Chapters Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~Mark Twain.
Living
"Dear Princess Celestia, Today I write to you personally because I think I might have finally stepped off the deep end. I'm not quite sure how it happened or why, but I want to be remembered for who I was before this all happened. Within this letter I give all, however few, worldly possessions to my best friend and colleague, Twilight Sparkle. I only hope that she can understand my reasoning for my coming to this...bizarre...conclusion. Your faithful student's former assistant and ward,
~Spike "
"There, the last draft is finally finished," Exhaled Spike, setting down his quill while getting up from the small desk in his even smaller apartment. "And now to deal with you..."
"Hey Spike, you've just got to try these spices I took from Flut...ermm...say again mate?"
Virgil
One Month Earlier...
"Spike! Come down here!" Shouted Twilight, the music coming from Spike's bedroom downstairs, deafening her attempts at getting her companion's attention.
Spike had been mooching off of Twilight for the past ten years, moving into her former alchemy lab and turning it into his own personal 'colt-cave' when he had outgrown the bed by her side. Twilight was reluctant to send Spike on his way though, after all, he was her number one assistant...
The sound of breaking porcelain was barley audible over the sound of music. The thought that anypony, or anydragon could like the sound of ponies screaming into a microphone and call it music baffled Twilight.
"Spike! That better not have been my Baltimare novelty collectors vase! SPIKE!" Unfortunately, Twilight's shouts fell on deaf ears.
"That's it!" Twilight was fed up with Spike's lounging around. It was high time for a change.
The door to the basement was now outfitted with a lock from behind, rendering Twilight's attempts at getting downstairs useless. Imagining herself in front of the couch she assumed Spike was sitting at, Twilight teleported through to the basement so she was square in Spike's face, causing him to spill cider all over the new couch.
"Gah! Twilight! What in the hay was that for!" Spike shouted perhaps a little too defensively.
"Spike! Did you just spill cider all over my new couch!" Twilight yelled while she telekineticlly grabbed the radio and caused it to burst into flames.
"Woah! Relax Twilight, it'll co-"
"No Spike! It won't come out in the wash! Besides, I'm tired of cleaning up all of your messes!" Twilight ended her tirade gasping for breaths. Looking into Spike's eyes, she knew that he knew what was coming as he sat wide-eyed looking into her deep violet eyes met his.
"Spike," Twilight let out a sigh of exasperation. "We both know what's coming..."
Spike very well knew what Twilight was talking about, but he couldn't accept that it was finally happening.
"Twilight...y-you don't seriously m-mean..."
"Yes, Spike. I do. How about we go upstairs and talk about this over brunch?"
Spike had figured this day would come eventually. After a decade of nothing happening that required the elements, Spike had become more of an eight-year-old filly then the twenty-two year old dragon he now was. The more he thought about leaving Twilight forever only made it that much harder to cope with the talk that was soon to come.
It had come time Spike moved out.
Two Weeks Later...
"Twilight, this place bucking sucks." Sighed Spike, taking in the sight that would soon be his future home.
"Spike! Don't think that just because you're older that you can use that sort of language! Besides, I figured you'd be glad living this close to Rarity."
Spike shrugged sagely while speaking. "I don't see why not, I'm going to be living on my own now anyway," Doing a little turn, he mentally mapped out where everything was going to be. "And this is, after all, my house, erm, apartment. And the Rarity thing? That's just an added bonus!"
With a leap, Spike landed on the one piece of furniture in the mid-sized apartment. The couch.
"Ahh, this'll be the life...no worries, no book duty, no work..." Spike surmised that this wouldn't be so bad after all.
Twilight, not to be the bearer of bad news, tried to sugarcoat her next statement as best she could. Twilight. unfortunately. wasn't very good at sugar-coating.
"Aaaactuallly," Twilight dug her hoof into the hardwood flooring.
"What?" Spike sat up, perplexed where Twilight was going with this.
"I, well, kinda-sorta-maybe got you," She barely managed to stifle a chuckle and retain her composure breaking the 'bad news'. "A job."
"What?!? Where???" Spike was all game for doing chores....but a job? As in, a job requiring actual work?
Twilight, while sincere, answered in an uproarious laugh. "P-postal service!!"
"No bucking w-"
*SLAP*
One Week Later...
"Wow...looks like this is it Spike," The purple dragon said, adjusted his mail carrier outfit to better fit his neck and collar, having been custom made for a mid-sized dragon in Ponyville , it wasn't perfect. "Your first day on the job..."
Spike made his way to the door, looking back on his now fully furnished apartment. The couch, the billiards table, and, most importantly, the photo of him with all of his friends when he and Twilight had first moved to Ponyville.
"Ahh...those were the days..."
Closing the door and locking it, Spike walked down the metallic steps leading to his apartment. The building was a light grayish-orange, almost the same color as Apple Bloom's coat. The neighbors were likely still asleep, well, all but one that is.
Having moved in almost the same time as Spike, the stallion earth pony known as 'Standing Ovation' occupied the apartment directly adjacent to Spike's own, unit 100, while Spike lived in unit 101. Unit 102 was still vacant, just the way Spike liked it. Standing Ovation was, well to Spike anyway, aggravating. Always outside walking his pet cat Willard, Standing Ovation was just a shining beacon of happiness. And Spike hated ponies like him. The only pony he could tolerate being a never-ending source of smiles would be Pinkie Pie, and he certainly wasn't Pinkie.
Unfortunately, Spike had to go by his apartment each mourning to get to the Postal Center.
As if on cue, Standing walked out the door the same time Spike did.
"Ughh... " Spike grumbled, not wanting to deal with Standing's cheeriness so early in the morning.
"Howdy neighbor! Great day to be alive huh!"
Putting on his best fake smile, Spike waved to Standing Ovation as he waddled along the sidewalk towards the center of town.
"Yeah! Sure is..."
"Well, good luck with the deliveries! Me and Willard here have to go out for our walk! See yah' later neighbor!"
Spike took one last glance at the burgundy earth pony then, with a sigh, continued at a slower pace towards his place of employment.
"Boy, if it ever got any worse around here..."
Six Days Later...
"Another exhausting day of work...hey Twilight can you make me a-...right. I've still gotta get used to that..." Spike whispered to himself with a sigh.
Spike had returned home from his thirteenth day of work at 'United Equestrians National Postal Services' and it was beginning to wear on him. From the derps he worked with to the scrooges in upper-management, Spike was beginning to realize how good he had it until Twilight kicked him out.
Throwing his bag down and made his way over to the kitchen table, Spike hoped some sugar will help him feel better and calm the nerves, hard cider wasn't allowed on the job. As Spike poured the sugar-laced drink known as 'coffee' into his mug that said: 'Number One Assistant' on it, he barely noticed the piece of parchment sticking out from under door.
"Huh, well isn't that peculiar..." Spike walked over to the envelope on the floor and picked it up. Using his fingers as knives, Spike opened the letter with ease.
"Dear owner of unit 101, we would like to inform you that a new resident will be taking up residence in the unit directly adjacent to you, unit 102. We encourage you to welcome her to the neighborhood with a smile,"
"Bleh"
"And make her feel at home. Warmest regards, 'Harmony Halcyon: Where your dreams are our reality.'"
The Very Next Day...
BEEP BEEP BEE-
*CRACK*
"Ughh, six a.m. already?" Growled the still exhausted green and purple dragon.
