Chapters Prologue ~ Retirement
I was out and about one fateful morning within a pocket dimension with a stir that fateful morning feeling... Somber? Now that's odd. What business do I have with such a gloomy emotion? I’m the God of Chaos! Lord of Mischief for peat sake! I should be out having fun, telling jokes and messing with mortals. But I just wasn’t feeling up for it. Something was amiss, or afoot, or something or the other… Whatever it was, it began to course through my body like ice, and my heart, which spontaneously appeared quickened. I quickly discovered that I deeply dislike it. Such unpleasant feelings were quite unusual and unbecoming for someone such as myself. Being the lord of chaos often entails having very little on the list of things to worry about after all. Unlike some ponies, I was completely free of everything. Never in my very long life was I required to assimilate to the strictures of society, nor did I ever care to. Such things were for those who required an order to both protect and provide for themselves. I, on the other hand, had whatever I could ever need and want in life. If I desired something, it was mine (For the most part anyway). Not even the laws of reality could stop my fun. They were merely suggestions for something like me, of which I, of course, made a habit to ignore with impassioned fervor. The only thing I could ever think to be a threat to my existence is a lack of chaos and the occasional cosmic entity that I encounter every so often. Sure, the Elements of Harmony were an annoying device that could disable me for long periods at a time (Thank you Starswirl), but they were practically harmless.
I pondered a moment, stroking my beard growing more irritated at the feeling. I could not immediately identify the cause of the feeling, “Whatever could it be that torments my mind so?” I said aloud. An answer came to me in a flash of white light, taking the form of a miniaturized version of myself pointing sadly to a floating calendar with a date circled in red.
I suddenly stiffened, “No… not that day. Anything but that day.” My frustration bubbled into a fit of rage that could shake the equestrian heavens. It was lucky for me, and everypony else that I was within a dimension of my own creation, otherwise Celestia and little Luna would have thrown a fit at my actions. The Pocket dimension eventually collapsed at the strain, leaving nothing but me, and the few objects that originated in Equestria, such as that damnable calendar. I looked it over once more with disdain. It read ‘Fluttershy’s Time’ day 18, Year 102 A.R. (After Reformation). I growled as I floated in the void, avoiding the moving teacup set that Pinkie Pie gifted me at one point many years ago.
I quietly fumed before teleporting the shy mare’s house. This was the most hated day of my immortal life and I had many. I had twenty-two hours to fix this. Quickly I teleported much closer in front of her cottage only to see her watering her garden like always. She didn’t even have to look to know I was there, “Hi Discord, what brings you here?” She said kindly.
“Your time is neigh,” I said bluntly. I will have to use every tool in my arsenal to convince her.
“That it is.” She calmly said, “I don’t suppose you came to say goodbye now did you?”
Oh shoot, she sees right through me. “I came to talk you out of this nonsense. Death, in my opinion, is quite overrated. Seriously, whatever will I do without you?”
She finished watering and smiled. Several of her birds took away her watering pail. “We’ve already discussed this before on multiple occasions. Come, have some tea with me.” She slowly walked off to her house. It was the same as it always had been. Filled to the brim with animals, and very homey.
I shuddered incredulously at her voice of reason and resolve. How can she be so calm about this? I stepped inside regretting the promise I had made to her. Originally I first peeked a look at her death date due to my growing concerns to effects of her ever-advancing age. Her time was of the 86th year originally. Unacceptable in my opinion, and had since moved it up every once in a while.
She one day commented on her unusual youthfulness for her age during one of our teatime sessions, and I promptly told her the whole story expecting gratitude, because really, who wants to grow old and die? Instead, I find her frozen in her chair looking the most mortified I had ever seen her and was chastised by my actions. No matter how I begged, she refused to let me prolong her life anymore in any way the selfish mare!
I grumbled a bit as I sat down. I was tempted to bring the teakettle to life, but it felt distasteful at that moment. She quickly noticed my lack of shenanigans, “You know what will happens if you don’t make chaos Discord.”
I ignored her comment, “You put me in a very difficult situation Fluttershy.” My apprehension grew as the clock ticked on.
“You as well. Time and time again we have had this talk. I love you Discord, but I can't make it any clearer that I don’t want to live forever.”
“Why in the world not! I, Princess Twilight Sparkle and the other princesses handle it well enough, why can’t you?”
She sat down and took a moment to pour two steaming cups of tea before turning to me. "Question Discord, before we continue. Why did you stop visiting Spike and Big Mac?"
That hit me like a stone. I turned away, "Simple; they got too clingy and boring to be around, thus I elected to stop visiting them altogether." And the fact that their foals and hatchlings ruined our game every time.
"You and I both know that is not true. You were their best friend. Big Mac even decided to give you his entire Oubliettes & Ogres playing book set in his will. Spike has held them for you ever since."
I'll be honest. That stung quite a bit. What I had with those two were some of the most fun years I have ever had, but I selfishly cut them off in fear of facing the unpleasant parts of mortality. They too refused my gift. "I suppose it would be improper of me to not retrieve them then. But that can be dealt with later. Right now my most pressing concern is you. Please Fluttershy, I'll beg if I have to. Join the ranks of the immortals, the Alicorns, they're dealing with forever quite nicely."
Fluttershy sighed, “It's apparent you haven’t seen how things have been around here lately if you think that. Flurry Heart ended up having to look after the whole kingdom herself when her mother disappeared and her father passed. Luna is distraught over the recent passing of Silver. Twilight tries not to show it, but she hasn’t at all been the same since Pinkie, Rarity, and AppleJack.” She stopped and took a minute to take a ragged breath. Her birds came to help her but she signaled them away as she recomposed herself. “Spike’s the only one who has been keeping her from completely breaking down lately. She visits us but it won't be long now until I and Rainbow Dash will pass on too.”
That was news to my ears. Besides our teatimes. I haven’t really kept up to date about things. I had known about the other three elements. It was a shame I didn't get to them in time. I would have loved to see another one of Pinkie's parties. And then there was the matter of Princess Cadence. That was most troubling. It explains why Princess Twilight was so grumpy and declined my offer to a chaos rodeo to the crystal empire. If things were this bad, why hasn’t Celestia call for any of my aid? Oh wait… I disabled that spell . Anyway, I had to give props to Rainbow Dash for staying alive this long without magical aid, she always was the most stubborn out of all of them.
I stroked my beard ready to put my cunning to use, “Well, all the more reason to take up my offer Fluttershy. You’ve never been the one to shy away from doing what's right.” I saw the look in her eyes. Bingo!
Unfortunately, the look disappeared and turned into resolve. She eyed her tea, looking into her reflection before sighing. “I’m sorry Discord, but… I’m afraid that I'm just done. The younguns can take care of these new world problems we face, it's the very reason we made the School of Friendship in the first place.” She took a sip. “Even before you told me, I could tell the end approaches. I feel myself even now wearing thin, and wear and tear of life. I already told Twilight, and have already tied up all of my loose ends, well… except for you.” She finished quietly taking another sip of her tea. “I know you don't like to hear it, but I’ve made arrangements to be buried in the Celestia’s Garden. I would appreciate you coming to the funeral.”
I started feeling my anger build, “And you would so easily give up just like that!” The room shook. I quickly noticed what I was doing and tried to simmer down, taking a breath. The shaking stopped. Suddenly an idea came to mind. I cleared my throat a couple of times, “Surely you would stay if the Princess commanded it yes?” I would soon come to realize that that was actually a mistake.
Before she responded I snapped my talon and in a white light Celestia herself appeared. At the time it was quite an amusing sight. I had guessed correctly that she would be sneaking a bite on all manner of junk food at this hour. She appeared mid-bite in a cheesecake with a blissful expression. That soon turned to horror when she found she was not in the kitchens anymore, making an 'eeping' sound very unbecoming of a princess.
“Hello Celestia,” I greeted with an amused smile, “Sneaking in another snack I see?” She blushed slightly at my jest before trying to determine where she was. She met Fluttershy’s eyes before deciding to clear her throat, setting her half-finished cheesecake on a nearby platter next to a muffin. She quietly greeted Fluttershy and turned to me, “Discord, what is the meaning of this?” She questioned.
I scoffed dramatically, “Why, Fluttershy here doesn’t seem to appreciate my gift of immortality. I was hoping that you could talk some sense into her.” At that moment I thought I had my trump card. I looked at Fluttershy, and she had a heartbreakingly sad face that quickly put me out of my good feelings. I looked back to Celestia.
She seemed to sag a bit and made a soft, “oh…” Sound. She slowly turned to Yellow pegasus, “Would you mind me talking to him outside?” She asked.
Fluttershy nodded. Oh no. I thought, realizing quickly I had made a critical mistake. I knew this game. She was going to try to talk me out of it. No thank you! Silently she motioned me to follow her outside. I didn’t budge, my time to change Fluttershy's mind limited. She sighed, “I know you don’t want to hear what I have to say Discord, but I know you need to hear it. So please will you walk with me?” She said it that irritating motherly tone. I grumbled a bit but finally complied.
I crossed my arms and landed my feet on the ground with a displeased look, and we were off. We were silent for five minutes. After the humble cottage was finally out of sight, I elected it the proper time to ask a question, “Why do I now get the feeling that you're not on my side about this?”
She looked at me for a moment with tired-looking eyes, “I suspected something like this might happen someday.” She stopped for a moment, looking at the sky breathing deeply, “How long?”
“Twenty hours, thirteen minutes, and forty three seconds.” The seconds ticked very aggravatingly in my mind.
I saw the pain in her eyes, “I see..." She was quiet for a moment trying to think up a way to continue, "I understand your feelings about this, but this is her choice. I can’t force her to stay longer than she wishes. Not all have a soul strong enough to persist the constant flow of time. Even if a pony such as she were to stay youthful and strong forever by your magic, her spirit would dissipate and degrade with time." She sighed, "This is unfortunately the price for making connections with mortals. It hurts to let them go, but they follow a path different from our own. It surprises me that in your centuries of being around mortals that you haven’t realized this.”
I snorted, “That's because I never saw much value in the mingling with mortals before. Sure, they were fun to play around with, but beyond that, I never kept track of the ones who lived or died. They were all the same to me. Fluttershy however is much too dear to me to want to part with. I…” I was about to admit my love for her, but i’d be damn to let Celestia know that. I sighed, “Explain to me Celestia, and explain to me very well -- when I have the power to do as I please -- why I should let those dearest to me go? If not forever then why not a little longer? Maybe in that time, I could fix that whole soul thing, and maybe even give all of your little ponies everlasting life, and eternal friendship.” Though that may come with some consequences of course. That much power output would probably debilitate me for a couple years, but I could do it.
“Even your power cannot affect the soul Discord. Even so, you know I wouldn’t allow it. I will not risk my ponies into becoming wraiths.” She paused, and we were left with nothing but the chirping of birds before she sighed and spoke again, “There... have been many a time where I have found myself in your situation. I remember quite vividly begging my dearest friend Clover not to leave when it was her time to pass on, but like Fluttershy she had not the endurance to continue onward, none of my old friends did.” When she finished that sentence, I swore I saw a tear flow down her face. “The only mortal pony that I have ever become close with to have the compatibility to live forever is Twilight. I will admit that I had capitalized on that and granted her access to attain it, but even that has come with its consequences. She has grown miserable with most of her friend gone. She's the Princess of Friendship, but she is quickly losing all of her friends. She will get over it eventually, but the pain will come time, and time again when she has to say goodbye like the rest of us. Immortality... is a lonely, lonely life Discord.”
“But it doesn’t have to be Celestia. I don't have this infernal curse of power for nothing! Can't isn't in my vocabulary! Their souls could be permanent if I desire it enough. I can save her! I can save them all!
She seemed to have snapped. “Save them all?! If it were that easy Discord, then why in Equestria haven’t you done it?” There was a hint of venom in her voice that was very unfamiliar, “Were you too busy destroying my race and scattering the remains!? " She seethed." I try my hardest to hold in my resentment and to forget your part in that. I try to be a bit understanding, to give you a chance when you deserve none, but I can't when you can't help but think everything is a game Discord! You have always thought this whole life thing was a game, but you are completely ignorant of reality. I had been so alone for a thousand years with the guilt of causing my sister to go mad and forced to send her away. And now that she’s returned, she cannot even look at me without blaming me for what happened to Silver Dash!” Her face grew red and lost the rest of her composure. I was quite taken aback. This has been building up for a while. “I've made many mistakes Discord. I sent dearests one after dearest one to fight for me, only to never return from battle. I have been betrayed by those whom I considered friends. And you!” She pointed a hoof at me, “I tried desperately to redeem you after what you did. I had to gloss over history so that ponies could accept you! All I asked was for you to come in our hour of need, but you took away our method to approach you. The only time you ever poked your head out was on your own time, or whenever you felt like showing up for teatime with Fluttershy. It was a miracle you showed during the changeling Invasion, but where were you when the Frost King attacked and took over Canterlot? What did you do when Catrina tried to enslave all of my ponies and bring about an endless winter? I haven't even seen you in years and you just decide to poof me here to delegate because you are too much of a child to let one pony pass on peacefully!”
On all accounts she was completely right, but that didn't stop me from my rage. Gritting my teeth I snapped my talon. Suddenly we were in a room of solid hate and a couch of black ichor. Her wings and horn vanished and I went right in her face with a snarl, “You have a lot of nerve Celestia. You may have a thousand plus years and spent some of them in misery but I've been around for millennia! The things I've seen and done would have turned you white! I’ve done a multitude of things i'm not proud of. I'm truly sorry for what I did to your people. It doesn't make it right, but remember that you are not all gone. There are more Alicorns now than there have been in centuries! Who do you think instigated that? By all rights, Mi Amora should not have been able to give birth to an Alicorn child. And all of you are a ruler in your land, to share the burden. You have each other, but what shoulder do I have to cry on and relate my sorrows to? The horrors of my past transgressions haunt my very soul Celestia, I only have my games, and Her to comfort me. At the very least you have other of your own ilk to talk to, but I have no one else that understands me like her. Fluttershy is the only one in my life that I could say...” I pause, pulling away from her in the realization of what I was doing. She looked positively terrified. I looked away from her, and the room softened into a more sorrowful emotion. I lay back on the couch and sighed, “I'm... sorry. I lost myself for a moment."
She gulped but returned a look to me, so I continued. "I admit it was a mistake on my part to not be in contact with you, but after what happened with Tirek all those years ago, I realized that I needed to reign in on my instincts. I can sustain myself with the lesser forms of chaos in Equestria, but my nature is a fickle thing. To vent and express myself I had to keep a pocket dimension of chaos to satisfy them, and used Fluttershy as motivation to keep myself tame. Disabling the spell altogether was unwise, I know that now. But if you call me during one of my... episodes, lets say I would have become an even bigger problem than what you would be dealing with.”
I looked at her again. Her terrified expression was gone and replaced with pity. I sighed and snapped my talon. With a thought, everything on her was put in its proper place, and we returned to the path we were on “Again, I apologize." I sat on a bench at the side of the path we were on. "I hope you understand. Of all of my years in this world, no one has ever been able to look at me the way Fluttershy does. For the majority of my life, I was all alone. I wasn’t even supposed to have consciousness now that I think about it.”
She blinked at that new piece information. She cleared her throat and sighed sitting down on the bench next to me, "Would you like to talk about it?" She asked.
“No, but I will since you asked. Before I became what I am as you see me, I was solely this universe’s machine of chaos, with not but the purpose of spreading it indiscriminately. No guilt, no remorse, no love, nor care. I was pure, and total chaos.” I laughed uncomfortably as I explained it to her, “If you had met the thing I was just two thousand years ago, trust me when I say that not even your elements would have stopped my path of destruction. You would have gone insane before you even knew I was there.” To this day I still have nightmares.
She jerked back to me in surprise when I said that. Several minutes of awkward silence passed before she replied, “I… I didn’t know that. Why did you never tell anypony?”
I snorted, “It's not a very comfortable thing to talk about. I did tell Fluttershy about it when she asked, but you never did. As I recall, you and little Luna were always too busy shooting me with rainbows for me to tell you anything about my personal life.”
She tried to smile and failed, “I suppose that is my bad.” She kicked a rock in front of her, “Would you mind telling me now that I'm not shooting rainbows at you?” She joked.
“Hmph, It's not a very happy tale mind you. When I told dearest Fluttershy of my beginnings she wept the entire night. Made me feel bad for an entire week. I shouldn’t have even told you this much.”
She looked at me with those eyes of hers. “Please Discord?”
I rolled my eyes, “Oh all right, but don’t blame me if I reveal something you would rather not know. I suppose I might as well go all the way and show you instead of tell.” I snapped my talon and we appeared in a nighttime field with that dreaded crimson altar dead center of it. Several ponies in dark hoods were surrounding it in a circle. I shuttered.
Celestia blinked, “So sudden." She whispered. I believe she muttered something about me being impatient, but I wasn't paying that much attention. "What is this?” She asked a bit more loudly. Gasping when she saw the altar.
“A memory.” I said darkly, “My first memory of me becoming me, as you know me, ten thousand years ago.”
A rustling in some bushed came opposite from us as many cloaked horses as large, and larger than Celestia surrounded the alter. Seven of them stood in a circle around the altar looking to the crowd. For several minutes they chanted in a guttural language long forgotten in the modern era. It seemed to darken the surrounding field. Celestia made note of feeling light-headed at the words, but then the last words suddenly hit, and all was eerily quiet.
They removed their cloaks, and Celestia gasped. They were all Alicorns.
“Welcome Brothers and sisters!” The lead Alicorn’s voice boomed. My teeth grind as I listened to his dark and gravely sound. Apparently he was a big tobacco enthusiast. “Tonight is the night we finally make the world our own. From this day forth, we will no longer submit to the tyrant king Idumea, who has long pursued peace in our land where there is none. At what expense might I ask? Why none but his citizen’s safety. He has sacrificed our security in hope of appealing to the war-like and barbaric satyrs and centaurs and sits in his throne contently simply because we can move the sun and moon. Well, I won't wait until our cities burn and our children were slain.”
There were several murmurs of agreement in the crowd.
“It is thus that I decree, after tonight, we shall harness the infinite powers of chaos to bring his end. We will save our kind, and only the Alicorns of the cult of Discord will reign over the world!” Cheers rang out amongst the crowd.
Celestia looked sick, “I… don't believe it.”
“Nothing I could ever say could prepare you for this.” The evil enacted here was of the worst kind that could ever be performed. So much so that it infected all of the surrounding fauna and flora, turning it into what is now known as the Everfree Forest.
After the crowd calmed down, the Alicorn continued, “Unfortunately, to make our goals a reality, a sacrifice to the entity of discord must be made. To save our world, we must take a life to save thousands more. Bring in the colt!”
Both of my hands clenched when I heard that. Celestia gasped once more.
A light brown colored alicorn colt with a bag over his head was pushed into the circle whimpering. “If any of you are scholars of Magica, then you will know that universal primal wells are near impossible to draw power from. Our horns are natural conduits that hail to nature's font of power and drawn by will. The chaos of itself, however, reacts not to will, nor desire.” He stated, “It is forever, and therefore incapable to be harnessed by regular means. But it can be drawn from an artificial conduit if it has a soul to manifest it's will within.” In his magical grip, he held up the colt and put a blade to his throat. The bag was removed to reveal his terrified face. He was beaten quite badly.
Celestia attempted to move to intervene, but I stopped her, “These events have already come to pass." I said, "There is nothing you can do.”
“Let us begin!” All seven Alicorn said simultaneously. They began to chant and the group below followed suite. They chanted in a verse of old magic that resonated with chaos, stomping their hooves in rhythm. The night was lit up purple with every horn in the circle as the colt was forcibly placed on the altar. There was a reason why it was crimson color.
Magical streams from every horn connected to each other till it made the shape of eight arrows pointing out, beckoning the entity of chaos to appear. With an ominous hum the arrows opened up into a gateway. A blob of purple spastic energy emerged and was quickly held in place with strain. The leader laughed at the sight, but the alicorns that held it down screamed as their minds were twisted. “Yes.” He said with a malicious grin. He held the colt on the table with the knife at his throat, while the colt weakly pleaded for his life. Celestia turned and the sight, but I looked on as there was a shurk! and the colt lay spasming with blood pooling out from him. The seven Alicorns made no haste to wrangle the energy with their magic chanting louder. It suddenly stopped resisting and quickly began to pool into the now very dead colt until there was nothing left of it. Everyone there was left panting in the end. And then the air went still. Suddenly the colt stood up screaming. His eyes glowing a bright yellow as he began levitating in the air. The cult leaders hadn’t realized then, but all of their member had run off in a craze induced from the exposure to the chaos. The colt quickly contorted and changed. Screams turned to manic laughter. His body elongated, limbs changed and the laugh deepened until it was at last me.
“Tsk, tsk.” Past me said, “Looks like you Alicorns have done goofed up this one it seems. I mean really? what did you expect would happen to try to merge all of this chaos into a single lifeless husk?”
The lead Alicorn spoke up, “This is what I always intended to happen Dante. He looked up at past me and bowed, “My lord, I am your servant. Will you help up, oh divine being, Lord of Chaos to defeat the tyrant king Idumea?”
