Ponyville. Biggest little town in all of Equestria. The Castle of Friendship rose above even the mayor’s office, a glistening spire of crystal that made the geologist in me swoon. My first stop since arriving in Ponyville. Twilight Sparkle wanted to ask me questions. Me. Some nopony off of the street. Was being welcomed into Twilight Sparkle’s home. My inner panic button was furiously slamming down to no avail. It was being over-ridden by my inner fan-pony button. PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE wanted to see me.

Walking up to the door, I barely had a chance to knock before the door slammed open. Directly into my face. Bloody hell, are all mares this susceptible to tears. “Buck!” I snapped, cradling my throbbing nose.

“Oh my... I’m so sorry.” A gentle voice said over my head and I looked up at Fluttershy, the kindest, most gentle mare in all of Ponyville. She’d damaged my nose? She’d been in such a hurry to leave somewhere that she’d actually hit something hard enough to possibly break something? I forgot the pain in my throbbing snout to simply stare at her. “Did I break it? I’m so sorry... I’m such a clutz...” she whined and I immediately wanted to comfort her rather than worry about the blood running down my nose.

“I’m... I’m ok... just a little battered.” I stuttered and she helped me to my hooves, pressing a napkin to my nose. I blinked at her as my own hoof replaced hers. “How could a mare this timid be so kind?” I asked myself as she led me inside. We walked through the massive main foyer and I could do nothing but gape in awe. Twilight lived here. Alone. How did she not have her friends living with her? Or guards at every corner? Just as this question crossed my mind, Fluttershy squeaked and jerked to a stop. Looking ahead of her, I blinked. Twilight was standing at the door leading into what I could only assume was the throne room, staring at the wolf from yesterday with a look I couldn’t determine.

She was either angry with him for something, or concerned for him. Looking at Fluttershy, I sighed. I’d heard she was shy, but this was ridiculous. “What’s up with those two?” I asked her and she squeaked and looked up at me.

“They’re... um... well... it’s...”

“You can’t be serious Twi!” He yelled and both of us jumped and looked over at them. “You have no guards, by sheer choice alone.”

“Because you’re the only guard I need, Knight. I don’t need other guards when you are sufficient enough protection.” She said and I blinked. She didn’t have more guards because he’s all she needs? Glancing at Fluttershy, I sighed and walked towards them.

“Excuse me.” I said and they both turned to me.

“What!?” They both shouted and I sighed.

“What do you mean you don’t need any other guards?” I asked and she sighed and looked at me, shooting Knight a glance that said they’d discuss it later.

“I don’t need any other guards because of his magic.”

“Which is faulty at best around the castle.” He interrupted and she shot him a look that would have had me pissing myself. If I was still a stallion. He just stared at her.

“He has spells that alert us to any malicious invaders that mean us harm. If somepony, or creature, breaks the border of his spells, we move. If he determines we can handle it, like yesterday, we take care of it. If he says we can’t, we work on evacuating everypony, quietly, while Princess Celestia readies guards from Canterlot.” She said and I nodded slowly. It was like the alarm systems dig sites had in place for possible cave in. If the rock became unstable, a magical alert would go off and we’d evacuate as quickly as we could before someone got trapped.

“You look like you know the magic.” He said and I looked at him.

“Not really. At my old job, we had a system of alerts in place. If the tunnel was going to cave in, the alarms would go off and we’d all evacuate before someone got stuck.” I said and he blinked and stared at me, his muzzle coming uncomfortably close. “What...?”

“Something about you... seems off.” He said, straightening up before looking at Twilight. “I’ll be in the library when you feel like seeing sense.” He said, striding passed her. She glared and I watched as her horn subtly glowed and fired a bolt of magic at the back of his head. It slapped him and she looked away just as he jerked back around to glare at her.

“Would you two cut it out?” Applejack snapped as she walked out of what I could only assume was the kitchen, an apple pie balanced on her back. Seeing the pie made me aware of just how hungry I was. “Ya’ll have been fightin’ since we got back. Just kiss and make up already.” She said and the two of them shot looks at her.

“I will not kiss him.”

“Ditto.” He said and they shot their glares back at each other before huffing and looking in opposite directions, Knight going to the library, Twilight staring at the castle. I watched him walk off until he disappeared through a door. Glancing at Twilight as the door slammed shut, I saw her jump and her ears drooped.

“This ain’t like you Twi.” Applejack said and Twilight sat and stared at the ground, sniffing.

“Wait a minute... hang on.” I said and they all turned to look at me. “Are you two...?”