Cracking his vertebrae, Spike sauntered out of bed and towards the living room where he had hung his teal and white uniform. Slipping into the ridiculous outfit, Spike continued to the kitchen where he would have to make his own breakfast.
"Well, another day, another bit..." Moaned Spike, picking up a piece of wheat bread and holding it above his head.
"Hope this turns out better than last time." Spike inhaled, preparing to breath a little fire onto the bread. Hopefully, it wouldn't be as burnt as yesterday's toast. That is, burnt to a crisp.
Letting out a little flame from his lips, Spike coated the delicate toast in a warm green dragonfire.
"Wow, this might be the first time I do this ri-"
Ring Ring Ring-a-ling
"Gah!" Spike shouted in surprise to the doorbell's accursed, turning the toast into a pile of ashes on the floor.
"Great, just great," Spike would have to wait to be angry, somepony was at the door. "Coming!"
Dragging his feet to the door, Spike yet again donned his signature fake smile. Maybe it was the postal service coming to promote him for being such a good worker...
"Now that would be nice... Spike whispered as he opened the front door to his apartment. Sadly it wasn't the postal service, but a magenta colored unicorn mare he had never seen before in his life. Her coat almost reminded him of an old friend...
"Umm, hello! My name is Sandy Shells, but all my friends call me Shelly. I just moved into the next apartment over from yours and, well, wanted to meet the neighbors. Are you all alone in there?"
"Heh, yeah...I suppose I am..." Spike said as he trailed off into no-where, looking more at Standing Ovation's pristine lawn than the mare in front of him.
"That's...nice. But, well, not to seem a burden this early in our friendship, but could I maybe, well, ask a favor...?" Shelly questioned, waving a hoof in Spike's face, beckoning for him to reveal his identity.
Spike, realizing that he had not said his name yet, was snapped back to reality.
"Spike! The name's Spike. It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Shells."
"Miss Shells actually, I've, umm, never had a colt-friend before. All I have for company right now is my shepherd, Virgil."
"A dog huh, my friend Applejack had a border collie named Winona as a pet once, I'd help groom her every now and then." Spike said, reminiscing about days gone by.
"Really! I mean, wow, you must know a thing or two about dogs then right?"
"Yeah, I suppose I know a couple things," Spike thought for a second why Shelly was asking all these dog-related questions. "Uhh, Shelly? Why do you ask anyway?"
"Well, that brings me back to why I wanted to talk to you," Shelly looked into the distance, the sun only just now starting to come up. "It's about Virgil..."
"What about Virgil? Is he sick?" Spike replied, worried that he may need to call for help.
"No! No, it's just he has nopony to watch him while I'm away and he'd get awfully lonely stuck in the house all day," Shelly returned her gaze to Spike's green eyes. "So, as a favor, could you maybe watch Virgil sometimes while I'm gone?"
Spike, not to let down the first mare in a month he actually likes, figured that nothing could possibly go wrong with watching a dog?
"Yeah, no problem, I can watch Virgil for you any time. Where is he anyway?" Spike said enthusiastically, hoping that Virgil would make good company in his lonely apartment.
"Oh, he's right behind the fence," Shelly raised a hoof to her mouth and whistled. "C'mere Virgil! Want to meet your new puppy sitter?"
Out from behind the fence some rustling could be heard, then a few curses.
"Shelly did you hear that?"
"Hear what?"
"It sounded like somepony was...cursing, behind the fence."
"That's silly, the only people outside are you, me,"
"Aaaaaannnndd VIRGIL!" Came from the fence.
Spike, promptly dropping his 'Number One Assistant' mug onto the cobblestone patio, stood agape at the sight that stood before him.
Present Time...
"S-s-shelly, d-do you see w-what I'm s-seeing?" Spike stood like a statue, barely able to mouth the words No bucking way...
"Yeah, what's the matter with you mate? You look like you've just seen a ghost."
"B-b-but...how the, what the...who the?"
Sandy looked at her watch, realizing she would be late for work if she didn't leave that moment. "Thanks for doing this Spike, I'll let Rarity know that you're still the angel you've always been! Gotta run!"
Shelly took off in the direction of town square, leaving Spike alone with Virgil.
"Hey mate, Spike right?"
Spike could only slowly nod his head, looking at the...thing ...that stood before him. It had all the features of an earth pony, but the fur, ears, nose and tail of a shepherd.
"That's a bucking lame name for a dragon. Oh, and by the way, you're not going to work today." Virgil stated, unveiling a small brown bag filled with what looked to be spices.
"Whaa..."
"Ease up on the questions mate, now let's go inside and see what we have for food in this dump."
Virgil walked past Spike and into the apartment, heading straight for the kitchen. Or more specifically, the fridge.
Spike followed Virgil into the apartment, slowly closing and locking the door behind him, turning towards Virgil as he sacked the fridge.
"Umm...V-V-V-Vir-"
"What?!? There's no bloody bucking meat in here! What's a fella supposed to eat then? Dandelions? "
"I have to be dreaming...this can't be happening, this can't be happening..." Spike whispered as he held a claw to his temple, hoping this was just a bad dream of sorts."I'll wake up in my bed any second now, any...second.....now."
Virgil, hearing Spike's monologue, walked over to where Spike was standing and proceeded to help Spike realize that this was, in fact, not a dream.
"Well, if this were a dream, you'd wake up when I do...this!
*SLAP*
"Ahh! What was that for?!?"
"Guess you're not dreaming then, huh Spike?"
"That's impossible...I have to be dreaming..."
"Well you're not, so get used to it. C'mon, let's get you some air before you pass out. Nothing to eat around here anyway..."
Virgil proceeded to the door, beckoning for Spike to follow.
"Let's go mate, this is our chance to get to know each other better! Oh, and I'm broke so lunch is on you today."
Spike thought that this was crazy, talking to a, actually, he still didn't know what exactly Virgil was exactly. But fresh air sounded nice and he was hungry after all.
"Okay Virgil, we'll do it your way...for now."
"Doggy style?"
Spike face-clawed as he thought he'd finally jumped headfirst into the loony bin, all the years of being a librarian's assistant finally caving in on his psyche.
"Sweet Celestia, give me the strength to wake up from this nightmare... " Spike sighed, walking out the apartment door with his new neighbors dog.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So...Virgil," Spike looked to his left to meet Virgil's sapphire eyes. "What exactly are you?" Spike queried.
Virgil stared back at Spike for after he'd asked his question, letting a moment pass and a smirk flicker across his face before responding.
"Uhh, I'm a shepherd mate. What are you? Virgil finally responded, meeting Spike's question.
"I'm a twenty-two year old dragon. I moved here eleven years ago and-" Spike realized just who he was talking to, and decided that telling a figment of his imagination his back-story wouldn't really get him anywhere. "Nevermind, but Virgil, you do know that other dogs aren't like...well...ponies. Right?"
"And thus the secret identity of captain obvious was revealed, who do I look like? Coltdini? I'm not some, illusion you know," Virgil stopped, lifted his head and looked around curiously while sniffing the air. "Spike...do you smell that?"
"Smell what?"
"That smell...it's so divine! It's coming from," Virgil snapped his head left. "There!" Pointing a hoof at a bizarre looking tent.
"The Gryphon ambassador's tent? We shouldn't get involved with him," Spike looked over to find Virgil had already started running in the direction of the tent. "Virgil! No!"
Spike broke into a run in an attempt to try to catch up with Virgil. Unfortunately, even though Spike was a foot taller than most ponies now, Virgil had the speed of Rainbow Dash on the ground.
