavement. In a gradient motion, Cloud pressed her lips against his and locked them into a kiss, and not a normal, shallow kiss either. Her warm, soft tongue wiggled into his mouth and began to explore, even inviting his own to a dance. It wasn’t a sloppy kiss by any means, but passionate, sensual and incredibly deep. When their tongues touched, her intoxicating taste graced his senses and short circuited his brain. Millions of tiny thoughts sprinted through his mind, too many to make sense of any of them. Their slick, wet organs cuddled up and rubbed against each other, and at the height of it, he caught her giving a small moan into his mouth.

If he felt hot before, this is where he was on the verge of spontaneously combusting. The tongue kiss lasted for what seemed like forever, but at the same time nowhere near long enough. When Cloud finally broke it and pulled away, a small pant escaped her as her tongue retreated into her mouth. She then smiled and backed away to an upright position. Her legs crossed and she picked up her glass to finish the rest of her drink, which she gulped down quickly, and licked her lips.

The orange brown earth pony was absolutely flabbergasted and sat staring into eternity, like she just momentarily sucked up his soul. This mare was unbelievable. Never in a million years did he ever think this would happen, and that Starshot just so happened to have picked her out. They weren’t even acquainted for an hour, but that kiss… There was so much behind it. Even if it ended here, he would never forget the taste of it, but she was still looking at him with those vivid, piercing eyes. She was obviously waiting for a response, but nothing would come out.

His phone suddenly vibrated in his pocket, shaking him out of his daze. When he took it out, Cloud began to snicker. “There it is,” she said.

It was a message from Starshot. “My work here is done. Congratulations.”

Splinter looked back up at her, and she was biting on the toothpick that was in her glass. “Did you like it?” The only thing he could do was laugh meekly and nod. “That was your reward, for the drink, and for being so nice to me.”

“But maybe,” she proceeded, lowering her hand to her thighs and grabbing the edge of her skirt, “maybe we can… reward each other a little bit more, somewhere else, in private?”

He nearly choked on his own spit. His eyes leered down to her dress, and she began to slowly raise it. He looked back at her face, and she was very obviously biting her lip. No way, no fucking way! This was not happening! Something else was going on here, and he was getting scared for what it was. For all he knew he was going to wake up in the bathtub the next morning, one kidney poorer.

Cloud stood up and flung her purse over her shoulder. She then grabbed him by the arm and pressed her breasts against it. “Do you live nearby?”

When all was said and done, he couldn’t resist her. Before he knew it, they were both walking down the street, her arm locked into his and her body close. Looks like there was no getting around it anymore, they were going to his apartment. It was a relatively short walking distance so he didn’t bother showing up by car. Her high heeled boots clacked loudly as she walked, and it came to his attention that he was not all that much taller than her. Sure, the heels gave her a boost, but even without them he wouldn’t tower over her. Even with her angelic body pressed against him, Splinter’s mind was still in turmoil. His nerves struck back full force

“Cloud?” he finally spoke as they waited for the light to turn green so they could cross the street.

“Hmm?”

“Do you...have a boyfriend?” he asked half heartedly.

She giggled in her usual fashion, looking back at him. “I don’t. I wouldn’t be going home with you if I did.”

He nodded, driving back another question he wanted to ask, since he didn’t want to confront her and run the risk of ruining the mood. One more car passed by before the light turned green and they could cross. His apartment was only a few blocks away, and the closer they got, the more he broke out in cold sweat.

He took her up to the fourth floor and opened up his door. It wasn’t much, but it was home. Good thing he cleaned up the place very recently, because there were times when it was a mess. He turned on the lights and they walked in. As he looked at her while she placed her purse on his couch, he couldn’t believe this bombshell was standing in his living room. Her long legs and soft thighs lead up to her round, shapely ass, then up to her giant wings and exposed back. Her alluring scent was so strong in the air now. She suddenly turned around and walked up to him.

“Ehm, can I get you something?” he asked.

“Well, no, but maybe you can show me around. I’m interested in seeing your...bedroom.” She whispered this word so close to his ear it sent a shiver down his spine and gave him goosebumps.

Having a hard time saying no to that, he lead her to his sleeping quarters. The moment they walked in, Cloud went over to his bed and sat down without even checking out her surroundings. She sat there on the edge, legs crossed and leaning backwards on both arms. She stared back at him, head tilted down slightly and her foot swiveling. Meanwhile, Splinter was nailed to the ground.

