Don't Worry, It's Just the Apocalypse

Streamers hung from shattered spires. Rarity darted under a flying park bench and tacked a doily over a tacky corpse lying in the street. There, it looked just like a low and particularly lumpy table. That was oozing slowly oozing blood into the cracks on the street. It would do until the vortex's continual expanse pulled the body off the street and out of everyone's mind forever.

A few ponies paused to appreciate the lace curtains blocking off several streets, up until one of the ponies stepped too close and went flying into the void, the curtains flapping after him like a cape. The others started to panic, however, some judiciously applied posters reading, “We Sure Are Glad That Luna Is In Absolute Control and Nothing Bad Is Happening” reinstated calm, and they were soon on there way discussing how very fine it was that there was nothing bad happening and how very nice it was of Luna to throw such an amazing party.

Rarity screamed in frustration as her enormous, glittering banner reading, “Tacky thing here, please don't look!” tore free and flew away, flapping goodbye with its entire body. She swore that this next one, the 28th she'd have hung up since yesterday, would be the last one.

The vortex was growing too quickly, and picking up speed as it went. Then she heard the crack-crunch-whee! of her cart, laden down with thousands of bits worth of supplies, snapping its brakes. She  dodged the destructive décor by an inch, but the sight of so many jewels vanishing in a moment was finally too much.

Her composure flapped a quick goodbye as it flipped through the air like the banner from a few minutes ago. Screaming in terror and despair, Rarity bolted from the vortex, leaving her decorations hanging, and soon all of Canterlot would be exposed to the knowledge of its imminent demise.

If I was going to expose Canterlot to the knowledge of its imminent demise, I was going to have to up my game. Individually they could ignore me, but surely I'd get somewhere by trying to shout a panicked mob? There was only one way to find out, as I thought as I slipped toward one of the crudely erected stages. There had originally been a jazz band scheduled, but for some reason each clear, hard note just disappeared into nothing faster than anypony's ears could receive them. They had instead abandoned their instruments for the orgy at the fringes, and my prehensile tail grabbed an abandoned trumpet, gripping it like a school filly in tentacle hairs.

Surmounting to the stage, I tapped the microphone. Good, it was on. I took a deep breath, for courage, not for the trumpet, and bucked shifting my weight to my forelegs. Rump high in the air, I rested the trumpet between my flanks and …

I'm embarrassed enough already without explaining the rest. Suffice to say, it will be more than the spit guard that needs replacement before anypony reuses that particular trumpet. Even then, they'd have to be pretty desperate for an instrument. Like the sort of desperate poverty that famous musicians always come out of. Or claim to, anyway. In hindsight, I decide to keep the trumpet instead of just discarding it.

As embarrasing as it was, my stunt at least got everypony's attention. Thousands of eyes turned in my direction, some in shock, some in awe. A few hooves struck the ground in applause.

Now I just had to think of something to say. Sometimes, when ponies are using super secret sarcasm against somepony, they'll refer to a “talent for stating the obvious.” This should not be a sarcasm, because it turns out that it is actually really difficult to alert ponies to something obvious, like the presence of the apocalypse, without sounding like either an idiot or an asshole. “Listen, everypony,” I shouted, “there is an enormous-”

That was as far as I got before I was cut off completely by applause and laughter. A lone fool before an audience of clowns. There was some booing, and against my will the performer part of me thought, “Tough crowd, too many bourgeois, not enough nobles. Nobles love a good fart, but the middle class require something more developed. Perhaps some jazz to show off my virtuoso side.”

This would probably have been the end of it, and I would have slink-crept-died out of the party and bailed for a distant corner of Equestria, but, a low, menacing growl crept along the ground. Plantlike and lethal, it slid around everypony's legs and rose up, twiddling their stomachs in fear, and binding their mouths, before arriving in their minds and settling there.

I turned to face the reptilian eyes set in black armor, surrounded by a flowing black mane, which somehow still highlighted a black body … look, what I'm trying to say is black. Black and real bad.

“MORTAL!” the black badness howled, “YOU DARE CHALLENGE OUR PARTY?! OUR RULE?!”

