There are things in life that you are going to do, you're going to learn from those experiences. I, however, have a hard time with learning from mistakes, I think the last time I was that drunk I wound up in a brothel in the middle of Dodge Junction married to the mayor, who was a stallion. Not that I mind that, to me it doesn't matter what is in between your legs as long as you're not an asshole. I just thank my lucky stars that he was the mayor and had the marriage annulled instantly. That was a fun week, I don't remember a day of it though, hangovers are God's way of telling you that you're a fucking moron. I woke up with the biggest hangover I ever had, I grunted and rolled off the couch. Which didn't help my situation, that only made me upset. I could hear Rarity in the shower and she was singing, I struggled to get up and banged on the bathroom door with my fist. "Oh! Mickey is that you?" Rarity asked.

"Water, bitch! Where is it?" I almost yelled.

"There are bottles of water in the mini fridge, I went ahead and got you some pain pills as well." Rarity said.

I stumbled over to the mini fridge and opened it, to see ice cold bottles of water awaiting consumption. I cracked one open and drank it, breathing a sigh of relief I sat down with my hand covering my face to block the sunlight pouring in through the curtains. Rarity came out with a monstrosity of towels wrapped around her, "Good morning, darling. Did you sleep well?"

"I slept like a rock, waking up was the tough part." I groaned.

"You drank 20 beers within the span of a few hours. I'm surprised you didn't vomit and choke on it." Rarity said.

"Wow, I was that blasted? What did I do?" I asked peeking through the hand that was covering my eyes.

"Like you said at the sleepover, you just got a little handsy, but nothing too risque. I think the most damage you did was to the hotel room itself."

"That being?" I questioned.

"You sewed the towels together, I stopped you when you tried to sew the sheets to the drapes." Rarity said, "You were trying to impress me with your fashion skills, but I told you it wasn't necessary after sewing a button to the lampshade. I'm impressed that you can sew so well, but I'm also pissed because this is coming out of my pocket."

"I'll pay you back for it." I said, "So what about the towels? I assume you can undo it?" I asked while peaking through my hands.

"I could if I had the time, we have the runway show in a few hours and then the party afterwards." Rarity said, "I only have time to make your clothes for the show and then we have to get there."

"So you want to measure me now? Get a head start while I hop in the shower?" I asked her.

"I'm not dressed myself and the show doesn't start until 5 pm."

"What time is it now?" I inquired.

"10:30, you got up really early for someone who has a hangover." Rarity answered.

"Being a marine, it's ingrained into your mind. Wake up early, get 4 hours of sleep, get up. Wash, rinse, and repeat for 13 weeks." I said, "If you're not satisfied fuck you, you volunteered for this shit."

"You volunteered for that?" Rarity asked.

"Well I wasn't drafted that's for damn sure." I said as I got another bottle of water.

"The medicine might help." Rarity said as she changed.

"I can't have medicine from here, I might overdose. My anatomy is not the same as a pony's, what might be normal for you could be too much for me." I said. "Hence why I avoid hospitals if I can."

"Wow, I never knew that." Rarity said as she put a sparkling blue dress on. I took that as cue to get up and walk over to her while she continued to talk. "Have you ever injured yourself to the point of hospitalization?"

"Worst thing that happened is that I broke a toe out of anger when I kicked something. I went to Zecora first to see if she had any shaman magic that could help me, she didn't but she is my 'pharmacist'."

"How do you mean?" Rarity asked.

"I go to her for my medicine, her being a zebra she's had close relations with primates. My closest genetic relatives in relation with the natural animal kingdom here is the Bonobo."

"That funny little monkey?" Rarity asked.

"Chimpanzee." I corrected her, "But yes, that is my closest genetic relative. Which is why I'm thankful that Fluttershy is getting her veterinarians license with her specializing in primates."

"Mickey, you're a smart pony." Rarity said.

"Person, but please continue." I corrected her again while smiling.

"My point being, have you given much thought into just why Fluttershy is striving hard to get her veterinarians license when she is living oh so comfortably by being an animal caretaker?"

"It's because of me isn't it?" I asked.