“Don’t be shy,” she purred, then moved her finger with a come hither motion. “Come here.”

Hesitantly, he moved closer to her, and she uncrossed her legs, grabbed him by the arms and pulled him on top of her. Now they were face to face, and he stared deep into her wanting eyes. They were so seductive, so pretty and sparkling, with those long eyelashes and dark blue shadow. As enticing as she was, and as much as he wanted to act on this lust he felt, none of it mattered. Not to him.

With a heart swelling with dread, Splinter’s chin lowered, his eyes turned sad and looked away to the side, and he pushed himself off her without saying anything.

For the first time, Cloud’s smile vanished, only to be replaced by a mix of surprise, worry, dejection and curiosity. She sat up straight and looked at him, his back was now turned to her. His body was visibly shaking.

“What’s wrong?”

“I-I’m sorry, I can’t… I shouldn’t…”

Cloud’s head began to fill up with question marks. “Why not? Are you...not attracted to me, or have I made you too nervous?”

He shook his head. “No, that’s not it. You’re beautiful, Cloud, and wonderful.” His voice was so shaky it almost sounded like he was crying. “It’s not that I don’t want to, but…”

There was a long silence. Cloud waited patiently and with bated breath for him to finish the sentence.

“...I don’t want to disappoint you…”

“Disappoint me?” she echoed. It wasn’t much of an answer, so the best thing she could do was guess. She stood up and walked up behind him. “Could this be...your first time?” she asked carefully. “Because if it is, you don’t need to worry about that.”

“N-no! Well, I mean, yes, but… That’s not the problem.”

“Then what is?”

With a long sigh, Splinter turned his head to look at her. Cloud’s gaze was deep and deliberate, fishing for answers and laced with genuine interest. He turned around. “It’s… Forget it, it’s stupid…”

“It’s not stupid if it’s making you this upset, Splinter.” She placed her hand on his shoulder. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. I promise I won’t judge.”

Her voice was so soothing and her smile so warm, somehow he was sure she meant what she was saying. He could trust her. Still, getting it over his lips was another story.

“I… I have… Ehm…” He fumbled, and started over, but none of the sentences sounded right in his head. There was no way to convey it with words without dying of embarrassment. His head turned to the side, deep red in his cheeks. “M-my…”

“You’re insecure? About your size?”

His head turned to face her again, eyes wide with horror at first. Then after several seconds, his expression softened, followed by the smallest of nods. Cloud responded with a tiny smile and a small nod of her own.

“I see. That’s why you’re afraid to have sex with me, because you think you’re not big enough to please me, am I right?”

Splinter nodded again, his expression stuck on somber, but at the very least he felt a little bit better now that the secret was out. “Yeah…”

“So for the sake of argument, let’s say I did see it back there, and it was below average in size like you say it is. Do you think I would have rejected you? Do you think I would’ve made fun of you, told you off and left?”

Splinter broke eye contact and closed his eyes for several seconds when a pained expression formed on his face.

“Wouldn’t have been the first time…”

It got so quiet in that room a dropping needle would have been deafening, and Cloud’s eyes were wide from the weight she felt from that statement. The silence was only broken when she took a long, deep breath with a sharp exhale. “Okay, come on.” She took him by the hand and lead him back to the bed. She sat down and tapped the empty space next to her, inviting him to sit with her. He complied without a fuss, because her expression had turned very serious.

“I want you to start talking.”

“What do you want me to say? I… I really don’t wanna bother you with this, Cloud.”

“What bothers me, Splinter, is that your problem is eating you up inside, more than it ever should. I think the reason why you were so nervous and unsure around me is not because you have no experience with girls, but rather because you had a bad one. So I want you to talk, about whatever comes to mind. Experiences, how it makes you feel, anything. Just spill.”

After more seconds of silence and a reassuring smile from Cloud, Splinter let his head hang low and nodded. “You’re right. It didn’t use to bother me, not this much, but a couple of things happened and it just kept getting worse after that.”

“What was the turning point?”

He let out a long sigh. “When I was 21, about 5 years ago, I met a girl from around here. We dated for a couple of weeks, but in the end she started getting impatient with me, I guess. I took her home. She wanted it, I kind of wanted it too, but I was a little nervous because I knew I wasn’t very big, you know, but I thought it wasn’t gonna be a big deal.