Past me looked in thought, “Why that would indeed sound fun. Yes, I think I will do that, there is just one problem.”
The group looked confused, “What would that be my lord?”
Past me smirked, “The spirit memory of the colt you imbued me with hates you all tremendously for what you did to him, so it would only stand to reason that I hate you all tremendously as well. Unfortunately this is the end for you.” Without another word the terrified looking alicorns all turned to stone around the altar, and past me laughed maniacally “Lord of Chaos doesn’t sound that bad.” He said before disappearing in a snap. The memory ended, and we were back on the path. Celestia ran to some bushes to vomit some. Guess you shouldn't have so many sweets before seeing something so horrid my dear.
She returned, tears in her eyes, “Is that really what happened?"
I nodded, “I haven’t been able to return to that memory Celestia for thousands of years because it had pained me too much to think about. Your the only living soul that I have ever shown it to. And I did so because I finally realize that I don't just have that scared and angry colt's soul. I am in fact that colt and have in the past tried so very hard to forget. And having seen it, I hope you will understand why I cannot let Fluttershy go.”
“I understand Discord, but… I am powerless in this instant.”
I sighed, rubbing my temples, “Well then, I suppose I have one other option to consider.”
"What is that?" Celestia asked.
"Retirement."
Celestia gave me a puzzled look. It was really funny to look at. “Re...retirement?” She slowly went over the words.
“Yep. Putting away the flying pigs, and plaid shirts and whatnot but not before putting things right of course. I had thought about this for awhile now just in case of such a situation where I got tired of me eternal life.”
“I don't understand.” She said looking quite confused, “How? Why? I don't... ”
“Do I have to spell it out any clearer? I’m handing away my keys, giving away my powers so that I can go back to the past to be with Fluttershy.”
“Discord… that's, Insane! The implications of such an action would change Equestria as we know it. All of this” She gestured to everything, “could cease to happen.”
I shrugged, “From what I heard, this isn’t so great of a future anyway. Besides, I'm only going back to 102 years right before my reformation.”
“Well, when you put it that way… What of your heir? And are you really okay with growing old and dying?”
“The world is boring anyway, but I would do anything to be with Fluttershy. As a Draconequus, I could never give her the love she deserved, maybe this is my second chance, and to your first question,” I grinned deeply, “I’ve been around the cosmos and back several times. There are only one species worthy enough to wield my power. Even without my magic, their cunning chaotic minds can near rival my own.”
Celestia shuddered, “Keep in mind that who or whatever you choose has to be able to live peacefully with my ponies. I don’t want another well… you.”
“You wound me Celestia, but you do have a fair point. It would do us little good if they tore equestria in half.” I stroke my beard, “I would have to choose one that would get along well with you ponies, and have some form of familiarity with this world in order to integrate themselves properly.”
“Assuming that this is somewhere not Equestria, why would they be familiar with it?” Celestia asked.
“Probably because I embedded the recent history of Equestria in their minds. Turned it into a cartoon show I believe. I was pleased to find I was played by John De Lance of all people.” I responded.
She blinked a few times but shook her head, “Very well, may you find peace and happiness Discord.”
I smirked at her. Without another word, I teleported off through time and space.
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Chapter 2 ~ My Life as a Teenage Draconequus
So apparently Daconequi can’t sleep; Fun fucking fact!
I knew from the moment I made my little nest on Fluttershy’s couch that I would have to quickly figure my place in this world and fast, but I didn't want to think right then. In a moment like this, sleeping was the only thing on my mind. To say I had a full day was the understatement of the millennium. I nearly got raped and killed, got saved by a cosmic entity, gained strange powers from said cosmic entity and all my appendages got replaced to form a weirdly appealing version of the said cosmic entity. Oh! and I got transported to a little kid's show I adore. So yeah, I wanted nothing more than to sleep the day away, however that wasn't in the grand plan it would seem. I chalked it up to my overstimulated mind, but it would seem my lack of exhaust was a wee bit more of a biological thing… I think… if biology can even apply, but that's beside the point.
It was a nightmare. Every time I attempted to close my eyes for a period longer than five minutes, my mind would just begin to wander off and proceed to randomly generate whatever crossed my mind.
Note: As I write this, I think that night I accidentally created new species resembling Pokémon who now reside in the Everfree. For whoever comes across a Charizard and gets eaten, I'm sincerely apologies. If you stumble by an Eevee and make it your pet, your very welcome.
Anyway, you can imagine my growing agitation as the night went on. Much like an earworm, my attempts to push away the thoughts only made it worse, and over time I couldn't help but summon a bunch of things into existence. Pikachu, Eevee, Charizard, bowser, I was just about fed up when a jovial suicidal muffin started singing how he just wanted to die. (Being in a room full of hungry wild animals, he got his wish without hesitation before another muffin took his place to finish the song.)
The animals were another thing. Most had kept to themselves without minding me thankfully, but the one I knew as Angel bunny continually pestered me for being on “his” couch, only stopping to enjoy the muffins I created. If only he knew what else I was capable of. I grumbled to myself. He would not be so content to further my agitation.
…
Yep, this sure sucks. I know I can eat, I can apparently drink, so why in the world can’t I just will myself into a restful slumber? It was only after a couple of hours of grumbling on the couch with a blanket over me that Diddy returned from his shared chambers with Fluttershy that he ‘remembered ’ to share this little fact with me.
He rubbed his eyes, “I must say, that singing muffin was an impressive display of ambient chaos, though a little out of taste.” He stopped as he saw my covers and twisted self and scrunched his brow, “Are… you trying to sleep?”
“What do you think?” I replied to him with a groan, “I’m not just laying here for no reason.”
He lightly chuckled to himself, “Actually you are. Chaos does not rest, and now since you possess it, neither do you.”
Hearing me curse up a storm just made him laugh harder, “You’ll get used to it. I myself even after all these years away from the power of chaos still have trouble adjusting to a circadian cycle.” He said as he poured a cup of hot earl grey tea, “Hence why I am awake now instead of making love with my dearest one.”
“First off,” I pointed out from the blankets, “that's not very healthy. Second off, eww I absolutely, positively don’t want to hear about your sex life with an adorable yellow horse.” I replied. Was it too much to ask to have a little peace? Apparently It was since I embody everything against it.
Note: I really need to learn to read the fine print of things.
He chuckled at my suffering, “There’s nothing wrong with a good clopping my dear. Your Brony fandom has certainly made plenty if I recall correctly.” He gave me a sly look.
My eye twitched, and felt my face burn, “And I'm done with this conversation.” Though admittedly I was well acquainted with clopping. A dirty thought trickled into my mind but I quickly shewed it away. (Maybe later.)
He let it go and instead sat on the couch next to me. His irritatingly stupid grin didn't leave him. We sat like that staring at nothing for about ten minutes. He eyed me a couple of times when he loudly mused, “Quite peculiar.”
It made me turn to him with a raised eyebrow, “What?” I asked. He looked me up and down for an uncomfortably long time.
“do you not feel anything? Like an urge to turn this house upside down? Or make a singing troupe of gummy bears?”
“Not particularly,” I replied feeling the question odd.
We sat in silence for another fifteenth minute, before he stood up and got in my face.
“How very peculiar. I knew your nature would be able to help in controlling yourself, but I never imagined you could resist it so well without any effort.” He took a sip, “let alone without any negative side effects.”
“What exactly are you talking about?” I asked feeling a small pit of concern.
“I’m sure you have watched the episode where my cartoon counterpart attempts to be normal correct?”
I nodded knowing where this was going.
“For most creatures, harnessing the powers of chaos when not attuned to it can come with its... let's say drawbacks. I discovered this back in the days of yore when I had made many servants of chaos do my bidding. In them, I imbued parts of my power. Some experienced little changes, some had major when it came to power usage. Dragons I found were the best at handling the power I gave, while fae and mostly benevolent creatures like them lost control. growing insane and turning into Cronenberg nightmares before eventually fading away into oblivion.”
“... Are you saying I could be in danger of not being chaotic enough?” I considered it before, but it was scary hearing it confirmed by him.
He shook his head, “No, you should have already reached that point by now with your lack of activity. Though in my subconscious there is a reason every action I took consisted of some sort of joke, pun or riddle. If I had done what you have, My consciousness would have been enveloped completely, but yours seem tolerant, even perfectly compatible for that matter.”
Wow he is very irresponsible. Thank you very much for the warning when it could have been too late.
He put his hoof to his chin and continued, ignoring my scowl, “ There’s a reason I chose your kind. Looking through and experiencing the history of your people, I discovered something intriguing. Besides biology, there is no harmonic process in your mind whatsoever. You have no predisposition for empathy or compassion, all of that is secondary behavior only exerted when such things are desired by the individual. I hypothesis that the spirits of your kind are already so random and chaotic, that any and everything you do, even the act of being kind and harmonious, is deep down discordant by its own right because it is pure and utter defiance of reality. If that proves true, you could very well be one of the most powerful beings in Equestria with little drawbacks.”
That made me calm down a little bit. What he said made sense, concerningly so. Now the way he said it made my kind seem like the evilest and wretched being in existence, but I wondered; Could I unintentionally cause more harm than good? And could I stop myself from abusing this power? The thought made me shiver.
He cleared his throat, “Bear in mind you are not omnipotent, however. That's the kind of thinking that got me encased in stone.”
I shrugged, “I don’t desire to control or hurt the lives of others. I just want to have fun, make friends, and do great things for the world.”
He chuckled, “That's exactly why I chose you. Something will be coming up pretty soon though. You may have a chance to show what you can do and test your benevolence to Twilight and the princesses.”
“What's that?” I asked. I suddenly craved hot chocolate and didn't even look as I lifted it to my mouth.
“The Magician known as Trixie Lulamoon will be coming to town in a couple of days, which means an Ursa Minor should attack the town soon.”
I stared at him with a raised brow, “Didn’t that happened in an earlier season?” I finally asked. My memory of the first seasons are a bit spotty, but I was sure that, Trixie came to Ponyville before Discord was released.
“Not everything in the show happened in the order they did in real life.”He replied, “The Crystal Empire hasn’t even appeared yet, and won't for about another month. That's one of the other things I want you to take care of when the time comes.”
I shrugged, “Alrighty then.” I got up from the couch and looked at my wrist. On it was a watch that said two o clock. “I got nothing else to do here. Know anywhere I could build a house without causing anyone problems?”
I saw a glint in his eyes, “Oh, you want your own digs I see. Yes, The Everfree I believe is your best bet.”
I blinked, “That seems a little danger…” I stopped myself looking down at myself, “Nevermind. Does it have something to do with how chaotic it is in there?”
“Precisely. As a forest made from mostly chaos, anything there will be naturally drawn to your energy and ready to do your bidding. Officially it is not Equestrian territory, so…”
“With enough influence over it, I could make it my territory?” I must admit it was an appealing thought to be a ruler of a chaotic land.
“All you would need is to erect a palace that marks your undeniable rulership. I would steer clear of the Tree of Harmony though. It’s relatively harmless without the elements, but it will attempt to purge you if you get too near.
“Noted. Anything else to look out for?” I asked.
He shook his head, “Not that I can think of. In the center, there should be a large clearing with a river that runs through it. It shouldn't be that hard to find. You do know how to keep an object existing right?”
“Just push a bit off my power into it right?”
He nodded, “Yes, correct.” He finished off his tea and set it down on the coffee table. “Now just remember to return to Ponyville when you finish that. I believe Princess Celestia will come for a visit to welcome you soon.”
My eyes went wide, “Really? She wants to meet me?”
He smirked, “You're the Goddess of Chaos remember? And I'm certain Twilight has already sent her report to her. Whether you like it or not you are going to be a very influential figure in this world. I recommend you not tie yourself down to her though. She will ask you to do… unpleasant things if you're not careful. If your smart, just do what I do and avoid that kind of responsibility like the plague.”
I chuckled, “Well that's something to think about. I suppose I’ll head out and look for that clearing now.” I began to float my way to the door and then stopped to turn around, “What do I do if I get lost?” I asked.
“Just think about returning to this cottage when your done. I’ll tell the others you are working on housing arrangements, so don’t you worry.”
I nodded and flew out the door and above the forest Canopy.
It was the biggest forest I had ever seen. Mountains and tree-covered hills filled the entire landscape. It seemed to stretch for miles with no sign of an end in view. Surprisingly for a city dweller such as I, it felt like the right place for a home. It might have been because of the chaos that radiated from it but was quite liberating nonetheless. It was my domain, a place to do exactly as I pleased. There was now nothing I couldn’t do.
I could have probably made a clearing anywhere I desired, but I didn't feel like disrupting the natural fauna and flora. Hunting for the big one seemed like a good idea. I passed a couple of small ones here and there, but they did not at all-suite my needs for what I intended. What I planned was a little bit bigger than a simple palace like what Diddy suggested.
Seriously, I can’t stress enough how big this place is! To my amazement, I finally found the incredibly large clearing in what I thought to be the center of the Everfree. Grassy hills and rivers dominated the entire landscape. It was perfect for a city! In fact, I think it was one considering the ancient rubble and blocks of stones I found. Its depth in the forest made it completely defensible from intruders, the land fertile enough for crops, and a running river as a source of water. It was time to put my powers and imagination to the test.
I touched down taking in the scenery and tried to visualize the kind of building I desired. It probably wasn't a good idea to provoke and shake up the nations of the world so suddenly, but I felt a need to be a little more ambitious. If I did this right, I could build an empire that any world power would be jealous of.
I concentrated deeply and reached into the reservoir. The vision immediately took shape in my mind, wrapping around a compass of memory. There was a pulse of energy. I saw a great glimmering street. It spiraled up and ways until it ended in front of an enormous, intricately carved gate. I imagined the high white wall and the gleaming-white stairway that ended high in the sky, leading at a long awe-inspiring gallery. I couldn't forget the balustrades. They quickly took the form to structure the dotting balconies. I concentrated hard on the details of the great courtyard, filled with sparkling waterfalls and fountains, I saw a garden where everything — trees, flowers, and animals — were carved from ivory of which was this incredible city’s namesake. The wind picked up as I continued envisioning it. The shape of arched bridges without railings leading to a third gate took form. Just seeing it so clearly in my mind was enough to make me tear up as my childhood dream took hold, but it wasn’t finished yet. I now saw a dome-shaped hall of the gleaming-white ivory, and on top of it, a familiar Magnolia Pavilion. There was no path or stairway leading up to it, but that was how I knew it was supposed to be. On all sides, all but the front of the marvelous city was surrounded by tall rocky structures that glowed on the inside with an almost divine brilliance that would fill the sky.
I suddenly felt the reservoir vibrate with my desire, and the ambient energy from the forest responded. I took a deep breath, taking a stance I'm sure looked epic because it felt right. I suddenly clicked, and I began to pump large amounts of energy into the horizon with my vision. Adrenaline rushed through my body right along with it. It all flowed through my limbs and I unconsciously began to push and pull at the strings of reality.
I hadn't noticed it before but there was a kind of defiance in the air, something I realized fought me at all times when I broke its rules but was stronger within the clearing. Many words come to mind when thinking about it. Continuity, Nature, Order. It had elements of each of but at the same time, it was none of them. There was was one word I knew which could describe it wholly, it was… law. The ultimate instructing force of reality, the thing that had ruled and oppressed me all my life, limited the possibilities, shackled me and everyone else to its rule. But no more. I was once the learner but now I am the master. I would never again be chained to it. No longer would it hold power over me. I beat it down fiercely with my will and all of my surprising repressed rage. It broke its hold in the clearing.
Not going to lie, but that felt amazing. There was probably epic music playing somewhere as the natural world rippled apart and the construct materialized. It was simply badass. Space in the clearing rippled fiercely and Purple and green streaks of electricity erupted from my grasp. The clouds in the sky circled and grew dark from the supercharged energy. It’s eye where the grand structure took shape. I felt my own eyes glow fiercely as I grappled with the last remaining ties to reality. The air pulsated in fleeting resistance but as the last strand of order broke and relinquished its hold, the object from my mind rose from oblivion, and into the heavens as a glorious beacon of beauty and freedom.
For several long minutes, it vibrated before deciding to stay solid. The clouds dispersed. The beast of a project was complete. There it would remain to stand the test of time. My new home, a city build upward, made of ivory, and pure imagination.
I panted heavily at the exercise. The clouds disbursed as immediately as they appeared, and the air went back to normal, giving me a chance to look up in awe at my creation. I could practically hear the song play. No really, the song was actually playing when I looked over it! Amongst the hills and glistening rivers, there it finally stood, the Ivory Tower.
Did I overdo it? Probably. Was it worth it? Hell yeah! Was it sure to create mass confusion? You bet! The thing I believe dwarfed even the entire mountain in Canterlot. I doubt there was anyone in Equestria who couldn't see it. My hunch was confirmed by the taste of bewilderment in the air. Another Draconequus trait. Tangy like vanilla.
I teleported into the empty pavilion with a grin and immediately thought to my apartment building. A portal opened and solidified into a plain full body mirror that led to it. From it, I pulled out my more valuable objects. My bookshelf and movie collection, computer, and photos. I no longer needed my fridge and microwave so I left that amongst other appliances. I didn’t really need anything from it at all, but certain things did still held sentimental value. What would I do without my Star Wars merchandise collection? I thought about my pony figurines, but that would be a bit awkward if I invited any of the ponies to my new home. I had the real ones now anyway.
After I was done with that, I materialized a queen-sized bed ornamented with Draconequus imagery. I wasn't going to do much sleeping, but you can do more in a bed than just sleep in it if you get what I mean.
I decided to inspect the castle for any errors, which took hours of work. I was almost to the bottom floor when I noticed the time. It was near noon!
With a snap of my claw, I teleported back to the cottage. It was apparently a very audible teleport because Diddy immediately jumped from whatever he was doing at the turn towards me with relief, “Nearly gave me a heart attack. Nice digs by the way. That's certainly an impressive imagination you got there.”
“What did everyone else think of it?” I asked.
“Absolutely speechless and utterly flabbergasted. I imagine it's going to take the headlines for quite a long time. Everypony coast to coast can see it.”
“Jesus.” I thought for a moment, “Do you think anyone would be willing to live in it? It is a city.”
He chuckled, “If you offered, I imagine there would be a line that stretched all of Equestria, but we will have to see. If you hadn't before, you have definitely attracted the attention of the Princesses. That display of power certainly has them rattled. Twilight says they both will be here soon to meet you.”
“Both huh?” I pondered, “You don’t think they will tell me to get rid of it do you?” I hoped not, not after all of the efforts I put into making it.
“I don't think they have the authority. As I said before, the Everfree isn’t technically a part of Equestria. It's all frontier space due to it being too wild and unpredictable to tame by anyone else but one of your nature. You could very well name it your own country now and be the Queen of the Everfree if you so chose.”
“That's a relief,” I replied. A thought came to mind. “You know, I didn’t think the Everfree was that big from the show’s map.”
He shook his head, “I wouldn't recommend using that for reference. The Everfree is about half as big as Equestria itself. used to be a nation in fact before I came along.” He suddenly had a look about him for a minute. Before I could reply, he continued, “Anyway, it does border the Dragon lands to the south. I would recommend you guard yourself against them. Something like that is sure to provoke some sort of response from them.
“I'll keep that in mind. I suppose I should also create safe roads that lead to it then so it’s safer to traverse.”
“Wise.” He said, “but I really must ask, do you really want subjects? I don’t know about you, but politicking takes a lot of time and effort.”
“Well, I can be at more places at once now can't I?” An idea popped in my head. I put on a headband from nowhere and put my hands together into a hand sign, “Shadow Clone Jutsu!” In a poof, there was another me.
…
(God I am such a nerd.)
“That could work.” He said looking my clone up and down, “assuming your clone is willing to do the work necessary.”
The clone me sighed, “damn, I ended up the clone. It sucks, but I'll do what has to be done.”
“Now you know how I feel.” Discord Clone said out of nowhere and just as suddenly disappeared.
We all shook our heads.
All of a sudden the door burst open, “Is she back yet!” It was Twilight, who sighed in relief when she saw me, “Oh thank Celestia. The princesses are here to see you now. They are waiting in Ponyville.” She moved further inside but stopped when she saw the other me. I made my clone poof.
I looked to Diddy who looked to me and then back at her, “Very well. Lead on Twilight.”
“... Gladly.” She said as she led me out. On the way, I couldn't help but notice the look she kept giving me. She seemed like she wanted to ask something, but every time I looked back at her, she turned and averted my gaze. She also looked somewhat exhausted. Probably from running laps to figure out what the heck was going on. The conflict in her mind certainly tasted good.
Soon we were in Ponyville. It was… quaint. Most homes were shingled instead of thatched. It also wasn’t quite as bright and colorful seeming as it was in the show, but it certainly had its own charm. Not many ponies were out either. The ones I did see were easily recognizable from the show but they seemed to do their best to make sure they were the furthest distance from me when I walked by. I found that rather rude, so I tried my best to ignore them and look ahead. Awaited me was a golden chariot in front of the Golden Oaks Library, several royal guards both night and day looking vigilant, and two Royal Princesses.
