Several days had passed since we got back from Our Town and I was building an extension to my cabin, because she was physically too big to live with me so for the moment she was sleeping at Twilight's place, at my request of course. It felt like I was building another fucking cabin, but Starlight learned a spell to change her size but only for a few hours and she couldn't do it while sleeping. While I was away, my roof had sprung a leak so I was fixing that as well as building Starlight's room, speaking of Starlight. I made her do a very special job, and that is...to charge my phone and iPod. I've gone three years without listening to my music so I'm pretty fucking excited when I heard that she could do that. I had Mac helping me out, this shit would be so much easier if I had my power tools. I'd get this job done a lot faster, but the best I can ask for is some more help and Mac had nothing better to do since all the apples had been harvested ahead of schedule thanks to my help.

Starlight was sitting on top of the 1970's dodge charger I had in my backyard she just looked up at me while I was fixing my roof. "So how long am I supposed to sit here charging these things?"

"Until they reach 100% then you can stop, you'll do this once every week or so, just contemplate on what you did wrong and where you could've done something different." I said as I removed some shingles and saw the source of the leak in my house. I climbed down the ladder and grabbed a plank of wood and measured it out so that it would fit, I took a pencil out of my tool belt and made a mark. Mac was busy building the outer walls for Starlight's room, well I had most of the framework for the extension already built and Mac was putting panels on the outer wall. While I was busy concentrating on cutting the wood with the hand saw I had I heard a whistle from Mac and he nodded over to the path I looked up to see that Twilight was coming up the path with some people following her. There was Twilight, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and two people I've never met. "Why are they coming here?"

Mac just shrugged and said. "Dunno."

"Fuck, I was seeking sage like wisdom from a farmhand and got jack shit. There goes my fall back plan." I said as I stopped sawing and walked up to Twilight. "Hello Twifright."

Luna smirked at that and Twilight sighed. "How many times have we been over this? That my name is Twilight?"

"470." I answered. "But who's counting?"

"You are, obviously." Twilight muttered.

"What are you all doing here, I distinctly remember not inviting you." I said with my arms crossed.

"Well there was the annual Royal Summit at the palace and well, my brother and Cadence have never met you so I thought it would be nice if you met them." Twilight scratched the back of her head.

"If you had sent anyone else ahead of you, you would've learned that I am busy repairing a hole in my roof and making a room for Starlight to stay in."

"Ah yes we had heard of this Starlight Glimmer." Luna spoke up.

"Did you see it in a thesaurus next to the name Twilight Sparkle?" I joked and Luna laughed, "At least someone gets my humor, also you slipped up." I pointed out.

"Darn, I was hoping you wouldn't notice." Luna crossed her arms.

"When did you two become buddy-buddy?" Celestia asked.

"None of your damn business that's when." I said when the White Stallion was about to say something I piped up with, "Shut it assclown."

"Mickey, that's my older brother Shining Armor." Twilight pointed out.

"Huh, never thought he'd look so stupid." I spoke up, "You told me about him but you never gave any descriptive details."

"He's not stupid!" Twilight shouted. "Aaand you're playing with me aren't you."

"Be careful, it's learning." I said and walked up to him. "Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it, I'm Mickey Young." I held out my hand and he slowly took it.

"Shining Armor Sparkle." He said.

"I'm going to address you as Armor from now on, and don't object because you have no choice." I told Armor.

I went over to the pink princess and sighed. "Like I said, I'm Mickey Young and you are?"

"My name is Mi Amore Cadenza. But you can call me Cadence." Cadence replied.

"What?" I asked.

"I said-" Cadence started but I cut her off.

"No, no. I know what you said, but you do know that your name literally translates to I love Cadence." I sighed. "Your parents must've hated you as a child."

"I-uh...really?" Cadence looked around, mostly looking at Celestia who just shrugged.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I still have an extension of my cabin to build and a leak to repair." I said and went back to work.