"Virgil! Don't go in there!"
"I can't help myself Spike, that smell! It's so heavenly! "
Virgil darted into the tent under an open flap in the rear, no out of Spike's field of view.
"Oh nononono, this can't be happening! Virgil!" Spike yelled under the tent, hearing a racket come from the other side. "Don't worry Virgil, I'm coming!"
Spike, not sure weather he was doing the right thing or not, dived under the flap to enter the inside of the Gryphon tent in an attempt to save Virgil.
"What am I doing? Saving an illusion? I should just back out now and...
"Spike! Help! Get this dirty bird off of me!"
"I'm coming Virgil!" Spike fully entered the tent now, taking in the sight that lay before him.
The Gryphon tent belonged to Master General Caelum Aethra. Spike learned from Twilight that his name, when translated to high equestrian, was something along the lines of 'Upper Heavens'. Within the tent were decorations not much unlike Zecora's own hut before she moved back to the 'Far away land' she came from. The sides of the tent were illuminated from fireflies captive within jars. There was a scent think on the air that Spike didn't recognize, but it smelled of burning flesh.
"Gah! What is that stink!" Spike complained, covering his nose to prevent the pungent odor from wrecking his sense of smell. The scent burnt his nostrils, smelling of flame seared..something. "Virgil! Are you in there?" Spike shouted into the foray of the tent.
"Get zeeis filthy mutt out of here! He iz eating all ze bacon!" Came from a voice Spike could only assume belonged to general Aethra.
Just as Spike was about to peek his head into the heart of the tent, Virgil came running out and stumbled into Spike. Virgil then proceeded to grab Spike by the tip of his tail.
"We've got to go mate, this guy's piss just came to a full boil!"
"WHAT!? Virgil w-what's going on?" Spike questioned loudly, still in shock from being thrown to the
"No time to explain, RUN!"
Virgil got up, and pushed Spike out through the tent flap, and not a moment too soon.
"Fiend! You know not what will happen if my secret gets out! Return ze bacon at once!" Were the only things Spike heard Caelum Aethra shout, unable to follow them due to an all to recent bite mark on his hind left talon.
"I'll get yoouuuu!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now a solid two miles away, Spike figured that since the general hadn't actually seen him that he could move at a regular pace now. Looking to his left, Spike could clearly see that Virgil was winded as well.
"Virgil...what...in the hay ...whew, let's sit okay?" Spike, unable to breath steadily after the run, led Virgil over to a nearby park bench. The two, in their running, ended up in Ponyville's pet park. "Okay, Virgil what exactly did you do?"
"I think their called...'bacon strips'." Virgil claimed, brandishing a hoof-full of brownish-reddish strips of meat from his right hoof.
"By Starswirl's beard! Is that...meat?" Spike yelped, fearing the worst.
Virgil smirked an evil smirk, then proceeded to eat the 'bacon'.
"Virgil, you aren't seriously going to eat those...are you? It's meat. "
Playfully tossing the bacon into the air above him, Virgil was determined to get the most out of this as possible. Donning his most sarcastic attitude he could muster, Virgil set out to see if Spike could handle things not...meating ...his expectations.
"Ohhhh nooo Spike, why, I would never think to eat these juicy, delicious, tender bacon strips. Only an idiot would think I would commit such a hypocritical act and eat meat. "
Those words were music to Spike's ears, he couldn't be more relieved that Virgil wouldn't eat the bacon.
"Oh thank goodness I seriously thought yo-" Spike stopped, seeing Virgil eat every single bacon strip in his left hoof.
"Sweet Celestia! Do you know what you've done! It's, it's..."
"Derishious! You don'tsh know vhat chour mishing Schpike!" Virgil exclaimed, finishing the last of the bacon in his mouth.
"Yeah, I don't. I'd like to keep it that way too if you don't mind thanks."
"You think I would leave you hangin' buddy? Uncle Virgil here saved you a piece!" Pronounced Virgil, holding a still-warm bacon strip over Spike's nose.
Spike wan't quite sure it was his mind or some sort of magic, but he could swear the steam beckoned for him to eat it.
"Mmm..it does smell goo- NO! I can't eat that, it's cannibalism!"
"It's good for ya mate! C'mon...I promise I won't tell a soul."
"I dunno..."
"Pinkie Pie promise?"
"How do you know about Pinkie Pie?"
"I have my ways." Virgil said with a wink, then proceeded to to the chant.
"Cross my heart, hope to fly. Stick a bacon strip in my eye. There, now can we get on with it?"
"Actually, it's cupcake in my eye..." Spike pointed out.
"Whatever, same thing. They're both healthy for you. Now," Virgil said, dangling the bacon strip closer to Spike's head now. "On to the matter at hoof."
"Fine, if it'll get you off my spines...I'll try it."
"That's the spirit!" Virgil exclaimed, handing the bacon strip to Spike.
Spike examined the peculiar slice of meat before him. It smelled somewhat good, so it couldn't be all bad. Lifting it to his mouth, Spike took his first bite of meat in all his lifetime.
Virgil watched from the sidelines as Spike did the impossible. He took a chance.
"So buddy...how'd it ta-"
"DEAUUEAUGH!!! That's, that's, REVOLTING!"
"No Spike, that's the taste of adventure. You just took a step along a bright and sunny path! If only Twilight could see you now..."
"I think it tastes more like trash than adventure..."
"Spike...I think this is the start of a glorious friendship." Affirmed Virgil, wrapping his fore-hoof around Spike's torso.
Spike turned to meet Virgil's face, noting how he must have finally gone crazy. This couldn't really be happening right? Whatever the future brought, the ponies he'd met were going to make sure it would be interesting enough for Spike to stay around.
"Dear Celestia, what have I gotten myself into..."
The End?
'Virgil'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the Episode + Authors Notes!
~Virgil~
That Evening...
"Hey Spike, I was wondering something." Huffed Virgil, finishing his bite of the 'special' brownies he had made.
"What's that buddy?" Returned Spike, his senses dulled by the brownies.
"Well, I was wondering, is it normal to stare at a mare's cutie mark? I mean, wouldn't it be perverted or something?" Came from Virgil, adjusting his seat on the couch.
"I wouldn't think so, I mean, I've always looked at Cutie Marks first to, you know, relate their special talent and all..."
Virgil smiled a dirty smile.
"Your a bloody pervert, aren't ya Spike?"
"NO! It's not that, it's just that a mare's name is always similar to their cutie Mark, so I would think it's rude not to look." Rebutted Spike, staring into the lavender and green colored walls in front of him.
"You're bucking sick, that's what's rude." Virgil immediately retaliated, getting up and walking towards the fridge.
"Spike we're all out of hard cider!" Hollered Virgil from the kitchen.
Spike faceclawed, begrudgingly getting up and slowly walking towards the 'pet' he called his friend.
~Fin~
Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced. ~Soren Kierkegaard.
Reality
"Virgil! Keep it down! He's right outside the door!"
"I bloody bucking know he's right outside the door! Lemme go Spike! I can take him!"
"Oh no, he heard us! We're done for!"
"Not if I have anything to say about it...here's what I have to say about foreign delegations!"
"Virgil no!"
Virgil
That morning...