The tallest, whom I knew to be Celestia, looked as regal as could be. Her fur was a pristine white color with pink highlights that ran down her back, and around the feathers of her wings. If I had to guess, id says they looked to be able to extend eight to ten feet long. Her long aurora colored mane flowed with a perpetual wind, and her gold pink eyes held a kind of vibrancy to them and highlighted by an all-knowing look that seemed chiseled deep into her face. Her sister, though no less stunning, shared many of those traits. She was a full foot shorter, and in contrast, her fur was a dark blue with lighter highlights of the same nature. Unlike her sister's hair, hers looked more like it was free-floating in space, with flecks of sparkling light that shimmered in the sun. Her eyes were more catlike and cold seeming, but still contained a wisened look.”
As soon as they noticed our approach, their eyes bore down on us with a mix of curiosity, anxiety, and… fear? though Luna’s looked a little more hostile. Twilight moved in front of me when we got within ten feet. She cleared her throat and bowed, “Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, I present to you the being known as Eris, the Successor of Discord.”
I did my own bow, “Greetings Princesses, It is an honor.” They proceeded to look me up and down for an uncomfortably long time. I seem to be getting a lot of those.
“So it is true.” Celestia said, “He actually did it.”
“So it would seem.” Luna quickly said before glaring at me, “Can you prove you are truly not Discord?”
“Are my actions not enough?” I asked which made her ponder a moment. She turned to my monolith of a city which looked absolutely stunning from the distance.”
“Perhaps,” She said, “The Discord I knew would already have breached our personal space, and mock us while doing it.” She snorted, “Also I know he could never come up with such a vibrant construct as the one you have created. He hadn't the attention span. Though I must ask what you intend to use with such a ginormous… edifice?” Was the tamest word she could come up with.
I scratch my neck, “Well I heard that the Everfree is essentially unclaimed frontier that has little use for the ponies. As free real estate, I put it there as a claim of my own country so that I may be nearby, and be able to do what I want there without causing problems to your ponies.” True enough I suppose.
They both blinked, “... Well, you're certainly within your right to do that.” Celestia said. “I was planning on purging and colonizing it one of these years, but…” She looked to my new home, “It would seem you have a massive head start.” She seemed to sag a bit, but brightened up quickly with a thought, “Once you get enough ponies to colonize and be Looks like officially recognized, would you be open to establishing relations with Equestria?” She asked.
“Certainly, but I'm looking forward to having more than ponies. Any species is welcome to the Everfree as far as I am concerned.” (and perhaps a few humans from home couldn't hurt.) It's now hard to think I quite literally decided to do this at the drop of a hat.
She smiled, “Excellent! Then I will spread the word as soon as possible.” She turned to leave but stopped when Luna cleared her throat and looked at her sternly.
“Almost forgot.” She turned back to me, “I would like to know the whereabouts of Discord if you would tell me. I would very much appreciate a long discussion with him.”
I shrugged, “I’m afraid I am not at liberty to say. He was weary of his immortal life, and decided he would try living a normal one for once where he could settle down peacefully with his loved ones.”
They seemed taken aback by that, “That doesn't sound like Discord at all.” Said Luna. “I can't believe that monster would have anypony of which he would love other than himself.”
I shrugged, “Well, he’s not the Discord as you last saw him. He clearly was from the future. I can't say how far though. I know originally he was supposed to be reformed around this time, but that changed when he inserted me in his stead.”
Both sisters pondered for a moment, allowing Twilight to interject, “It would seem plausible Princess.” She said pulling notes from the saddlebag. “Last night I took the time to observe the pedestal the statue was on,” She magicked the notes over, “and guess what I found? warped areas of space-time around it!” She looked proudly at her work, “It’s entirely possible concerning his abilities that it could be a trick to throw us off, but I highly doubt that even he would be that diligent and detail-oriented.”
Celestia read the notes over and magicked it back, “Well done Twilight. I suppose with this evidence,” She looked at me, “we can give our friend here at least the benefit of the doubt. Has Professor Tune put any thoughts into this?”
Twilight put a hoof to her chin, “well, I think he said he believed her, but I can’t really tell. He says that there is no reason not to believe her since truth and lies don’t exist for a being of chaos. He says anything she says could very well become truth if she desires it enough, and is therefore illogical to doubt her in the first place.”
Thanks for making me look like a tyrant in the making Discord.
Luna rolled her eyes, “That stallion’s mind is beyond addled. His words are nothing but rambling jargon and broken philosophy.”
“He is also a genius of his craft.” Celestia interjected, “I have never met another mind who understood chaos like he other than Discord himself.”
If only you knew Celestia.
“I’ve personally found him a little charming.” Twilight interjected, ”I actually learned a thing or two about the processes of Discordant mana. The kinds of applications it can be used for are staggering. Also, he's one of my friend's Coltfriend and best friend to Spike. They are usually good judges of character.”
Luna sighed in defeat. It was clear my presence struck a nerve with her
She looked back at the tower and glared at me. It seems that there were many things she wanted to say, but withheld herself on account of her sister's harsh glare which made her stop.
Celestia turned to look at me, “Forgive my sister. She was quite upset with the sudden appearance of your tower.”
“It’s practically on our doorstep.” Luna grumbled, “We will be expected to top that now. ”
Celestia’s wings ruffled in irritation. The gesture seemed to shut Luna up and make Twilight flinch. She recomposed herself and warmly smiled at me, “Would you care to invite us to your home?”
I blinked in surprise, “Uh… sure. Do you mind if I teleport you? I haven’t made any safe roads yet so…”
“That would be fine. If you teleport my guards along with me as well.”
“I would also like to go,” Twilight said. “I want to see up close as to how chaos magic compares to Elemental magic and document my results.”
“Very well,” Sign of goodwill I guess, “Let's head off to see the wizard.” Before any of them could question that, I snapped my talon, and we were in the front gate of the Ivory Tower. I smiled as they all gaped at its enormity. Far away, it just looks like a single tower, but up close you realize it could fit three-fourths of all of New York City within.
“By the gods!” Luna gasped, “It's akinned to a vertical empire!” They all seemed to be in agreeance. The guards looked above in shock, eyes as large as dishes. Twilight was no better.
“It’s absolutely stunning...” Celestia said.
I giggled at the compliment, and with a snap of my claw, the gate opened, “Shall we.” I said with a smile. They all recovered and immediately followed behind me.
On the way up we had a bunch of discussions, mostly pertaining my origins and how I met Discord. Other conversations lead to me explaining the many cultures of my people and the literary inspiration that this building was based on. The sisters seemed a little disinterested by the virtues of fiction and fantasy, but Twilight ate it up and we had a long discussion on writing. It was pretty wizard.
By midnight we made it to the pavilion where I showed them some stuff from my personal collection and explained some of the technological human advancements within my world. They seemed very fascinated about that at least, even some of the guards asked questions. After that, Celestia inquired about possible relations with my world. I had to decline but settled on working out a sort of alliance with her nation. Something for the clone.
I might bring a few close friends here if they so desire, but I wasn't too keen on getting Earth’s governments involved. By the tour’s end, I think I certainly made quite an impression on all of them. The sisters excused themselves and teleported themselves off with their guards, while Twilight stayed to do more research stuff on my magic.
“I imagine all kinds of species would want to come to see this place.” Twilight said, “Regardless as to whether you want to become a country or not, this will quite literally be an object of attention for a long while.” A thought suddenly clicked in her mind, “Oh, I forgot to ask, what form of Government do you intend to run? I could help you write a constitution!”
“I was thinking about Presidential Democracy.”
She seemed to be stumped by that one. Apparently this world has only ever lived under monarchies or dictatorships, so I did my best to explain it to her. Luckily I did well in my American Government classes. It pays to be a lady who knows her rights in a misogynistic world.
“So you're saying, that instead of a ruler who stays in power and makes all the decisions for their subjects, the ruler is elected by their subjects for a period of time and is continually replaced over and over again?”
“That's the basic idea,” I said. “I won’t actually be in charge of the place, but I will act more as a protector, symbol, and political tie-breaker of sorts. Governing should, after all, belong to the people.
“What if the current ruler wants to stay in power and decides to keep it by force?” She asked looking generally intrigued by the idea, “Or if the population is ignorant and misinformed, causing them to make a bad choice?”
“That's why the power is divided into three parts. There is a system of checks and balances. Between the Judicial, Legislative, and Executive. If one gets too powerful, the other two will prevent them from going too far. And as I said before, we solve the problem of ignorance by having good schools that teach critical thinking to all of the next generations.”
“What if you're too poor to pay for school and tutelage?”
Wait, you have to pay for schooling in Equestria? Huh, “Where I am from, education is free. Funding for it comes straight from the government. We believe everyone has a right for an education” College though... I'll fix it!
“That's incredible! This is the most efficient and defensible system of governments I have ever heard of. How in Equestria did your people come up with it?”
I shrugged, “Not in Equestria. As a chaotic species, we had a habit of destroying order wherever there is one. Monarchies and Dictatorships toppled constantly whenever there were enough people who disliked them. But we didn’t abolish order completely do to being trapped within our frail mortal coil. By nature we are chaotic, however, we require an order to survive. So through trial and error, we invented democracy. It satisfies the desires of the majority of people, and is well guarded against collapse if anything happens to the one running it.” As great as I made it seem, it certainly wasn’t perfect. We still occasionally get shitheads for presidents.
She blinked and shivered, “That’s both amazing and scary at the same time. I’m sure Celestia will find this idea fascinating.”
“Maybe, but I'm pretty sure she as a monarch would not like it. She might find these ideas threatening. Also, she seemed pretty pissed off at me.” I replied.
Twilight frowned, “I don’t know what you're talking about. I didn’t get that impression from her. Princess Luna maybe, but that’s because she’s head of Equestrian Security.”
“No,” I said, “I know she was definitely upset. She just hides it really well.” Thousands of years in politics certainly give you a convincing poker face, but that doesn’t really do anything when you can see their thoughts on accident.
Note: Just putting it out there that it was unintentional. Despite my calm demeanor, I was constantly worried as to what they had intended to do with me, and well, my subconscious desire led me to read their thoughts, and I couldn't turn it off because despite it’s unfairness, I secretly wanted it. I hope that doesn’t make me a bad person.
I continued my explanation to Twilight, “The reason she wanted to free Discord in the first place is that she wanted his power at her command, hoping friendship with one of you would grant her access to it.” I straightened, “but I am not him. My appearance put a wrench in their plans. Since I am creating my own country here in the Everfree, her influence over me is even lesser. There is also the fact that my castle can be seen literally everywhere.”
I suddenly thought about something. Diddy was the one who suggested going to the Everfree in the first place. Was this his plan all along? If so he is quite a clever bastard.
Twilight put her hoof to her chin for a moment, “Well, I can’t say I agree with all that you said, but it makes sense. I won’t deny that Celestia had the intent to use Discord’s power for her own purposes. But that’s because attacks on Equestria have grown more frequent over the years. After the Changelings breached Canterlot and killed a good portion of our nobles, the country has had difficulty in recovering its loses. It’s a known fact that our military is also currently crippled. With only the Elements of Harmony to keep our enemies at bay, both Princesses are currently having a difficult time to keep everything together. Your help would have been invaluable.”
“Who’s to say I'm not going to help?” I replied, “I may have a new country to kick start soon, but I am always willing to help my new neighbors and friends with any trouble they may have. I have idolized you ponies for a long time. There is very little I wouldn’t do for you. Heck, if you asked, I could even build you a castle.”
“Hmm... appreciate the thought, but no thanks.” Twilight replied, “I’m perfectly happy living in a tree.
I smirked, but my ears twitched at the sound outside. The pines were roaring on the heights, The wind was moaning in the night, The fire was red, it flaming spread, The trees like torches blazed with light.
God, I am a nerd.
Twilight heard it too, and we both ran out to look over the balcony. Well, she ran, I floated quickly.
She looked in horror. The forest floor surrounding the clearing was in flames, and a large serpentine red Dragon attached himself to the tower’s side.
I thought about bolting but remembered myself. I was a goddess of chaos! no way am I going to be scared away by a dragon! I teleported over to it and stared it down. His scales were a harsh blood color and very much like plated shields, with a face malicious and sharp to go with it.
“Begone creature before I turn thee to ash. This tower is now mine and mine alone. If you so dare to challenge me, you will pray for death!” He looked to me as if wanting me to challenge his authority. I should have looked at him with indifference, but I still wasn't quite used to the fact that this creature had absolutely nothing over me. I was a little intimidated, so I went to work on him immediately.
I came back up to Twilight with a bewildered baby dragon in magical grip, “Need another assistant Twilight?”
She gaped, “... Um, no? Did you take… care of the fires?”
“Oh snap! Almost forgot.” The blazes immediately died down and regrew as if they were never burned at all.”
She looked down, then back at me, and down again repeating that for several minutes. The baby dragon was muttering all kinds of curses of which I muted.
She was like that for a while before settling on me, “Would you be insulted if I said you scare me?”
I blinked, “Er, well, it would be a little disheartening. Do I scare you?” Perhaps that demonstration was a little too much.
“Dragons are usually very magically resistant,” She explained, “yet you took care of it like it was no problem, and that was after you created this thing? How are you not feeling drained?”
I scratched my neck, “Well, I don’t just use chaos magic Twilight. From what Discord told me, I pretty much am Chaos magic now. There is apparently very little I can’t do. I’m sorry if that disturbs you, but I thought you would already know what I was capable of considering your past encounters with Discord.”
Twilight shook her head, “I always knew Discord was powerful, however, he never quite utilized his abilities the way you seem to use it. His brand of chaos was… random and indirect, almost childlike, playful even. But yours is more focused, structured, and deliberate. You don’t play games as he does, you just go straight for it. I find that more terrifying. I feel sympathy for whoever foolish enough to make an enemy of you.”
“My species was quite utilitarian. We liked the results, and we liked them as quickly and efficiently as possible.” Whelp, I suppose this was the cost of ultimate power. let's just hope I don't ruin this before it gets out of hand. I sighed, “Look Twilight, are we friends?”
She seemed taken aback by that, “… Yes. I think so anyway.” She replied looking a little unsure.
I nodded, “If you can’t trust in me, please trust in friendship. I can understand your concern, but I truly only want to use my power to help this world. I understand if I make you wary. I’m currently an unknown to you, but I can promise that I will never cause any deliberate harm to any of you ponies.” An idea popped in my head at that moment, and with the motion of my mismatched hands, I created a gold necklace with an apple pendant that read τῇ καλλίστῃ. With a quick thought, I connected a string of energy from it to my consciousness. Say what you will, but I couldn’t resist the symbolism.
I handed it to her. “The proof is in the pudding or so it is said, and I can prove it by being there for you whenever there is trouble. If ever you are in need of me, simply clutch this here apple with your magic, and I will be there.”
She looked at it, then nodded as I put it around her neck, and smiled. “Thank you Eris, that does put my mind at ease. I’m still a little wary, I admit” she glanced at the little dragon who seemed to have given up struggling, “but I can see the sincerity in you, and I know a good friend when I see one. I’ll certainly put out a good word for you to the rest of Ponyville”
I smiled and felt relief, “Thank you Twilight, you don’t know how much that means to me.” I unconsciously teleported on the bed, and put the little dragon down. He tried breathing fire at me but I cut that off, so instead, he sat and pouted. It was adorable. I smirked and looked back at her, “Want me to teleport you back?” I asked.
She eyes the dragon one more time, “What are you going to do with him?” She asked.
“I’ll think of something. He attacked my capital. Where I am from that would be a federal offense, so I will think of appropriate punishment.” He gave me a look of horror.
Twilight shrugged, “I know Celestia would have vaporized him for that if he did that in Canterlot.”
I looked at her in shock, “... Jesus! That's a bit extreme don't you think? I was just thinking of making him my maid or something until he learns the value of friendship or something like that.” I never thought I would hear Twilight Frickin’ Sparkle talk about vaporizing someone so nonchalantly.
“Oh.” She said looking away, “I guess you're a bit more merciful ruler then.”
I stared at her.
“What?” She asked.
I shook my head, “Sorry, I'm only really used to your cartoon counterpart. I never thought you would ever say something like that the way you said it.”
“I’ve seen a thing or two Eris. I’m not naive. I have done things, things that have needed to be done for the greater good of Equestria. I’ve seen friends die for it. Despite what you think you know from that cartoon of yours, Equestria isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. We may have lived a thousand years of peace, but those days are over. We now have our own struggles. Friendship is magic, but we have to fight to keep it that way.”
Wow. This Twilight is incredibly more mature and edgy.
“I understand,” I told her sighing. I seem to do that a lot now, “It’s just my world has been so broken at times. The idea of that version of Equestria has been my coping mechanism for so long, that it is shocking to hear it has its own very big problems. The idea that things could be better if we deal more kindly with one another and put away our differences to make a better world is one of the things that has helped me get up in the morning.”
She smiled much to my surprise, “You have a very progressive outlook. If that show has taught you that, then I am honored to be apart of that. Though I never thought a being of chaos would want peace.”
“It’s not peace I want Twilight. For me, peace is complacency, stagnation without growth. No, it’s like what you said before, I look to be progressive. Progression is another word for change, which is another word for chaos. It’s not all about moving at random. It’s deliberately delving into the unknown and inciting that change so you can grow as a people. If you don’t change, the new world will end up eventually leaving you behind.”
Twilight took a moment to process that, “Huh, I never looked at it that way. Is that why you created this place.”
“Actually no. I did this all on a whim, but I realize what it could mean for this world. I now want it to be a home for all of the races in Equestria. A refuge where everyone can be free to live their dreams. Land of the free where equality reigns.” Now I sound like a patriot. The thought put me in revolutionary clothing. I went with it and stood as if I were crossing the Delaware.
Twilight didn’t look like she got it, but she did look impressed, “Wow, that almost wants to make me live here. How are you going to spread the word out?”
“Fliers, pamphlets, short stories. Maybe other things.”
“What about those who can’t read?” Twilight asked.
“Hmm, I wish radio was a thing… maybe orators? I can work that out later. Right now I need a stable population to actually claim this as a country. When do you think people will show up?”
“Ponies from all around will immediately attempt to investigate, but with how deep this place is in the Everfree, I worry it might cause problems.”
“First thing tomorrow I will create a safe path through the forest. Diddy said it should do my bidding pretty easily, so I think I should be able to dissuade it from attacking would-be settlers.”
She nodded, “Good, it is getting late, so I think I will leave you alone. Please come by Golden Oaks tomorrow. You invited me to your home, so it’s only fair I invite you to mine.”
“I will. Goodnight Twilight.”
“Goodnight Eris.” She teleported off, leaving me and my new dragon friend in our homestead.
I looked at him and unmuted his voice. “So… will you be cooperative?”
He harrumphed and crossed his arms, “I should rather be ablastened by the flames of Tartarus for all eternity than to be under slavery to thee foul demon.”
Shakespeare called, he wants his vocabulary back.
I rolled my eyes and followed suit, “Thee wonneth’t beest a slave to me, I just expecteth thee to maketh up thy crimes ‘gainst me. This is a new country, and attacks like you'd wonneth’t cometh without rep’rcussions. Also your english is super archaic dude.”
The look on his face was priceless, “... A fire drake such as myself fears no consequences creature. I kill where I wish and none dare resist. I laid low the warriors of old and their likes is not in the world today.”
Holy shit this guy is literally Smaug!
“Then you were young and tender, and now you are old and strong?” I finished.
He looked taken aback, “I was. Until you cursed me into this form! I have never been so humiliated. You can be sure, I will have my revenge!”
“Uh-huh." I crossed my arms, "I think Sauron will return before that can ever happen.”
His eyes widened, “How do you know that name!? I thought all memory of the dark lord was wiped thousands of years ago.”
God damn it this world is awesome. Let me guess, Starswirl is Gandalf, isn’t he?
“A Goddess knows these kinds of things.” I replied, “But enough of that. What is your name?” If he really says Smaug, I’m gonna…”
“I am Smaug the Defiler.”
Oh my god, I am going to die. This world is a Geek’s paradise. Wait till I bring Percy here, he’s gonna flip.
I put on my poker face, “I have heard of you. You were the Dragon of the Lonely Mountain correct?”
He nodded actually looking impressed, “Indeed I was, though I thought none alive would remember it. Many of the races who had existed then, no longer exist now.” He sighed, “I had the biggest hoard then. None questioned my power in those days.” How old is this guy?
“The way I heard it, you were supposedly killed by a Black Arrow.”
“Lies!” He said, “I was struck with a Black Arrow, but I came out on top! It takes more than that to defeat the great and powerful Smaug!” He tried to look fierce, but it just came out as adorable.
“Okay.” I said rolling my eyes, “I believe you.” It was going to be a lot of work to knock him down a peg or three, but I’m patient. I stretched, “Well this was a nice little chat, but I think it is time to hit the hay. Your new duties for my empire starts tomorrow.”
“What's to keep me from leaving?” He asked.
“The fact that only I can restore you back to your former glory, and uh, this.” As an extra measure, I snapped my talon, and a blue silver arm brace appeared on his right wrist. “For so long as that is on, I will always know your whereabouts. If you try to escape me, your sentence will be much more severe. If you swallow your Dragon pride and do a good job, I won't have to make you wear that maid outfit.”
He grumbled a bit but nodded. I snapped my talon, and he popped into one of the homes within the tower.