“And then she saw it. I don’t know if she was angry or disappointed, or maybe both, but the first thing she said was ‘is that it?’. Then she started laughing. She said, ‘Sorry, but I’m not going to waste my time with you anymore. What are you going to do with something that small? It’s kind of pathetic.’ She left right after that, telling me not to bother with her anymore.”

Cloud frowned and shook her head. “You picked out a rotten apple, Splinter. If someone tells you something like that, you really shouldn’t bother with them. If anything, she was wasting your time. Not everyone feels that way.”

“I know, but after that, she began to spread rumours about me. She told her friends, and she even went as far as telling some of the people who knew me. Before I knew it, I was a joke. That guy with the small dick.” He recoiled, realising this was the first time either of them had outright said it this way. It just slipped out.

“That’s terrible,” she exasperated. “There must have been at least someone who frowned upon this?”

“I wouldn’t know. I pretty much cut all ties with that group and I avoided showing my face too much. I shut myself in here, and I stopped going out with friends. Well, except for Starshot.”

“Ah, your friend from earlier? Does he know about this?”

“No, he was never in that circle to begin with. I’ve never actually told anyone this before.”

“Until now?” Cloud smiled, to which Splinter hummed in confirmation. She crossed her legs and rested her hands on her knee. “So, you had a bad experience, a miserable one even. And then?”

The light brown haired stallion gave her a puzzled look. She continued. “I can’t imagine such an experience wouldn’t have an effect on you beyond just embarrassment. Besides, you already said things only got worse. Tell me about it, Splinter. How did it-, no, rather, how do you feel about it right now?”

Splinter began to sweat. His anxious eyes looked down at the carpet on the ground. As he stared at the patterns, he tried to look for the words to say.

“Do you feel like less of a man?” she asked to give him a push, not mincing any words in the process. It made him look up for a second.

“Yes… Yes, I do. The things she said just wouldn’t stop going through my head. The more I thought about it, the more awful I started feeling. I felt...inadequate, and I guess I still do.”

“Simply because you think you don’t compare? To other stallions I mean.”

“Yes. Everytime I looked at it, it was painfully obvious to me that I didn’t have what other guys did, and that made them more desirable than me. I felt like such a loser... I began to look at women in a different way too, these terrifying creatures that require stallions with big dicks or they just don’t want you. They’ll mock you unless you show up with something at least average, but preferably far above. So I…”

Splinter’s hand clenched into a fist, summoning the courage to say what was on his mind. Cloud didn’t say anything. She just waited for him to continue talking.

“So I decided that, maybe, I’m just not meant to have sex. Nobody wants me, so what’s the point of even trying. It’s just not for me, I’m not equipped for it.”

After that torrent of unfiltered thoughts, he went quiet again. Cloud sighed and looked away at the corner of the room, her hand gripping the sheets of the bed. “You have a very warped view of the world... Although, you said you’re not meant for it, deep inside you still want it, don’t you?”

“Of course I do. Most everyone does, but that doesn’t change anything. I try to take care of those urges myself by masturbating. I tried watching porn but that only made it worse, because there, every guy is massive, and they’re doing things I would never be able to do to a mare. I can’t fill them, I can’t stretch them, I can’t drive them crazy or make them scream. ‘Oh, you’re so big’, nobody will ever say that to me! And I know it’s unrealistic, I know that’s not how sex usually works, but it still kills me inside! All because of that stupid fucking thing between my legs!”

His breathing had grown labored and his voice started to choke up. Every sentence that gushed out of him came out more intense than the last until he was on the verge of tears. Cloud scooted closer, put her arm around him and placed her hand on his shoulder.

“It’s not fair. Why do I always have to feel so bad about something so fucking stupid…”

“A lot of stallions have insecurities like yours, trust me, I know. I don’t blame you for thinking this way, though. Having your first experience being such an awful one has left a big impression on you, especially since you’re such a sensitive person.”