*Beep Beep Beep Bee-*
*SLAM*
"Ugg, six a.m. again already? It feels like I was just eating bacon with Virgil yest- Wait...Virgil, " Spike wearily monologued to himself, noticing how he had one of the worst headaches he'd had in a good long while. "Maybe it was all just a dream? Now that I think about it, it was more like a sick nightmare..."
Spike dragged himself out of bed, hoping that 'yesterday' never really happened. He felt as though he'd eaten one of Applejack's muffins, but that couldn't be the case. Making his way to the kitchen, he was shocked when his eyes laid sight on the pony before him. Virgil.
"Well there goes the brief chance I had at thinking I wasn't insane. Maybe I should look over my letter to Celestia again before he wakes up... "
Turning on his heel, Spike started retreating back into his lavender colored bedroom, hoping to get some alone time and gather his thoughts before the dog/pony awoke. Unfortunately, Virgil heard the commotion, however little, that Spike had made and quirked his head in at ninety degree angle whilst he jumped to attention.
"Spike! Glad you're awake, we've got so much fun things to do today! I've got it all planned out," Virgil said as he twitched his tail and made his way towards the disheveled looking Spike. "We're going to head down to the Ponyville Pet Park, then we're going to get lunch, on you of course and," Stopping to take a breath, Virgil looked up into Spike's deep green eyes. From what he could judge, they weren't amused. "Is...is something wrong Spike? Is it my breath?"
"No, Virgil. It's, well..."
"Well c'mon, out with it mate!"
"YOU. Virgil. It's just that I'm not sure what to think anymore. I know yesterday you said that it's 'the start of my new life' and all, but I'm not sure that I want to start a new life," Spike stopped to take a breath, grabbing a custom made wooden chair that he could sit in.
"I just want to-Brrrzzzzzttt
Virgil let out a bellowing laugh as he rolled to the floor. The comedic genius of his prank to priceless for even him to handle.
Spike, getting up realized he'd sat on none other than the timeless gag...the woopie cushion.
"Hardey harr harr Virgil. Good one." Spike said begrudgingly, watching as Virgil rolled around seamlessly on the floor.
"I...c-can't be-believe y-you fell for that! The oldest trick in the book!" Virgil laughably said, finally getting up from the floor.
Spike on the other hand, could barely stifle a laugh of his own. He hadn't seen or heard a woopie cushion in years. The last time he could remember using woopie cushions was with the former Cutie Mark Crusaders. The memories Spike had all came back to him, causing Spike to tear up slightly.
"Mate, are you...crying?" Quizzed Virgil, looking up into Spike's now watery eyes.
"N-no, I'm just allergic to, uhh...pollen! That's it! Pollen!" Spike half-heatedly attempted at a lie. Never being any good with lying, Spike just hoped Virgil would understand not to question.
"It's okay Spike, I've teared up with pollen from time to time as well." Virgil responded with a wink.
"Thank-you Virgil. That means a lot. But back to my new life. You have to-"
Ring Ring Ring-a-ling
"Door! Door! Door! I've got it Spike!" Virgil yelped, crossing the apartment in ten seconds flat. "Argh, how the buck do you open these?!?"
Spike quickly got over to the door and, pushing Virgil aside, opened it to find Shelly at the door.
"S-shelly! Hey! What's up?" Spike said, leaning against the doorway and scratching behind his neck.
"Oh! Spike," Shelly was surprised at the sudden opening of the doorway. "Hey Spike, I'm really sorry about not coming to get Virgil last night. It's just that I had so much paperwork and the office-"
Shelly paused as Spike put a claw on her shoulder.
"It's okay Shelly, Virgil was," He looked over his shoulder to see Virgil drinking hard cider on the couch. "He was a good boy."
"Oh thank you Spike, I'll have to remember to repay you somehow."
"Oh it's fine Shelly. I actually had fun with him. We went to the pet park, walked around town, and even-" Spike probably figured it was best to keep the bacon incident in the dark.
"Even what?" Asked Shelly.
"We even went to the pet park!" Replied Spike, perhaps a little too quickly.
"Okay...well thanks for doing this Spike!" Shelly looked into the apartment and whistled. "C'mon Virgil...who's a good boy? Come to mama!"
Virgil dismounted from the couch, and walked towards the entrance of the apartment. But instead of walking past Spike, he stayed by his side.
"Virgil? Are you coming? I'll give you a treat when we get home! How about a big juicy piece of lettuce? Does that sound good?"
"Spike, please don't let her take me. All the bucking does is feed me lettuce and make me do tricks. With you, well," Virgil looked up at Spike with the saddest puppy dog eyes he could put on. "We can conquer the world, Spike. Please?"
Spike looked from Virgil to Shelly, addressing the light lavender unicorn before him.
"Heh, would you look at that. Seems Virgil really likes me. Shelly, I can watch him for a while longer if you need me too." Spike said, not sure weather to hope Shelly would say 'sure' or 'no'.
"Are you sure Spike? It is Saturday. You could go out, or maybe do a puzzle, or whatever dragons do. I don't want Virgil ruining your day to yourself."
Spike could tell from Shelly's voice tone that she was genuinely worried that his day would be ruined by Virgil. The longing in her eyes hinted at something, Spike just couldn't put a claw on it.
"It's fine Shelly, believe me. I have nothing better to do in the world."
"YES!" Virgil shouted, running laps around the two by the door.
"Oh thank you so much Spike, it's been such a long time since Virgil had a loving pon- I mean, dragon he could play with." Shelly said, wrapping her fore-hooves around Spike in a hug.
Spike could think of only one other mare who would genuinely hug him the way Shelly did. Graciously returning the hug, he now had his mind set on what he was going to do today.
"Wow, thanks Shelly. I know what me and Virgil are gonna do today now. Do you know a Twilight Sparkle?" Spike questioned, wondering if Shelly had know Twilight from, well, anywhere.
"Twilight Sparkle...it rings a bell. WAIT! She was three grades higher than me in my magic kindergarten class! Always at the top of the class, I admired her magic skills. I remember her helping me with my building blocks..." Shelly said smiling, reminiscing about her own memories. "Wait, how do you know Twilight?"
"Well, she hatched me." Spike said with the straightest of faces.
"Oh! Really? Well how abo- VIRGIL! Sit!" Shelly shouted, Virgil finally stopped running laps and returned to Spike's side.
"Mares? Can you believe em' Spike? Always acting like they're on-" Virgil was silenced from a a magical whack from Shelly's newspaper.
"Boy, he just doesn't know when to stop barking, huh Spike?"
"Believe me, I know..."
"I have a feeling that was somehow directed at me? Wasn't it Spike?" Virgil whispered from Spike's side. "I'll be right back..."
Virgil turned back towards the the apartment, leaving Spike and Shelly alone for a moment.
"You were saying Shelly?" Remarked Spike, hoping to pick up track where they'd left off.
"Nothing, it's just that my inner fan-mare wanted to maybe, well," Shelly prodded a fore-hoof at the steps. "Maybe I could meet Twilight?"
"You want to meet Twilight? Well I can't see why not..."
"Oh you really mean it! Let me get my mane ready! Be right back!" Shelly shouted as she ran the forty feet over to her apartment.
"Wow she certainly is something..." Spike said to himself, watching Shelly run into her building.
Spike hadn't felt this good in a long while. Maybe Virgil wasn't all that bad after all. If he played his cards right, maybe, just maybe, this transition wouldn't be the worst thing ever.
"Ahrm back."
"Virgil, what were you- VIRGIL! What are you doing!?!? Spike shouted in a whisper, Virgil had come back with a knife in his mouth.