"Come on Mickey, you've been working all day. Don't you think it's time to take a break?" Starlight asked.

"If I wanted your opinion Twilight Lite. I would've asked for it, just keep charging my devices and maybe I'll ask for it when you've gotten all the cult out of your system." I said as I started to cut another piece of wood.

"Come on Mick, you've worked yourself ragged." Mac pointed out.

"When don't I?" I asked.

"You have a point, but still all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." Mac said.

"Wish I never told you that fucking phrase." I said as I finished cutting the wood. I begrudgingly took off my tool belt and tossed it to Mac, "I trust you enough to finish fixing my roof."

"What about Starlight's room?" Mac asked.

"That's not going to get finished today." I lamented, "Sorry Starbright."

"I think your devices are done charging." Starlight said and I grabbed my iPod to see it was 100% charged. "What was this supposed to teach me again?"

"Using your magic selflessly." I said as I put in the passcode for my iPod and opened up the music app. To see the musicians from my world to be revived temporarily almost brought a tear to my eye. Almost, I only cry when I get hit in the balls, that was one time when I accidentally snuck up on Pinkie and she kicked my nards into the next dimension. I sighed and joined Twilight, Luna, Celestia, Cadence, and Armor. "What are we doing?"

"We were going to join the girls and go out to eat." Twilight said.

"Can I get drunk?" I asked.

"That's your answer for everything." Twilight sighed.

"Not everything, but most things." I said as I walked with them.

"So, you're in a relationship with a functioning alcoholic?" Armor asked.

"Who said I was functioning?" I asked Shining but Twilight answered.

"Yeah, that's true. You're barely sociable on a good day, let alone one of your worst days."

"How can you tell the difference?" Luna asked.

"Pinkie sneaks by in the morning, and by sneaks I mean she does a terrible job at it. Generally if I'm having coffee I'm doing a bit better, if I'm pounding beers back like I want to kill myself with alcohol poisoning then they take it as a sign that I'm not one to be trifled with that day." I said.

"Wait, you knew?" Twilight asked.

"Pinkie Pie is bright neon pink against a plain green field and can't resist the urge to say good morning to everyone." I pointed out. "You couldn't have done worse if you had sent a giant letter saying 'we're checking up on you to make sure you're still alive and haven't hung yourself!'"

"Wait, what?" Cadence said, "You aren't actually suicidal are you?"

"For a long time I was." I answered Cadence, "I was experimented on against my consent and will, and was attempted to be made into a sex machine to help improve the pony population with no fucking say in the matter. When I left I had this lingering feeling that I was going to be tracked down, captured, and strapped to a table for a mare to fuck me every day for the rest of my life, hence why I chose the everfree forest to live in."

Twilight, Luna, Armor, and Cadence all looked up at Celestia. Who was just flush with embarrassment, "I don't have anything to really say, that was really, really, really, stupid of me to try to do." Celestia answered.

"No, it wasn't stupid. It was borderline psychopathic is what it was." I said, "Either way I think we're here."

The other girls were almost shocked when I showed up with the royals. They soon got over it as they knew I was progressing towards a more sociable lifestyle. They were having their picnic and I was sitting a little ways off to the side, I had a beer in one hand that I was slowly sipping, the alcohol was provided by Pinkie and her magical pink locks of hair. I was minding my own business, relaxing in the sun with my eyes closed until my sunlight was blocked by a looming shadow. I took another sip of my beer, "Whoever has the balls to block out my relaxation time, I don't care who you are. You're soon going to be a dead motherfucker if you don't move."

The shadow soon moved and then spoke up, "So I've only heard stories about you through letters that Twilight sends Cadence and I. So you're something like a guard?"

I opened my eyes and looked at Armor, "Something like a guard, yes. I don't like to talk about it."

"Shining, leave him alone please." Twilight asked and Armor looked at his sister.

"But, Twily-" Armor began but Twilight cut him off.