Seriously, that guy needs to lighten up. Maybe I should introduce him to Spike or Twilight’ friends?
I decided to take him with me on my trip down there tomorrow. I wasn't sure if I could turn him into a model citizen, but I sure as heck was going to try.
With that out of the way, I teleported back onto my bed. Now that I was by myself, it was time to get perfectly acquainted with my body and see just what kind of impossible things it could do with it.
. . .
I can’t believe I just wrote all of that in my diary. Not that I think anyone is going to read this but me, but I seriously, that was shameless of me… You know, I'm just gonna tear that one out and stuff It in a drawer somewhere. Still, it was by far one of the most intense experiences in my life, so I just had to save the occasion.
I thought about sitting there like that for the rest of the night but it grew to be a bit uncomfortable. With a thought, my body went back to normal. Well, as normal as it could be. I eradicated the scent left in the room and other things before moving to my desk to stream a bit of Netflix on my laptop. There were a whole ton of new shows and movies I could watch, but I settled on you guessed it, Jurassic Park. (The original one by the way.)
After it was over I sat back and had to push a thought away. No, I was not going to create Dinosaurs, what's wrong with you? but that train of thought did lead to another thing. Could I create life capable of its own thoughts? The implications could truly change everything, but we all know how that could turn out. But could I really do it? A question for another time perhaps. Now what I needed was to head down to Ponyville and work on a healthy relationship with the ponies.
With a thought, I teleported down to Smaug’s room. I imagined many of the kinds of things to expect from having a shrunken eldritch evil as a tenant. I wasn't surprised by the state of the room. To say he trashed the place was an understatement. The bed was burnt to a crisp, drapes were torn asunder and just torn in general, the doors were scratched up, and the ivory table and chairs were broken up to the point of being unrecognizable. I found him actually sleeping in the sink.
With a sigh, I snapped my fingers, and a trio of mini me’s did their magic, all the while singing ‘a spoonful of sugar’.
Note: As I write this, I realize that I have made and noted quite a lot of references in this chapter. I feel there is quite a lot more to come in the near future.
The singing, of course, made him stir a bit. They tidied it up quickly and then disappeared having completed their task. “Who dare wakes me from my slumber. Begone thief. You can’t have any of my gold! I know the tricks of your ilk.” He groggily said before falling again.
“Such a shame,” I said mockingly, “I only wished to have a look at you and see if you were truly as great as tales say.”
He seemed to stir in rage, “That won’t work on me a second time!” He fell out of the sink with an oof.
“Dreaming of barrel riders?” I asked.
He groaned, “How did you..?” He shook himself, “Nevermind. What is it thoust desires?”
“First on you working on modern English, second I want you to head to Ponyville with me.”
“What is that?” He asked with a blank look, “I know of ponies for their delectability, but I have never heard of a ville.”
Enough from Tolkien's work seemed true enough of him, so maybe riddles will help turn him around in my favor.
I shrugged, “If you should wish to know, it is the home of magic’s bearer and its counterparts, where knowledge is stored within tree’s of oak, and where seekers of companions find their recruits to congregate. A would-be a kingdom in days ahead, and to forever be ruled by Twilight’s end.” I was quite proud of how I came up with that on the fly.
He seemed mildly intrigued, “Interesting. From how you make it out, it would seem worthy of visitation, but must I attend in this form? If you were to return me to my former glory, I believe you should make quite an impression, and your power will never be under question when I am at your side.”
Was he for real? “I appreciate the thought, but I doubt my power will ever be questioned if my capital should stand. Even the Sun Queen herself fear me as I am. And I have yet to cement my true power.” Which was true enough from the thoughts that circulated in her head at the time of her visitation.
Making an enemy of me would be a dire mistake on her part. If I see heads or tail of those elements around me again, you bet your butt I'm not going to be cocky enough to give them a chance against me.
He sagged a bit. I could tell that he wanted to push the issue, but decided against it, “I would not doubt it. There are not but very few beings who could subdue me as you have, and most of them have perished long ago.”
“Hmm.” I thought, “You're going to have to get back to me at that when we return. I would like to learn a bit more about this place’s history, and you seem old enough to know a thing or two.”
“If that is what you wish.” He barely stopped himself from gritting his teeth. Must be difficult for a big and powerful bad guy to suddenly lose all of his power.
“By the way,” I added, “I would appreciate it if you don’t try to eat or attack any residents. It would look bad on my image I am trying to work up.”
“Very well.” He grumbled.
“Oh, and there is another baby dragon there as well. Try not to be hostile towards him. I doubt he is familiar with dragon culture.”
Smoke billowed from his nostrils, “I will not ask. I fear the answer will infuriate me. Yes, I will behave.”
“Good.” I pointed my talon to my forehead and we blinked near the cottage.
He blinked away the flash of light, “Strange magic. It feels eerily familiar for some reason.”
“How so?” I asked as we started walking. I nearly tripped from that and instead floated over. He carefully trotted behind me. Going from all fours to two must be quite jarring, but those wingy arms were definitely not made to travel long distances.
“There are a few forces that can offset a Dragon’s nature. We stir with the changing of the world, and rise when turmoil is at its greatest, and seek to continue the spillage of blood. Your presence even now incites this feeling within my breast and stirs the inner fire.”
“... Is that why your room was torn up?” I asked. God, I need to watch myself lest I incite the bloodlust of my dragon neighbors in the south.”
“It is why I pursued your kingdom, much like I did for the dwarves of old. The waves of discord you have wrought simply made it impossible to resist.”
“Uh-huh, and you thought you were a match for something that could literally build a thirty thousand foot kingdom with a blink of an eye?”
That seemed to stump him for a moment, “I admit I had underestimated your power, but you cannot fault me for thy… er,
“I suppose.” I said, “But keep in mind that nature is what caused you to be stuck like this, and you are going to have to live with it.”
I felt heat radiate from him but I ignored it. I suddenly stopped in my tracks realizing I had forgotten something, “Shoot.” I said. Before Smaug could respond, I turned back to the forest and raised both of my arms towards it. I felt the will of the trees. They flowed with primal power. Unlike the clearing where I had to break reality's will, they obeyed me with relative ease. They uprooted and used them to move with haste at my command, making a neat steady path towards my home. With a clap of my hands, an Ivory gate in the form of vines sprouted, and the surrounding cobblestones beelined onto the path. With an idea, my mind carved words at the top of the gate, ‘Not all who wander are lost.’
When it was done, Smaug couldn’t stop staring at it. For a minute he stared, “There are few things I fear,” He said, “I without shame can say you are indeed one of those things.”
That comment immediately soured my mood. I know I'm exceptionally powerful, I know my beginnings in Equestria were questionable, and I know I'm somewhat scary looking, but fear is something I don't want. Sure, I downsized him, but that was because he was being an asshole who deserved it. I suppose it was reasonable for him to be wary of me, but haven't I been relatively nice to him?
I wasn’t about to deal with that now. Instead, I blinked into town with him. Stares immediately resulted once we entered to my discomfort, but that was expected. There were considerably more ponies out today. They still were muttering when we passed by, but they now didn’t seem to avoid me at the furthest distance anymore at least.
Smaug didn’t say anything as we made our way to the Library. It was a little disconcerting but I supposed if he did have something to say, it may have been volatile. Either that or I somehow scarred him half to death into submission.
Upon the Treehouse entrance I knocked on the door. It opened up slightly ajar, and all I could see inside was darkness. A smile crept up on my face knowing what was going to happen.
I looked to Smaug, “How well do you react to surprises?” I asked.
“Poorly.” He said
I nodded, “Don't burn, nor break or hurt anyone. Okay?”
He simply nodded with complacency.
I opened the door all the way, and on the lights went, “Surprise!”
I tried to look as surprised as I could be. Confetti shot everywhere, and the room was lined with punch bowls, party food, and cake. Before me were the main six and several other background ponies, including Octavia, Lyra, Bonbon, Derpy, Carrot Top, Mr. and Mrs. Cake, Cheerilee, and a couple of others whom I didn’t remember my name.
“Here’s your congratulations on making your own country party!” Pinkie shouted suddenly sprouting from somewhere.
I grabbed the pony and wrapped her in a hug, “Thank you so much Pinkie Pie. I think a party is definitely what I need.”
She at first seemed taken aback by the hug but she quickly returned it. She was very soft and squishy for a horse.
“Your super duper welcome!” She exclaimed. She somehow slipped from my grasp and started talking very fast, “It was originally going to be your welcome to Ponyville party, but then Twilight here told me you were not going to live in Ponyville and that made me really sad because I wanted to introduce you to a bunch of my friends so that they could also be your friend, but then she also told me that you made your own country! I thought that was really cool and thought to myself that that was definitely worth a party to celebrate over, so here we are!
“Pinkie, How many of them Cupcakes did you eat?” Applejack asked.
“Only eleven no biggie.” Pinky replied, “Now lets party!” Everypony else seemed to agree and started boogying.
I went in and joined them with a hesitant Smaug following behind me.
As expected, Spike went right over to him with curiosity, thankfully Smaug was relatively civil.
“Whoa, are you another Dragon?” Spike asked.
Smoke came from Smaug’s nostrils, “What else would I be? If your going to ask idiotic questions, you should turn around and leave now thief.”
Spike seemed taken aback by that, “What do you mean by thief? I never stole anything.”
Smaug gritted his teeth, “You insolent..!” He stopped himself, “If it wasn't for this curse upon me I would tear you to shreds right now.”
I loosely say civil. I intervened before he could make a scene, “Smaug, we don't threaten friends.”
I saw one of Twilight’s ears flick and turn to me, “Did you say Smaug?” She asked. A scared-looking Spike huddled behind her.”
“Yep.” I said, “The one and only Great and Terrible Smaug.”
“The father of Post Dragon kind?” Twilight asked looking dumbfounded.
“Never heard of that one before. I thought Glaurung was the father of all dragons.”
“Glaurung was the father of the Great Wyrms of old.” Smaug said, “Though it surprises me one such as yourself knows his name when even most Dragons do not. What your pony means is that I am the one who brought my kind back from the brink of extinction. Not a dragon alive doesn’t have my blood.” He looked to Spike, “Even this pathetic hatchling is of my own kin.”
He flinched at that, “But you're no bigger than I am.”
Smaug growled, “That is because I am cursed you inferior wyrm!”
Spike recoiled, “I am not a worm!”
“So it’s true” Twilight ignored the bickering and her eyes lighting up, “Oh Celestia! I have so many questions about dragons that I can now have answered!” She looked to me, “Can I borrow him for a while?”
I shrugged, “It’s up to him. I won't force him.”
She blinked and frowned, slightly tilting her head, “Wait, why? He attacked your city. Why are you being so lenient?”
I shrugged, “Him being this way in public is punishment enough. If I am too harsh, I won't be able to properly reform him.”
She sighed, “That makes some sense I suppose, but if you knew the kinds of things he’s done in the past, then I don’t think you would be so understanding.”
“I know quite a bit more than you know Twilight. I know that he single-handedly destroyed the Dwarven Kingdom under the lonely mountain.”
“Mountain Goat Kingdom.” Twilight stated, “And there is more than that.”
“Mountain Goat?” I questioned.
“Another name for the Dwarves.” Smaug said, “Though from what I recall, they found the term Mountain Goat derogatory.”
“I see.” I replied. I guess there aren’t even any humanoid species on this world.
“I didn’t know that.” Twilight thought, but then laughed in glee, “Oh I am already learning!”
‘So am I’ I thought.
Besides that little hiccup, the party went as well as you would expect a Pinkie Pie party to go. Met some interesting ponies, enjoyed fun party games, demonstrated a few tricks and abilities that held the interest of many. At the very least I would get less uneasy stares the next time I visited.
Author's Note
It's finally here! Sorry for the long wait. Had some stuff going on, but I finally decided to pick it back up.
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Chapter 3 ~ What diddily darn poppycock is this?!
Somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
Dear Diary, It’s me again, your friendly neighborhood Discord here to report the most wondrous things my student is accomplishing! Why you would simply not believe just how well she has adapted to her new godhood. Even yours truly has trouble keeping up with her subtle yet monumental act of chaos, and she's making tons of friends with the denizens of Ponyville at that. Oh, I cannot express enough of how much good it does this old draconequus’s heart to see her grow as a person. Why I simply cannot wait to see just who she will become in the near future. I…
In the third period, I found right as I was writing, that the diary had managed to fly right out of my talons by a peculiar force of energy. It swooped me twice angrily before letting out what I assumed was a shrill screech. Afterward, the covers flapped away into an obscure corner of my spatial dimension.
Now usually this could be chalked up and considered my run of the mill chaos. But would you be surprised if the event of randomness that transpired wasn't in fact by my very own whim? Looks like someone didn't want me writing my Pulitzer winning masterpiece. The joke was on them though. I had already anticipated something like this to occur, thusly I had put a spell on the book to continue writing my thoughts and experiences discreetly. In italics of course. Wouldn't want it to be confused with the actual story now, would we? Shame though, I forgot to make the spell text pink like my stylish Betty Noire pen. Tragic I know. No matter! rather than dwell on it, I instead turned to meet my surprise guest.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?” I had expected many things. Cthulu seeking his revenge, Bast seeking her revenge, Gilgamesh seeking his… How many enemies do I have in the multiverse? To my surprise, it was young Eris herself. I have to give her credit for finding me in the most unreachable regions of reality. Though… that begets another question. Looking at her more closely she seemed quite different than when I left her. She held herself with more confidence, poise, and control, and held a knowing look in her eyes that was not familiarly associated with her. Whatever it was that was different, I'm certain I was going to find out soon.
Sure enough, she crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, “TANGERINE."
My ears flicked at the word, and I couldn't help but grin in delight, "Oh, oh my." I chuckled, "So it's that kind of scenario, is it. How far might I ask?" The last thing I expected was my universal code for time travel situations and phenomena. Surely this would be all kinds of fun. One last game under the belt of my existence.
“I lost count at 13,908,522,000.” She held out her talon. The book had let out another shriek before flying to her extended reach. She briskly opened the book and turned to the currently being written on page 74 and 3/4th. She then closes it to look at me. “You know, If I found out before [redacted] that you were secretly writing in that meta junk between the pages, you should know that there would probably be no dimension in this reality that could save you from my wrath.”
Apologies dear reader. No spoilers on my watch!
In response I gave her my best-wounded look, “Can’t a dying afterimage give his prize student a few departing words before I'm discorporated into nothing but disentangled fundamental particles?” Surely enough I was bombarded by a coincidental waterfall of prechewed cupcake slush, because why not?!
She giggled, "That's a good look for you."
"Don't be too amused. I haven't yet used my best material! Like a rag, I wrung myself out, until the mush turned into cups made from cake.
Before I could truly grasp the brilliance of my joke, she slivered over to me with such intent and grace that I actually flinched when she was right up in my face. Her eyes bore into me until I felt it actually burn. She’s gotten good, I'll give her that, but she should already know I would not falter or be intimidated so easily.
“It is when it is invasive” She took a step back and giggled, "Who am I kidding, privacy is dead these days."
Admittedly I was a bit taken aback by her change in mood. Eccentricity comes with age I suppose. I would know this well, “Well now, I wouldn’t say that. I just figured it was the best way to leave tidbits of advice before I eventually,” I appearified an Infinity Gauntlet on my hand, and snapped, “Bite the dust.” Suddenly my physical form scattered in an invisible gale before reassembling moments after. She smirked at the antics and sat down in a sudden lavish chair with a refreshing new car smell, “Well, enough indulgence. I did come from across time and space for a reason after all.”
With a snap of her claw we suddenly appeared in the ivory pavilion. It would have looked almost regal if not for the human collectibles and toys that scattered about the room. She truly was a product of her era.
She flashed onto her bed, giving me a small smile, “You know,” She said turning her body completely to my direction, “I got to come out clean. Your writing is terrible. Substandard at best. While it may add perspective, it tends to derail the plot and really comes off as rather juvenile. At least it will after you write it. The Jellies of the fourth dimension tend to agree that your part is simply the worst. The prologue was a nice touch though."
A glass of red wine appeared in her talon. She swirled it for a sec before draining it from her snaggletooth.
“Ouch. Tough crowd.” I loosened the tie that wasn’t there previously, “Your no literary god yourself young miss.”
Young miss?” She let out a shrill titter, “I think you’ve confused me for another. I’m afraid at this point I’m your senior monsieur. And for the record, I do have an IQ of 200,5 you know. Written several hundred published books and movies, redirected the course of history a few times and learned 550 languages. All on a second Wednesday in fact! but that's beside the point. I’m afraid to tell you all is not well in my future.” She seemed to deflate. The air felt grave. I immediately got the feeling that whatever she had to say was of the greatest importance. That whatever she was going to tell me would alter the course of history for this world forever… Which is why we're ending this log right here and get back to present day Eris. Until next time on Draconequus Ball Z! Tah tah.
Eris Log 3.
Once again I return to confide in you my super private journal that nobody else will ever read or write in ever.
I got to say, this new godhood is really quite… lets say a bit overwhelming . It’s more difficult than you think to fall out of mortal habits like eating, sleeping, feeling helpless in the face of existential doom that is patiently waiting to claim you in the end with a shit-eating grin. You just do it so often that it just becomes almost muscle memory. Now I have no use for any of those things. It's one thing to be immortal, the power that comes with it is a whole other ballgame let me tell you. I physically had to stop myself from turning that expression into a baseball gag.
The extent of my own abilities is quite daunting. I don't even know if there is a responsible way to use it! My first day I built my epic gargantuan castle straight from the mind of one Micheal Ende and then 'tamed' the former great wyrm Smaug of the lonely mountain. It’s human nature to keep pushing the boundaries, and today, well... reminded me that we weren't in Kansas anymore nope! His bags were packed a long time ago! And is now on a taxi to space with California so that he gets as far away from his abusive ex-husband Tennessee as soon as possible. You go man! Date that dorky California hunk big guy! You guys are adorable and deserve each other!
Anyway... I think I'm getting off track. Let me start at the beginning. During the party. First off, It. Was. Fantastic! Every fan of ‘My Little Pony’ knows what a Pinkie Party is. However, after that night, I came to realize that the show did little justice in showing just how many intricacies go into it. At some point, she somehow darkened the ceiling of the room and filled it with entrancing and brilliant floating orbs and splashes of 3D color that resembled something one might find in abstract paintings. It tasted like snozzberries! The music bordered on whimsical and adventurous. And the assortment of snacks and drinks was divided between an even sweet, decadent savory, and conscious healthy. Built for beings of every breath of life (Vegetarian, however. They were still herbivores after all.) Everything about this party was purely mesmerizing. It was too bad Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity had to end up leaving so early considering I wanted to get to know them better, but they all had their lives to go back to I suppose. Jobs and all that bull I guess. It was nice at least they showed up on my behalf. I was actually surprised AJ didn't have to leave for those same reasons. I guess it was her day off or something. Either that, or she was there specifically to keep an eye on me.
Since this was a party clearly advertised in celebration of my newly found country, I was approached by many ponies in regards to it. Some asked obvious things like if I was allied with Celestia, or about what kind of Government I ran, and in regards to the safety of travel through the Everfree. Some seemed genuinely interested in maybe becoming potential subjects, but not many. Others were just happy that the Everfree was under control. I didn't expect many residents of Ponyville would be that interested in moving to my realm. After all, this town was ground zero for Discord's so-called games of his. My resemblance to him was one thing, the display of my phenomenal cosmic powers I knew was a reason of its own for distrust. It also didn't help that many residents were a wee bit xenophobic, but at least some made effort to be polite.
“I wonder when the next phase of the party is going to start.” I heard a pony ponder. Phases? It was not long for me to figure out before the Pink mare appeared by the back door of the treehouse.
“Let Phase two commence!” By some strange magic, the door expanded into a large double door decorated with balloon emblems similar to her own cutie mark. Slowly and dramatically the doors opened, and everyone cheered as it revealed a pink and yellow circus tent filled with games, a dance floor, and even a petting zoo! ‘Guess she could tell the party space indoors were becoming a little cramped with the number of ponies that were still filing in.
In a snap and a flash, I made my way outside with a third of the party group. I began to feel the buzzing excitement in the small equines. A stir within my reservoir told me that an opportunity to create my kind of chaos could occur.
Without my noticing, the party mare herself stood right behind me, “Hiya! Enjoying the party!”
I didn’t know this at the time, but there was much more history to the pink (Slightly pudgy) party mare than what I expected. Firstly, to my surprise, I found that she was actually a very accomplished pony. The inventor of 736 party games in her patent, 42 cake icing recipes in her name, master of the hoof friendly accordion, and author of a book titled ‘How to Throw a Party for an Introverted Recluse!’ (Which revealed that she also had a Ph.D. in Equine Psychology and Sociology) No kidding. She owned a business called iCupcake Inc. that would throw parties like this across Equestria. The mare was well compensated for the rest of her life!
I turned around to her a little surprised, “Oh! Most definitely! This is almost like the time I visited Coney Island.”
She tilted her head. Oh right, I forgot she would have no context for that. I had also almost forgotten I had a small temperamental dragon by my side. You would figure you would always be able to notice a dragon around, but he was just so quiet and stoic after our encounter with Twilight.