“No. We’re not.” Twilight snapped a little too quickly. I smiled knowingly. My baby sister reacted the same way when accused of being in love with some pony. That reminded me. I hadn’t told my family yet. Apparently my feelings were etched on my face because Princess Twilight touched my shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“I haven’t told my family what happened. What if they don’t want me as a son anymore?” I said and Twilight’s ears drooped.

“Well... maybe they’ll accept you as a daughter...?” She asked and I looked up at her, my ears down.

“My dad didn’t want a daughter... he was ecstatic that I was born a colt. I could carry on the family business. I can’t do that as a mare. Not the way he wanted me to...”

“That’s ridiculous.” A super chipper voice said behind me and I spun to stare at a twin pair of bright blue eyes staring me straight in the eye. “You’re still his baby, no matter if you have colt parts or filly parts. He’ll love ya no matter what.” The mare said and I stepped back a bit to see... pink. Lots and lots of pink. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ok with a little pink. This mare though, this was just way too much pink. “Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie...” explains the color. “If your dad doesn’t want you to be a mare, then he’ll have to buck up and get over it cause you are a mare.” She said and I opened my mouth to argue.

“Always have been.” She said and I blinked, my ears drooping again.

“Uh, Pinkie...” Twilight said and Pinkie turned to look at her. “She wasn’t always a mare.”

“Oooooh. One of those stallions that wanted to be a mare and went through all kinds of stuff to get there?” She asked and Twilight shook her head. “Um... magical artifact dug up in an excavation site that turned you into a mare against your will?” She asked and I blinked.

“How did...?”

“Don’t question it. She’s Pinkie Pie.” Knight said as he returned, his teeth clenched around a prism of color as he dragged Rainbow Dash into the room. Rainbow, for her part, just let him drag her, her chin resting on her hoof as if this was a common occurrence. I watched as he let go of Rainbow Dash before turning to leave. Before he could get far though, Applejack all but kicked Twilight into his path. She glared at her friend before looking up at him. They stood completely still, the silence growing almost unbearable, as they just stared at each other.

“Would you two just kiss and make up already?” Rainbow snapped and both of them shot her a glare that would have melted any other pony into a pool of shame and fear. Rainbow merely stood her ground, nose to nose with Knight.

“How the buck is she so damn brave? I’d have wet myself with him that close.” I thought and after a moment he turned to Twilight, his eyes gentle. So gentle, in fact, I didn’t think for a second he was the same wolf as earlier. When I’d first arrived in town, I’d seen those same eyes look like they were mirroring the pits of Tartaros. Anger, rage, hatred. Now? Now they looked like the eyes of someone so caring and gentle he made me think of my mom.

My real mom, not the bitch my dad married. Did I not mention that before? My mom and dad had split and my dad had married some bitch who loved him for his money. She’d popped out two kids that would be the heirs to his dynasty. Some dynasty. Not even a guard, just some random minor business in Marizona. He wasn’t even noticed on the totem pole of society. My two brothers were treated better than I was, which is why I’d left home to join FEGED. Small little tidbit on my mom... probably the greatest mare I’d ever known. Kind, caring, loving, gentle, she went out of her way to help a pony in need.

Why was I seeing her in Knight? Because that was the look on his face. The look of someone who would go out of his way to help someone. “Firstly, Rainbow, I will not kiss her. Not with a stranger in the room, it would be rude. Secondly, we’re not fighting. We just have a slight disagreement that she won’t admit she was wrong about.”

“I was wrong? How was I wrong about the punishment for that pony? I wanted them to be sentenced to prison to think about their crimes, not to be executed out right.” She said and Knight turned to her.

“The same pony who attempted to kill you in a public place. No subtlety, no trickery. No poison, no traps, nothing like that. He walked up, charged a spell that would have killed you if you were any lesser of a pony and vaporized a part of the town. That’s blatant attempted murder of a monarch, Twilight. A crime like that is punishable by death, not by imprisonment to ‘think about his crimes’.” Knight said and I blinked. Somepony had tried to kill her?

“Maybe...”

“Twilight, if he’d had time to think about it, he’d have been planning a new strategy. A way to attempt to kill you that even an Alicorn’s imperviousness couldn’t have protected you against. Do you know how easy it would have been for a unicorn with the kind of power to damage an Alicorn’s magical shielding to brainwash a Hydra? How long do you think you could hold up a magical shield in the stomach of a creature who can digest iron?” He asked and she sighed, not bothering to answer.

Clearing my throat, I grabbed their attention easily enough. “So... not to be a bother, or rude since you two seem to have a lot to talk about but... where will I be staying?” I asked and Pinkie bounced over.

“You can stay with me until we’ve found a place to put you up while you’re in town.” She said and I blinked.