"But nothing, if we had constantly pestered and pried information from him he wouldn't be as open as he is right now." Twilight crossed her arms looking at Armor.

I got up, "No, no he's fine to ask. I'll explain it like this. Armor, you're a guard. I'm a marine, you protect people, I kill people. It's that fucking simple." I sat back down, "Now if you'll excuse me sir I've got some relaxing to do." I go back to drinking my beer.

Armor was shocked, he couldn't think anything to say. Cadence stood next to him and sat him down, she looked to Twilight, "You girls are alright with this? Are you alright knowing he's a...killer?"

"When in the throes of war, people do things that they would have no other choice to do. It's not pretty but very necessary." Fluttershy said.

"You're quoting me aren't you?" I asked Fluttershy and she nodded.

"It's sad to hear, but I accept it. It helps make you who you are, we can't change it but we can always help you."

"That's why you're one of the best Fluttershy." I said and finished my beer.

"W-what about me?" Celestia asked while blushing a bit.

"You're doing better, but you're not the best." I crushed the can and tossed it into the garbage nearby. "Three points."

"So what are your plans for the future Mickey?" Cadence asked.

"Teach Starlight some common sense and then keep working, got nothing better to do." I shrugged.

"What about...relationship wise?" Cadence asked.

"I know what you're doing, and I know your description. You are the princess of love, however I have some problems with that, love is an all encompassing emotion and feeling that can be anywhere at anytime, so my question to you is. Are you omnipotent?" I asked her.

"Um...no..." Cadence answered.

"So what you're saying is that you don't encompass love despite being the princess?" I asked.

"I'm more like a love advisor?" Cadence said. "If I see love between two ponies, I use my magic to assist with that."

"So you're drugging them?" I asked.

"What!?!" Cadence had a wild look in her eyes.

"As far as I know, the emotion of love is just a concoction of chemicals in the brain that compels someone to produce offspring, in other words. Love is just a chemical that compels animals to breed it hits hard and then it slowly fades what you're doing is maximising the output of those chemicals and could cause serious damage."

"I-No I haven't!" Cadence indignantly replied.

"Have you ever followed up with a couple after you quote unquote magically assisted them?" I asked, "Did you ever see the result of your meddling? Did you see what lives you could've ruined? What if the pony you helped was already in a relationship and you just compelled them to cheat on their significant other? Did you ever think about that?"

Cadence opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. Luna spoke up, "Mickey, I don't like where this is going. Is there a point to what you're saying? Because right now you're sounding like a cold, heartless bastard."

"While I don't doubt that one person could grow to love another given time, I hardly believe in love at first sight. Love is slow and takes time to develop, it took time for Armor and Cadence, but it took time as well." I said. "Even then, I bet you magically assisted Armor when he was having doubts about the relationship between the two of you."

"I-I..." Shining said and shook his head. "What? I've never had doubts about our relationship."

"Yet you couldn't tell a changeling queen apart from your own fiance." I said. "You couldn't notice what a bitch she was being to the person that she used to babysit."

"So what? Are you saying that whenever I had doubts in our relationship that my wife brainwashed me?" Armor asked.

"I'm not explicitly stating that, but let it sink in and you'll see some logic in it." I said. "I could be wrong, it wouldn't be the first time. I wouldn't hedge all my bets on it."

"Well, I've never had any doubts." Shining said.

"I think I should've done more research before making two ponies fall madly in love with each other." Cadence scratched the back of her head.

"Or, you could try...NOT doing that." I said, "Seriously, you're a princess not a marriage counselor. Be one or the other, not both."

Cadence opened her mouth and shut it. Applejack spoke up, "Mickey's logic strikes again, putting ponies in their place."

"How many times has something like this happened?" Luna asked.

"Many, that's all I have to say." I put my hands behind my head and lay down.

"Yeah, Mickey has this whole thing about ponies not having foresight and common sense and to be quite fair, he does have a bit of a point." Rarity said.

