A Slow Interrogation

I waited in the carriage until it made a full stop. The ponies pulling the cart seemed unwilling to talk until they reached their destination. That was annoying for many reasons, but mostly because it meant I rarely had cover to stretch out where the noise would be hidden. I finally heard them speak as their rigging was unhooked. "Alright, good work today. Tomorrow we'll run the deliveries, but today we're just gonna be tourists."

I heard soft clops of ponies moving away. "Heck yeah, I heard that Doughnut Joe just added some stuff to his menu, I'm gonna gorge myself." I smiled as the sounds of their walk faded. I was all on my lonesome until tomorrow. Checking the sky I deduced it was about noon. I stretched out and laid down fully on the couch. A quick nap until nightfall and then a stroll to the castle under cover of the night sounded like a wonderful way to spend the evening. I let myself fade off into the realm of dreams.

For half a second before violently waking myself up with a jerk of my head. Luna. Luna could look into dreams. I had almost thrown away a perfectly good advantage for some frakking sack time. I sat for a moment before sighing. Time to go over my options. I could try some minor warpcraft, and risk some form of warp-fuckery, or stay awake and be exhausted for storming a castle. Nope, I was gonna have fun storming the castle. I channeled Hell itself, forcing dark and demonic energies around me. I felt voices calling my name and cast them aside. As the spell settled around me I let out a breath and looked around me. No unseeable demons of hell? Check. Not randomly teleported into an alternate dimension of flames and ice turned into physical beings playing streetfighter? Check. Good enough. I let myself slip into a peaceful sleep with a smile.

I woke up under the soft colors of Twilight. I looked myself over and smiled at another successful nap. I didn't even wake up with an assassin above me this time. I stretched out and hazarded a peek above the high walls of my not so safe-house. Streets clear, and night falling. Yep, this was a good night for running a covert op. I hopped out of the cart and looked at the nearby buildings. Well, palaces would be more accurate. Did the designer decide the whole city had to match the castle? The upside was simple though. Climbing buildings that had more overhangs than any building should is easy. I picked the tallest looking building that wouldn't exhaust me and hauled myself up Ezio style, rolling to the roof in smooth motions. I looked over the town from my elevated position.

Yep, the whole frakking city matched the castle. Luckily I was fairly close. Even more, luckily I didn't see any flyers buzzing the city. This is what we in the business call a lucky break. One you shouldn't question. I wasn't going to and began a rooftop run. Well, I say run. More like a cautious check of every road and slowly hopping when they looked mostly clear. But run sounds so much better. I made it to the castle walls before encountering my first flaw. The buildings weren't close enough to jump to the wall safely. Looking down, either way, I found that this was the same in every direction. Damned intelligent ponies, making it hard to break into the closest useful looking castle.

But they weren't expecting someone like me in their building instructions. I flicked my wrist knife from its sheath and checked the street. The street was still as empty as a hospital in a Nurgle cult. I ran towards the wall knife first. I grunted as my knife cut cleanly through the stone and held. The shear wall didn't allow me any purchase. This was a flaw I wished I had thought of before jumping. I held up my hand and found I was about six inches from being able to grab the edge. I sighed as I dangled from the wall. "Well shit."

I pulled up and down on my knife hand a few times. Nope, I couldn't gain that ground without retracting the blade. Unless I did something painful. See, augmetics are great. They have features you'd never think when you're an inquisitor who lived with a mage for a few years. Most of them are useful and fun. Like pain receptors. It already hurt hanging from my wrist. To reach all the way to that ledge I'd have to swing by purely my wrist up to it. Imagine, if you will, swinging by your wrist. It hurts. And as I swung back and forth I experienced it. Biting my tongue I slid my blade back into my arm and grabbed the ledge. After hauling myself up and over I shook my fake hand. It burned like I had just done something stupid with it. Like swung from a hidden blade to climb a wall.

After a minute of silent swearing and occasional vocal grunts as I worked the soreness out of my fake arm and I began to move through what appeared to be gardens. After a few minutes, I ran into my first guard patrol. I watched in awe as they walked forward at perfect marching cadence, turned ninety degrees, and followed the clear path. I wasn't even hiding when they trotted up. They weren't even looking for an intruder. I stared at them as they trotted on. I moved to a nearby door. If they weren't going to pay attention that was there problem. I had a book to steal.

I looked through the hall, it was a marvel of marble. The walls seemed to rise like towers, the ceiling a mere afterthought. I smiled as I saw arches connecting the walls and ceiling that seemed barely more than a hop and a skip away from each other. I couldn't scale it here, to likely to attract the guards. But if I managed to find a nice hidey-hole I would be making the aerial rounds of the castle.