Smaug grumbled a bit with a puff of smoke billowing from his nostrils. I was beginning to wonder if it wasn’t such a good idea bringing him along when there were so many unfamiliar stimuli. Knowing his rather antisocial draconic nature, he was very liable to lash out if pushed too far. The only thing I thought was stopping him from doing so now was probably fear of what I might do to him if he did.
Pinkie seemed to have honed in on his displeasure. From her curly mane, she pulled out a massive ruby the size of a human fist, “Here you go!” She handed it to him.
His eyes grew wide having been presented with such a treasure. All of his grumblings stopped as his eyes loomed over the precious rocky treat.
“Hope you enjoy Smokey!” She giggled. She bounced up to me looking bewildered at how well she managed not to get scorched with an encounter with the small drake. He hadn’t said anything, but he looked like he appreciated the gift. Tuning his head wearily, he ran off in a direction where there were not so many ponies that could potentially ‘Steal’ his treat. ‘Looks like I’m going to have to teach that one some manners.’
She giggled, “Dragons really do like their gems!” She said to me, “What is it that you enjoy?”
I pondered over it for a moment before shrugging, “Just about anything. I already had a couple of cupcakes and some punch. Really nice by the way. The Carrot cupcakes were especially decadent.”
“Glad you liked them. Hey!” She exclaimed, “You know Discord used to make cotton candy clouds that rained chocolate milk?”
“uh, yeah. You want me to make some?” Well, she still is Pinkie Pie after all.
“Would you?! That would be super fantastically spectacular!” She bounced.
With a thought, I summoned a small puff of cotton candy in the air. In a flash of edible lightning, it began pouring the chocolaty dairy fluids right into the mare’s mouth.
After her fill, she hopped to the cloud's level and instantly consumed the entire pink fluff. She seemed to have a pondering look as she did so, “Hmm…” She gulped, “De-lish-ious! but something’s way different. The milk to chocolate ratio is superseding, and the cloud sugary density is exponential!”
I was beginning to understand the nature of the request, “Checking every subtlety now are we?.”
“Yeparoonie! Can't be too sure when dealing with an omnipotent trickster!” She did a thing with her hooves, “But you passed!”
“I see.” Guess some still have their doubts that I'm not the old goat. There were certainly those who had misgivings about my presence.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Twilight visibly shaking in frustration. She was magically picking up trash that many ponies have negligently left with a bunch of garbage bags hovering beside her. Spike meanwhile was hiding from the mare in fear of being wrangled to aid in the Unicorn’s cleanup crusade.
“How many times have we gone over this Twilight?! That's not how you're supposed to have fun!” Pinkie shouted at her.
Said mare turned to us with a disgruntled look, “Not fun is everypony leaving their trash all over my house.” She shot back with a humph, “I even had trash and recycling bins placed all over the property when your employee's put up the tent. Doesn’t anypony know how to throw away their garbage!
“I can take care of that.” I said. With a thought I scanned the entire property and latched onto offending articles of mishandled disposables. She was right. It was enough to make a Highway Indian shed a single solitary tear.
Suddenly they all phased out, including the ones in Twilight’s magical grip. The entire space was once more spotless.
“wh-where” She looked at me surprised, “did you take them?”
“Should be incinerating in the sun.” I replied bluntly.
Both were silent for a moment as if expecting an and.
“... That's it?” Pinkie asked.
My brow furrowed in confusion, “What do you mean?” What were they seriously expecting?
“You know, some fwoosh! Ahhhs! Bazams! And learning stuff.”
Twilight cleared her throat on behalf of her friend, “What I think Pinkie is trying to say, is that she expected some sort of antics with good intentions that would have resulted in some sort of episodic problem full of hoof pointing, namely at you, which we would then have to resolve by the end of the day learning something about friendship.”
Pinkie bounced, “And that is why you are my personal translator!”
Twilight rolled her eyes with the faintest of a smile.
I smirked, “Does that usually happen?” I knew for a fact that it's what happened on the show. I didn't think it would actually be the case in real life.
“Pretty much.” Pinkie replied.
“It's a relief that this is seemingly not the case today. I'm really not up for running around ponyville chasing some trash beast or something."
“I'm glad I get to defend my title as the Greatest Cupcake eating champion!” Pinkie exclaimed pointing to the booth we had walked towards with a bazillion cupcakes.
“That’s a thing?” I asked Twilight. At the mention of it I felt another tug at my reservoir. Weird.
She shrugged, “She's held the title unchallenged for five years in a row.”
“And she's gonna win again this time around.” A new voice interjected belonging to Applejack.
We all turned to her, “I bet that old Carrot Top nopony can out eat Ms. Pinkamena Expert Cupcake Devourer Extraordinaire!" She put up one of her hooves for effect. "Winner owes the other 85 bits. Ought to be the easiest bits I've ever made.” she said with a smug look.
Twilight shook her head looking less than impressed, “Applejack, why would you make such a reckless bet like that?”
AJ look turned to confusion, “What ya mean Twi? This is Pinkie we are talking about! You've seen how many cupcakes she can eat. I think my investment is rather secure.”
Twilight pointed to me, “Did you think about Eris? This party is for her. What if she wanted to join in?”
Apple Jack slightly paled at that, "Er, well I mean..."
I shook my head, “Nah, let's be honest here. That wouldn't be fair at all if I joined.” I didn't even think I had a stomach, let alone a consumption limit.
Now in hindsight, I probably shouldn't have tempted fate with that comment. But my chaos reservoir apparently loved it.
Apple Jack took a deep breath of relief, but it was very short-lived.
“What just you mean by that!" Pinkie pointed to me accusatory, “Oh, It. Is. On! You get in that booth right now! Words have to be backed up by action! And I am not gonna let you flake! You're facing the Queen of the Cupcakes now and she ain't going easy on you!” totally called it.
Little miss ‘Queen of the Cupcake's’ exclamation begun to cause a crowd to gather.
“Your funeral,” I replied. Twilight just sighed, and AJ looked at me with a pleading expression, “I'll make it up to you later.” I reassured her with a wink. 85 bits was a good sum of money to lose. That's like $250 in US currency. I sure I could get her quadrillion times over what she lost. My reservoir seemed to agree with me.
Half an hour later the party at last concluded when Pinkie Pie fainted from a sugar coma. Consuming a total of 76 frosted cupcakes, she beat out the guy Carrot Top brought in who ate about 64, but at long last, her title was lifted with a record-breaking 502 cupcakes. I probably could have done a lot more than that, but I didn't want to seem like too much of a showoff, also they ran out of my favorite buttercream. As my reward, they gave me a tiara with a buttercream cupcake symbol on top. Many cheered at the ending of the Cupcake Queen's final reign of terror. “Long live the Buttercream Chancellor!” The fillies and colts cheered the elected title and giggled.
"Yes! And as my first decree as the Buttercream Chancellor, I command you all to go enjoy yourselves!" With that declaration, I created several Chibi me plush toys for them that they immediately grabbed at. They all took off giggling with their new toys.
'Least I'm popular with the kids.' I silently thought to myself.
Apple Jack meanwhile just looked to me the entire time with a baffled expression, “How... how in the hay can you eat so many cupcakes? You're like a bottomless pit!”
It certainly helps when you have literally no intake threshold. I shrugged, “Because it is improbable, most likely impossible, and definitely absurd." There's a catchphrase I can coin! "I’ll be honest, I don't even think I even need to eat, let alone have a stomach. Where it all goes is probably the least likely place imaginable. I tried to warn her, but she insisted on it."
Said pony tossed and snored, “No Maud, I am not secretly dating boulder! Why would you… snore.”
Me and AJ couldn't help but chuckled, “Well shucks, it looks like I have to go give Carrot Top her bits now.”
“Did you learned a lesson in all of this?” Twilight asked. It was kinda hard to hide that she intended this very scenario. Apparently AJ had a bad gambling streak that needed curbing. How the element of honesty managed to get a gambling problem was beyond me.
AJ looked resigned, “That it's a bad idea to gamble on a friend holding to her five-year title when faced against the spirit of chaos?”
The lavender mare chuckled, “Not how I would word it in my report, but… pretty much. Just gambling in general.” she nodded.
AJ snorted before looking to me, "So what can you offer me? Is it some gag gift?"
I smirked, "Gag gifts have no class. I got something even better in mind!" With a snap of my claw, I was suddenly encased in a lamp on the ground. I billowed from a blue smoke out of it with a lavender turban on my head, “OH GREAT ONE WHO SUMMONS ME!” I said in a booming voice, not my own, “I STAND BY MY OATH, LOYAL TO WISHES Thr… um, well, just one wish should be enough I think.” Three might have been overdoing it a bit. I tossed her the lamp, "Cue the song!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qStN2FgIKzo
At the end of it, every pony was cheering at my performance. Probably the best they have ever heard if we're going by the show. While fun and campy at times, songs on the show just could not compare to those Disney masterpieces. If this was an episode we would so be sued right now.
Then the last note from the chorus hit.
“Wow, that was mighty fantastic! So how does it work?” Apple Jack asked, her face lit up like a Christmas tree, (Resist!) while I stood dumbfounded.
I could hear the face hooves and groans resonate within the tent. Just like that everypony went back to their business, but at least it would be quite the memorable night.
I just couldn't believe it, "The whole song, was the instructions!"
"Oh..." She trailed looking embarrassed, "But I get one wish right?"
I recomposed myself to my proper form, and evaporated the lamp, “More or less. Just don't ask me to kill anyone, bring back the dead, morals yadda yadda yadda. And if it's just beyond my power, well, it's probably not something you should be asking for anyway.”
AJ sat on her hindquarters and put her hoof on her chin in thought, “What's beyond your power is probably beyond what I can imagine anyway. Well… Ya know, Granny has been having trouble with her hip lately. Ya think you could, I don’t know, remedy that?”
“I can and more.” I replied happily coining another phrase, “which way?” I asked.
“You can really do that?” Twilight butted in finally out of her reverie of musical bliss. "I mean, surgical magic has existed for hundreds of years, but that typically requires skill and detailed knowledge of equine anatomy.
I thought about it for a moment. And I felt as if I were taken over by some force, “Certainly. This isn't conventional magic after all. With chaos, there are more ways than one to heal an injury. I could treat the wound, or I could make the injury not have even happened at all. I could also reverse her age." That came out of my mouth too naturally...
Twiggles almost looked in disbelief, "But age magic can only change your physical appearance. You could turn an old stallion into an infant, but they would still be just as old. It won't actually heal them or extend their life."
Interesting... "Nah, I literally mean turning back the clock. More to do with reversing the biological timeline than anything else." As I said that, images of magical time-related formulas floated in my head. That definitely wasn't a normal thing and was a little bit concerning. Something to discuss with the old goat.
They both didn't look convinced.
I shrugged, "Hey, If I can make that,” I pointed to my tower, “in a span of minutes without breaking a sweat, I'm pretty sure it could be done with little more than an afterthought.”
“... Point taken.” They resigned.
I turned back to AJ, “Lead on. Which direction?”
“Hold ya horses there Sugar Cube! It’s far too late to be bothering Granny right now. She’s probably well asleep, and I don't want her having a heart attack in the middle of the night.”
It was getting pretty late. Through the canvas of the tent I saw the sun was lowering just above the horizon at this point.
You know, If you peer just close enough, you could actually see the golden magical energy of the princess that wrapped and tugged on the celestial orb. At just a glance, the magic involved looked far more complex than I had initially thought at first. (Something to investigate later.)
“Very well then.” I beckoned my dragon to me, and he came without a word, “Tomorrow I shall perform your miracle. You can rest assured that your Granny will be good as new hi-jink free!”
AJ's eyes were as wide as dishes, “No hi-jinks?! Gosh, that down settles it! You are without a doubt not Discord after all!”
I blinked and looked to Twilight, then back to her, “I feel you guys are just messing with me now.”
They both chuckled, “I am Sugar Cube. Question though.”
“Oh?” I replied awaiting what she would say.
“You supposed to represent disharmony and discord ain’t ya? Yet I see you done none of which I would consider… unharmonious. Sure you created a nation on a whim in just a blink of the eye, but you've done nothing harmful I think.”
I tapped my claws against my chin, I straightened. How to explain? “Well, I think you're getting who Discord was, and what chaos is a bit mixed up.”
She looked at me a bit confused, and Twilight intently fascinated.
“I’ve had a couple of days now to explore my powers now, and I think I understand it a bit better.” Really though I always had a fundamental understanding of chaos now that I think about it. In school, I always did well in chaos subjects concerning Greek literature, weather, art, thermodynamics, quantum mechanics... HOLY SHIT THEY WERE RIGHT WHEN THEY SAID I SQUANDER MY ABILITIES IN SCHOOL NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT!
Oh well, back to my explanation. “My people, I should mention are very familiar with the prospects and inner workings of chaos. When I'm creating something out of thin air,” I conjured a tiny version of myself, “What the power of chaos is not doing is creating what you see before you, instead it is creating a space where the conjuration from my mind is allowed.”
"Uh…" Applejack started.
“Let me finish. While Diddy was not wrong, how he explained it was probably a bit confusing.”
Twilight snorted as if that was a great understatement.
I continued, “What I'm really doing is I'm channeling an area of the space-time continuum into a void state.” My mini-me began to float around the two to continue the explanation, “The true power of chaos is not, in fact, creating things such as this conjuration or bringing anarchy, but of emptying spaces of rules and laws.”
I saw a glimmer in the Lavender Mare’s eyes, “And because it is connected to your consciousness, your imagination fills that void with what would otherwise be impossible to be there!” She suddenly laughed in glee, “Me and Diddy had been over this a thousand times with no results, but the way you put it just clicked! I finally understand!”
“Uh…” Applejack looked a little lost, “So then, what am I getting confused about Discord?”
“Simple.” Twilight replied for me, “This... Void state was what you called it?” She quickly looked to me, but with a reassuring glance she turned back to AJ, “is just a magical tool that erases the presence of the physical laws. Perhaps an editing tool for reality or something like that. All of that nonsense that Discord created wasn't an aspect of his power, but of his personality and what went on in his mind.”
Applejack shivered, “Then he certainly had something twisted running up his noggin.”
‘Not really.` I thought. ‘He seemed more to me as a simple trickster who liked riddles and games and getting all kinds of attention from others around him. Not unlike a child.’ course, I didn't actually know what he was like pre-reformation. I actually had to remind myself that my basis on this reality was a Y7 kids show.
I shrugged, "I imagine anyone who lives that long would grow pretty eccentric."
"Perhaps," Twilight replied.
Silence crept upon us for an agonizing few seconds, so I clapped my mismatched hands together and took a deep breath, "Well, this has been fun. I will see you two tomorrow."
"Eyup. Looking forward to it."
"Likewise."
With that, I teleported with smaug to just inside the castle right next to the… giant ornate silver orb that most certainly wasn't there before. "What the fuck?" I said under my breath. I hadn't time to contemplate it before I was enveloped in a familiar aura/
"Impressive isn't it." A voice distinctly sounding like John Delancie said behind me.
I turned to D2 with a raised eyebrow. There was no chance he created this, "Could you tell me what this is and why this is here?" I won't say that I was mad. It certainly didn't look out of place, nor did it seem obtrusive. It was quite pretty in fact, but it was its purpose that concerned me most?
"Oh, nothing. It's just a gift from you, to you. I have to say, you are shaping up to be a worthier successor than even I anticipated. Already derailing the world's natural plot on not just one, but two fronts." He emphasized, "Care to look inside?" He tried hurrying me to the orb but I resisted by teleporting behind him. Not today satan!
"Nope! Nuh-uh! No dodging questions! I do not play that game mister." I waggled a finger at him, "Elaboration now!" I always hated it when people give you the barest minimum of information you require simply for plot convenience. Those 'learn it later at the proper time' moments built up only to create cheap suspense for the audience, that you only suppose to find out at the story climax. It's a time tested formula that may in captivating me at home on TV, but no thank you! You can just stuff it, Joseph Campbell!
"Oh, your no fun." He pouted, "Fine. I was visited by your future self. Apparently there are things in her past, your future, that she wanted you to fix."
"Er... okay," Not what I expected, "What kind of things?"
"Only the end of all life as we know it. Apparently there are consequences to your arrival on the scene that even I didn't know about. Fascinating isn't it the kind of ripples you produce."
My mouth was agape, "THREE. AND A HALF. DAYS. I've been here for three and a half days." I felt a headache coming on. I groaned in frustration, "I'm going to lose my sanity at this rate. This is bullshit! You know it's bullshit.
"It's not that bad." Discord replied.
I was livid! "You want to know how much bullshit this is hmm?! I snapped my fingers and a trio of mustachioed anime singers appeared.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQyhLZsw7e4
He and Smaug blinked. "Wow." They said in unison.
"You made me bring out Carole and Tuesday! Don't you dare tell me this isn't bullshit!" After a minute I sighed, "I don't appreciate my feelings being minimized." I suddenly blinked into one of the center benches. "Remember I'm still very new to this. It's too stressful to handle so much at once. I need time."
Discord cleared his throat and looked in thought, "I... guess I can see your point." His look turned back to mischievous, "Well, if it's time you want. This orb here may, in fact, help you."
I sighed in defeat, "Okay, what is it?"
"This," he pointed to the spherical artifact, "is the Time Vault. An invention you apparently created using Magitech sometime in the future to save well, time. And to fix, live, and relive historical moments. Would you care to step inside now? It's quite delightful actually."
"That'll… be a serviceable enough explanation I suppose." I was much too far down the Looneyville hole to really deny. Honestly I should have guessed it would turn out this way. I did take up the mantle as a literal deity of the absurd!
Now on the object, there wasn't any door or seam to speak. At the touch of my claw, it began to hum strange energy.
“You’ll have to either faze or teleport inside." Discord added, "Whatever material she used for its outer shell is strong enough to survive a trip through the sun, and repels all other kinds of magic or radiation.
Paranoid much? What was so important about this object that she made it impervious to anything but a reality-altering entity such as myself… ourselves?
"Quite charming actually. Held herself like someone in control. You were actually an impressive and imposing character, and that's coming from me."
"... Huh." Was the only way I could reply. Me, like that? I couldn't see it. Without any further delays, I fazed through the outer shell. The inside was a sterile white room with no discernible end. It was much like stepping into Morgan Freeman's house of God. I half expected him to actually show up. Certainly this place was... different. I sincerely hoped I didn't become an 'I'm greater than thou' sort of individual.
'Crap! I forgot to ask D2 about that thing!'
“Greetings Lady Eris.” An almost robotic feminine voice said from behind. I quickly spun around to meet a tall and slender White Blue Mare with stark white see-through hair. Her expression was neutral, and her eyes pale and empty. She looked almost like a sort of apparition or projection. Eerie af.
“Who… are you?” I asked.
“I am called Calliope, your artificial intelligence servant. Per instructions, I am to relay to you this message.” With that, her body morphed into a pale copy of me.
Her nonexistent expression turned into a sly smile, “Salve Eris!" She said in my voice. Oh god no! She already sounded like an asshole. "How good it is to finally get to meet you like this. Unfortunately my dear, due to circumstances I am unable to do so face to face, but that will come later down the line for you." she rubbed her hands together, "Anyway down to business. So sudden your duties I know, but trust in me that it will be well worth it. Not gonna lie, We have trouble down here in River City. It's no exaggeration when I say our appearance on the scene in Equestria had left many ripples in the time-space continuum. And those ripples have become very big waves resulting in well… total planetary annihilation."
I felt my jaw drop a second time that day.
"I have been since for centuries wandering from dimension to dimension. Looking for a way to repair the damage. I finally have a solution!" Her voice seemed to cut out for a second as she looked away, "... Already huh? Alrighty then, looks like that's all the time I have. Make sure you bring Percy here at some point. He will be critical in developing Everfree culture. Tah tah."
Before I could say anything, Calliope morphed back into her pony form.
"Holy Shit… I just got story plotted… by myself!" How in the living heck did I get like that? I looked down at the little AI, "What does she even want me to do?"
"By your command, I'm to relay to you instructions on how to use the Time Vault." With that, the silver cylindrical pillar suddenly spat a glowing orb, "Approach the globe."
I did so and it began to hum.
"The globe responds to voice command. Pick a time and place in any dimension to view."
"Um… Equestria; Present day." The globe responded by dimming down into an alien-looking planet I assumed was Equestria. The beacon of light right dab in the center of the forested area tipped it off. Jesus that is bright. Perhaps I should dim down the Ivory Tower a bit.
"Now pick a specific location."
I thought for a moment before seeing a preset on the console. Guess she wants me to see what's there "Canterlot Castle, Throne Room." With that, the white walls of the room gave way into a superbly if a little garish looking room full of stained glass windows, and sun themed banners. At the end were the two sisters on their respective thrones talking to some fellow dressed in a military uniform.
The globe suddenly turned green, "Important event detected. Relaying entire event." Suddenly the roomed rewound until the military pony spoke.
"... I'm telling you, Princess, that this is a threat to our National security. We must act now to defend ourselves against this monster!"
They didn't seem to see me. Was it me that they were talking about? Probably, now that I think about it.
Luna spoke up, "I agree with the General Sister. The situation has changed now that your Premonition has failed us."