"Rerverge!"
"Revenge? Against who? Shelly?"
Virgil dropped the knife onto the floor, then stared at the newspaper that Spike now had in his hand.
"No...him! Virgil revealed, pointing a fore-hoof at the accursed piece of paper.
"What? The newspaper? C'mon Virgil, even for you this is a little crazy." Spike affirmed, hoping that Virgil would calm down.
"You have no idea what I'm capable of Spike, now let me see the newspaper." Virgil said in a demanding tone.
"Virgil, it's just a newspaper. It won't," Spike stopped to see Virgil shaking his head, clearly not taking no for an answer. "Fine. If you want it gone so bad I'll get rid of it."
"Really Spike? The newspaper is a powerful foe for us dogs, it has brought shame to many a breed. Do you think you can really take it on alone?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can. Just stand back, okay?"
Virgil walked across the lawn where they were waiting for Shelly, and watched ad Spike lifted the newspaper into the air.
"Haven't done this in a while...here goes nothing."
Spike conjured as much energy as he could, and belched a deep green flame, incinerating the newspaper.
"Woah-ho-ho! Spike! Why didn't you tell me you could breath fire! That's awesome! " Yelled Virgil, quickly closing in on Spike.
"Well, I am a dragon after all." Spike said with a chuckle., examining the small pile of ashes at his feet. Kicking it into the breeze, Spike turned back towards Virgil.
"So Spike, we're going to go see your master huh?" Asked Virgil.
"Twilight's not my master, she's more of, well, uhh..." Spike thought of a correct term to use with Twilight. After a few moments, he found not one, but two. "She's my sister as well as my mom. That makes sense...right?"
"Yeah, perfect sense Spike." Virgil replied, nodding sagely.
"Oh, well, okay. thanks for...understanding. Who are your parents Virgil?"
"Let's not get into that mate. Let's just say they're in a better place now."
"Oh Virgil, I'm sorry, I-I didn't know."
"Sorry? For what? They're in Las Pegasus with some fancy upper crust owner? Did you think I meant they were dead?"
"Well, yeah.
"You're bucking ridiculous Spike," Virgil finished, looking over to see Shelly finally coming back. "SHELLY!"
Virgil took off in Shelly's direction, tackling her while kissing her on the cheeks and lips.
"Shelly! Are you okay!?" Spike shouted, running over to his neighbors side.
"Of course I am Spike, he's just a dog silly. Virgil would never hurt a fly!"
"Newspapers on the other hand..."
"What?" Shelly said getting up from the ground.
"Nothing, let's get going."
Shelly finished getting up from the ground, then trotted over to Spike's side, Virgil following in suit.
"Hey Spike?"
"Yeah?"
"What smells like smoke?"
"Virgil probably had gas." Spike replied with a chuckle.
"Ahh, piss off mate." Virgil immediately responded, pushing Spike into Shelly.
The two adults laughed as they walked down the hill towards town square where Twilight's library would be, Virgil smiling a devious smile. One had something to say, another had something to ask, and a third had something to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So. Shelly. What made you decide to move to Ponyville?" Spike asked, now roughly a quarter of the way to Twilight's library.
"Well, my home in rural Fillydelphia was undergoing some renovations when one of the construction workers discovered that my entire backyard was a pet cemetery. Well, I'd be safe to say that I packed my bags and got out of there as fast as possible. Me and Virgil were living out of a motel until an old friend of mine sent a letter saying how she found out about my misfortune in the locale paper."
Spike looked at Shelly with a concerned face, turned to Virgil, then looked back at her.
"Wow, sounds like you've been through Tartarus and back recently."
"Yeah, it's a good thing Rarity suggested I move here. I mean it's so calm and peaceful..." Shelly continued as she looked up at the clouds.
"It sure is, but sometimes it ca- Wait! Did you say Rarity? As in fashion designer Rarity?"
Spike stopped in the middle of the dirt path that they were walking on, turning to meet Shelly, who now wore a look of concern.
"Yeah, that Rarity. Why? Is something wrong?" Shelly asked, fearing something might be wrong.
"No, nothing's wrong Shelly, it's just that me and Rarity have known each other for years and, well, she never mentioned you before."
Shelly wore a look of disbelief, the unicorn mare looking into Spike's soul with her jade green eyes. She could tell he wasn't lying.
"Really? Me an Rarity went to design school for years. We even shared the same dorm the whole time. She couldn't possibly have forgotten about me..." Shelly said in a less than enthusiastic tone, now looking at the ground.
"Oh I'm sure she hasn't forgotten about you, a pretty mare like yourself would probably be hard to forget even if you tried!" Spike tried his hardest to lift Shelly's spirits, even if he happened to be making a fool of himself.
"You, you really think I'm pretty?" Asked Shelly with a blush.
Spike returned with a blush of his own, even though it was mostly unseen.
"Uhh y-yeah! O-of course I d-do!" Spike stopped to re-collect his thoughts. "I'm sure Rarity just never had a reason to bring you up in a conversation. Nopony ever asked about her past really."
"I guess that would make sense. We can talk to Rarity some other time. Right now we're going to see Twilight Sparkle!" Shelly said, much happier now thanks to Spike's reassurance.
Spike was happier now too, but couldn't help but wonder, was he being honest when he said Shelly was a pretty mare? Sure, she was pretty, but did Spike think so? Has he really moved on from Rarity after all this time? Looking down at Virgil, who had remained silent throughout the majority of the walk Spike was shocked at his reaction. Virgil was giving Spike a hoofs-up.
Whispering, Virgil added. "That's my boy! Go get em'!"
Spike could only feel butterflies on his inside.
The three continued down the dirt road through Ponyville, taking in the sights and sounds around them. The fresh scent of apple fritters from the market, the chirping of birds in the trees, the soft hoofsteps from the many ponies that were out and about. Every now and then, a mare or stallion would stop to say 'What a cute doggie! what's his name?' and pet Virgil. Spike laughed to himself when Virgil would do things that most ponies would call the cops for. He still wasn't sure what Virgil's intentions were, but so far he seemed to be, well, helping.
The tree house library was now in view, and spike couldn't be happier. Not seeing Twilight in two weeks was a real challenge, but so far he seemed to be conquering it.
"Hey look, we're almost there!" Spike said, breaking the silence.
"Wow, what a pretty house..." Shelly said in awe.
"Hey, hey Spike. Watch this."
Spike turned his head to Virgil in time to see him lift a hind leg and proceed with defecating the library.
"Virgil! No! Bad boy!" Shelly yelled, running over to stop him from continuing his watering of the tree.
Astonishingly, Virgil kept up his streak for a good forty-five seconds. Even Virgil himself was surprised.
"Ahhhh, nothing quite like some relief after an afternoon stroll, huh Spike?" Virgil said, returning to Spike's side.
"Virgil! You know you don't do that in public! This is somepony's house! Bad boy!" Shelly said, scolding Virgil.
"Yeah, whatever. When a fella needs to yank a piss, he does. And you. Can't. Stop. Me." Virgil said to Shelly, not feeling the slightest remorse.
"It's fine Shelly, the library hasn't been watered in years anyway."
Shelly couldn't help but chuckle, with Spike following up with a chuckle of his own.
"What?" Asked Virgil, totally oblivious to the joke.
