Oh God, I killed someone.

I should’ve known it the moment the changeling spoke to me that it wasn’t some mindless drone... some puppet. It was curious—sapient, even—and I turned its guts into mush.

From my position atop Strongwind’s back, I have to make a conscious effort not to move or make a sound. It sounds harder than it is, even given my condition. See, the trick here is that I’ve basically wrapped myself around the murder weapon, clutching it tightly to my chest like a doll.

It’s a reminder that I have so much more to learn. Not just about magic, but about my own strength. The hammer’s enchantment directs stored energy into a force multiplier reflective of the energy stored. Either I’d stored more kinetic energy through gripping it than I thought, or I swung harder than I should’ve. I didn’t want to kill it.

So, for the better part of an hour, that’s what I do. I die inside and I know things. I know that I should talk to somepony—anypony—about what happened today. I know that ponies are disappointed in me, or will be disappointed in me.

I know these things, but I don’t act, because I’m scared. Twilight’s my mentor, but she’s still leery of me because I lost my mind and tried to kill her, and then accidentally almost killed her in the middle of a lesson. The fuck is she going to think when she finds out that I used the magic she taught me to kill?

And Shining and Cadance...

I’m not sure which of the two I’m more bothered about being disappointed in me. Heh. At least it’ll stop them from worrying about me or trying to convince me of joining any families.

Maybe Dad would understand, I think to myself, swaying a bit on Strong’s back as we take a detour. He’s in the Royal Guard, so he’s probably had to act in the defense of others as well. He’d probably have some great advice, too, but he’s gone back to the Crystal Empire with Cadance.

But Cadance? She’d be mortified.

Oh Lord, I’m going to hell...

By the time our party reaches the Blueblood estate, I’m unable to control my tear ducts. Hell, I can barely keep a grip on the hammer. My legs are going numb, and I feel like I’m going to be sick.

Still, when a furious Blueblood meets us at the gate, I’ve yet to make a sound.

“I could scarcely believe my ears when a messenger from the guard arrived,” Prince Blueblood says in a measured tone that does nothing to mask the rage within. “My own sister, outside the compound without permission and involved in a violent incident on the streets of Canterlot! The scandal of it all!”

Maybe it’s because I’m in shock, or the fact that most of the runners for the guards are pegasi, but I’m not surprised that the prince has already heard about the incident. Then again, he could also be just saying it was a messenger from the guard to save face. You never know with nobles.

I glance from the prince to the princess, and frown. She seemed so easily ready to throw her weight around when she first ran into me, but now Aqua Regia’s ears are folded back and she can’t seem to match gazes with her brother. Her entire body is tense, and she looks ready to bolt.

She’s scared of him? Her own brother? Neither Eve or Strong speak up, either. Don’t talk unless spoken to. That’s how they’re trained to act around royalty and nobility. But is that how I should act around them?

“Brother, I—” she starts.

“I suppose you were hoping I’d just ignore the stack of Alchemy books, dear sister?” he says with a sneer. With a wave of his horn, the stack of books vanishes from atop her back. “No sister of mine will be be self-taught if she so truly wishes to learn of such arts. We can discuss this later, but for now there’s the matter of being—”

Is he really going to rip into her in front of us all, right in public?

Wiping the tears from my eyes, I look to the prince and cough. “Prince Blueblood, if I may, this entire incident is my fault,” I lie, biting my lip as his gaze snaps to me for the first time. My voice trembles as I go. “Her Highness had heard rumors about the offer you gave me and sent word that she wished to meet. I was already planning on shopping around today, so I invited her along.”

Blueblood and Aqua Regia’s jaws both drop at this. Beneath me, I feel Strongwind tense up, and the bronze hairs at the base of his skull bristle. Similarly I can see Eve’s eyebrow perk from the corner of my eye.

“Ah, Miss Silver Penny,” the prince replies in a surprised tone. “I didn’t see you there.” Glancing to his sister with a smirk, he asks, “Is it true? Were you playing politics behind your dear brother’s back?”