"Bingo, she has been in love with you since the moment she saw you." Rarity said as she started to measure me, "There was a moment where she would mention you in every sentence possible."

"I had no idea." I said as I spread my arms.

"Fluttershy, really loves animals. She'd never do anything risque to them since she thinks that's disgusting, but when she met you, well she fell in love, and she fell hard." Rarity finished measuring me, "I'm all done, I should have it ready in a few hours."

I let her get to work, I grabbed some of my clothes from my bag nothing fancy and entered the shower. I let the water pour over my body, you know for a such a glamourous hotel you think they would've spent more money on the water pressure. It was decent, nothing life-changing it was a simple as a wash, rinse, and dry off. I was sighing as I toweled myself off and got dressed. I exited the bathroom and Rarity threw some cloth on my body. "I'm guessing I should just stay still?" I asked.

"Yes, that would be perfect." Rarity said as she made adjustments and sewed, "This would go much faster if you had just come in for your measurements when I first offered them to you."

"I was tired of ponies poking and prodding me, thinking it was for my own good when they didn't know who or what I was. Presuming you know what's best for everyone else is also why I stayed in those woods for so long and avoided places like this. It's a toxic mindset that you rarely get out of." I frowned, "I didn't want to come here, but you're my friend so I did."

Rarity paused, "Are we really like that?"

"Your princesses move the sun and the moon, if that's not knowing what's best for everyone then you can call me a fucking moron." I answered. Rarity continued to make my shirt and vest as I stood there waiting for a response, yet none came. "I thought so."

"Why must you always be so right?" Rarity asked in a choked voice.

"I'm not always right, I just see the world as it is. It's a fucked up society where the only way to get ahead in life is by knowing the right people or screwing over the innocent ones." I replied, "No matter what world you're on, it's always going to be a shitshow in your case, it's a shitshow masquerading as harmony and calling it a day. I just call the world out on it's bullshit and no one refutes me because they know that deep down, it's the truth."

"What if somepony proves you wrong?" Rarity asked.

"I take it on the chin, accept it, and move on. Life is way too short for petty things like who's right and who's wrong to get in the way of bullshit fights. Well, life is too short for me anyways." I answered her query.

Rarity soon finished up, "There we are, one dress shirt and royal purple vest. I wish you would let me make you some slacks."

"It would've taken too much time." I took a sip of water, "I want breakfast now."

"I'll get some room service. This hotel caters to meat eaters." Rarity said, "I thought you would like it."

I was taken aback, "I thought I was just 'extra muscle' to you."

"If you must know, Spike is a dragon and he eats meat, he's just vegetarian for the sake of those around him. So, I had him in mind when I booked the room. I find it...attractive when he eats meat." Rarity said.

"Whatever gets your rocks off princess, now quit telling me what turns you on." I said as I adjusted my shirt and vest, "Can I take these off, because I don't want to get these dirty."

"Yeah that's fine." Rarity waved her hand, "Do you want sausage or bacon?"

"Bacon, god I miss having bacon regularly." I sighed as I took the vest and shirt off.

"Is it that good?" Rarity asked as she ordered.

"It's a little strip of heaven that the good lord above handed down to mankind, I was unfortunately robbed of when I was dumped here." I commented as I put on an undershirt and sat on the couch. "So all this time, you've been telling me all about what's been getting you off. The fact of Spike eating meat, and how you're ready for sex but he's not. Does privacy not even cross your mind when you say this?"

"You're my friend, I trust you." Rarity said.

"I thought I was just extra muscle." I looked at her.

"Mickey, I already regret saying that. Why must you hold it over my head?" Rarity asked.

"Why did you say it? It hurt, what hurts more is that you're willing to throw away a friendship over some hired help. If you wanted me to help you, you could've tacked on a paycheck at the end of your offer at the sleepover."

"What are you saying?" Rarity asked.

"That you get so caught up in your work, or 'in the zone' as you call it that you ignore your friends and family until it's too late." I said, "It's usually the same thing for you, you get absorbed in your work, someone says something to you that they didn't mean because you were ignoring them and you go after them. This is why I don't really like your lifestyle, people don't matter to you unless they're useful!"