"Okay, let's go see Twilight." Said Spike happily, noting how Shelly was practically bouncing with anticipation. Apparently Twilight had been her idol from a young age. He guessed Twilight had been her idol at a young age as well. That was one thing they seemed to share at least.
*Knock Knock Knock*
"Boy, I hope she's home..." Spike thought aloud, wondering if Twilight had maybe gone out with the others.
The door cracked open slightly.
"Hello? Who's there?"
"It's me Twilight, Spike! I, umm, also brought along two friends. Heh."
Virgil daw'd.
The door opened, and Twilight revealed herself. From what Spike could tell she looked a little more tired than usual, but other than that, she looked fine.
"Spike! It's so good to see you!" Shouted Twilight, wrapping Spike in a warm embrace. Twilight looked to the mare and shepherd accompanying him suspiciously, yet compassionately.
Spike, returning the hug, was glad Twilight was still doing good in the two weeks he'd been gone.
"So, Mr. Spike, introduce me to your new friend here!" Twilight continued.
"Friend? As in one? Spike, teach this mare a lesson."
Spike nudged Virgil with his feet, pushing him to the side.
"Oh...it. Is. On." Snarled Virgil, returning to Shelly's side.
"Well, this here is Shelly Shores, and the...dog, here is Virgil. Yeah." Said Spike, pointing a claw to Shelly.
"Shelly Shores...that sounds so familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?" Twilight queried, wondering if maybe Shelly was some sort of old colleague.
Shelly immediately lit up, happy that her kindergarten friend still remembered her, no matter how vague.
"YES! I WAS- ehh, hemm..." Shelly toned down her voice, not wanting to embarrass herself in front of her idol. "Excuese me, I had a minor fan-girl moment right there," Shelly laughed a light chuckle to herself. "I'm Shelly Shores, I was about four years your prior in magic kindergarten. You always helped me a filly, I always thought you were so awesome for doing that." Shelly finished, looking down at the welcome mat in front of the library.
"Shelly! Really? Wow! Well, how about we catch up on events inside over lunch. Spike?"
"Yeah Twi?"
"I'm, well, never mind. Later, okay?" Twilight finished, winking at Spike the way a mother would her foal.
"Umm...okay Twilight." Spike agreed with a shrug.
"Perfect!" Twilight said, hopping up on her back legs and clapping her hooves together. "Then it's a get-together!"
"Oh good! I've always drea- wanted to talk with you Twilight!" Shelly said, agreeing with the plan. "C'mon Virgil, you go hang out with Spike for a while, okay?"
Virgil walked inside the library silently, going straight for the doorway to the downstairs.
"Thanks for doing this Spike, it means a lot to me to speak with your mom."
"She's not m-my mom, s-she's my sister!" Spike said with a stutter, a blush going to his face.
"Yeah yeah, okay tough guy. Sister. " Shelly sassed back, lightly punching Spike with a forehoof.
The three made their way inside the library, hoping to catch up on past happenings. Spike took off for Virgil as Shelly and Twilight headed towards the kitchen for sandwiches. Looking back, Spike noticed the shocking similarities between Shelly and Twilight. Both were unicorns, both were purple, both were kind and generous. The only real difference were their mane's, Shelly's being a long golden brown that curled at it's midpoint into a loop-de-loop, and Twilight's being her mid-length violet that dangled by her neck. Other than than their mane's and eyes, they were almost identical.
Spike wondered if that's the reason he found himself so comfortable around Shelly. He would have to think on that later, but for now, Virgil was downstairs. Unattended.
"I'll catch up with you two later, I'm going to go see what Virgil is up to." Spike said loudly to the mares chatting in the kitchen.
"Okay Spike, I'll be down soon!" Twilight responded, now turning her attention to Shelly.
"So Shelly...about magic kindergarten..." Was the last faint thing he heard from upstairs before he headed downstairs.
Looking around, the 'den' Spike had made was pretty much unchanged. Everything was almost as if it hadn't been touched the whole time he was gone...
Hearing a crash, Spike turned his head towards the mini-fridge he had installed in the corner.
"Virgil? Are you over there?"
No response.
"C'mon Virgil...I-I know you're down here. J-just come out okay?"
Still no response.
"Okay Virgil, this isn't funny anymore. Just come ou- AAAHHHH!" Spike screamed, Owlowiscious darting out from behind bookshelf and heading upstairs.
"Oh...thank...Celestia. I think my heart...just skipped a beat." Spike said in between ragged breaths, forgetting that the nocturnal assistant slept during the day.
"Now, if I could just find Vir-"
"Bleaaaghhhhh!!!"
Spike screamed the girliest of screams, putting even Sweetie Belle's voice crackings to shame.
"Woah, easy mate! Don't have a heart attack on me! I don't want to do CPR on a filthy dragon! No offense." Virgil affirmed, awkwardly watching Spike pant on the floor, claw over his heart.
"Yo...Spike? You all right?" Asked Virgil, staring down at his semi-conscious dragon friend.
"I'm...going...to...ki-"
"Going to what mate?"
"Kil-"
"Kilt me? Is that some sort of innuendo? Cause if it is let me say right here and now that-"
"I'm going to KILL you." Spike said, getting to his feet. Virgil was now at the top of Spike's hit list. Move over Standing Ovation, 'Scourgel' is in moving up.
"Kill? Me? You'd never do a thing like that to lil' ol' me would you?" Virgil responded, putting on the cutest face he could muster.
"You're just lucky I'm a pacifist, or else you'd be six feet under right now." Spike finished, brushing off imaginary debris from his shoulders.
"Yeah, sure you are mate." Virgil retaliated, trotting over to the mini-fridge. "You know Spike, this is a really nice pad you've got here. Why'd you give up?"
"I don't wanna talk about it."
"Oh c'mon, you can tell Virgil here anything. I'm all ears."
"Well, it all started about two months ago when-"
"Spike!!!" Twilight called from upstairs. "Get up here!"
"What is it Twilight!"
Virgil walked over to Spike's side, eager to hear what the pony had to say.
"It's a chance you won't want to miss!"
"She's probably inviting us to have bacon with the ambassador." Virgil whispered in a chuckle to Spike, waiting for Twilight's response.
"The gryphon ambassador is over to discuss foreign politics, and he wants to meet you!"
Virgil turned quickly to Spike, seeing his jaw practically dislocated.
"Oh buck."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~Commercial Break~
"Virgil, I just had this crazy idea."
"Lay it on me mate."
"Well, I figure that since pegasi have the ability to fly, and unicorns have magic...what does that leave earth ponies?"
Virgil took a long swig of cider, then passed the mug to Spike.
"I, well, I dunno. They're strong right? Like that apple-bucking friend of yours Applejack? Other than that, I'm not sure."
Spike took a drink of his own from the mug, then passed it back to Virgil.
"Heh, I guess I'd suck to be an earth pony then, wouldn't it?"
Virgil looked into Spike's eyes with disgust, shaking his head in a slow 'no'.
Spike, disoriented from the cider, only now noticed that Virgil was an earth pony.
"OH! Virgil, I'm sorry...I diddn't mean to-"
Virgil got up and flipped the table they were resting their legs on, spilling cider, potato chips, and playing cards all over the floor as he walked out of the room.
"What? Virgil! Ughh...It'll be a cold day in Tartarus the day I ever catch a break in life..."
Life is a long lesson in humility. ~James M. Barrie
Humility
"Virgil, we're totally bucked! There's no way we're getting out of this one alive!"
