"Ladies, gentlemen, effeminate gentlemen, I hereby call this meeting of the First Council of Villains to order!" Marik declared.

Marik, Yami Bakura, the Dazzlings, Snips, and Snails were sitting at a massive round table that could seat eight people in Canterlot High's library. One of the seats was empty.

"First we must do roll call," Marik lifted his clipboard and his ballpoint pen as he took names. "Okay, Marik Ishtar? Well, I am here, so yeah. Ryou Bakura?"

"What would this council be without my amazing hair?" Yami Bakura asked rhetorically.

"Snips and Snails?"

"Wait, why are we treated as one entity?" Snails asked.

"Yeah, we're separate people, you know," Snips added.

"Because shut up," Marik kept looking through his clipboard. 'Uh, let's see here, Adagio Dazzle?"

"Present and fabulous," Adagio said with a smirk on her face.

"Not as fabulous as me," Marik said. "Aria Blaze?"

"Present," Aria said.

"Sonata Dusk?"

"I was told there would be tacos at this meeting," Sonata pouted.

"The tacos come later. Seto Kaiba?" Marik turned towards the empty chair and made a mark on his clipboard. "Absent, of course. But that's okay, we didn't need him in the first place. Our council is actually stronger without him and all of his money and influence,"

"He turned you down, didn't he?" Yami Bakura asked.

"Fluffy, by the power invested in me as the leader of the First Council Of Villains, I command you to shut up!" Marik commanded.

"Speaking of which, why are you the leader of the council, anyways?" Yami Bakura asked. "I'm easily the most evil person at this table. If anything, I should be the leader,"

"Well too bad, I'm still the leader, and nothing you do can ever change that, Bakura," Marik crossed his arms.

Yami Bakura stood up from his chair. "Anyone who wants to see Marik Ishtar demoted from his position, say 'aye'," Everyone except Marik raised their hands and said 'aye'. "Anyone who wants to see me elected leader of the council in his place, say 'aye'," Once again, everyone except Marik raised their hands and said 'aye.

"Oh go [EFF] yourself, Bakura!" Marik shouted.

"Kiss my arse, Marik," Yami Bakura retorted as he sat back down. "Now then, fellow villains, what shall be our first order of business?"

"Defeating the Pharaoh once and for all!" Marik suggested.

"Hmm, I suppose it's a good start, but how should we go about doing that?" Yami Bakura stroked his chin.

"I'm sorry for asking this, but why should we care about defeating the Pharaoh?" Adagio asked. "I mean, it's not like the Pharaoh did anything to us,"

"'It's not like the Pharaoh did anything to us.' What hasn't he done?!" Marik said. "You know how the Battle Of The Bands got cancelled? It was the Pharaoh! He was the one responsible!" The Dazzlings gasped in unison.

"No, that was actually Pegasus," Yami Bakura corrected Marik.

Marik turned towards Snips and Snails. "And you know who cut you down on your path to glory? It was the Pharaoh!"

"No, that was Twilight Sparkle," Yami Bakura said.

"And you know who got Al Capone arrested? The Pharaoh, that's who!" Marik added.

"Okay, now you're just making things up," Yami Bakura said.

"Silence, kitty!" Marik commanded.

"How many times must I tell you I'm not a kitty?!" Yami Bakura gritted his teeth.

"Aww, does wittle Bakura want his kitty bits? Because he seems vewy angwy wight about now," Marik said condescendingly.

"That's it, I'm kicking your arse," Yami Bakura rose from his chair, fists balled.

"Whoa whoa, calm down Bakur-" Marik was interrupted by a swift punch in the face from Yami Bakura, throwing him to the floor. Yami Bakura then leaped on top of Marik, and they struggled violently on the floor.

"Aww, look, they really do love each other!" Adagio said. Aria just looked at Adagio, her head tilted and mouthing 'Wha-?'

"Ow! Ow! Uncle! Uncle!" Marik screamed.

Yami Bakura got up off of Marik. "Your uncle's not here, but I suppose I'll grant you mercy," Yami Bakura then sat back down in his chair.

"Ow!" Marik also sat back up in his chair.

"Anyway, do we have any ideas as to how we defeat Yugi Moto and the Pharaoh?" Yami Bakura asked.