Rarity was shocked, "I don't...I..." She stopped to think about it, "I'm a bitch."

"Yep, that's why I hate the upper class." I said, "You're not useful or interesting, then you're not worth their time."

"Oh dear Celestia, you're right." Rarity, "Why does the upper class suck so much?"

"Because they want to keep going to the bank." I said, "The classes work a lot like this, the upper class does none of the work, keeps all of the money, the middle class does all of the work, pays all of the taxes, the lower class, is there to scare the shit out of the middle class, keep them going to their jobs."

"That's barbaric." Rarity said, "How can anypony live like that?"

"That's how it worked for my world. I'm surprised people haven't risen up and killed the upper class just for the fun of it." I said as I got another water.

"Not everything is as it is on your world." Rarity defended.

"You can't find anything to defend against my reasoning, it's like I'm moulding the world into my own fucked up version of it, that or you ponies are easy to manipulate and confuse." I said, "Either way, I win."

"So are you a professional asshole or what?" Rarity asked.

"No, but that would be a great job description." I smiled, "Mickey Young, Professional Asshole."

"Let's just eat, the food should be here by now." Rarity said as the food came. I grabbed my plate and started to eat my food, bacon and eggs with some coffee. I savored the hell out of that bacon, that greasy slice of pig meat being chewed and sliding down my throat was one of the best experiences I've had in a long time.

I saw Rarity sneaking glances at me eating, "Enjoy it now sweetheart, it's going to be gone in a minute." I said after swallowing a piece.

Rarity shifted her legs and went back to her food, she ate it quickly and I soon finished my own plate. "Now that we're done with breakfast we need to go shopping, in my stupor I left some things at home."

"Which means you forgot about them." I put, "Don't try and bullshit me or yourself. It doesn't change the fact that you forgot it."

"This is why I didn't want to bring you." Rarity said.

"I thought I was extra muscle." I said, "I'm going to keep holding this over your head until you stop acting the way you do."

Rarity sighed as she knew the futility of arguing with me on this. We went out to the arts and crafts stores and gathered some supplies, we soon got to the show and Rarity started to make slight adjustments to her dresses while summoning my clothes for me to change in the changing room. I soon got my clothes on and stood next to Rarity, she looked at me, "Oh, Mickey." She looked around, "You're done changing already? Hmm, well I don't have anything for you to do. You can go out and sit in the crowd while you wait, our seats should be reserved. I shrug and start to make my way towards the seats, the ponies in attendance gasped and started to mutter to themselves.

Someone gathered the courage to walk up to me and...poke me. I was already sick of it before the action before the person who thought of it decided to do it. I turned to look at it was a filly. That caught me off guard, "Hi!" She said.

"Um, Hello." I struggled to get out, solely based on pure confusion.

"Would you like to buy some cookies?" She asked and I was confused. "The fashion show is for the filly scouts, and we're selling cookies. Would you like some?"

"Uh, yeah sure." I pull out my bag of bits, I don't understand why they wouldn't just use paper money like what I had on me at the time when I arrived but nevermind, I got out my bits and handed them to the little filly. "Do you have any mint cookies?"

"We have paper mints." She said as she took the bits.

"I'll take some of those." I smiled and she ran off to her scout leader with the order then she soon came back with a box of the cookies I ordered, I smiled and thanked the little filly while I dug into my box of cookies. I also now knew the reason why Rarity was doing this, it was a charity auction. Rarity soon came out of the back, with a confident strut and sat next to me. I watched her when she sat down, moving her tail to the side when she did. I continued to contently eat my cookies, she looked at me and I tilted the box in her direction. "Cookie?" I asked her.

"I-uh-I'm on a diet." Rarity said. "Where did you get the cookies from?"

I jabbed my thumb over to the filly scouts. "The scouts sold them to me. Told me what the show was about too. It's a charity auction isn't it?"