"Relax man, I've got this. Besides, what's the worst that could happen?"
"Shelly's going to kill me ten times over for this! And worst of all, it's all your fault! Oh thank Celestia I already wrote my will..."
"Nopony is going to die over a little accident Spike, just give me time. I'll think of something...wait, am I in your will?"
" Little!?!"
Virgil
Mere moments after the previous chapter...
"Oh buck, oh buck, oh buck! Virgil!" Spike swore under his breath, now pointing a scaly claw at the dog-pony across from him. "He knows you were the one who stole his b-bacon!"
Virgil, with his ever-endearing sense of problem solving, shrugged off the missile of an accusation."Relax mate, I mean come on, what's the worst he could do?" Virgil soothed, trying to calm the fired-up dragon to his side. Spike was now on floor, sobbing as he wondered if his 'eating of the bacon' secret has yet to be compromised to Twilight.
"H-he could, umm," Spike thought fervidly, compiling a list of all the possible things an angry, carnivorous gryphon could do to his...friend . "He'd drag you back to his tent, throwing you into a boiling cauldron of fire! He'd stick an apple in your mouth and--"
"SPIKE!" Virgil shouted, slapping Spike clear across the face with a fore-hoof. "Get a hold of yourself man! This is no time to start spouting nonsensical gibberish!"
Spike's expression quickly turned from one of fear to horror. "B-b-but-"
Virgil's lips peeled up, chuckling slightly at the otherwise dire situation. "No buts! Besides, I'm sure that our good friend Caelum Aethra doesn't know a thing. After all, when's the last time you heard a gryphon do anything?
"That's incredibly racist. But I suppose he might not know about the bacon," The mail-drake whined, now tapping a claw to his chin. "Fine. But please, Virgil, promise me you'll stay downstairs. Even if I'm going crazy, I don't need the neighbors dog taking the blame for all this."
"You slimy salamander, you do care about me! C'mere buddy!" Virgil shouted, leaping forwards to wrap Spike in an embrace.
Spike's eyes shot open as the dog-pony leaped onto his chest. "Virgil! Get off of me!" The dragon shouted, although in vain. The dog-pony was already upon him, licking his face and ears.
Fortunately for Spike, Virgil wasn't particularly fond of licking scales. Hopping off the violet scaled dragon, Virgil made an audible "Bleagh!" before helping him up. "Gah, buck! You don't taste nearly as good as you smell, mate."
"Wait, what?"
Putting on a poker face --albeit terrible-- Virgil laughed. "I said I can't believe bacon tasted that good, how about you Spike-master-scaly-scale?"
"Never. Again." Spike said sighing, leading into a face-claw. "And that nickname is horrid. Come up with something better before you-- WAIT!" The dragon shouted, remembering just how bad the situation he'd gotten into. "Virgil! Caelum Aethra is right upstairs!"
Virgil sat down on the couch before speaking. "Like i give a buck," The dog-pony started, noticing Spike's face turn a lighter shade of purple. "I'm sure I could take him in a fight. Well, maybe if I had a big stick... "
"Oh Celestia, just stop. You're not helping in the slightest! I don't know why you insist on not caring about your own life. This gryphon's probably killed ponies for half as much!"
Virgil raised a forehoof to oppose, but instead lowered it as he got to his hooves. "Spike," He started, now clasping his forehooves around Spike's face. "Listen to me. I may look like I'm just waiting for my life to present itself on a silver platter, but believe me, I know it won't. The fact is, Spike, that life sucks. Especially for someone in your situation. Imagine a pegasus without her wings, what would she be?"
"I, uhh...An Earth pony?"
Virgil once again slapped Spike. "You're an idiot, but you're my idiot. If you ever want to claim life as your own, you need to do it why you still can. Maybe," Virgil said, drifting off into space. "Maybe I'll get that red dot someday..."
The two sat silent for awhile before Spike spoke up. "Wow. That's pretty deep, Virgil. You know, for a figment of my imagination, you're pretty philosophical."
Virgil politely bowed his head. "I try my hardest. Remember, mate. Life is what you make it. Now get up there and give that nasty gryphon a tongue lashing!"
"Aaaaaand it's gone."
"What do you mean it's gone ?" Virgil said smiling. "It'll never go away. Now go on, your mom's waiting for you."
Spike, before heading upstairs, held out his talons. "Bro-hoof?"
"Bro-hoof." And with that, the two pounded claw and hoof together.
Spike thought to himself about the seriousness of the situation he was getting himself into. Virgil's life was on the line, yet he remained so...optimistic . Right upstairs, even as they spoke, was Caelum Aethra. One of the most powerful of diplomats in the gryphon republic. And he was talking to Twilight. And...Shelly.
"Spike! Are you coming or not!?" Twilight yelled yet again, causing the dragon to turn his head 180 degrees in the direction of Twilight's motherly, yet stern shout.
"Yeah! Just a minute!"
"You said that ten minutes ago! Quit talking to your neighbors dog and get up here!" Twilight finished, shutting the door fast, but not quickly enough to slam it.
"Sheesh, mares huh?" Chuckled Virgil, patting Spike on the back. "Go get em' tiger! Erm, dragon. "
"Yeah, I will go get em'! I'm a tiger! A dragon tiger! A dragon with tiger blood!" Spike said to himself, getting ready to take on the possible evil that lie in wait upstairs.
Looking back one last time, he noticed Virgil was cracking open yet another can of cider. That, however, could wait.
"One problem at a time..."
Turning his head back towards the mission at hand, Spike gently creaked open the door at the top of the stairs. Peeking through, he could see a mighty obsidian-colored gryphon, followed by a dreamy eyed Twilight. Lastly, Shelly Shores sat somewhat bewildered at the political babble currently being exchanged between the others.
"Oh thank Celestia, it's just some harmless discussion. Politics are fun, I guess." Spike whispered to himself. However, instead of barging right in, Spike decided to listen in for a few minutes.
"But Twilight, my dear. This little autocracy you've got going, it's very, very fragile. What if your beloved princess were ever to, oh I don't know, crack ? The mind of a ruler is put on enough stress to last one lifetime, never mind a hundred, yes?" Said the gryphon ambassador, sitting at the far end of Twilight's kitchen table. "Surely you see my point in why a democracy is a much more stable form of government?"
Even after the ambassador's points, Twilight merely waved a hoof. "Caelum, please. Our princess Celestia has always been a fair and just ruler. Besides, democracies are far too corruptible. While you may have more say in your government, aren't you worried just a little that a certain few wealthy individuals are controlling you? I've always believed that democracies are just big puppeteer acts. It's a good, solid show with fancy lights and dancing figures, but there's always someone higher up controlling you. Yes ?" Countered Twilight.
Just a Caelum got to his claws, Spike opened the door from which he'd been hiding behind. For one, he'd heard enough political testimonials to fill the Canterlot courts with. Two, he knew when Twilight had gotten herself too deep in these conversations. Especially when it's with a staunch democratic gryphon ambassador.
"H-hey everypony! Sorry I took so long, Virgil was keeping me busy downstairs and," Spike realized he'd forgotten to think of an acceptable lie to get out of talking to his neighbor's dog. "Uhh, well, you know dogs, right? Heh." Spike choked out, crossing his talons behind his back, hoping the three bought his fabrication.
Twilight looked up from Caelum, smirking. "It's about time! I thought you fell up the stairs or something! Come on over and meet the great Caelum Aethra! Democratic ambassador of the gryphon people! May his stubbornness be ever in your favor... " Twilight beamed, holding both forehooves in the direction of the jet black ambassador.