Later that night, I stood in the middle of her room, a bland look on my face. Mouth set in a firm line, hears flat against my head. I wasn’t angry. I was... hell, even annoyed isn’t the right word. Annoyed indicates that something is wrong. The only thing really wrong with my situation was the bright pink pajama’s Pinkie Pie had put me in.

We’d arrived at Sugar Cube Corner about an hour after she’d suggested I stay with her. As a stallion, I’d have refused, vehemently. Stallions don’t stay with single mares without supervision. As a mare, I didn’t have the balls to refuse. Litterally. I tried to say no but the logic that is Pinkie Pie didn’t seem to care. “We’re both mares, so what’s wrong with us stayin’ in the same room?” The logic was... sound. She’d figured out almost immediately what my “problem” was and accepted it.

So here I was, in Pinkie Pie’s bedroom, the pink mare half way in a chest full of clothes that she was tossing out, her rump waving in the air. If I was still a stallion, I probably would have taken full advantage of the situation and been having my way with her by now. As a mare, I didn’t have the equipment, but my body was still reacting. Pinkie’s rump waving in the air, her tail flipped over her back, was definitely hot. I didn’t even realize I was staring until she’d looked back at me to throw a night gown at me, the gown covering my face and hiding the view.

“Get dressed silly.” She said and I levitated the gown off of me and watched as she tugged the yellow duck covered gown over her own body. Small detail about clothes here in Equestria. Considering Ponies usually run around naked, the magic of the nation keeping us modest in society, clothes were usually saved for special occasions. Like balls, galas, and other grand events. Wearing clothes any other time could be considered getting naked to any other world. Yes, I know about the world beyond the mirror. Blushing, I turned away quickly and pulled on the blue gown with teddy bears all over it.

Once we were both dressed, Pinkie smiled as we both climbed into bed. The same bed. The only bed in the room. I blushed furiously as she cuddled up against me, her hooves around me. Almost immediately she was asleep. Completely passed out. For all intents and purposes, dead to the world. It took me longer, but I did eventually fall asleep.

I wish I could tell you that I don’t remember anything after falling asleep. I wish I could tell you that my sleep was uneventful and boring, like it always had been. But I can’t. I can’t say that. I can’t say that because I “woke up” almost immediately in a bed that was floating. But it wasn’t my magic that had me floating. I wasn’t even in Pinkie Pie’s room anymore. Sitting up, I looked around and saw flowers. Was I in a bed outside of Ponyville? Peeking over the edge, my ears went back as I noticed that the ground was non-existent. The bed floated over a pool of vibrant blue water, around which rose a half dome of stone to keep the rain away. That dome lead to a path that lead to a door.

“Good evening, Timber Frost.” A voice said and I looked over as Princess Luna approached from the path.

“Princess Luna, but... wait... does that mean I’m asleep?” I asked and she nodded.

“You are indeed dreaming, Timber Frost. Rather than allowing you to continue your dream, which would have been a nightmare, I brought you here.” She said and I looked around. The bed lowered down, the path expanding to form a floor below the bed. “We have much to discuss.”

“About the spell that I read that did this to me?” I asked, waving a hoof at myself and she nodded, a small smile on her face. “Do you know what it was?” I asked and she nodded again.

“It is an ancient spell.”

“Not to be rude, Princess, but I gathered that much from the fact that it was inscribed in a tomb.” I said and she nodded.

“It is from a time when ponies were... less friendly... to one another. You have heard of the flower known as Cruel Joke, yes?” I nodded. “The spell is the origination of it. A spell cast on a beautiful flower to turn it into something equally as beautiful that would place a curse on any who touch its petals, causing some sort of chance that would make them hilarious to observe.”

“But... I don’t find this funny.” I said and she nodded.

“I would suspect not. The spell was much worse. While the flower causes hilarity at ones expense, the spell is meant to bring ones worries to the surface as reality.” She said and I blinked. “Their deepest worries.” I had been worrying, deep, deep, deep down that maybe my family would have been better off if I’d been born a mare. I guess I hadn’t expected something like this to actually make it a reality.

“So... is there a cure?”

“I’m afraid not. Cruel Joke can be ground up and blended into a cure, but this spell is permanent. There is no returning to being a stallion, I apologize.” She said and my ears drooped.

“Oh... I... I see...”

“It’s not all bad being a mare. It has its high points, even amongst the low points.” She said and I looked up at her. “We are more limber than most stallions. I have yet to meet a stallion who can fit through tight spaces.” She said and I watched as she conjured a narrow corridor of glass and almost effortlessly walked through it. “We do, however, suffer from estrus, which can be... rather trying to deal with.” She said and I nodded. Cousins had told me horror stories and I’d been so thankful I wouldn’t have to go through it. Joke’s on me. Haha. Great...