There’s a bit of darkness to the smile that comes to his face as his sister blushes. “I...” She glances at me, and then swallows. “Yes, brother. It’s true. She saved my life.”

That look of anger returns to the prince’s eyes, but I don’t give him the chance to talk. “I don’t know if she was followed or if somepony was just waiting for an opportunity, we were ambushed by a changeling,” I say, quickly shifting gears. “I—it won’t be trying again... I made sure of it.”

Blueblood’s eyes narrow at my words, but he smiles. It’s one of those fake ones where the corners of his mouth don’t reach up all the way. “A shame,” he says. “I would very much like to know who would dare employ such a wretched creature against House Blueblood.”

Wait, he can’t be thinking that I had something to do with this; can he?

With a sigh, Blueblood turns to face the mansion. “I suppose you’ll be wanting some sort of reward?” he asks, glancing over his shoulder. “For saving my disobedient sister?”

My gut clenches at the suggestion. “A reward?” I say with a weak titter. “I just... killed a living, thinking being, and you want to...” Before I can catch myself I sob. “What the fuck is wrong with—”

Before I can finish my sentence, a sticky piece of adhesive paper slaps across my face. My mouth is forced shut, and even though I know I should still be making noise, it’s like my voice box is paralyzed. I scream soundlessly into my gag as my watery eyes flick to Evening Script.

The bat pony gives me an apologetic look as she bows to the prince. “Forgive me for speaking out of turn, Your Highness, but please do not be offended,” she says. “She was raised with very specific values, and killing for the first time is hard enough without also going against such heavily ingrained values. She’s upset and not thinking clearly.”

Blueblood tilts his head, but his fake smile never leaves his face. “Perhaps she’ll be more receptive to a reward once she’s had time to come to terms,” he offers. “Come along, sister. We can discuss enrollment into the Canterlot University alchemy program over dinner.”

He doesn’t look to see if she follows as he leaves. He’s had his say, and clearly he expects her to follow without question. I don’t pity her there, but I don’t exactly pity myself right now. Murderer.

The princess, on the other hand, doesn’t do as she’s told. Not immediately. Instead, she trots over to Strongwind and gazes at me atop his back. There’s something off about the way she’s looking at me, but I can’t place it.

“I never asked you to kill for me,” she hisses in a tone barely audible to me. “Or for you to lie to my brother on my behalf. I’m perfectly capable of fighting my own battles.”

Please tell me she’s not the tsundere type.

She looks away, and for a moment I start to believe that might be all she has to say. In one lightning fast move, she leans in and nuzzles my cheek. “Thank you,” she murmurs before cantering off.

What the actual fuck?

~ 09 ~

When Twilight heard about Penny’s incident, she didn’t know what to think. Deep down she knew that this was probably an inevitable outcome, but she’d been more concerned with how such a turn of events would alter her perception of the little unicorn than how it would affect Penny herself. If only she’d been more aggressive about restraint.

With a dejected sigh, she looked out her window to where Penny had situated herself. It was a spot not far from the stream in the courtyard, and it had a few decorative boulders to grant the area a more natural look. As far as brooding spots went, it was as good as any. If only Silver hadn’t been out there since being escorted home yesterday.

What bothered Twilight was that Penny hadn’t moved a muscle at all. She’d wandered out there without speaking a word and just sat there in an unusual pose that the little one claimed to be for meditation. Anypony that attempted to rouse her was met with silence. An entire night and most of a day she spent there, no food or water.

Loathe as she was to disturb her—Celestia only knew what was going through her head right now—Twilight knew that she couldn’t let Penny stay out much longer. There was heavy rain in today’s Canterlot weather schedule, and she was sure to get sick if she were caught up in it.

Making her way out of her tower, she wondered what Princess Celestia would do. The princess always seemed to know what to say to make her feel better, and she felt like she owed it to her mentor to do the same for Penny. But how?

When she exited the tower and approached the meditation spot, she was surprised to hear Penny’s voice. She seemed to be talking to somepony—herself?—but there was nopony around.