Spike looked from Twilight's to Shelly's to Caelum's eyes, noticing how very different all three of them must have been feeling at the time. While Twilight seemed delighted --albeit a little strained-- the ambassador seemed unnaturally relaxed. And then there was Shelly. She looked as if she was ready to split down the middle out of confusion.
"His excellency, Spike." The dragon said smiling, holding out a hand in the direction of Caelum. "It's an honor." Spike managed to finish, a moment away from being nudged by Twilight. Ouch! What was that for Twi?"
Twilight laughed a nervous, desperate laugh, closing her eyes as she nodded her head. "Forgive him, Caelum. Spike, and only Spike, is quite the prankster. He--"
Caelum interjected before Twilight could finish. "Please, Ms. Sparkle. Clearly Spike was only trying to lighten the mood. After all, we've already scared one guest to silence," Caelum looked to Shelly with smile, who then nodded her head and smiled back. "Besides, I myself am quite the prankster at times," The ambassador looked back to Spike and winked. "But I always make sure not to let my pranks go too far. And, in case you haven't picked up on it yet, the name's Caelum Aethra, and I'm the head of the Democratic Push Movement in Equestria. It's a pleasure to meet you, His Excellency." Caelum finished, extending a talon of his own.
Spike and Caelum's talons met, shaking twice before releasing. "Thank you, sir."
The ambassador frowned for half a second before turning up a simple smile. "Enough with the formalities, we're all knowledgeable people here. Come, Spike. Take a seat. Maybe you can help me win over Ms. Sparkle's mind to the democratic light, yes?" Caelum finished with a hearty laugh, noting how fast Twilight got to her hooves.
"Now just you wait a second! Spike's my son, therefore he's on my side. Right Spike?" Twilight said, hugging the dragon as he sat with bewilderment.
Before speaking, the mail-drake cleared his throat. "Actually, I favor more of a communism than either of those."
The jaws of Caelum and Twilight made an audible thud as they hit the surface of the table. Meanwhile, Shelly burst out in a fit of laughter.
"Snnnkt, bwahahaha! Nice job Spike! You really put those two in their place!" Shelly exclaimed, hugging herself to keep in the giggles. "That just made my day!"
Now laughing at Shelly's side, the two looked from each other to the disgruntled politicians across the table.
"Hurr durr, good one Spike. How about you take your neighbor's dog for a walk? He's probably starting to get cabin fever down in the basement." Twilight said coolly, shifting her gaze between Spike and Shelly. "Meanwhile Caelum, Shelly, and I will continue our discussion on the future of our species'. Right everypony?"
With a light cough, Shelly Shores nervously spoke up. "Actually, I'd like to get some air too. N-not that I don't like politics and talking in circles or anything, heh." The midnight purple unicorn said, smiling as politely as possible.
Caelum tapped a claw to his feathery beard. "I suppose. The both of you will be missed," The gryphon ambassador said, moving a claw to Spike's back and leaning into his right ear. "Go easy on her, yes?"
Now it was Spike's turn to go wide-eyed. Taking an uneasy step towards the basement door, Spike smiled back at his cohorts before hearing Caelum speak up. "For democracy's sake!"
With those words, Spike retreated to the library's basement.
Like a sir, Spike sauntered down the stairs to where Virgil was presumably waiting.
"Virgil? You still alive down here? I haven't heard a noise from the basement since I went upstairs." Spike asked aloud, looking around the corner of the staircase. Now in the basement foyer, Spike could see Virgil sitting as still as a statue. "V-Virgil? You okay buddy?"
Instead of turning around, the dog-pony merely stared at the wall in front of him. "Ooooh Spike. Everything's fiiiiine. Everything except for one, teensy, tineesy thing..."
"W-what's that?" Spike asked, fearing the worst. Spike'd noticed how Virgil's tone had gotten notably mellower.
Virgil turned around and blew a smog-white smoke ring into spike's face. "Well ya see, my glaucoma was acting up, and you had some of Doc Flutters' Quality just lying around..."
Spike faceclawed. "Virgil, what the buck is wrong with you?"
"I think the question is, what's wrong with you mate? I'll forgive and forget, before I'm paralyzed. Do I have to keep up the pace, to keep you satisfied?" Virgil sing-said.
"Cute. C'mon, let's go get you some air. We can talk about your little discovery later."
As Spike helped the bag-of-bricks known as Virgil to his feet, he couldn't help but think how ell the meeting with Caelum went. It's not often that he gets into situations like that, and even less often that he gets out in one piece.
"Heh, I guess everything went better than expected..."
"Well, you did have my help." Virgil said through staggered breaths. "You couldn't do anything without old uncle Virgil's help..."
"Shut up."
After the episode...
"Hey Spike, you know how you have that horrible problem with mares?" Quizzed Virgil, sitting on the edge of Spike's living room couch, all the while toting a pipe and monocle.
Spike immediately got to his feet. "I don't have a problem with mares! Besides, I'm sure that I'm better with mares then you ! You're a dog!"
Virgil merely chuckled. "But mate, you don't understand. The fact that I'm a dog only makes me better with them." The dog-pony exclaimed cheerily, putting his hind legs up on the table. "The mares love me...can you say the same?"
With a deep sigh, Spike hung his head as he looked down at the floor. "Virgil, I have a confession to make."
"And what, pray tell, is that?" Asked Virgil, leaning in.
"I, Spike the dragon, have a crush on...Rarity."
"Beg your pardon mate?"
Spike cleared his throat. "I said; I have a crush on Rarity..."
Virgil sneezed, coughing all over the brownies in front of them. "I'm terribly sorry, but if you want me to know who your crush is, you've got to speak up. huh Spikey-Wikey?"
"I said I have a crush on Rarity !" Yelled the exasperated drake, startling the companion at his side.
"Whoa ho ho, Rarity huh? I tell you, that's about as impossible a crush as you one can ask for," Virgil said whistling. "What about her, or more specifically, what not about her fancied your eye?"
"She, she's the best. Rarity's always there when you need her, she's spectacular in every way, she's the living element of generosity, not to mention she's easy on the eyes, Spike droned, not noticing Virgil's lack of attention. "Wait, are you even listening to me?"
Virgil's snout turned back towards Spike's face, leaving the butterfly to his business. "Sorry, say that last part again? Something about flying and the color purple?"
Face-clawing, Spike stood from the couch. "Buck you Virgil, every time I try to confess something to you, you always get distracted!" Spike said, now reaching for the butterfly. "I mean for Tartarus's sake, a butterfly ? Really"
Virgil smiled coyly. "Well, to be honest Spike, I heard everything you said. I just want to mess with you. You know, keep the wheels turnin'. If I let you think I paid attention to every word, would you have so ferociously defended that mare?"
"W-well, no, i guess--"
"Exactly. I just wanted to see if you really liked her. I'm glad to see that you're still involved in the dating game, Spike. Good on ya."
Spike put a claw to his chin before responding. "You know what Virgil. Thanks."
"Your welcome."
"Thanks for teaching me that I should never speak from the heart to you again." Spike said, waving a claw at Virgil as he left the room.
"Wait! Spike, come back! I didn't mean it, well, maybe I did, but that's not the case! Well, maybe it is, but it's irrelevant!" Virgil shouted, trailing after the fuming, sarcastic dragon.