“Is this karma? I’ve heard horror stories about estrus from my cousins and I was always thankful not to have to deal with it. This has to be karma.”

“She would have nothing to do with this, Timber. The Princesses in charge of things such as fate, karma and time do not bother with the lives of every day ponies once they have set the waves in motion.” She said before slapping a hoof over her mouth.

“So there are Princesses in charge of things like this?” I asked, almost hopeful. If I’d been a dog, my tail would have been wagging.

“Yes and no. I shouldn’t have mentioned them, but because I did, I suppose I can tell you. Celestia and mine own cousins. Karma, Tempora, and a few others whose names are... often times difficult to pronounce. They dictate the lives of ponies, such as how they will play out and how they will end. Celestia and I merely govern over them.”

“So... can I... speak with one of them?” I asked, almost begging and Luna blinked at me.

“My dear Timber, I cannot take you to them.” She said and my ears drooped. “However...” She said and I looked up at her to find her doing something so un-princess-like I had to do a double take. She was rubbing the back of her head with a hoof. “I should not be telling you this, but Karma and Tempora will be making special appearances at the Grand Galloping Gala one week from today.” She said and I jumped to my hooves. “I will... delay Karma from leaving early so you may speak with her.”

“Thank you Princess.” I said, suddenly jumping on her and hugging her. It took me a moment to realize what I was doing. Blushing furiously, I stepped back and coughed politely into my hoof. “Um... sorry.”

“Do not apologize. It is a natural reaction to happy news. I must be on my way. I shall let you return to your pleasant dream.” She said and I smiled as she walked away, fading into a white light as my dream picked back up, a fossil of an ancient ponysaurus in my hoof. I smiled as my dream went about as I expected.

The next morning, I was, not exactly, rudely awakened by a sudden ball of energy landing on my back. Groaning, I looked up... and was greeted with the most adorable pairs of little brown eyes I’d ever seen. Squealing, I snagged the baby and hugged him tight, after a moment realizing I had, in fact, squealed. Releasing the baby, I blushed furiously and climbed out of bed, following him down the stairs after shucking off the night gown Pinkie had loaned me, folding it and putting it on the laundry basket. It wasn’t technically mine after all.

The baby flew over to Mrs. Cake, who smiled happily and waved me to the table, where Pinkie was already working through a pile of pancakes that almost reached the ceiling. Mr. Cake was sipping coffee and reading the morning paper, and the babies flew to their high chairs, where their mother placed a bowl of cereal each. As soon as the cereal was down, I expect there to be chunks and blobs of milk and cereal flying everywhere. I did not expect the babies to be eating as politely as Mr. Cake. “Did you have a good sleep dearie?” Mrs. Cake asked as she placed a pancake on a stack and carried them over to me.

“Yes, thank you. And thank you, Pinkie, for letting me stay with you last night.” I said and Pinkie smiled and nodded, her impossibly overstuffed mouth wobbling.

“Pinkie Pie, swallow your food before answering. You could choke.” Mrs. Cake said and Pinkie smiled and swallowed, the mushed up pancakes making her throat bulge before vanishing.

“Anything for a new friend. So, what’s your first plan?” She asked and I stared at my pancakes for a minute, barely aware of Mr. Cake’s eyes on me too.

“Well... I want to find out all I can about the magic that did this to me, so the best place to start would be the library...”

“Twilight already looked. She’s in Canterlot now going through the Royal Archives.” Pinkie said and I nodded. “Starlight went with her. She’s hoping three great minds can find something.”

“Three?”

“Yup. Starswirl said he’d help too. Though he wants to meet you, so we gotta hurry and catch the train to Canterlot.” She said and I froze, a bite of pancake half way to my mouth.

“Starswirl... as in Starswirl the Bearded?” I asked and she nodded. I almost squealed until she held up a hoof.

“Don’t start fan-fillying over him. When we met him, he was a real jerk. Even called Twilight a... well, I don’t want to repeat it. It was too mean to say.” She said and I blinked. He was mean? That doesn’t sound right, the stories I’d always read said he was a kind hearted individual who cared for all of Celestia’s subjects almost as much as she did.

“So... how soon are they expecting us?” I asked and Pinkie smiled as she scarfed the entire stack of pancakes on her plate in one bite. I blinked, not even seeing how it was physically possible to shove that many pancakes, whole, into ones throat without choking to death, only to be jerked away from the table, and the rest of my pancakes, as we raced for the train station. Next stop, Canterlot. Hurray... I’ll get to see the Boss... again... and my parents... I was so not looking forward to this.

Author's Note

Yay, chapter 2. Um... hm. Next chapter, Pinkie and Timber go to Canterlot to see Timber's "loving" mom and overbearing dad. What will we see when we get there? Wait and find out.