"I was hoping no one would say anything, but yes it is a charity auction. The filly scouts had lost all their camping equipment and the girls and I may or may not have been directly to blame for it." Rarity scratched the back of her head with a blush on her face, one look at my face basically said 'cut the bullshit and get on with it'. "There was a...permit issue with our friendship get away that we do once a month and I used my influence to get the spot, but I hadn't found out until later that...it was reserved in advanced by the filly scouts. Needless to say the girls weren't happy and I was pretty guilty about it. They had raised a lot of money in order to go, I basically stole that from them and there were no refunds."

"In short, you stole a camping ground that was reserved from a troup of filly scouts and you were guilt tripped into making dresses and raising money for them." I summarized, "Really classy Rarity. Total grade A bitch on that one." I scarfed another cookie down.

"I don't need you of all ponies guilt tripping me even more." Rarity sighed.

"Try looking more than 6 inches in front of you next time." I looked at the runway as the show began to start.

"What are you talking about?" Rarity asked.

"Rarity, you are the element of generosity I'll give you that, but you're only generous when it comes to yourself or your friends, everything else falls to the wayside for your own goals." I plopped another cookie into my mouth, "You even neglected your own baby sister at one point to work on your dresses instead of bonding with her at the Sisterhooves Social."

Rarity was perplexed, "How do you know that? You weren't around until after Tirek was defeated."

"Because," I finished chewing and swallowing the cookie in my mouth. "I actually listen to the crusaders. While you girls, and Rainbow Dash keep saying that their cutie marks will come when the moment is right, they still need supervision and someone to give them advice, they're still kids. In fact, 30% of my job is to watch those 3 kids, make sure they don't make a shoddy hang glider and throw themselves off a cliff and fall to their deaths."

"Why you though?" She asked me in a more whispered voice as the show continued.

"Because I don't have a cutie mark either, so I don't know what the fuck my destiny is either. You ponies are lucky, you at least get a stamp on your ass telling you that your interest coincides with your destiny and that you should run with that. Humans don't get that shit, all we get is trial and error and sometimes we don't make it out of our mistakes." I harshly whispered back. "Pay more attention to your family and people who aren't just you or your friends. Maybe you won't get stuck in shit like this!" I finished my mini rant and that left Rarity silent for the rest of the show and I ate my cookies to calm me down. When the show was finished so were my cookies and I threw them away in the nearest trash can. The canterlot high society went over to the tables and began to bid in their silent auction. The scoutmaster came over to Rarity, it was Coco Pommel, Rarity gulped and walked right over.

"Hello Coco, once again I would like to apologize-" Rarity started but was cut off by Coco.

"Rarity you've apologized enough, at this point it's groveling." Coco held up her hand and then noticed that I was standing next to her. "Aww, who's this cutie?" She bent down a little to look at me because she was 7'5.

"Lady, I'm an adult and I can see down your blouse and notice that you aren't wearing a bra." I narrowed my eyes.

Coco blushed and straightened up. Rarity cleared her throat, "Coco." She began, "This is my friend Michael, but he prefers to be called Mickey, he's the one I wrote to you about."

"He's a little..." Coco started.

"Crass, rude, blunt?" Rarity suggested.

"All of the above." Coco finished.

"You don't get far in life by beating around the bush, it only leads to more problems." I said crossing my arms.

"But even so, he's almost always got a valid point." Rarity complimented me and I smiled. That's the first time I've heard her give me a compliment. "Plus, he's not one much for canterlot high society."

Coco looked at me. "Why not?"

I looked back at the cream mare. "They either A. treat me like a child in the way that you just did a minute ago, or B. they treat me like I'm some kind of trained pet, all because I look different and I'm shorter." I pointed out, "It gets old fast."

Coco's face scrunched up but then she nodded. "I can see how that could get annoying really fast."

"Anyways, I'm gonna go make some bids, I saw some dresses that might win me some favors with the girls and I'm gonna try to get some." I jabbed my thumb over to tabe with the silent auction papers as I departed my way over to said destination. That wasn't too terrible, I'm just crossing my fingers in hopes that the rest of the trip goes as smoothly as that did, knowing my luck? It more than likely won't.

Author's Note

Sorry I've been out of action for a while, I was VERY busy. Mostly with college, I'm taking classes and I've been called back with a recent play audition. This chapter gave me EXTREME writer's block so if it's a mess I apologize.