"Bwuh?" Celestia said in confusion.

"Do you want to go somewhere to eat?" Celestia just stared at him. *SLAP!!!*

"OW!"

"Do. You. Want. To. Go. Somewhere. To. Eat?" He said carefully, with a very annoyed voice. He was back in his regular clothes.

"...Ssssuuuurrree?" Great. I yank her up and begin to lead her through the streets. Eventually she just accepted it and we ended up at a place called 'Pony Joe's', with the fillies in tow. Once I got in, there was a 4-person line-up for ordering. Rather than waiting 2 minutes or so, I pulled out the Magnum and fired 3 times into the ceiling. On the third shot, someone yelled-

"OOOWWW!!!!! BUCK!!!" And *Glass shattering* he *Body hitting ground* fell out the window, hitting the ground. Probably dead.

".....He'll probably be fine." I state, holstering the magnum and walking up to the cashier. "A long john and a coffee, 2 creamers 3 sugars. She'll be having a chocolate glazed." He nodded and got the order, shaking uncontrollably.

"Th-that'll b-be 10 bits, please." He stammered out.

"Shit. I don't have any bits. Do you?" Celestia shakes her head. "Fuck....Oh! I know." I walk outside, right up to the guy on the ground, ~~dead~~ knocked the fuck out, and loot his ~~corpse~~ his unconscious form, ~~stealing~~ borrowing his bits for a very long period of time. I walk back in and hand him 12 bits, taking mine and Celestia's shit and sitting down. "So, how's day court?" I ask, trying to conversation.

"......" I rear back..... *PIMP SLAP!!!* And there she goes. Through the wall, and into a guard, causing him to be impaled on his own spear. I look back at the cashier, who is staring at me, and I say: ".....She did it." And run, grabbing the fillies, Leroying down the street, and into the sky as I run straight off the edge of Canterlot.....WHAT!!!! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK oh wait, the fillies just teleported us down. Well, them. Shit...........*Soft landing* The fuck? I look down. Darkness. I look up. About 100 meters high is the ground. Damn. Just wasted a life. I respawn next to the fillies. "3 lives left.....and shit." We're surrounded by Changelings.

----Two hours later----

I'm standing over a field of corpses, in my shining golden armor, also with 20,000 more bits. Damn the armor is worth a lot. Oh yeah, the fillies are now a lot more experienced in combat than they were 2 hours ago. After wading through a sea of blood, them literally swimming in it, Armok is standing before us. "Holy shit!! Here, take this!" He says, handing me a blood sword. Every hit causes x3 more bleeding, but his personal one is a boost of x6. You could literally bleed out from a papercut being sliced with this. Oh, and it can draw in blood through direct contact, healing you as well as increasing endurance if you are fully healed. After draining most of the lake, I buy a waterskin from Armok to hold some blood for my crops. The fillies are licking themselves clean, which is terrifying if you think about it. After a while, we make it to the everfree. But I notice a guy pissing on a royal guards' grave. (It's been a week after the Canterlot incident, and it took us 6 days to clean up that slaughter. Armok loved the feast, and after a while, the fillies eventually found that meat is great. That's scary.) So, I put a round into the guy's head, drab his body a few meters away, and ~~piss on the grave.~~ said a silent prayer to the undead. A ghost rises out of the grave, and hands me a kazoo.

"Here you go. For stopping him, you can now summon a small army a poltergeist soldiers to fight for you as long as you play 'Take On Me' on this." And he faded. Uhh... okay! So, we go into the everfree and find a clearing. Finally! We can build a nice fort so we can enjoy a little break, everything is going way too fast. And, I can play some DF.

"Okay, little ones, gather some trees, and strip them of branches and bark." And they run off. I lie down. Just as I get comfortable, I hear something. "UUUUUGGGHHH....FUCK ME!" And I look to see 6 ponies with weird necklaces, one having a tiara. "Can I get 5 fucking minutes?" I ask them.

"Come on, punk! You don't look so tough." I groan, get up and put one hand on the hilt of my gun, and with the other I hold my kazoo.

"Let's dance, prance, necromance!"

Author's Note

There's a reason everything's happening at once.

Play Dwarf Fortress.