Marik raised his hand high. "Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Alright, Marik, what have you got for us?" Yami Bakura asked.

Marik cleared his throat. "Alright, so my plan is that we push Yugi Moto into a swimming pool!"

Yami Bakura's mouth was agape from pure dumbfoundedness. "...Seriously?"

"Yes! You see, when we push Yugi Moto into the swimming pool, his hair will get all wet, and it will take forever to dry and restyle. He'll be so annoyed that he'll have to give us his Millennium Puzzle! It's foolproof!"

Yami Bakura's mouth was still agape, as were the mouths of every other council member. "Marik, do you even have a brain in that thick skull of yours?" Yami Bakura reached over and knocked on Marik's head. "Hello? Anybody home?"

Marik grabbed Yami Bakura's arm and pushed it away. "Oh come on, Bakura, you're just jealous you didn't think of it first!"

"I have a better idea!" Yami Bakura declared. "Why don't we just stab Yugi Moto in the chest and steal his Millennium Puzzle while he's bleeding to death?"

"Bakura! Have you lost your mind?! We can't just kill him! Besides, the censors wouldn't allow it!" Marik objected.

"Marik, this is Fimfiction. We can kill people here, that's what the Death tag is for," Yami Bakura said.

"But still, what about all the evidence that would leave behind?!" Marik said. "If we just banish Yugi and the Pharaoh to the Shadow Realm, there will be no body or murder weapon to speak of, and we can't get arrested!"

"What about your Millennium Rod?" Yami Bakura asked. "I'm pretty sure that would count as a murder weapon at that point,"

"What Millennium Rod? This is just a movie prop that I happen to keep clenched in between my buttocks at all times," Marik said.

"Yami Bakura shook his head. "You are one strange, silly little man, Marik,"

"And I make it work, baby!" Marik boasted.

"Might I make a suggestion?" Adagio asked.

"Yes, what is it?" Yami Bakura answered.

"What if we take someone Yugi loves and hold them hostage? Then we set their ransom at a value of one shiny Millennium Puzzle," Adagio suggested.

"That's actually a bloody good idea," Yami Bakura said. "I'm glad someone thought of it. Who should we kidnap? Tristan?"

"I don't think Tristan even counts as one of Yugi's friends," Marik said.

"Okay, then, how about Fluttershy? She can't be very strong," Yami Bakura asked.

"Bakura, I think you're confusing Yugi with Twilight Sparkle," Adagio said.

"Wait, I am confusing the two. Rrgh, and the fact that they're so bloody similar doesn't help," Yami Bakura said.

"Well, if they are so similar, then they must've met up and made friends with each other," Marik said. "Therefore, any friend of Twilight Sparkle's is likely a friend of Yugi's as well,"

"That...actually makes sense, Marik. Well done on using your brain today," Yami Bakura said.

"Hey!" Marik objected.

"If we're going with the kidnapping plan, then I think we should capture Sunset Shimmer," Aria suggested. "Word in the hallways is, after she failed to take over the school, she became an outcast with virtually no friends to speak of. Of course, Twilight made friends with her, so she'll be easy enough to ambush and she has the connections we need to get that Puzzle,"

"Brilliant! This is coming together quite swimmingly," Yami Bakura said. "Any more suggestions?"

"Uh, we have a plan as well," Snails said.

"Okay so, get this, how about instead of killing Yugi Moto, we just beat him senseless and steal his Millennium Puzzle while he's unconscious?" Snips suggested.

"That could work, if it weren't for the fact that he's surrounded by his friends 24/7," Marik said.

"You see, Marik, the thing is that Yugi's not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. I don't think it'll be that difficult to get him into an unfair fight where we can take his Puzzle," Yami Bakura said.

"I see," Marik contemplated the table with his fist resting on his chin.

"So I guess it's settled, then," Yami Bakura said. "Snips and Snails, you'll go beat up Yugi Moto and take his Millennium Puzzle. If that doesn't work, then Adagio, you and your posse will kidnap Sunset Shimmer and hold her hostage at the Canterlot High clock tower. Marik, you'll get Twilight Sparkle's phone number so we can hold Sunset Shimmer for ransom. Does that sound like an evil plan or what?" Every other council member nodded. "Alright, meeting adjourned,"

Author's Note

Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on a horse.