“Yeah,” he nodded with a gulp, trying to calm himself down. “I know a lot of things I just said are probably ridiculous. I try to think rationally to make myself feel better, or see things in a relative way. Sometimes it works, but it never really goes away. At best, I just don’t think about it, get my mind off it and I’m pretty happy, but at worst, whenever my mind switches to it and I can’t stop thinking about it, I…” He paused for a moment, looked at Cloud next to him, then back to the floor. “...I hate myself…”

Cloud was shocked to hear this. She looked at his sad, gloomy face as it proceeded to stare at the floor. His eyes were unmoving, his light brown mane hanging in front of his face. “You hate yourself? For something you can’t help? Splinter, that’s…”

“Messed up? You haven’t heard all of it. Sometimes, my hate for myself turns into hate for others. Stallions who have it better than me, mares who all feel that I’m not good enough for them, or so I’ve convinced myself, and the world for making such a big deal about sex, and for constantly reminding me of my worthlessness.”

Both hands were now on his shoulders and she turned him around and looked him deep in the eyes. “Do you really feel that way? Is it really affecting your happiness this much?”

He nodded. His gaze was significantly more agitated than before. “It does. I’m just the butt of the joke anyway. Small dicks are funny, especially to those who have big ones. It’s all just a big pecking order, and I’m at the bottom, meant to spend the rest of my days jacking off.”

The pegasus mare’s heart skipped a beat. It seemed the more he talked, the more conviction seeped from his inflection. This was him with his heart on his tongue without so much of a semblance of nuance, and it was mortifying to hear. “I know you know better than this. That’s not-”

“Let me ask you something, Cloud. If you had the choice between fucking a big dick or a small one, which one would you choose?”

Cloud’s heart sank and her eyes trailed off to the side. There was a long, uncomfortable silence. When Splinter saw her pouting, he realised what he just blurted out. His expression softened and he looked away as well. “I-I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that…”

“Depends,” she finally answered. “To whom is it attached?”

This made Splinter look up at her again, his eyes slightly wider and a hint of curiosity in them. “Guys aren’t just walking dicks, they’re ponies, with personalities and traits, some likeable, some not so much. Let’s say the stallion with the big dick was figuratively a big dick too, and the smaller one was attached to someone like you, someone nice, sweet and sensitive. Would I choose to have sex with the first stallion just because his cock is bigger? No, I wouldn’t. The ones who do that are what we call Size Queens, and I’m not one of them.”

“Heh,” he chuckled, a blush forming on his face. He couldn’t help but feel that she was dodging the point of his question, but when he really thought about it, maybe she wasn’t. “I should have known you were going to say something like that. But what if they were both nice? Would the size difference matter then? Would it affect your choice?”

“If it was just about sex, I’d probably take them both,” she said with a wink, and playfully stuck out her tongue, making Splinter blush even more. “But if I had to choose someone as a lover, I would go for the one who made me the happiest.”

“So it doesn’t matter to you?”

“There’s nuance to everything, and sex is no exception to this. I won’t deny that some girls prioritise penis size much more than others, but that’s a shallow mentality, and you can’t let that bring you down, Splinter. Those are not the women you should be aiming for in the first place.”

Cloud took both of his hands into hers and looked him deep in the eyes. “I believe that sex can be a wonderful thing that everyone should be able to enjoy once they’re old enough, regardless of their orientation, or the size of their genitals, or whatever else. But you had one bad experience, and the only one who ever got close enough to you spat in your face and never even gave you a chance. Now you’ve told yourself that you’re not meant to have sex just because of your size, but you don’t even know if you’re bad at it.

“Instead you’ve become so obsessed with comparing yourself to others that your confidence has completely collapsed, not to mention your self esteem. You even lash out at yourself and the world around you and beat yourself up over something that’s not your fault. That’s what needs to be fixed, and I’m going to help you!”

“H-help me?” he repeated with a stutter in his voice.

“Yes!” She picked his hands up from his lap and squeezed them tighter. “I know you’re not stupid. I could go on and on about how ‘size doesn’t matter, it’s how you use it’, but I’m sure you already know about that shtick, and it never worked on you, did it? Lecturing you further is pointless, so…”

With one quick, sudden motion, she climbed into his lap and pushed him down onto the bed. Splinter was completely caught off guard. He looked up to the cyan beauty with the sultry eyes on top of him. Her large, beautiful feathered wings began to slowly spread. “C-Cloud?”

“The way I see it, the best way to restore your confidence is to ditch the theory and move on to hands-on practical lessons.”