“Book, I’m scared,” said Silver, her eyes closed. The fur around her cheeks was damp and matted with tears. Her face looked gaunt, far more than she should’ve from stress alone. “Things keep changing and I try and try to do the right thing, but I always end up endangering the lives of others.”

Twilight froze in her tracks. Book? Was Silver talking to her? She’d seen peeks while Silver would write in her diary, and the names ‘Book Horse’ and ‘Purple Smart’ came up a number of times. It didn’t take an advanced degree in magic to tell that these were nicknames of endearment...

A subtle twitch of Penny’s ear nearly escaped her notice. The pony was reacting as though she were hearing something, yet Twilight had said nothing.

“C’mon Book, you know me better than that,” Silver continued, her tone darkening. “You think I don’t know that I can’t keep avoiding the issue of my gender identity, or the emotional baggage that comes with it?

“That’s besides the point! We’re talking about Exodus 20:13, Book.” The muscles in Silver’s jaw tightened, and her eyelids were twitching. “I fucking killed a being, and I know it was in defense of another and the prevention of a crime. Theoretically, yes, I’m absolved in the eyes of God, but years of being told to be a certain way doesn’t just stop having an affect on my mind because I’m a pony now!”

A navy aura coalesced around Silver Penny’s horn. Twilight flinched as she felt something tugging at the magic around her. Hay, it wasn’t just tugging at the ambient magic; it was tugging at her magic too. It was almost like a vortex, dragging her into Penny.

Had she spent this entire time talking to herself and replenishing her magical reserves—just soaking up ambient magic like a whirlpool?

With a feral scream, Penny opened her eyes. “Damn it! This is why it’s pointless to debate it with my memory imprint!” she yelled, discharging the built-up energy into one of the boulders in a luminous beam. “Fucking hell!”

At first, nothing happened. Twilight and Penny both stared at the stone, not acknowledging one another. Had the spell fizzled? Or was there some unseen effect the spell was supposed to have?

A crack spread across the point of impact. From that one crack, a massive spider web of cracks overtook the surface of the boulder. Entire chunks of rock fell away, revealing... a large stone cross.

Again, Penny had done something Twilight had not have expected, and it seemed she was not yet finished surprising her. Rising from her strange seated position, Penny trotted up to the boulder and pressed her still-lit horn against the cross.

As she moved, Twilight noted how her body seemed leaner, her skin practically hanging off her bones. She utilized automagiphagy to renew her own reserves at some point yesterday. How is she still standing?

Words etched themselves across the surface.

Unknown Changeling:

Slain in attempted kidnapping of a Princess.

With a forlorn look, she whispered, “With you, goes my innocence.”

From the side angle, Twilight saw tears in the girl’s eyes. Again, she felt the tugging in her chest urging her to comfort her. “Penny, I...”

“Do you know what they’ll do with the body, Twilight?” Penny asked, turning to her with the red-tinged eyes of somepony who’d been crying too much. “Or do changelings get an unmarked grave?”

The sheer flatness of her voice caught Twilight off guard. After all the emotion that had been displayed speaking aloud to what she’d called her memory imprint, this was a stark change in mood.

“I don’t know, but I could find out.” Twilight gazed at the stone cross and the epitaph inscribed on it. It was a gravemarker, she belatedly realized. “If you want to talk, I wouldn’t mind hearing you out. I know this must be tearing you up inside.”

Biting at her lip, Penny seemed to consider this. Twilight could almost imagine that, through her hollow stare, she could see the idea being turned over in her mind. Maybe she could use this last chance to get her to open up after all.

After a good few moments considering it, she shook her head. “No offense, Twilight, but I’m still trying to come to terms with this and decide how I feel about it.” She gave the larger mare a fake smile before turning to look up to the sky, where pegasi were pull rain-clouds into place. “I wouldn’t want to burden you with a weight I haven’t even sussed out yet.”