I walked the corridors trying to keep myself from grumbling. There wasn't a frakking map in this entire castle. I had digressed from actual sneaking to walking normally. The clops of guards were loud enough to be heard a few corridors away, so I just hid when I heard them. Making this top my list of worst covert ops ever. Mostly because it was boring and annoying. I went through another hallway at random and had to dive back behind the corner. A pair of huge doors were maybe thirty meters ahead of me, with a pair of very competent guards on either door. I think they only missed me because they believed I wasn't real. That wouldn't work again. I looked back up to the nice arches. They even curved around the corner in just the right way for an easy jump. I stared down the hallway in a rotten mood. If only something miraculous would happen. Like a lazy window-washer or something.

I stared at the windows in front of me before slapping my head. I had an easy way to fix this. I made a mental note of where I was and made a quick trek to the gardens. Grabbing a rock, I made my way back to the door. I realized when I got there that this probably wasn't the library, but now I was committed. Any big doors had to lead to more information right? I looked at a large stained glass window on the other side of the door hallway. I thumbed my rock and gave it a throw. It sailed through the air in a high arc, crashing into the top of the window. The loud crash hid my rushed footsteps as I ran behind a pillar. I heard the rapid clops of the guards at full gallop, which caused me to smile.

As soon as their hoof-beats seemed past me I ran to the door and opened it. Crashing through and closing it behind me. I smirked as I looked at the closed door of gold. "Smooth as silk." I then turned around and found myself in a throne room. An occupied throne room. I saw Luna sitting her royal rump on the throne and realized a very important fact. I have fucked up now. I ran through a million options, most of which focused on running away. I bit them back after a moment, it was time to stay in character. I stood up at prim and proper attention and fixed one of my cuffs. "One to seek an audience with Princess Luna."

The look on her face alone was worth it. She seemed to be utterly confused at the very fact I was here, let alone I seemed polite. I may have been swearing up a storm in my head, but by the Emperor was I gonna bluff it. "Long time no see." I glanced around the purple and blue hall as I slowly walked up to the throne. "Long enough for a new city and castle anyways. Honestly, it feels almost right seeing the room of a ruler so beautifully decorated instead of that brash armory you used to favor." Holy frak, her mouth was bobbing up and down like a fishing lure. I could see her try to figure out how I possibly knew about that. I let out a breath and smiled wide. "Enough reminiscing though, where is my blade?"

That got a response. Luna finally corraled herself and did a fairly good intimidating glare to boot. Well, as intimidating as a pony can be anyways. It was closer to a three-year-old giving me the stink-eye. "Your blade is out of your reach wretch. My sister and I rid ourselves of it long ago."

I nodded. "Of course you would, but that is not what I asked. Where did you rid yourself of it?"

Luna snorted at me. "I do not remember, 'twas a millennia ago." She then stood, staring me down. The scary part was the calm and conversational tone she used while she spoke. "Though, was it wise to come directly to my throne to ask such a question. While Celestia only disliked you from a purely moral standpoint, I have grown to learn how much I hate you."

I looked at her as deeply as I dared, and then it clicked. In character or not I slumped. "Oh, Lulu. Please tell me you didn't try it. Please tell me you didn't try to do what I do."

She stared at me. "Your spells were so weak. You stated they could destroy the world, but left out the how. If you had told me of the actual dangers inhabiting your accursed magic I might have listened." She paused in front of a banner holding a very familiar coat of arms. "Instead, you just told me not to try it. You said that neither I nor Celestia had the proper mind frame to even summon a light. You challenged every bit of knowledge we had accumulated and told us to let it lie." She then flared her wings as darkness flew from her body, sending the room into utter darkness. I heard her calm voice as if it was right behind me. "A well-laid trap indeed."

I rolled forward, feeling the wind sweep past me from something swinging at where my head had been a moment before. And like that, negotiations broke down. I drew my laspistol and fired a blind shot at where Luna had been. The harsh red light of my shot illuminated the room briefly, allowing me to get the lay of my surroundings. It also told me where the window in the back was from my new position. The shot was nowhere near close to Luna, who seemed to smile at my effort. The smile stopped as I ran towards her throne. I may have been smart enough to found a barely functional nation, but I was not smart enough for this fight. I jumped forward through the pitch black room, nailing the throne with my shin.

I winced at the impact but pushed past it. I rotated on my feet, spinning past the throne with another accompanying burst of air from Luna. I heard her voice calling out like a siren song. "Just sit still a moment ape. I assure you this will be painless." Yeah, and the moon is made of cheese. I bolted for where I assumed the window was and made a leap of faith. Faith decided to reward me as I was thrown through a nice glass window and into a five-story drop. Well, this plan worked wonderfully.