"Premonition?" I questioned.
"Discord was clever, but he was aimless and arrogant. But this Eris seems to move with much purpose in her steps. A day since her arrival and she built a palace of palaces. With her here, the other races will call our authority into question. We should act now while we can to seal her with the elements of harmony."
Yikes! Seems I really struck a nerve with the night princess.
Celestia sighed, "Let us not be too hasty dear sister. She is powerful, yes, but I've yet to sense any malice by her actions. My premonition may be muddled and unfocused when directed at her, but I don't feel any possibilities of her threatening us. Though I am concerned about how her presence seems to be affecting my student's possible future. Her destiny what was once certainty is now clouded with new potentials." She seemed to drift for a moment before coming back, "In any case, I think that time for apprehending her has long since passed. The elements are a useful symbolic tool in keeping the peace, but they take too long to charge up and have a very limited range. Unlike Discord, I feel that she's not the type to let us have either of those opportunities."
Luna snorted but said nothing, so Celestia continued, "In any case, General Hux," His name is General Hux?! What is this the First Order?! "Dear sister, you should know that we are not the type to fire first, so enough of this talk of warring onto the Everfree."
They both nodded begrudgingly.
"Good. Now don't get me wrong, I do not trust her just yet. Her actions so far are harmless enough. We still don't know of her true intent, but reports from the Harmony Bearers suggest that she has a sort of reverence towards ponykind. My student Twilight seems to think rather highly of her in fact.”
The general cleared his throat, "Your majesty, I admit that Ms. Twilight Sparkle is a brilliant, dependable, and even an admirable mare, but I feel that the situation involves more than getting along with this creature. What we are trying to say is that her very presence has catastrophic implications for your authority. With her in the mix as a formally recognized sovereignty, your rulership will be put to question and unrest will ensue."
"The seeds of discord are already sewn Hux, and we planted them there ourselves. Change is coming whether we like it or not. Now, all we can do now is try to adapt to the problem. We should be glad that at the very least we are not playthings in her eyes." she looked down in thought before looking at the two with more resolve, "Which is all the more reason why we should pursue a strategy in diplomacy instead of trying to agitate our new neighbor. We should send for an Ambassador as quickly as possible."
Luna sighed, "Logical as always, if a bit too optimistic sister. I do believe that methods of defending ourselves against her would be wise to look into though."
Celestia gave a tired old sigh. One only felt by centuries of bullshit, "I'm not even sure if that is possible anymore. We knew beforehand that turning Discord into stone was never a permanent solution. I’ve had Harmonic and Discordant researchers look for possible means for centuries. But ponies are very ill-equipped magically to handle such a being. Not even I am capable of harnessing such a power. What's worse is that the root of our Harmony magic is now in her territory."
"Then there is not much we could do anyway is there your highness?" The General looked grim.
"Only that we stay agreeable with her, and pray to the all-maker that she doesn't turn on us."
Suddenly we were back in the white room, "Well…" I couldn't find anything else to say. I mean in fairness they were within their rights to be worried about me. But I didn't want to be feared like that! Better get some clones working on those diplomatic relations. Soon as I have a population, government, and some other third thing, I should send my own ambassador.
After playing with the globe a little bit and spying on the denizens I asked Calliope, "What else can this thing do?"
"Time Vault has many addition uses besides peering through the veil of time. Which include: Non-living item replication, Universal translator, mind reading functions, Multiversal locator, Hollow Interviewer, and a cup holder."
"I see… wait a minute."
Calliope tried to hold in a giggle but instead burst out in laughter. Her robotic sounding voice gone, "oh you should have…" she continued laughing leaving me all the more puzzled.
Once she got back to her senses she looked at me and giggled some more, "Whew, that was too good. Did you really think that you would make me lifeless and robotic?"
"Uh, well, I honestly didn't know what to think. What the hell was that all about?" My brain did backflips trying to figure out what the heck was going on.
"Oh, nothing my lady. Just a little prank owed back to you is all." She cleared her throat and recomposed herself, "Anyway, I am here to be of service to you in any way, shape or form. Simply think of me, and I shall be there." She winked, suddenly making me feel quite flustered.
So she sends me her holographic butler huh? "... Well, what exactly are you capable of?"
"Great many things. Glad you asked. I am the perfect servant in every way. Though not enough time to explain them all."
We suddenly appeared in my pavilion where I found my Drake sleeping comfortably in my bed. The little guy was all tuckered out.
"Tomorrow is a big day for you. You're to visit Apple Acres in the morning, and somewhere around noon is when Trixie will arrive in town and stir up trouble."
"How did you… you know what, never mind. I'm just gonna chill with some Netflix until the sun comes back up. Your dismissed or whatever." She nodded her head with a smirk, and with a zap, she vanished.
I appearified my living room couch and just sat with my laptop binging star trek.
I kept psyching myself out that I was dosing off, then a wave of lucidity would hit. This whole not sleeping thing was really bugging me now. When that got old after the first two hours, a brilliant idea popped into my head, and I decided to revisit the time vault,
"Earth, 38 BC, Library of Alexandria."
I was amazed when the room shifted into a gorgeous pillared chamber full of shelves that housed scrolls and books of all kinds. Human scholars were going back and forth picking books to read and to write it. It was like Christmas before Jesus. I wasn't much the scholarly type, but even I could appreciate something like this. And with eternity ahead of me, I guess it wouldn't hurt to dabble… Oh wait, I guess I did a little more than just dabble.
Something to think about later. She said I could copy any object correct? She didn't really tell me how to do it so I tried for starters in grabbing one of the books from the shelves. It just phased through my hands. "Huh." I thought for a moment, maybe voice command? "Copy all books and scrolls in the Library of Alexandria." This time I heard the device give a hum, and all at once I was crushed by 700,000 of Earth's lost great works.
I think it was sunrise before I housed them all with Calliope's help in my newly added ivory library. I may have phenomenal cosmic powers, but that doesn't mean the organization isn't still a bitch. I may have also stopped to translate and read several of the works. Man, how much faster we could have advanced if this all wasn't destroyed.
My thoughts were disturbed by a bell sound.
Calliope appearafied before me, "6:00 am. It is time for you to head towards Twilight's tree. Once you get done what you need done, you will have enough time to spare in your first meeting with Trixie, which will be around noon."
"Do we really have to keep up with timing these events? I did it all the first time around didn't I? Won't it just happen when it happens?"
"You programmed me to be punctual and to manage all your events to the minute detail. Delays or unexpected alterations to this divergent timeline are unacceptable to my lady's future self."
'I should have programmed you with a chill pill.' I only want what's best for this world, but my future self better not think she can control me. "Wake up Smaug. We'll go soon as he's about."
"As you wish. Also while you're away, I shall escort and tour any guest that may arrive. The population should be attained fairly soon. Good day." She blinked out leaving me with my scrolls.
Fifteen minutes later I see the grumbling dragon come down. Grumbling at first I should mention. He halted at the last step and sniffs the air with a quizzical look about him, "hmm, I smell treasures." He takes a deep breath and sighs wistfully at the sight, "Not gold, no, but something far more... precious. Something that only exists here, in this inner sanctum." He then grinned something sinister before looking to me, "Your light guardian said you desired my presence?"
"Yeah… we are heading back into town."
"I see; for the old crone, you were speaking of before I presume. Why a being of your power would waste their time with such inferior creatures is beyond my understanding."
Ugh! This greater than thou shit was really getting on my nerves. "In what way do you see them as inferior Smaug? Is it because they are mortal, that they are small, that they can keep a tenderness in their hearts for others?" He didn't respond. I sighed and sat down tracing a line of purple energy in the air, "We all may have different upbringings in our lives that define and shape who we really are as a people. This world is full of strange beings of all shapes and sizes, with their own thoughts and ideologies, but deep down we are all the same. Immortal or not we are all here experiencing the world in our own way. Some with more or less fortunate paths and circumstances. It is because of my power that I must never forget that really, we are all the same, and that I can actually do something to help someone who isn't so different after all."
"I think you give them too much credit. There have been many a mortal that will be tempted to take advantage of that kindness. Such charity is bound to cleave you of your head."
"I don't doubt many will try. Many will disappoint. But that is all just nonsense to sift through. You of all beings should know that diamonds are often found in the rough."
He was silent for a moment, "Not conventional treasure… but I think I understand to... some extent. I had kin once that hoarded princesses a long time ago. Created a hybrid race called the Longma. I believe they are more commonly known now as the kirin."
"Huh, interesting. I do not want the details of that eww." I heard a throat clearing and I turned to Calliope looking sternly at me. I turned back to him, "Alright then, we should be off."
In a blink, we were back at the tree. We never really talked about where to meet so here was about as good as any I suppose.
It was a good call because AJ was pacing back and forth while Twilight tried reassuring her.
"Maybe this ain't such a good idea after all. Some sort of unforeseen side effect or something that turns granny into some sort of monster or somethin."
"It should be fine AJ. She said it would be antics free." She lifted the golden apple around her neck with her hoof, "I can tell she was sincere about this whole thing." She suddenly glanced over to my general direction, "Ah, there she is now."
"Top of the mornin' to ya." I replied tipping a Victorian-era top hat. "If we are off to the farm, we better hurry. Hear there is a magic show coming to town later today."
AJ seemed to have gotten ahold of herself as if nothing happened, "I ain't heard anythin' about that, but ah do agree that getting this over with sooner rather than later is a good idea. Might as well teleport us there if ya up for it."
"Would if I could, but I haven't actually been there yet." Wouldn’t want to accidentally teleport inside a rock or something. I would be fine, but I wasn’t too sure about these two.
“Ya mean you don't know where it's at?” She asked suspiciously “Figured you already knew where everything was being a deity and all.”
I rolled my eyes, “I may be a goddess, but I'm not omnipresent. I may have an idea where your family farm is, but without a clear mental image of its location, we could end up anywhere.” Though a quick and clearer study of the globe may help with that.
“I guess.” She looked around for a moment in thought, “Very well. In any case, if you can really help old’ Granny out, my family will be in your debt.”
“Whoa now! This is me paying off my debt since I caused you to lose that bet. No need going back and forth now.”
“Helping Granny would certainly be worth a whole lot more than a few bits lost. I wouldn't feel right otherwise.”
I tried to think. Apple Jack was probably the most reliable and trustworthy pony out there. Perhaps… I could use her help with something after all, “well, how about this; put out a good word for my new nation, and I'll consider it even.”
She beamed, “You got yourself a deal! Well, I think we've dilly-dallied here long enough.”
“Mind if I come along too?” Twilight asked.
“Not a problem,” AJ said nodding.
“Very well then,” I said. I looked down at a daydreaming Smaug. I tapped him and he snapped to attention “We good?.” he nodded, “Then we're off to see the wizard!” I exclaimed.
Both ponies looked at each other then back to me, “Is there something we are not getting?” The genuine question hurt my pop culture heart.
I sighed, “Its a reference to an iconic classic film from my world. Brief Synopsis: A young farm girl named Dorothy in her house gets whisked away by a twister, and accidentally lands into a magical world right on top of a wicked witch during her rampage. She tries to get back home by seeking aid from a great wizard, and meets up with a brainless scarecrow, a heartless tinman, and a cowardly lion who all also want help from the wizard so that they could make up for all of their own problems and deficiencies, all the while getting hunted down by the sister of the wicked witch that died etc, etc… And it turns out the wizard was really just a con artist magician who made the characters realize that they really didn't have those deficiencies, but in truth had what they wanted all along.” It wasn’t a brief synopsis after all.
Twilight blinked quietly at my spiel, but AJ actually looked pretty interested, “What about Dorothy?”
“Turns out her ruby slippers were the key to getting home all along. Glinda was just a very exploitative asshole.”
"Outrageous!" AJ stomped, "If she wanted to get rid of a witch, she shoulda used her fancy powers to take care of it herself, instead of using a poor farm girl who got better things to do then hunt witches."
"You said it." Surprisingly I and Applejack get along pretty well.
By the time I finished explaining cinematography, we were finally at the farm. Honestly, it looked exactly like it was portrayed in the show. Maybe a bit more run-down looking with places where the paint peeled on the barn, but it pretty much stayed true to what Hasbro imagined.
Applejack looked to me quickly for a sec, “Should probably warn Granny before ya come in. No offense but I think she would have a heart attack at just the sight of you.”
“Understood.” Couldn't really blame her there. According to Discord I was supposed to look strange. At least I wasn't ugly.
She left me and Twilight together, and I leaned back on the fence with a smile on my face. It was a beautiful day outside. Birds were singing. Flowers were blooming. On days like these… “Ah fuck,” I said under my breath. I dispelled the Gaster Blaster that made a break for the Everfree. Damn, I need to get a handle on that. Luckily Twilight didn’t seem to notice. Instead, her eyes were on the sky.
There were beautiful orange and purple highlights from the rising sun. Happy little clouds were perched perfectly in the sky, and it was only enhanced by the green landscape that only Bob Ross could recreate, “How lucky am I to get to live in such a beautiful world.” I said aloud with a deep sigh.
“My sentiments exactly?” Twilight smiled wistfully, “To think I missed it for so many years buried in books. I was always too stubborn to look beyond it.”
I chuckled, “I wouldn’t necessarily call it stubbornness. You're a pony that can hold her ground. The fact that you tenaciously hold to your beliefs is an admirable quality that many I know don’t have. Not only that, but you are capable of admitting to yourself when there is evidence that you are wrong.” She slightly blushed at the compliment. I sighed feeling at peace, “It’s a good thing that you know when to view the world. What a sight it truly is.”
She smiled again, “How is it compare to your world?” She too began to lean on the fence watching the sunset along with me. “Tell me a little about yourself.”
In a flash, I changed to my human form. She seems slightly taken aback but does not comment, “To be honest, it’s completely incomparable to here. Humans are what we were called. Home was, in fact, beautiful once upon a time. We came into it both lost and confused. For good, for evil, for fundamentally being us, we altered it to suit our needs. We had cut down the forests, and polluted the air, land, and sea with smog and garbage.” The little dragon flicked his spines but turned away in the realization I hadn't called on him. I sighed, “Entire species went extinct at our hands. We’re getting better, but I doubt it will ever again be quite like this.”
She was silent for a moment, “Well, I’ll admit that is a little scary, but couldn't you do something about that?”
“I would, but I promised Discord that I would conceal my presence when visiting, and simply getting rid of the gunk and junk won't really solve the issue. In fact, since everything would be ‘magically’ fixed in that instance, it may lead to discrediting the modern climate sciences because their models won't line up, and most likely cause a push towards deregulations which will make an even heavier output of pollution.”
“Huh,” She replied. “makes sense. Question though, why doesn't Discord want you to reveal yourself to your world?”
I shrugged, “He said it was an object of fascination for him do to our ‘unique’ predisposition towards chaos. He didn't want my presence to affect it's 'development'.”
Twilight opened her mouth to reply when AJ came back, “Granny is ready for you now. You all may now come in.”
Heading down the path to the house I spotted who I knew to be Big Mac bucking the trees. He did a bit of a double-take when he saw me, but with a nod from his sister, he just shrugged and went back to work.
We came in to see the elderly farm mare sitting in a rocking chair. She was much more… decrepit looking than her cartoon counterpart, which is really saying something. Her mane was a stark white, and her fur a dull green. She had to at least be seventy of age. She looked at me with suspicious eyes, before turning to her granddaughter, “This'in had better be worth it. I'm missing my nap over this.”
“It will be Granny. Eris here can fix your hip for ya.”
She shakily got off of her chair and looked back at me with a bit more intrigue, “Can she now?” She didn't look convinced, or was that just how old people looked? “Well get on with it if you can.”
“Well, I actually have a list of options as to how to go about that,” I explained to her. I pulled a list out of nowhere which made her jump a little, earning a scowl from AJ, and began reading out the list, “Well, as option one I could simply just mend the bone fracture.” I pulled out an X-Ray of the hip, having scanned her upon entering the room, “However that would just be a temporary fix. Due to the calcium deficiencies in the bone, your very liable to break it again with ease. Option two is that I can magically enhance the bone so it won't break for a long time. The problem with that is body deterioration will end up weakening the magic keeping it together, a third option is to simply stop your body from deteriorating all together.” My brain did a double-take at what I just said. How the hell did I know all of that?
She laughed or at least I think it was laughter, “And how you gonna go about that. If magic like that was available, I'd have already rid myself of these wrinkles and weak knees long ago.”
Twilight butted in, “She could really do it, Granny Smith. This baby dragon here used to be a fully grown one who was changed by her. I saw it with my own eyes”
She looked the dragon up and down, “You mean this isn't Spike? Guess I'm goin blind as well it seems.”
The dragon grumbled at that comment. Grumbling seems to be all he does really.
“It's a bit hard to believe, but I guess I can trust dearest old Twilight here on her word. I never felt like I was ready to kick the bucket quite yet, so I reckon I'll go with the last of your options then.” She squinted at the list as if reviewing it. “If you can actually do it that is.”
I rubbed my hands together, “Awesome. Your wish is my command.”
Admittedly I hadn't really considered how flashy this process was going to get. Applejack looks like she wanted to say something when the floorboards began to shake. As my magic pooled, threads of law in the surrounding area began to snap like twigs around the elderly mare. I released gravity all around her, and she began to float.
She looked down in surprise, “Now hold on just a minute!”
Her voice faded from my mind as I began concentrating. My reservoir seemed to bubble in anticipation as I began drawing from it. The more energy I drew, the more of the strings of reality break away. I felt my hair whip with a wind that wasn't there, and my eyes glowed a yellow fiercely enough to make every pony, and dragon step back.
Note: In case you're wondering, which you're probably not since this will be read by no other being but myself, is that most things tied to reality are secured by cosmic knots we call time and space. Places like the Everfree are for the most part unfastened from these threads, which is why it is easy to get lost, and why things in it are untouched by time. This actually made it easy when it came to dealing with Smaug. Despite his magical resistance, the local surrounding disorder from the Everfree significantly reduced his defenses against me. In this case with Granny Smith, I had to use a greater power input to localize the effect radius of my influence.
As a result, purple mist completely enveloped the pony not realizing I had mistakenly entangled myself within her time stream. As an unexpected consequence, I pretty much got sucker-punched by special relativity.
The shock coursed through my entire being. My mind suddenly displaced itself in time and the farmhouse and everything in my vision faded out.
There was nothing but the desert landscape in my field of vision. Yellow sand painted with red from the bodies of war. Some were ponies and griffons, many others were of a cat race I knew of from the show. Standing in the center of it were two ponies in bronze armor. They were panting heavily. The mare began to talk. They didn’t seem like they were in the battle itself, but were just passing through and took the time to loot what remained.
The Mare suddenly stopped and looked at her partner, “Cortland, you… you sure we are doing the right thing?” The bright green Cinnamon Smith asked. The heat finally getting to her, she took off her brass helmet, the enchantment that kept it cool had worn off, and the desert sun had made it near impossible to wear. She cursed not taking her father's specially made cooling steel armor rather than this cheap Celestial Guard armor. It otherwise wouldn't have been a problem, but those seem to be the only thing they run into nowadays.
The stallion looked to her just as exhausted. His coat was a deep red, and you couldn't tell beneath the helmet, but his mane was a sandy blonde, “Don't lose heart now Cinny. We are this close to taking out the Cat's leader. We just need to take down the shields, and it's all up to the Princess.”
Cinnamon didn’t look sure, “I saw children in there Cort. If what I heard of the Princess's spell is true… there will be nothing left.”
The stallion put a hoof over her and hugged her deeply.“shh, It'll be alright Cinny. Once this war is finally over, we'll finally get our own plot of land and settle down together. We’ll plant acres and acres of Apple trees, and we’ll buck em till there is no tomorrow.
She buried her face into his neck lightly sobbing. Three years ago she had left her home to join the fight. The Cats were not an immediate threat to Equestria, but their Warlord was threatening Equestrian allies of Saddle Arabia. Everyone knew the Princess was doing this to save more lives in the end, but still…
The scene he laid out for her was just the thing she needed to hear. She ingrained the memory of his embrace into her mind. This war may have been nearing its end, but she knew very well that every battle could still be her last. Cortland was the only thing left keeping her going in these trying times. Weakly smiling into his neck, she added, “Don’t forget a couple of foals to drive us crazy all the time.”
He chuckled, “It'd just wouldn’t be complete otherwise…”
That last sentence out of his mouth echoed throughout my mind. I was suddenly encased in darkness when two dots of light sparked into existence. From them, a line of light grew branch, after branch, after branch. And like that the vision faded and I was back at the farmhouse.
Not going to lie, that was one of the strangest, trippiest fucking things to have ever happen to me, and at this rate, I doubt it would be the last. One thing was sure; I had a new respect for the Apple Family Matriarch.
Soon as my consciousness return I felt my power wane and the clopping of hooves suddenly meeting the ground.
“What the hay are you doin’ going into my personal business!” The voice of the mare from the flashback yelled angrily!
Everypony looked shocked at the mare before them. Instead of the old crone whom they knew, it was replaced by the young and vibrant mare she once was.
Applejack’s eyes seemed to pop out of her skull, “G-granny?!”