Unable to suppress a sigh, Twilight joined Penny in her skygazing. Defeat welled in her chest as she sat there, waiting for some sign that she hadn’t failed in her task. She was supposed to help Silver Penny get used to the idea of being a pony and living in Equestria, as well as educating her in the things she’d need to know to get by, but it seemed like all she’d done was give her pupil the tools to wall herself off more.

Would Princess Celestia punish her for this failure? Hadn’t helping Penny been her punishment for her part in helping strand her in Equestria in the first place? This could hardly be called helping!

“Twilight, how much of that earlier conversation did you hear?” Her student asked suddenly. The gray of her fur did nothing to hide the pink tinge to her cheeks. “Be honest.”

Stopping to think back, Twilight recalled mostly hearing about something called Exodus, talk of the killing, but what struck her strangely was... “You mentioned gender identity issues when you were talking out loud to yourself.”

She thought she could hear a strangled screaming coming from the pony next to her. When she looked, Penny had both of her hooves pressed against her mouth and she indeed screaming. Her eyes were wide with... anger?

This went on for a good minute before Penny had to stop to breathe. “Penny, I admit I didn’t know you before the switch, but from all the time I’ve spent with you over the last few months, you’ve never struck me as being uncomfortable with your own sex.”

That brought a smile to the small mare’s face as she removed her hooves. “You never thought it odd that I adapted to being a filly, er, mare so quickly?” She laughed gently, displaying the first real bit of positive emotion in almost an entire day. “You never once wondered why I just accepted it with silence? Spike did, the day I got my cutie mark.”

For some reason, her instincts told her that answering either of those questions was a trap, and the small pony was already on edge. Instead, she said, “Why don’t you tell me about it?”

Silver nodded, and smiled. She bobbed her head from side to side for a few moments, gnawing on her lip, clearly thinking out her words. It meant to Twilight that she was being serious.

In an oddly stoic voice, she said, “Imagine you’re born a certain way. From the moment you can talk and understand, you’re told that’s the way you’re supposed to be: the only way you’re meant to be. To be different or buck against the norm is wrong, abhorrent.

“Despite this, you know deep down from an early age that you’re not meant to be this way. You say nothing, do nothing, for fear of ridicule or worse. Some people are even killed because they feel the way you are, and you don’t want to end up like them. You don’t want to be the way you feel you’re meant to be because indoctrination tells you it’s abhorrent, but you’re miserable the way you are anyway.

“So you bury it deep down in the closet of your mind that a satyr named Mr. Tumnus keeps it company. You learn to hide it so well, and pretend you are happy for so long, that you actually start to believe it. All the while, you find outlets: fantasy, pornography, and whatever form of escapism you can find to ease the pain. With this, you can get by, pretending you’re not depressed or hate living.

“Then, one day, your life gets turned on its head. A being from another world irrevocably changes your life, and suddenly you are the way you feel you were meant to be... you’re just the wrong species and torn away from your own world with a lot of your memory replaced. Enough, in fact, that you’re too comfortable as your new species.

“You want to be happy that you finally are the way you felt you were meant to be, but the emotional baggage of how it happened, the change in species, and a lifetime of dogma telling you that you’re an abomination still weigh you down. Maybe you could actually be happy if you lost one of those things, but...”

As she ranted, Silver Penny grew visibly disturbed and her breathing became erratic. Tears streamed from her glowing eyes, and a vibrant navy corona encompassed her horn. The shards of stone left over from her gravestone carving orbited the two of them wildly like tiny daggers.

Penny’s surging! Twilight thought as her memory of the showdown in the Ponyville market jumped to the forefront of her mind. She’s either going to hurt herself physically or completely shred her mana pathways.

She had to act fast, so she did the first thing she could think of. From her own subspace pocket, she conjured a magic suppressor and slipped it down over the little unicorn’s horn.

Immediately her magic died. Lacking the vortex of magic keeping it in orbit around the pair of them, the stone shards shot forth on their remaining momentum, embedding themselves in the ground around them. A few even lodged themselves in the grave marker Silver’d made.

