"Wait!" Celestia calls out, walking out from behind them. "What is your name creature?"

"Ahh. M' name's Jeff." Hehe, memes.

"Odd name."

"HAHA!! My name is actually Lucas!" And they charge at me. I throw my knife, it going through Rainbow's wing and Applejack's left fore/hindlegs. I speedfire 5 rounds, 4 going through Pinkie's legs, another narrowly missing Fluttershy's head, causing her to faint. I stow away the Kazoo, throwing the cube of Celestia's magic bolt, shooting it, causing it to flash-fry half of Twilight's coat and her horn, preventing her from using magic. I holster my Magnum, and pull out a masterwork quality shirt, ripping it in half, causing Rarity to faint. I throw a Magnade, detonating, cancelling Celestia's magic for.....I don't fucking know how long. A hundred guards land, remove their ~~bodies~~ forms from the field. I whip ~~it out~~ out my Kazoo and play 'Take On Me'. One guard walks ahead, but a crossbow bolt befriends his brain. I turn to the poltergeist. (Now referred to as a polt.) "Dude! It's TV/Y!"

"Fuck. Wait, you've been swearing the whole time!" Can't argue with that.

"Huh. Well..." I turn to the rest of the polts. "Fuck 'em up!" They charge, and before they are un-summoned, I continue playing on the Kazoo. A polterband sets up, playing

as the 2 armies clash. After a minute, all the guards are dead, the polts gone, (I stopped playing.) and Celestia at my feet wearing a leather muzzle, reigns, a horn ring, a saddle, and...other equipment you find in domination clopfics. "No. Please leave. We don't have that tag."

"Uhh, could you help me?" And I help her take off the stuff. After she leaves, I dial Armok on my blood phone, forged from the blood of ~~the innocent~~ those I've slain. He appears, and we chow down.

---1 hour later---

"Hey, dad!" Daybreaker cheerfully shouts, her muzzle drenched from drinking blood and eating raw meat. Jesus I'm a bad rolemodel. The others are gulping down the red fluid. Just imagine 3 fillies drinking out of a lake of blood, royal guard bodies everywhere, all with smiles. It's scary as hell. "How's the bloodwheat coming?"

"Great! Now we have a huge supply! Come on, you 4! We need to barrel & preserve this shit before it clots!" The other 3 look up, and nod. After a while, and more barrels made, we've successfully stored 100L of blood. We also cook and store the meat. After this, they won't be bothering us.........They're going to send half the fucking world at us, aren't they? Oh well, might as well practice Necromancy with the fillies and play some Dwarf Fortress.

Author's Note

Yeah, this'll only be four chapters.

Play Dwarf Fortress.