A Slow Interrogation

I looked up to the mountain I now stood at the base of. Night walking had done wonders, as well as those apples I had liberated from a nearby farm. I would feel bad if it looked like they were low, but I doubt with all those apples they'd notice the dozen or so that I nabbed. I munched on one staring up the mountain. I had been being careful to avoid ponies, but even as late as it was I doubted I could avoid prying eyes this close to a castle. And with a castle came nobles. Nobles who would definitely see through my fake agent of the sun trick. So that was out. I looked around before finding a tall tree and climbing up it. In the morning carriages would arrive. I could easily smuggle myself on the underside of one. Then I'd just have to find my way to the archives and catch up with my history.

***

I woke with a start to the sounds of yelling. I glanced from my aerial position and saw something stupid. "Who sets up a frakking market on the road?" I looked over the small markets that were set up on the road. They were apparently collapsible, with hinges on half the corners. They also seemed to mostly be selling food. I guessed that they were trying to sell food to ponies making their way into Canterlot. Not that it mattered much besides the fact that it made my job a lot harder.

I looked across the area. The tree's covered the area, cleared only on the road itself. If I moved slowly I could jump into an uncovered wagon. I looked to the skies. The only real fault with this plan was the pegasi, but it appeared none were flying above the carriages. Most simply flew low enough to talk to nearby ponies. Assuming that held I had a good chance. I jumped through the treetops, finding one with its branches hanging above the street, and waited.

I have said before, I am not patient. After five minutes I had taken to playing with my fake fingers. They could pop off and had a few tools in them. Namely a lockpick set and a hidden blade. It was useful when you could pop off a finger to shear through bindings. I had just reattached my middle finger when I saw my chance. Coming up the road was an uncovered wagon filled with various furniture. Namey couches. I smiled at the thought of hiding under a couch wagon while sneaking into Canterlot. The high walls of the wagon would even hide me from sight if I sat in one. Arrive in style while remaining stealthy? Heck yeah.

I watched as the carriage rolled under me, and with a soft drop, I landed in the carriage. I stayed still, waiting for the pony pulling the cart to grumble about the increased weight. It never came. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding before sitting down in the rattiest couch in the carriage. I didn't know why, but the rattier the couch the comfier it was. This was a known fact to all travelers.

I relaxed as the carriage slowly moved up the mountain. Its soft bumps relaxing me as we made a slow journey to the castle. I watched the sky float by from my carriage, looking up at the only familiar thing in the world. I blinked a few times and felt tears in my eyes. I wiped my eyes quickly, tears had a smell, and I couldn't let a pony smell them. They had the noses of bloodhounds. I continued staring up at the sky and thought of my past.

*3,000 Years Ago*

I looked over the convention floor. There were booths and small merchants as far as the walls could contain. I smiled as my friend Elrod ran off to the 501st group trying to check in with them. He wanted to show up this year as a regular attendant, but he still wore his full armor. I smiled at the image of an Imperial Moff running off to idly chat with a stormtrooper. Some things never stop being funny. I was in my own outfit of course. An agent of the Emperor's Holy Inquisition. I even had a sweet black cape. I mean most people would focus on the leather and steel armor I had made to match the Warhammer style, but capes were just to cool to ignore. I looked over the booths and sank into the crowd. I smiled and posed for various pictures as I moved. The downside of local cons was that they normally didn't have a huge amount of cosplayers, so I was a small celebrity just by having a pretty good outfit.

I had almost made it to the back of the merchant floor. Most of the booths had bored me to no end. but I pushed forward and saw Elrod in his officer's costume staring at a prop booth. I pushed through the crowd and slapped him on the back. "Well Brother, I see a fine vendor has caught your eye!"

He shot me a good-hearted glare. "Shut your dumbass persona for a minute. This dude's got some Imperial officer blasters for sale. You think I should grab one?"

I looked at the merchant. He was an older guy flicking through a magazine. He was dressed up like a UNSC marine and had a little plaque on his desk. It read Quartermaster in clear letters. I smiled and looked through his inventory. "Well, I know I'm gonna get that laspistol. You could get the blaster and then we could fake a fight at the fountain, throw out a hat and let the spirit of capitalism pay for dinner tonight."

Elrod smiled. "heck, let's split it with some of the troopers, have a full little war. I think some of the rebels are here too, we could have a weird little alternate universe fight seem to spring out in between panels."

I brought out my wallet and looked to the laspistol, noticing the lack of price point. "Hey boss, you got a price on that laspistol there? Fifth from the top - third - from the left - middle wall."

Elrod spoke up as well. "Yeah, and same for that blaster pistol."

The man lowered his magazine and gave us a warm smile. "Well well well, fresh grunts looking for their toys eh?" Okay, had to hand it to the guy. His quartermaster's voice was great. Annoyed at us talking while also being happy to have something to do. I'd heard that same tone of voice a million times before. "Well, I'd hate to see grunts charge into a battle unarmed and scared." He glanced at my sword and let out a cruel sounding chuckle. "What are you gonna do? Charge a firing line?"

I played along with his act, making the sign of the Aquila. "As the Emperor wills, I shall obey."

The marine let out a much more honest laugh. "Well let's make sure you can at least shoot back eh? Let's say thirty a pop for both. To be honest I was about to break down, been a slow day today."

Me and Elrod looked to each other before digging money out of our wallets. We threw the money at the marine and he chuckled. "Fair enough, gimme half a second." He reached up and pulled both pistols down and laying them down on the table. "Sorry to say there's a catch in all this." Elrod and I both glanced to each other. We didn't want to become drug runners for all this. He saw our glance and raised his hands. "Nothing bad, just a request. Use them frequently alright? I'd hate to see my work gathering dust on my shelf."

We both nodded and scooped up our new guns. We then flashed each other a smile and pointed them at each other. I screamed into the crowd while maintaining eye contact. "YOUR EMPEROR IS AS FALSE YOUR NAME MOFF!"

He caught on quick and threw on a ridiculously bad British accent. "And your outdated religion shows me that you're as foolish as the rebels."

I tightened my fingers, resting my index on the trigger. "YOU DARE BLASPHEME IN FRONT OF AN INQUISITOR! I SHALL END YOU HERE!"

He let out a dry chuckle. Gods for a puny nerd he could really put on a menacing aura. His mustache ruined it though. "If you think you can." We both reveled as a crowd began to form around us. And we ruined it. Caught up in our high of being actors we both fired at each other. And felt a moment of fear as a solid beam of light exited both barrels. Elrods hit me first, crashing into my chest, and knocking me to the floor. As I crashed I heard a hiss as my own beam seared a hole in his chest.

I have no clue how long I was out, but I fluttered open my eyes later. I stared into the sky. A sky completely foreign to me. Bright colors and clouds floated across my vision. I saw a pony moving a cloud over from its place and covering the sun from my eyes. I blinked twice and let out the only statement that accurately conveyed my current situation. "THE FRAK!!??" Did I just say Frak?

*Present*

I shook off my reverie and stared at the sky. A single cloud covered the sun just like all those years ago. The sky disappeared under a solid white arch as I entered Canterlot. I thumbed my pal, making a small Aquila. I whispered a necessary prayer, and sighed out a final verse. "Thank you Blue."