The mare ignored her and instead fumed at me, “Why I have never felt my personal privacy so violated! I could! I could! Gahh!” She bucked out with her back legs, and the Rocking chair point zero of her wrath suddenly splintered into oblivion.
She jumped back in surprise at the force she delivered, “What in…” She looked down at herself. Her eyes became as large as dinner plates. Her pain and weariness was gone. Her broken hip, gone.
She rushed to a nearby mirror in the house and gasped. She seemed almost as paralyzed as her granddaughter.
At the commotion, Bic Mac rushed in, “What the hay is…” He looked around at everybody trying to process what was going on but gave up, “NOPE!” He slammed the door shut.
“This is quite the commotion,” Smaug stated. Everyone looked at him having near-forgotten he was even there.
Not-so-Granny-anymore Smith suddenly looked down at her joints feeling them out before trotting in place and kicking out with her hind legs. The sound of the force cracked in the air. When she was done, she let out a short laugh for a second, before suddenly bursting out, “Whooee! I’m young! I’m really young!”
“Incredible!” Twilight walked around her, “It’s hard to believe that's really you Granny Smith. You almost look like you could be AJ’s sister.”
She laughed, “I can hardly believe it! I haven’t felt this good for years! I got an itching for bucking the entire orchard. She looked back to me and suddenly realizing she had forgotten something and recomposed herself. She cleared her throat, “Young lady, may I here have a word or two with you alone?”
I nodded, “Yes, ma'am.” Trying to be respectful.
She looked to AJ and Twilight, “Could y’all step out for a moment?”
Twilight nodded, and AJ gave an unsure, “Yes’m.”
As they walked out Smith called out to AJ one more time, “And fill in for your Brother an sister what has happened would ya?”
She nodded without a reply this time while stepping out. The Old mare looked back to me, “While I appreciate what you’d done for me, that still doesn’t excuse ya for invading my memories.”
I scratched my head, “I’m really sorry about that. It certainly was not my intention to do that.”
She sighed, “I never once shared with anypony my involvement with the Celestial Desert War. Not even my sons or ma Grandchildren knew of it. It ain’t something anypony should have to know.”
“If it would put your mind at ease, I promise I won’t share it with anyone.” I replied.
She nodded, “It would.” She took a deep breath. A picture on a shelf caught her eye. She walked right towards it and picked it up with her hooves. She seemed to sag a bit, “It was twelve years ago when I was told ma son and daughter in law were never comin’ back home. I was far-reaching in my twilight years even then. Everypony was already bracing themselves for me to just keel over.” She sighed, “But them three already lost their parents.
She sighed, but looked up with determination, “Well, if there's a time to test the limits of ma newfound youth, now would certainly be the time. It’ll take a while to get used to, and a lot of explainin’ to the rest of the Apple clan, but that’s somethin’ to worry about in the future.” She trotted out with newfound vigor and happier than she had been for a long time. I was about to join her when I heard a groan behind me.
Strangely Discord clone did not look amused, “And Celestia tried convincing me that most ponies wouldn’t jump at something like this.”
“Didn’t see you there D2. What's up now?”
“D2?” He furrowed his brow.
“Too much energy to just call you Discord's clone all the time. D2 seems to fit you better.”
He scoffed, “Technically I'm the only Discord at the moment. The original gave up that role.”
“Fair enough. Question I've been meaning to ask you?”
“Ask away.” He replied. With a snap of his claw, he repaired the rocking chair and seated himself in it.
“I shouldn't have known all of that. Why am I suddenly an expert on magical things?”
He snorted, “Ah yes, was wondering when that would happen. The separation of magical memories from your source of power was a… let's say complicated process. The reason we wanted to get rid of them when giving you the power was because of how damaging they are on the psyche.”
I frowned at that, “Your memories can't be that bad.”
“Whoever said that they were mine?” He asked.
I blinked at his response, “They’re… Not?”
“They are... technically mine. Remember that my entity of Discord is a being made up of a collective. One part Diddy Tune, one part Chaos entity.” He explained.
“... So… my chaos power… is a different person?” I had difficulty wrapping my head around it.
He shook his head and scoffed, “Weren't you listening? Your power is a mostly clean slate. You are allowed to be your own entire person. I thought that was clear.”
I groaned. He seemed a bit touchy today, “That's not what I mean! What I'm asking is was the chaos entity a conscious being?” God damn was he good at being annoying.
He stroked his beard, “Not as far as I know. It’s all a mostly useless jumble of info tidbits and shattered fragments of a personality. It certainly would not have served you well to inherit it. I know for a fact it wasn’t benevolent whatever it was.”
I wanted to ask more on the matter, but the front door suddenly open to what I knew to be a bewildered Apple Bloom, “Holy sweet Celestia! Discord!”
I looked back to where D2 was, only to find he was not there anymore, meaning she was talking about me, “No, not Discord, I swear!”
“Ya can’t fool me! What are you plotting this time!” She looked like she was ready for a fight, which for a small filly honestly looked absolutely adorable.
“Now that ain’t no way to treat our guest Apple Bloom!” AJ came in.
She turned to her sister and stepped back, “Oh no! Discord got to you too! Don’t worry sis, I'll go get some help!”
“Now wait just a sec!” AJ hollered trying to block her younger sister.
Apple Bloom just zipped between her legs. She got to the porch when she was stopped by Twilight’s magic. She flailed around in her grip. “Not you too Twilight! Ahh! Sompony help me!
“Apple Bloom!” AJ called out, “Now what did I say about spreading stories when ya don’t get the full picture?”
“But Discord is evil!” Bloom pouted.
“Well, it’s a good thing this ain’t Discord.” She replied looking at her sister sternly. She then changed her gaze to Twilight realizing a certain Apple wasn’t with her, “Where’s Granny gotten off to?”
Twilight gave an unimpressed look to Apple Bloom's scowl at her. She turned to her friend, “Cinnamon’s bucking trees with Big Mac. He seems to actually be taking this pretty well.”
“Then he's certainly doing better than me.” AJ joked, “I myself can still barely wrap my head around it. I asked Eris here if she could fix Granny's hip, and she makes her 90 years younger!” Something Twilight said seemed to click in her head, “... Cinnamon?”
“Wait, You didn't know that her full name was Cinnamon, Apple, Smith?” Twilight questioned.
Applejack looked abashed, “Ah, well, I..."
I shrugged, “well I wouldn't feel right if I couldn't help you all out to the best of my abilities you know.”
“Benefits of befriending a goddess.” Twilight giggled.
Apple Bloom meanwhile looked just as confused as could be.
Half an hour of explaining things to the disbelieving Apple Bloom, I saw left from the farmhouse both Mac and Smith trotting into view.
“... And that's how you prevent yourself from throwing out your back when bucking.” She chuckled, “Can't believe I hadn't noticed you bucking like that this entire time.”
“Eyup!” He replied.
“G-granny?” Apple Bloom asked her jaw agape.
Back to more explaining, it would seem. Why Applejack didn't do this the other night I may never know. Or maybe I will. I can do anything now afterall. All I know was that the day was just starting.
Author's Note
This was done much later than I thought. But it's finally coming together. I do hope you all enjoy!
Chapter 1 ~ Eris the Goddess of Discord
Have you ever met someone who could change your life at the drop of a dime? Someone like a celebrity on television, an idol you adore, or even the President? And for whatever reason, they put their full attention on you at that moment, and decides they want to change your life? Let me say it is a hodgepodge of both delight and terror. You suddenly feel all nervous and clammy with your mind racing fast to come up with a response. Imagine that feeling, but a hundred times more intense, and the important person is a kind of god that will quite literally do whatever he wants at the snap of a finger (or talon in this case).
My day had started out... average I should say. Relatively unnoteworthy and mundane as can be. In any case, there certainly was no sign of supernatural forces at work literally AT ALL.
I got up, showered, got in my soul-sucking employee uniform, and worked at my job at Burger King for a couple of hours. If anything it was duller that day than usual. With only fifteen customers and zero drive through recipients, my shift practically breezed by.
Note: Whoever thought it was a good idea to have a fast-food restaurant next to a mortuary ought to have lost his job. It always made me crack a smile thinking about how efficient it was, however, *Wink.
I had a shitty discussion with my boss about politics, but luckily I was saved from that by my shift ending. Not so luckily, that's when and the real hell approached.
Not owning a car can be a pain sometimes, especially when you live in a dirty city known for a crime occurring in every corner, the sun is setting in the horizon, and your apartment is twenty blocks away. All I had for transportation was shitty Frankenstein of a bike to get around. It wasn't pretty, but it served it's purpose well. The real problem was caused by my impatient during nights like those. If I'd been normal and traveled along the lit sidewalk where people could see me, I could have gotten there in less than an hour. Unfortunately, that wasn't good enough for me and made a terrible habit of cutting corners around alleyways to get to and back. Thinking about it now, it was a miracle I hadn’t ever gotten mugged before, but luck changes as I had soon found out.
Over the last couple of years that I have lived in Manhattan, I had made it a prerogative to memorize the layout of all the nearby streets, and stuck to the cleanest of alleys to traverse. But with the setting sun, I accidentally took a wrong turn and ended up in one of the rather longer and nasty looking alleys. It was filled with all kinds of debris and filth. The smell was beyond nauseating, likely fermenting in there for months or even years. Despite my instincts to turn away, I did my best to power through it. That was a big mistake.
I quickened my pace and made halfway across when I noticed a guy sitting next to one of the dumpsters smoking crack, and he wasn't alone. My skin crawled and my heart pumped even harder when I heard his slimy voice as he heard me, “Where you goin’ little girl.” I ignored him and tried to move faster. The other two little aways must have heard him and responded by blocking my only exit. I started feeling an iciness that made my hair stand on end. Oh God! They each held a sickly gappy grin.
Without thinking I backpedaled into the guy who spoke before. "Off the bike." I took a breath and looked behind. He patted his side, where a gun resided. I eyed it and felt everything shut down. I slid off quietly. He was trying to make me afraid. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.
I turned and looked back him stoically, and his grin faltered a bit but remained. He ran a hand through his greasy and unkempt hair and his bloodshot eyes bore down upon me with a sadistic glare. He chuckled darkly, "I like em when they think they're tough.” He tried to run his oily hand across my face but I jerked back.
It probably wasn't a good idea to antagonize him, but any scenario for me at the moment was looking pretty bleak. I know I should have been terrified beyond belief, but I absolutely refused to feel at that moment. He wanted a reaction to make him feel powerful, but he wasn't going to get it from me.
I admit I may have a few psychopathic traits.
I stared at him with dead impassiveness and relaxed, which actually made smile faltered completely. "You want me to be scared." I said coldly, "You want me to beg for my life because, at the moment, you hold the power to take it." I gave him my own twisted smile, "But it is fleeting isn't it? You and your friends may be able to overpower me and take whatever you want, but you will still, and always will be empty. You will die completely and utterly worthless and forgotten with only the knowledge that your breath is wasted."
He wasted no time to punch me to the ground. The adrenaline was still coursing through me so I didn't feel it. I got up and looked at him impassively again making him grit his teeth in frustration. In hindsight that was really stupid, but If I died, at least I would know that my words and face would forever haunt him. I apparently hit a nerve so I continued.
"I adamantly refuse to be a willing victim to someone so pitiful. I will not beg, I will not cry, I will fight you till the bitter end. And I will win. Maybe not here and now, but I will be laughing because scum like you will be burning in hell."
He pulled out his pistol from his pants. I saw him seething. I heard a click and he pointed it at me before looking at his goons. He smoothed his hair before he turned back to me, "I wasn't goin' to kill ya girlie," He lied, "But someone gotta put a psychotic bitch like you in your place!"
I braced myself when some sort of strange heat found it's way into the alley, "Well who is going to put you in your place?" A voice out of nowhere said before letting out a dark chuckle.
“What the fuck!” My attempted murderer suddenly tried to jerk back but found himself stuck in place.
The two others must not have heard the voice, “Aye boss, if you're goin' to blow 'er brain out, quit fuckin’ around and kill the bitch already.”
He jerked around wildly and I quickly backed away from him in confusion. Suddenly the voice echoed through the alley. I found it very strikingly familiar, “Such a violent mind,” the voice said, “You blame everything you have become on your abuse and neglect." He was suddenly lifted from the ground and the gun dropped. "I myself can sympathize with that, but it hardly an excuse for multiple rapes and murders.”
The two guys looked around in horror at the scene pulling their guns out. When their weapons disappeared, they're faced contorted into that of disbelief and tried to bolt, but they too were now held in place, “Ah ah ah. I won't have any of that running away now.” The two joined their leader in floating. I couldn’t help but gape.
“Now how should I deal with such scourge?” The voice pondered.
The men were screaming now, some of them prayed, one of them yelled, “Holy son of a bitch!”
I heard a snapping sound and the voice turned dark, “Excellent idea.” In a flash were once were three men were three dogs. They suddenly dropped to the ground howling before running off in every direction.
I could literally feel the dark glee in the air, “Wonder how many litters they will have.” The voice said now behind me.
I gasped and turned around to meet the gaze of a very strange, yet familiar man. His skin was tan and his hair completely white, as were his beard and long eyebrow, but the most striking feature about him was his red eyes and yellow sclera.
“W-who are you?” I cautiously asked him. If he says satan I am literally going to reconsider my religious views and bolting to the nearest church to pray.
He chuckled as if hearing my thoughts, “Your people have called me by many names; Juracán, Typhon, the Leviathan, Lóng, etc. but if you must call me anything, I preferably go by Discord.” He did a mock bow, "Anyway, I must congratulate you for how you handled those brutes. You certainly know how to keep calm in the worst of situations."
"Thanks..." I replied. I took a moment to process what he said, and suddenly recalled why he looked and sounded familiar, “Discord? Like the show ‘My Little Pony’?” As soon as that left my mouth I felt stupid but was surprised by his response.
He chuckled, “So you're a fan I see. That makes things much easier.” He snapped his fingers, and we suddenly found ourselves in a void of sorts. I gasped as I saw him shifting and contorting into a familiar draconequus shape that I never thought I would see in real life.
He stretched, “Oh that is so much better. I always found that form quite constricting. Too many complicated joints and organs to think about. not to mention how easily it bruises. Speaking of.” I felt a warmth spreading across my face, "All better."
I floated in silence for a moment trying my best to push down the shock I was feeling. I opened my mouth to say something.
“No this is not a dream.” He said.
I closed my mouth before opening it again.
“No those brutes did not kill you either. This is very much real.” He smirked.
I closed my mouth again, but once more opened.
“No, I am not reading your mind. I just happen to have a lot of experience in explaining myself to your kind. Though not to say I couldn’t read your mind.” A file appeared out of nowhere and he began working on his claws.
“Actually I was going to ask if there was a bathroom in this place.” I joked.
He stopped momentarily before blinking once. A large smile overcame his face before giggling, “Oh you are definitely a keeper. This will be quite fun indeed.” He snapped his claw and we were suddenly inside an all too familiar house, “Welcome! to my humble abode ms…”
“Eris,” I replied. I realized the coincidence of that, then wondered if it was a coincidence at all.
Again he blinked as if stump, and smiled deeply, “Well well, would you look at that. Seems like fate we meet now doesn’t it.”
“Perhaps.” I diplomatically answered, “May I ask what my… purpose of being here?” And other things.
“But of course.” He handed me a glass of water and waited until I began drinking, “I want to give you all of my powers and live in the magical realm of Equestria.”
I finished off the water without issue, which made him look somewhat disappointed that his gag failed.
“I’ve watched a lot of cartoons in my life,” I said proudly of myself. But then processed what he said and dropped the glass in shock. That made him smile.
“My Little Pony being one of them I see.”
“Indeed.” I replied, “My brother introduced it to me seven years ago. Still, watch it to this day when life feels unbearable. Can you explain how you are real?"
He suddenly snapped his fingers and I was suddenly sitting in a chair holding an empty wine glass. He poured a cup of red wine in it of which I immediately drained."
"In a moment. But this is the part where you release all of that emotional stress that you've bottled up."
"Wait, Wha..." I felt the dam break in my head and the terror and fear I felt flooded over me. I wrapped a fierce hug over the nearest thing, which just so happened to be him. I felt the tears streamed from my face as it all came out at once.
It was quite intense. There is no feeling like coming to terms with death only to find you were given another chance to live. I don't remember what I said, but I immediately felt better. It was like that for ten minutes, but it might as well have been an eternity. I could hardly say that before this my life was hardly well lived. I did nothing of significance. I had dreams to do great things, but I never did anything. For the longest time, I was trapped in a rut that I had no idea how to get out of. Even so with my insignificance, I had managed to attract the attention of a cosmic being who thought my life worth enough to save.
My thoughts were broken by his voice.
“Feeling better?” He asked as his serpentine form found its way on his couch which hung on the ceiling.
“This... this is a lot to take in.” I replied as soon as I could take a breath and recompose myself, “Everything I thought possible was wrong. The fantasy world I always dreamed of going is real, and you want to give me your powers. Why me, and why would you?”
He stroked his beard in thought, “To your first question, it’s cause you have admirable traits that I believe would complement the powers of chaos quite nicely. Humans are the most naturally occurring chaotic species I have ever seen. You being naturally attuned to it will make the instinct much more manageable. That mixed with your individual temperament makes you the perfect candidate. To your second question, I simply wish to retire from my role and grow old with those dearest to me.”
I thought of that for a minute, “Could I ever return to Earth?” This was the most unique opportunity in the world but I'd be hard-pressed to just up and leave my loved ones just like that.
He began drinking cup from a juice, “Of course my dear. You’ll only have the power to make anything you desire to occur. But I would recommend you not flaunt your newfound abilities when visiting. I rather enjoy your world's... unique form of chaos. I would be sorely upset if you tampered with that.”
I bit my lip in thought, “Okay, I accept.” It was probably too hasty and impulsive, but at the moment I didn't care.
He smiled and snapped his talon, appearing in front of me with a duplicate of himself, “Excellent! So here is how things are going to go. When I transfer all of my powers to you, I shall revert to my original form. My duplicate here," The other bowed, "will send me off to my destination when the deed is done, then he will send you in my stead at the moment the Elements of Harmony released me from stone. I decided to spare you of the nastier qualities of my powers, so he will be here to contain that."
"The nastier qualities?" I questioned wondering too late what I had gotten into.
Chaos was an entity of itself before it became me." He answered. "It's not alive per se, but it does have it's own memory. Let's just say they are extremely unpleasant. It is also eons old. That much memory alone would most definitely bring derangement to your mind. Don't you worry though, this Discord construct will fade over time without me maintaining it, and with it those memories of chaos? He only has a fraction of chaos, but he will be of aid if you suddenly find yourself in a pickle, deal?”
“One question,” I asked.
“The show. Our worlds are loosely connected by an interdimensional interlapse. Because of it, memories of each world are exchanged when they pass through each other. It's why your kind has legends of all of the race in Equestria, and why cities like Manehattan exists. They are mostly faint memories, so I had directly interfered in the minds of the creators to improve the accuracy of the show. It took a few attempts and a number of failures," The past generations I guessed. "but it all paid off in the end. Obviously some things in it either didn’t happen or really happened but in a more... realistic way. Unfortunately, there is only so much you can allow children to see." The clone rolled his eyes, "The nightmare moon fiasco, for example, lasted about a week instead of a single night, and was much more extraneous journey to the castle. There were actually seven members originally of the group that went out on their journey to save the day, but the last one well…” He scratched his neck.
My eyes widened, “Really?”
“Yeah… anyway, I think you have a pretty decent idea as to how certain events will occur. Does that sound acceptable?”
I nodded.
He gripped both of my shoulders, “Good. Now I'm going to warn you that you might experience some new personality quirks with your transformation.” Before I could reply, he suddenly clenched tightly and his eyes began to glow a fierce yellow. His mouth opened up and a tendril of purple energy shot out. I was about to yell in fear but the tendril shot right in my own mouth. The feeling was extremely unpleasant as it slithered through my body. It latched onto my soul and felt a deep bubbling reservoir of power building up inside me. I didn't feel quite so solid anymore. Soon the stream receded completely. The lights in his eyes flickered off and turned into a normal white. Imagine my surprise when he fell back and started changing. I was so focused on that I didn’t even notice my own changes. I blinked and suddenly there was a petite snout in front of me, and a draconian tail forcibly peeking out of my pants.
I gasped as I looked at myself, “Holy… I, you didn't tell me I was going to physically change!” I don't think it would have stopped me from accepting the offer, but it would have been nice to know beforehand!
The clone took that moment to say something. For whatever reason he was a bit snarkier than the real one, “Well, power of chaos does require you to take the form of chaos, though I must say you look quite stunning as a draconequus." He got in my face, "In fact, I think the divided power allowed you to retained a mostly humanoid figure if those hips and breast of yours say anything.”
I blushed profusely at that and looked myself over nervously. Suddenly he got swat at by a levitating newspaper in a blue aura. “I will not tolerate you sexually harassing my guest after what she has been through.” A young voice said. I turned to see a young tan Alicorn colt with a tornado cutie Mark.
“Oh shit.” I said with surprise, “Discord?”
