“There are about four things that you don’t say to a fast food fry cook on his day off and one of them is tacos.”
“Tacos?” Rainbow Dash settled in across the table from him and put her head on her front hooves.
Slamming his hooves down on the table Hash Slinger yelled. “Shut up!” Then he pounded a lower hoof on the wooden floor of the little diner for emphasis.
“Sorry, I just… really?” Rainbow Dash cringed not from the voice, but the fear of splinters that the old spindly chair was sure to give her. “I mean what are the other three?”
He looked at the rainbow colored Pegasus and snorted swatting at the table to keep the flies away. “It would defeat the purpose if I said them to you…”
A blank stare and a frozen grin that said: ‘Yeah… ok, sure. I understand you.’ About as believably as Celestia running in to the shop naked… well, like spa naked. Towel tied around her stomach and flowing ray-like hair all done up in a bun. Her eyes great you and she lowers a front hoof giving you a glimpse of that luscious plot…. Plot…. Yes, plot! My point is everypony’s naked, (it’s a utopia in Equestria after all, you dunces!) but you get the point. (Sorry Celestia, We’ll have to finish that thought later.)
“You don’t get it kid…” Hash sipped from his straw cup and took a bite out of it as he finished. “I have been in this shop for twenty years. How old are you?”
Rainbow shrugged, partly because she wasn’t sure if she wanted to answer the pony she just met and partly because, well technically it hasn’t quite been nailed down yet among her fans. Only a general sort of age that seems to have her at twenty something. It would be a shame to just give it away to a nopony while her loyal crew still toiled for an answer. (By fans I mean Scootaloo’s Rainbow Dash club, you self-centered pony huggers!)
“Point is some young pony like you wouldn’t understand what I meant if I outright told you.”
Rainbow Dash, who had long since gotten bored of this authors annoying fourth wall breaking habits, was busy trying to smack a torn off piece of paper between the ketchup and mustard bottles. After a few bad attempts she succeeded and shot up to high five her table mate with a: “Can you believe that! Only eight tries. I bet it’d take anypony else at least… at least… Hey didn’t you say you were gonna tell me the other three words?” She sat down and let out a half snort half whinnie and folded her arms across her chest.
“I was gonna do no such thing!” He chucked his empty half eaten water cup at her. “Don’t even mention that there are four rules, about, that you cannot say no matter what! It’s my freakin day off, you hippie haired freak!”
“Hippie hair! I’m gonna show you who’s hippie haired!” Rainbow Dash lifted a hoof. “Call me hippie hair again I dare you, one more time…” She stopped sinking her chin onto her raised hoof. “Wait, what’s a hippie?
“Shut up and leave me alone!”
“You started it with all your hating, when all I thought to myself when I sat here was: ‘Dashie,’ (Yeah I went there) ‘You’ve never been into this sad, gloomy, dump even though it’s been sitting in ponyville since before or approximately around the time you were a young filly.’ (Continuity. You see what I did? Did you? Cause of the earlier jab at her undetermined age… nevermind.) ‘Why not go down and have yourself a taco!’” She stood on the table and her wings popped straight up. “That’s right I said it, Taco! And I want one!” She sat down in a huff, mumbling and tearing at the paper mulch plate in front of her to make another ball to aim between the ketchup and mustard. “No wonder no one’s here but us.”
“No tacos!” (Really this is just getting redundant, I’d Duex Ex Machina y’all at this point for some plot, but I’m not confident it’d resolve anything. Ha, another writers joke! Get it cause Deux… you know what, no. Not going to explain that. You learned ponies out there can have a second laugh from all those stupid regular ponies that won’t get that one.)
Suddenly Fluttershy stormed in, wings over her eyes. (So I did it, deal with it.) “Hash… um if it’s not too big a deal, I really, really need some, that is if it’s ok, Tacos.” She lifted her wings and let out a screech. “Rainbow! When did you… how long have, eee…” She covered her face back up and did her best to shiver down to where her chin touched the floor. “I’m sorry.”
“Fluttershy… It’s not that big a deal. Sheesh, You’d think by now she’d be used to running into me." Then it hit her and her eyes nearly eclipsed her entire face. She turned her attention back towards Hash Slinger. “Hey wait a minute!” She jabbed an accusing hoof into his chest. “She said tacos and you didn’t yell at her, what the hay!”
“I know, I know, It’s just… well I mean look at her.” He pointed at the crumpled whimpering form of Fluttershy. “Only an utter dick would yell at her.”
Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to respond, but shut it thoroughly beat. “Yeah I guess so… But why are you so cross to everyone else then, all I asked for was some tacos please?”
“Because!” He lifted his hoofs toward the warped drab ceiling; careful not to scrape it, because insurance was a bitch and he hadn’t been keeping up with it. If the roof caved in he was T-R-A-P-P-E-D. (Spelt out for you… again for those who miss it, smart ponies this your bonus lol) “I’m fifty eight years old and I still don’t have a cutie mark!”
“No cutie mark!” Fluttershy rocketed to his side. “But what’s that on your flank?”
“Not a pack of mento’s mints I’ll tell you that.” (If you know what I mean? Eh, eh, nudge,nudge, wink, wink. Seriously though no. Bad me, bad joke. I don’t write those kinds of stories. Go read something by that creepy uncle dude, he’s mastered that stuff.) Hash Slinger winked then sighed. “It’s a grease stain, it won’t come off.”
But what if that is your cutie mark Mr. Slinger.”
“A grease stain? Then that would mean…” He sunk down in his chair. “That would mean I was destined to do… this!?” His eyes bean to tear up and he lifted a grubby hoof to his face. “It can’t be true…”
“There, there. It’s not so bad. Why I bet you make the greasiest most inedible heart stopping food in all of Ponyville.”
“You really think so?” Fluttershy gave him a hug and he took a deep breath. “You’re probably right.” Then giving a qavering smile he added. “I bet it’s the greasiest in all of Equestria even.”
“There, there.” Fluttershy wiped a hoof across his cheeks. “Let’s not get carried away. Ponyville is a very large area in and of itself.”
“Are you done being crotchety finally then?” Rainbow Dash asked leaning in so he couldn’t avoid seeing her when he responded.
“I guess so.” He sniffled.
Rainbow leaned in further and smiled. “Does this mean by any chance I can have that taco finally?”
“Get out of my diner!” Hash Slinger jumped up and Fluttershy grabbed at his front shoulders while Rainbow Dash bolted for the door.
Authors Note: The four things, about, that you never say to a fry cook on his day off are: Tacos, Burritos, Burgers, Fries, and MLP got cancelled. Because that is a very dick move and you don’t deserve fast food if you do that to someone on their day off.