“Holy shit, I guess she really was capable of relapsing into Nightmare Moon,” my brain said uselessly, “That sure is something. Wonder what kind of spell she's casting? I'll bet it's going to hurt like a bitch. Probably, I should just stand here and get obliterated. Yeah, not a lot else I can think of doing right now. At least I'm not going to die with a full bladder now.”

Fortunately, a pink blur flew across the stage and slammed me into cover before a bolt of rage magic undid me and my useless brain. Pinkie Pie pressed her hooves against my chest, “Now you've done it. Look, I have a plan, but I need the other Element Bearers. I can get Applejack, but you need to find Fluttershy and Rarity.”

“Where?” my mouth asked, “Where am I? Who am I? Did this pony make me wet?” my brain added.

“Fluttershy was at the edge of the party and wandered off. Rarity, you should hear before you see her. Now go, I'll take care of the meanie.” She doesn't flinch as a fresh blast obliterates the stereo, sending burning pieces of plastic to shred her pink mane.

I sprinted into the crowd which had already broken free from the voice of their princess and were in the process of scattering like doves. Several pegasi had already bolted upward, striking the immense tarp hanging over the party and causing it to collapse. If the bourgeois aren't amused by flatulence, they're really not amused by the prospect of being horribly murdered by their suddenly psychotic princess.

The pink one wasn't her usual self, and I wondered if she might have lost something to the vortex. It isn't until I was moving away that I realize it was two of her best friends, but at least she has a plan, someone is finally trying to save the day.

Nightmare Moon gripped the wretched pink creature in her magic, “Why don't you fear me, worm?”

“I am not a jumpy, pink worm, and why should I worry about someone who's butt I kicked last time?”

“But your friends aren't here to help you this time.”

Pinkie paused, “Point,” she conceded.

“Where?” The Dark and Very Literal Goddess snarled looking around.

“On top of your head, silly,” Pinkie Pie responded as she smacked the tip of the alicorn's horn. She retched and growled in pain, loosening her grip enough for the earth pony to escape, though whether she was reacting more to the attack or the obnoxious, “Boing-oing-oing,” noise Pinkie made as she struck her horn was a matter forever left in question.

There was one thing in Canterlot that could take care of a meanie like Nightmare, Pinkie thought as she took off around the edge of the crowds. Behind her, The Dark and Easily Distracted Goddess followed, taking to the sky the moment in search of her prey. The air, however, was filled with havoc and she soon crashed into another pony's fear of flying. Her wings locked and she dropped to the ground, where it was safer.

They ran between crumbling buildings and under stones flying like artillery. Rarity had obviously abandoned her post, and Nightmare Moon made a mental note to correct her later.

This close to the vortex, Pinkie could feel the sucking force in her back teeth and the roots of her mane. She crouched as low as she could while still moving forward, hoping that the difference in sail area would save her. Grit clawed at her eyes. Through the blur, she thought she could see Twilight and Rainbow in the mess of colors, waving for her to come and join them. The wind howled into her ears, begging her to come and play. She fought the urge down and went lower to the ground.

Nightmare Moon had no such caution, screaming even louder as the volume of the vortex grew louder. She hurled fresh magic, but the winds sucked the bolts in greedily. No problem, just a little closer and she would devour the pink nuisance whole.

The sight of the charging Nightmare Moon caused a fresh panic among the ponies who'd had the misfortune to run toward the vortex in their initial panic, and a huge stampede was soon yanked into the swirling colors. Behind was left a cluster of very confused, individual ponies stumbling drunkenly by the vortex. Some fell in the rift, others were sucked in, but most simply milled about.

Then the Dark Princess of the Night and Laying the Seeds for Her Own Destruction stumbled over a corpse. She only had an instant to curse whoever had so amazingly camouflaged the corpse with a doily before a black, malevolent force was ripped from Luna's body. The princess stood, dazed for a moment as the realization sank in.

“At last,” she shouted in joy, “at last for the first time we can remember, we are free!” in excitement she leaped into the air, and for the first time she could remember, she was sucked into a swirling vortex.