Maybe the biggest difference was that once the flow of magic was cut off, Penny dropped like a marionette whose strings had been cut. It was as though the little fool was pulling in whatever magic she could just to keep herself upright. She probably was. She hasn’t eaten since yesterday and was all out of mana then. She had to be soaking up ambient magic and converting it to mana just to keep functioning.

“But yeah... that’s my issue in a nutshell, Twilight,” Penny groaned from the ground. To Twilight’s amazement, she managed to push herself up into a sitting position. Even exhausted and cut off from her magic, she was still fighting to stay awake. Perseverance didn’t even begin to describe this pony.

“Penny—no, Silver, I can’t even begin to fathom what you went through growing up,” Twilight replied, levitating the foal-sized mare onto her back. “I am in no place to judge the merits or faults of the religious teachings you were brought up on, even if they brought you so much suffering.

“The teachings might even bring you fond memories, but it sounds like you’re trying to hold onto your humanity, as if it’s what gives you your uniqueness—what makes you you.” She shook her head, and made her way back into the tower. “Rather than define yourself by your species, your faith, or your past, define yourself by who you are.”

“I can’t just throw it all away, Twilight.” From atop her back, Penny sniffled as they entered the tower’s main room. “All the stuff I’ve brought from home is still with Lyra, so my faith’s all I’ve got left to remind me of what I’ve lost.”

Maybe years of being foalsat by Cadance had rubbed off on her, or maybe it was just some instinctual thing that all mares would experience at some point in her lives, but what came next was strangely natural to Twilight. She levitated the sniveling marechild off of her back and pulled her into a hug. Penny didn’t resist.

“Sometimes, you have to let go of what you lost in order to see what you’ve gained.” Levitating over a cushion, Twilight set Penny down and smiled. “You say you’ve lost everything, but you could also say you’ve gained just as much, too.”

Penny looked up at her with heavy eyes. “What do you mean?”

Casting a quick summoning spell, Twilight brought out a pair of framed photographs. The first she showed Penny was a group shot of Twilight and her Ponyville friends. The second was one Sergeant Revelry had taken for her, one of Twilight and Silver Penny practicing magic together. “I still miss my friends, but rather than dwell on it, I put my all into training you. It’s been hard, but I’m proud of the progress you’ve made in so short a time.

“You may have lost your family, your home, and your species—” Twilight brushed her hoof through her would-be niece’s mane. Much like she’d witnessed with Shining Armor, the foal-sized mare reflexively leaned into the motion as a younger foal would. “—but you’ve gained power, you’re very talented with the magic you’ve shown an affinity for, and you’ve persevered like nothing I’ve ever seen. You have ponies who would gladly welcome you into the family. You’ve never shown any indication that you were uncomfortable being a mare, so clearly you’re the right gender now...”

Trailing off, she smiled. Penny had fallen asleep with the happiest expression Twilight had ever seen from her since she began this so many months ago. Sillier still, she was still upright, her head pressed against Twilight’s hoof. “You’re going to be okay...”

With that out of the way, there were things Twilight needed to do now that she was sure the small mare wasn’t going to strand herself out in the rain. For one, she’d received word that Penny had most certainly passed her EED, which meant that her task—so far as educating Penny was concerned—was complete. That meant that she could begin making arrangements for heading back to Ponyville.

There was also a matter which she and Shining had discussed. Despite Penny’s wishes to the contrary, they’d both decided that they wanted to have their parents meet her. Shining in particular had exchanged a few letters with their mother, Twilight Velvet, on the matter, and she’d expressed interest.

Problem became that Silver Penny was at times too perceptive—being genre savvy, she chose to call it—and tended to come up with excuses whenever Twilight made plans to visit her folks. Maybe, if they were to meet in Ponyville, she’d be a bit more receptive.

For now, though, she needed to get Penny looked at. She’d been a pony for about seven months, and had managed a great number of things that should have been impossible for somepony of her experience or size. The sheer rate at which her magical power had grown was fascinating and alarming. With the way the little mare was pushing herself to the verge of burnout so frequently and the sudden onset of magical surges, she worried for the state of Penny’s magical pathways.