"How so?" Armor asked.

"He points out things that could potentially endanger others, and ponies stop doing them." Rainbow said. "In hindsight, it's mostly just us."

"Just you as in?" Celestia asked.

"Noise complaints for the sonic rainbooms, compensation for the damages we cause in town, in fact we have now over 1000 hours of community service, for each of us." Applejack said.

"But you're the elements of harmony! Why would they do that?" Armor asked.

"Because no one is above the law." I pointed out and he shut up immediately. "It was my idea. They're national heroes, yes. Diplomats with immunity to the law, no. Besides, what happens if one of these adventures in town goes awry and kills someone, say a child. They now know that they're directly responsible for a child dying when they could've avoided it."

"Yeah when Mickey pointed that out, we decided that we would try to be a little bit more responsible. I mean, ponies look up to us what kind of role models would we be if we ran around destroying everything?" Twilight said and the princesses nodded.

"1000 hours of community service though?" Armor asked.

"Quite frankly, that's getting off light considering everything we've done." Applejack said, "The city had a file several feet thick, but somehow Faust blessed Mick with a silver tongue and he whittled down our sentences to community service."

"Silver tongue I'd like to ride." Rainbow smirked and Fluttershy slapped her on the back of the head. "OW!"

"We're in the presence of royalty, even if we're friendly it doesn't give you an excuse to be tasteless." Fluttershy said.

"Wow, you've almost completely changed Fluttershy's behavioral patterns." Luna observed.

"Well, that's nearly completely of her own accord." I stated.

"All tastelessness aside, Mickey has showed us that we should take responsibility for our actions. He's also taught us that we should consider others before ourselves, just because we're friends with royalty doesn't mean we should abuse our positions as heroes." Pinkie said between chowing down on food that she baked.

"So he's affected your lives in a more positive way?" Celestia asked.

The girls looked at each other then, looked at me. "Well, he may be crude." Twilight started.

"Rash." Rarity included.

"Stubborn." AJ said.

"Drunk." Rainbow mentioned.

"Irritable." Fluttershy nodded.

"And mean." Pinkie finished.

"But he's the reality check that we desperately needed." Twilight summarized. "He's not willing to bend his convictions to thinking like a pony and quite frankly I think it's something we've needed for a long time, an outside perspective. To see where we could go wrong and hopefully better ourselves."

"Any more compliments and I may just blush." I chuckled to myself.

"I'm glad he found us." Fluttershy said, "He's helped us grow up."

"It was a little long overdue in hindsight." Rainbow scratched the back of her head and grinning.

"What about the other member of your herd? The Zebra Shammaness?"

"Zecora was called back to her village in Zebrica to help with the children with a disease they picked up from a strange plant that's usually native to the Everfree. She should be back any day now." I explained. They all looked at me, and I just replied. "D-mail."

They all nodded in understanding, while I grabbed another beer out of Pinkie's mane. "How are you doing that?" Celestia asked

"Pinkie's mane is something that the laws of physics can't define." I opened the beer can and stabbed a hole in the top. "Also it's kinda like a fridge."

"Basically, we've given up trying to understand Pinkie Pie." Twilight said. "It's...exhausting."

"Yes, I recall the letter you sent afterwards." Celestia said.

"Yeah." Twilight hung her head.

"What's this?" I asked, "I've never heard this before."

"It's was around the time when I first moved into Ponyville." Twilight began to spun the tale of her trying to understand Pinkie, thing is...I lied well half lied. I knew the story, but I wanted to hear was Twilight's side of things, it was nice just to sit there and relax. Taking in the little things, and enjoying the moment with friends old and new. Maybe, just maybe I could get used to living in this hellhole that is known as the land of Equestria gonna take some time though. But I've come this far, and like Queen said, don't stop me now. I'm having a good time.

Author's Note

D-mail a.k.a. Dragon Mail, Spike helped him.

Also check out my blog post please.