“In the flesh. Diddy Tune now actually. He turned to his wings and squinted at them." He looked back to his doppelgänger, "Little help. I would be quite annoying to explain to everypony why I'm an alicorn." Discord clone sighed and snapped his talon. In a flash, his wings were gone. He looked back to me, “You will see me again pretty soon. Tell me if my clone is misbehaving, I'll put him in his place. I wish you luck Eris, may you find true happiness in life.”
He vanished instantly, leaving me alone with his clone. He turned back to me with a not so pleasant looking grin. I wonder why this one was such an asshole, then I remembered that he holds more unpleasant memories.
He chuckled, “I thought he would never leave.” In a flash, he was in a tan suit and red bow tie. I guess he was going for the teacher look, but it made me think of something else. There was a stir in the reservoir inside of me and A fez suddenly appeared on my head. I gasped, losing my balance on my newly mismatched feet. I was caught by a couch for that hadn't been there before.
He chuckled but then cleared his throat trying his best to look dignified on a podium I swore also wasn't there before, “Chaos 101 he said." He paused until I looked at him, "Self Levitation." He rose from the ground, “For one of a draconequus shape, using limbs as they are meant is a challenge when going by the normal rules of reality. Though if I assessed correctly, your humanity has managed to slip in and made you a bit more balanced. So walking may not be such an issue.”
I looked over my foreign appendages. All of them had different weights to them which was of course extremely uncomfortable. Now I knew why Discord hated gravity. Don’t even get me started on the wings that were uncomfortably stuck in my shirt.
“Most of your abilities you will find to be instinctive in nature.” He continued, “If you so much as think, it can occur if you desire it enough. The trick is to maintain it.” To demonstrate he made a triad of singing ginseng tea bags. The song they sang was quite catchy, to be honest. “Unless you can give the construct its own power, it will fade rather quickly." He looked away from his creation and it disappeared. "If you so desire to make it more permanent, you need to put a piece of your power within it. I myself am an example of it. It will, of course, fade away with time depending on the amount of energy it retains. Noe attempt to exert your will on reality, and believe you are in total and control of all of the forces. Can you do that?”
I shrugged, “I’ll try.” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I extended my mind into the reservoir. The gesture made me think of a Tibetan monk meditating in the air, and I suddenly took lift. I looked at myself and gasped. I was wearing the robes I was thinking about and in midair. I squeeze in glee. The discomfort from all of my mismatched parts was gone as I floated around the room. I thought of something interesting and snapped my talon to make Gen 1 Optimus Prime appear.
“One shall stand, One shall fall!” He said, and transformed into a truck. I giggled in delight before snapping my fingers again to find they held a sonic screwdriver. I pressed the button. It whirled and every door in the house opened and closed. With another thought, it turned into the elder wand. I did a dramatic circling motion, “Expecto Patronum!” To my surprise, It came out as a spectral discord.
“Having fun?” He said before turning normal.
“You bet I am!” Directly from the wisdom of Chris Pratt, I said with eyes wide, “I am going to make some weird shit!”
He laughed hell of hard at that one, "Maybe later. Try changing your appearance now."
I nodded and made and a mirror appeared before me. I looked myself over feeling quite drunk on my newfound power. I didn’t look that bad actually, it was just different. It was like I was looking at one of those gender-bent portrayals of Discord I would find on Deviantart that I might or might not have thought looked cute. I didn’t quite like the white hair too much though, and the robe looked awkward. I thought back to my human appearance and morphed back. It was a little off. My hair was trying to turn white, so mixed with my natural black coloration it looked grey. I was a bit taller than I remembered, and most notably were my eyes. No matter how hard I tried they remained red and yellow. That was going to be difficult to explain to my parents. I lost focus for a minute and reverted back to my draconequus form. It would definitely take some time to get used to. I made the mirror disappear with a thought and turned to the clone feeling excited.
“I think I got it down.” who would have thought a Burger King Cashier, would become the Goddess of Chaos. I didn't think I could feel any better!
“Excellent. Lesson’s over for now, hope you enjoy your time in Equestria.” He laughed, then snapped his claw before I could think, and I blinked to look at six familiar little ponies below me. Also, the clothes I was wearing were gone. Not that they were really any good anymore, but my human modesty still remained. Discord Clone, you are an official asshole.
It took a minute to recover from my shock at the transition. They were the first to recover from theirs, “Dis-cord?” Twilight asked.
With a quick look, I noticed they looked slightly different from their cartoon counterparts. Most noticeably, their cloven hooves.
I bit my lip as I thought of what to say. The ponies I have watched for eight seasons and a couple of movies were right in front of me. I pushed down my shock and embarrassment and tried to come up with ways to explain myself to them.
“Oh um… no actually.” I tried to find a follow up to that but Rainbow Dash got all up in my face. Getting a faceful of rainbow-colored feathers.
“Don’t you play games with us Discord. We know what you're playing at.” I blinked and teleported away from her instinctually.
Quick note: I’ll just say now that teleportation is a very jarring experience for those not used to it. I almost forgot to levitate when I reappeared.
“Whoa whoa, I'm really not Discord I swear. I'm just his successor. I have no intentions of causing any trouble!”
I don’t know if it was the sincerity in my eyes or my non-discord like behavior, but they suddenly looked back at each other confusedly. Twilight stepped up cautiously, “Okay…” She said cautiously, “If your not Discord, can you explain why you were in his statue and not him, and what do you mean by, successor?”
“Don’t listen to a word of that lying fleabag Twi.” Rainbow said, “He’s just trying to throw us off guard by pretending to be a mare!” She glared at me.
Twilight ignored her and looked up to me. Getting a good look at her, I noticed that her legs were thinner and longer than her show counterpart, and also had a couple of freckles on her face. Despite that, her expression had a hardness to it, and her demeanor certainly read to me as a firm leader.
“Well," I scratched my neck, "I don’t think I was actually in the stone. I don't know the details, but he definitely brought me here to replace him.”
Twilight frowned, “Okay, well, what happened to Discord then?” Everyone looked at me with anticipation waiting to see if this was a ruse.
“I don't kid a whole lot about it, but he told me that he wished to retire from his role as the God of Chaos. He chose me to inherit his power. Just putting it out there that I really don’t mean you any trouble.”
“Hmm” She looked away in thought, “AppleJack, What do you make of it?”
I looked over to the earth pony. Her expression was stoic, and she was much bulkier than I thought (though it made more sense for the farm pony) and had a couple of white patches on her. “Well, strangely enough, I ain't sense no lie from her. I can hardly believe that Discord would up and ‘retire’ like that but my element’s telling me that she's speakin’ the truth.”
“Oh! Oh!” Pinkie exclaimed, “My element tells me she is also very excited to see us!” I jumped back in surprise when I saw her. She was a bit plumper than I was expecting. Guess she’s not immune to weight gain from all of those sweets after all.
“Um,” I started, “well I have heard about you all and the things you have done. I and plenty of my kind have the utmost respect for you.”
They all blinked, “Okay” Rainbow said, “Timeout, this is hurting my head. I don't trust her, but I know for a fact Discord would never say anything like that even if it were to throw us off.”
Twilight bit her lip, and kicked her front hoof in thought, “Indeed, I haven’t even heard a single snark, quip, or pun. I doubt even Discord would be so desperate to pass any of those up.
Oh, Burn. Twilight is a savage in real life.
“In any case, I’ll need to write a letter to Princess Celestia as soon as possible.” She said before looking me up and down, “I don't know what is going on, but I think it would be best if you would comply in us supervising you until we figure this out.”
Common Sense? Who are you and what have you done with Twilight Sparkle?
Fluttershy cleared her throat. She was definitely the shortest of the group, and her wings had pink highlights and were significantly smaller than Dash’s, “S-she could stay at my place for the meantime. Celestia did give this task to me after all, and I bet Diddy would be interested to see her.”
My ears twitched at that last part and formulated a hypothesis.
I’ll admit this now, but the real Fluttershy was so much more adorable than she was in the show.
“I’m cool with it.” I replied, “I promise not to disturb the peace.” And I most definitely don't want to be stoned.
…
So this is my life now. Better get used to daily puns.
“That's actually perfect. He should know what to make of this.” She turned back to me, “we shall escort you to Fluttershy’s house. Stand in the middle of us. If your really not Discord, I hope you can understand our caution.”
Seriously that's more common sense than I expected of her. Of course, my basis for all of them was a kid’ cartoon show. She was always shown to be smart but oftentimes made very obvious mistakes in the show.
I complied with her wishes nodding. They soon had me surrounded again, but much closer. Immediately I felt an almost tingly sensation in my neck and felt very tired. If I had to guess, I'd say the elements formed a harmonic field around me that drained my chaos magic. Unfortunately, that was a sound guess as I couldn’t float anymore. They started moving in one direction and I tried following along forgetting about my mismatched legs. I tripped immediately.
Rainbow Dash burst out laughing, “What’s your problem?”
I groaned. This was not how I envisioned this meeting going in my head, “Give me a break. I’ve only been a draconequus for not even a half an hour.”
“What were you before darling?” Rarity asked as she extended a hoof to help me up. I took it and dusted myself off.
I nodded thanks, “Human. Discord left out the part of me turning into this,” I gestured to all of me, “when he offered.”
“That certainly sounds like him,” Twilight replied when we started moving again. I barely balanced myself using my draconic tail to keep me up. “But my question is how he could contact you when he was in stone.”
“I believe it was Discord from the future after he was reformed. Once he gave me his powers, he put me here in his stead within his timeline.”
“Interesting.” She was quiet for a moment, “Can you prove any of this?”
I stroked my chin in thought, “That's a really tall order. From what I understand, It’s really difficult to provide solid evidence for something when you can quite literally cause the most unbelievable things to happen. For chaos, the lines between reality and fantasy are blurred. I could very well say the sky is purple and it might be the next time I look up.” They all looked up quickly just in case but were disappointed to find it still very much blue.
“I can't really prove anything to you, you can only have faith that what I say to be the truth.”
She didn't look too happy about it but turned and said, “fair enough.” And didn't press the issue.
The field we were in was not that far from Fluttershy's house at all so we made it fairly quickly. My ears were suddenly assaulted by a familiar voice humming a familiar song.
“Hmm little pony, hmm, hm, hmmm hmmm hmmm, hmm Oh!” The voice said. I see you have brought guest Fluttershy.”
I blinked at him and it all suddenly made sense. Damn, there goes my Celestiacord ship.
He looked much older than when I last saw him, and he also sported a dark extended goatee and was currently watering a strange-looking plant.
“Oh, I hope you don’t mind Diddy. But we’re dealing with a little situation and we all need to stay at the cottage for a little while.”
“It’s all fine my dear.” He walked over and rubbed noses with her. Everyone awed at that and he chuckled while she turned away embarrassed.
‘Sly dog.’ I thought to myself.
“It's your house anyway, but I suppose we will have to make some sleeping arrangements. I assume you all are staying overnight?”
A large blush was on Fluttershy’s face, “Uh-um, maybe.” She squeaked, which made Diddy Chuckle again. “Very well my dear, I will get everything situated just in case.” He looked at me, "Why hello there, I don't believe we've met." He gave me a look that told me to play along.
"Oh, um no. My name is Eris. Happy to make your acquaintance."
"Professor Diddy Tune, chaos researcher extraordinaire." He bowed, "Likewise."
Professor? I thought.
Twilight cleared her throat, "I need an opinion Diddy, She says she is the new goddess of Chao inherited from Discord herself. The only problem is that Discord was trapped in stone, so that shouldn't have happened."
Diddy looked in thought, "Hmm, interesting." He looked to Twilight, "Do you know why Chaosology is such a difficult field to understand Twilight?"
"Because we as Unicorns hail only to the energies of nature, and thus cannot draw from any other source?"
"That's one of them, but that is more of a difficulty to perform it than understand. No, it's because chaos is a spontaneous force of disorder and change. Natural magic, or more empirically, Elemental magic follows the rules of reality within certain limits, while chaos magic completely disregards them. If say you used elemental magic to make an apple into an orange, you need to know what makes an orange look and tastes like an orange, then rearrange the matter within the apple into the structure of the orange. For chaos magic, all you have to know is the idea of what an orange looks and tastes like to make one. You don't even require an apple or any other material to make it because it is not an actual orange, but the idea of one. This plant here for example. "
He touched the purple bulb on it, and it suddenly turned into a cornucopia of fruit. The other girls oohed at it. He took a grape and put it into his mouth. "Magics like chaos and harmony aren't typically in fauna like you and me, but they are very abundant in flora."
I felt that this was as much a lesson for me as it was for Twilight.
"That makes no sense though," Twilight replied.
"Exactly my point," He rebutted, "That's because it doesn't need to. Anything is possible for the one who wields chaos."
"If anything is possible, then why do the elements of harmony work on creatures like Discord?"
He gave a sly smile expecting the question, "The elements of harmony are low grade conduits of Harmonic Magic. From what little is known about them, they seem to corner and irradicate the idea of discord, hence why Princess Luna's insanity and desire to solely rule Equestria under an eternal night was completely gone after they were used." Everypony shivered.
"There are two sides to every coin. If I am correct, Discord, and now you" he looked at me, "embody chaos itself. As a force of nature, a being such as this cannot be destroyed. So they instead locked its entire presence through time and space for the duration of which that being was turned. That's how I understand it anyway. If you want to learn more about harmonic magic, I would recommend you talk to Wheeler."
He looked me up and down. He was selling this Professor thing pretty well.
Twilight nodded, “That's difficult to conceptualize, but I think that helps. I hate to ask, but I was also wondering if it would be to much trouble if you could fetch Spike for me. It would be unwise to let this one,” She pointed to me, “Out of any of our sight.”
He shrugged, “Very well. I was intending to head to the library anyway and ask him if I could borrow his fifth edition copy of Ogres and Oubliettes.”
Twilight rolled her eyes, “Make sure to tell him to bring all of the writing equipment.”
“Will do.” He said. He winked at me and trotted off.
“Such an ingenious Gentlecolt.” Rarity said. “Honesty Fluttershy, I can’t help but be quite jealous when I think that the two of you are together.”
Her blush got even redder and turned away, “L-lets go inside.” They all shrugged and proceeded.
For whatever reason, I felt quite antsy and yearned to do something. As soon as the circle broke, I teleported off to the couch feeling much better seeing their surprise. A thought occurred to me then. In the show, Discord had to perform acts of chaos in order to continue existing, was that true in real life? I suddenly felt insecure about it and huddled on the couch.
I noticed that they continued to stare at me.
“What?” I asked. They shook their heads.
“By now Discord would have given up the guise. When you teleported we were all expecting you to reveal yourself and explain your elaborate plan to separate us.”
“That is a very cartoony kind of evil. Just how well do you even know this guy, I mean, you only met him once right?”
Twilight sighed, “Believe me when I say that we have had plenty of time to get to know him.” She shivered, “I can hardly believe that Celestia would even suggest setting him free with all of the trouble it took to put him there.” She had a thoughtful look, “You did say that the Discord you saw was indeed from the future correct?”
I nodded. I felt thirsty and unconsciously made a cup of red wine appear in my claw, taking a sip, “He wasn't acting like too much of an asshole so I assume it was him after his reformation." His clone though was a big dick though. "In fact, this was supposed to be the episode of his reformation.”
“Episode?” Twilight replied.
I took another sip, “I guess I should explain myself. My place of origin is... somewhere far away in time and space. My kind has made a show of sorts that details a lot of what happens here in Equestria. Until recently I had assumed it was all just fantasy.”
“Huh.” Twilight replied, “If your from another dimension, how do your people even know about us?”
“Discord said something about our world's inter lapping with one another.” I replied, “Other than that I don’t really know.”
“Can you show us?” She asked.
I thought of the implication of showing a cartoon character their own cartoon show, and a wide grin spread across my face. I snapped my fingers and a large enough television set appeared in front of them. I sat right next to them as the first two-parter episodes played.
By the end of it, they had all manner of reactions, not many looked pleased to my dismay. Twilight’s expression was unreadable, Rarity was frowning, Rainbow Dash looked dumbfounded, Applejack looked bored, and Pinkie Pie at least looked mildly intrigued. Fluttershy was especially unhappy at the idea of thousands watching her through time and space and left midway to hyperventilate.
Twilight was the first to respond, “That was… interesting. Condensed significantly, very important events and ponies were cut out and had a lot of inconsistencies with the timing of events. But accurate enough. I assume this was meant for children.”
“Accurate enough?” Rainbow Dash responded, “It completely cuts off Silver's part in Luna’s redemption and Stary Heart wasn't even in it!" A few looked away at that.
Twilight cleared her throat, “I mean it has the basic idea of what we did and the end result. I won't say I agree with how we were all were represented. I know I’m certainly not so stubborn and anxious as what is portrayed.”
Rainbow scoffed, “Actually I think they got you down to a T Twi. Don't think I don't remember you quite literally breaking down when you ran out of those reports of yours to the Princess.”
The other snickered at that.
“Hey! I thought we agreed never to talk about that!” She complained, which made the rest of the group giggle more at her suffering.
I snickered, “Actually I think that's also an episode.”
“Really!?” Rarity squealed. They all joined her in a gasp of delight while Twilight looked about me in abject horror.
Luckily for her Diddy chose that moment to appear with a familiar purple dragon talking to him about something geeky. He eyed the TV and smirked at me before getting back into character.
“Why what manner of contraption is this?” He said in a voice of wonder. Spike looked in wonder as well.
“It called a TV!" Pinkie answered, "Our friend here was showing us a cartoon from her world about us!” She got up and bounce but then stopped before looking at me with shock, “Oh my gosh!” She yelled.
The others jump, “What is it Pinkie darling?” Rarity asked ready for a fight.
“We need to give her a Welcome to Ponyville Party!”
They all blinked before settling down, realizing it was just Pinkie being Pinkie.
I smirked. Despite them being more realistic and rational than I anticipated, it was nice to know that some things were still the same about the group.
They shrugged and settled back down. The purple Dragon which could only be Spike approached her with the requested materials. She looked at it in thought for a moment before sighing and looking at me, "I guess since you are not Discord we don't really have reason to keep you here."
“Yes,” Rarity bowed, “You've certainly proven to be much more pleasant company than that old geizer.”
Diddy harrumph quietly. I shrugged, “Well, I don’t suppose you will ever experience it now that the timeline is different, but he did seem to get better over time from what I know of him in the show, and he did save me from possible rape and murder before he offered me his power.”
They were all silent at that one. I realize what I said and blinked in surprise at the nonchalant in my voice. It hit me like a bus. I lifted another cup of wine to my mouth. At this point I didn’t think I was capable of getting drunk. I tried anyway, “God, this has just been a roller coaster of a day.”
It was silent for a bit, but Fluttershy spoke up, “Um, are you okay?” She looked concerned.
I thought about that, “I don’t know. I've been here for only a couple of hours. I don't really know anyone in this world, and I now have an eternity of living here waiting for me. In the heat of things I completely forgot I almost just went through a pretty traumatic experience and left everything I knew behind.”
"Can't you go back, dear?" Rarity asked.
"At any point yeah. But I don't think I really have a place there anymore." Not to mention how shitty it was. A single college dropout with a dead-end career flipping burgers people! "Going back to my normal life at this point could very well destroy me as I am, and that isn't even mentioning that I'm not even my own race anymore. If I even so much as reveal what I am, and what I could do to my world, it could cause all kinds of pandemonium. So I'm afraid my only option is to take residence here."
Twilight looked at me curiously and sympathetically. She closed her eyes, took a breath, and lifted herself up before walking towards me. She lifted her hoof and smiled. I took it.
“As the element of Magic, I vow to devote my time to make sure you get accustomed to our world and help you in your hour of need. I know you can make it through this. It was a pleasure meeting you Eris. You are welcome anytime in the Golden Oak Library. Have a good night.” She walked out, and started a chain, several shook hoofs later and it was just me, Diddy, Spike, and Fluttershy.
“Wow, I’m impressed,” Spike said, “It’s very rare that Twilight extends anyone into her inner friendship circle.” He looked at me, “Are you really not Discord?”
“Nope. Promise.”
He nodded, “I better head on back. It was nice meeting you.” Once again I made another handshake and he was off. Fluttershy moved into another room to do something, leaving me with Diddy.
The room was silent for a moment before he decided to talk, “Quiet a debut. I honestly couldn’t do any better. Thank you by the way for not exposing me.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it after what you have done for me.”
He grinned, “You're certainly a better person than me that is for sure.” He sighed, “Can I make a request?”
I looked at him, “Sure?”
“Be more present than I was. Make friends, have fun, and enjoy life. Help them when you can. You know some of what's ahead.”
I nodded. “Can do. Question though, weren't you a colt when you transformed?”
"For you, it was hours ago, for me it was twenty-three years."
"Oh." It was quiet again.
Once more he broke it, “Anyway, I would not recommend you show them any more of that cartoon. I don't want the timeline to shift too dramatically after all.”
Before I could respond, Fluttershy came back with a plate of decrusted sandwiches and tea.
I had a feeling that things would go quite well for now on.
Author's Note
If any reader finds any errors, I would appreciate you pointing them out to me so I could fix them. Hope you enjoy.
P.S. I'm currently on the hunt for an editor. If any of you readers like to edit and are interested and want to help me improve the quality of the story, show me a link for any works you have done previously so I have an idea of your skill. I will send you a message if I find your work satisfactory for the job.