~ 09 ~

“You’re back?” Book asks, peering out of her namesake. It was hovering just above the dais. “Did you come to apologize?”

Blinking, I realize I’m in my mind’s center. I’m pretty sure that I’m not meditating again, though, because the last thing I remember is talking to Twilight. Then again, I never really naturally ended it, either; all the doors are open, so to speak.

My gaze flicks to the tiny anthropomorphic representation of my memories as she pulls herself from the pages of her ‘home’. It’s funny that the shape she’s chosen for herself is so tiny and adorable, but hey. I’m small and apparently very huggable; can I really talk?

Turning to the wall with the vaguely face-shaped pattern of bricks, I shrug. “You’re a part of me, so you already know that I didn’t mean to take it out on you.” In spite of my dismissive tone, a smile crosses her face. “I... I guess you were right about talking to someone about the gender identity. I do feel a bit better getting that off my chest.”

Book nods, draping her legs over the edge of her tome. “So what now?” One leg crosses itself over the other and she folds her arms, cocking an eyebrow. “Are you just going to repress the killing, too?”

I shake my head, and then will the face wall to open up. Almost instantly, it slides away like some Star Trek-esque door on rails. Beyond is exactly how I pictured it, and the mere thought of what’s to come sends a shiver down my back.

Even though my memory avatar is present and quite real, I can tell this is a dream because I remember falling asleep. That means I can do what I want—shape reality. Who’s gonna stop me?

Book looks at the space beyond the wall and then frowns back at me. “Penny, no, that’s fucked up.” She’s of course talking about the hospital room and the human on life support in the bed.

Of course she already knows who it is. She knows because she can see my thoughts and understands my plans. Book is a part of me, just like the person on the bed. They both know what’s up.

“I know it is, Book, but I can’t carry all this baggage any more.” Levitating her book along beside me, I approach the bed. “If I don’t get my shit sorted, all of my mind’s going to be like this.” I gesture at the memory of Soren Friedrich with one hoof. “I’m already coming apart at the seams.”

Book looks from me to Soren, biting her lip. She considers the memory, gaunt and missing entire chunks from his being. He returns her stare. A weak smile creases his face—perpetually fluctuating between male, female, and Lyra—as he looks at her with sad eyes.

“It’s gotta be this way, Book,” he says in three different voices, all muffled by the breath mask. He reaches up to brush his too-long hair from his face with the stump of an arm that abruptly stops existing at the elbow. ”I’m just holding us back; we all know it. If she lets go, she has a chance to be happy...”

The memory imprint’s mouth hangs slack as she gawps at him. I understand why, I really do. If I let Soren just... fade away and become just a book in a part of the library that will become seldom-used, I will change in ways I can’t predict.

I wouldn’t just be throwing away my humanity in letting him go. When he goes, I’ll be letting go of my faith, my parents, and everything but my basic morals. In a sense, I might very well be killing the me that ponies know of.

A sudden chill sends a shiver down my spine, and everything starts to feel heavy.

At first, I’m certain the chill is from the thought of how this will rip my very identity asunder. It’s what makes the most sense... but deep down, I know that’s not why my mind feels so heavy. In addition to Book and Soren, I can feel another presence in the back of my mind.

Could it be another Mere, swooping in to latch on once more during my darkest hour? Or might it be Evening, checking in on me to make sure that doesn’t happen? Or...

“It has been some time since last we spoke with any real sense of privacy, young Penny,” says a voice to my back. There’s no real mistaking that regal voice. “Are you well?”

Even without necessarily seeing her do it, I can feel that Book has retreated into the safety of the tome that houses her. Can’t rightly blame her. She is, after all, the embodiment off my memories, so she’s bound to reflect my own feelings, however much she might exaggerate them.

I have reasons to distrust Luna and Celestia, even if they’ve been nothing but kind and supportive. Firstly, they’re incredibly powerful beings. Even if I’ve been corrected on my understanding of the Equestrian solar system, they’re still powerful titan in their own rights. I can’t trust that they won’t decide I’m a threat because of something I do or put in motion.

Then there’s the fact that they’ve acted inconsistently in matters regarding me. They like the idea of me joining the guard, but then like a week into my time with Eta, it’s suddenly “Whoa, Penny, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. Why don’t you get some mental help first?” To make things worse, I can tell the option of institutionalizing me is hanging over my head after the whole jumping off the edge of the city thing.

... and now here’s Luna in my fuckin’ dream, creeping in on the sanctity of my mind. Of course Book’s gonna get spooked. She doesn’t wanna be mistaken for something like a Mere.

I set the tome down upon my back and warily turn to the alicorn of the night. “Welcome to my dream, Your Highness,” I greet with a fake smile, flicking my eye back to Soren and his bed hospital bed. “Is there something that I can help you with?”

She looks taken aback for a moment, as though the mere idea of me recognizing this to be a dream from the outset and remaining lucid is strange to her. That, or she could be curious about the human, or why I seem so cautious. Ponies are curious creatures and I’m not an exception; why would she be?

After taking a few moments to compose herself, Luna wrenches her gaze away from Soren to look at me. “As somber as this setting is, you seem to be doing quite well,” she answers. “Out of concern for your state of mind, I chose to visit. It was wise to wait until you’d been stabilized but it took some time for you to enter a dream state.”

I drop my gaze to the ground, scuffing the tile flooring idly with my hoof as the fake smile falls from my face. “I’m not, your highness... doing well, I mean. That’s why I was in the process of letting go of Soren.” My voice shakes as I say it. “So much of the teachings I grew up with are telling me what I did was wrong, even if for the right reasons... So long as the impact of those teachings lives on in the part of me that remains human, I can’t live with the choice I made.”

An alarmed look of realization spreads across the princess’s face as she looks around at the environment. Can she feel that this is an extension of my core? Can she tell that Soren’s a real denizen of my mind and not just part of a dream?

“Penny, that is abhorrent!” she says with a strange quiver in her voice. “Surely you can learn to live with the weight of what you’ve done without casting off such an integral part of yourself! You would be flaying the essence of your mind and letting itself stitch it back together.”

A weak, honest smile returns to my face as I turn again, leaving the princess and joining Soren on the bed. “For what it’s worth, my memory redundancy shares that opinion,” I say, staring up at the memory of my former self. He returns the smile and rubs the top of my head with his one remaining hand. “I think it’s just because she’s scared, though. She doesn’t know what we’ll become, and seeing as she’s my memory, she probably doesn’t know how that’ll affect her.”

I glance over my shoulder at the princess as I remove the breath mask from Soren’s face.

“Don’t get me wrong; I’m not abandoning my morals. I have plenty of experience here to tell me right from wrong.” My voice comes from Soren’s mouth as he pulls out an intravenous line. At the same time, I disconnect the diodes connected to the electrocardiogram. “I just can’t function with the baggage from my old life. I don’t want to be a little ball of angst, but let’s be real; I’m going to have PTSD regardless of what I do. Having one less problem to deal with seems like the reasonable choice, because I’ll be more likely to turn to others for support.”

Though it’s clear by Luna’s face that she disagrees, she nods. “You’ve put some thought into this,” she replies. Damn straight. Arguing with myself for the better part of a day better have had some positive results! “Do you yourself not fear how you’ll change?”

To answer her question, I reach up with my hoof and drag Soren’s eyes shut. A smile spreads across his face as he begins to dissolve into motes of blue-white light. By the time he’s fully gone, only a large book remains. On the cover, it reads simply, “Soren Friedrich.” I wrap my forelegs around it and hug it close.

“No, Your Highness,” I whisper. “Human lives are always ones of change anyway. So much chaos and uncertainty... this feels like it’s just another twist of fate. It feels right.”

I turn back to the princess with teary eyes as the mindscape shivers. We snap back into my core, the hospital room breaking apart into the same blue-white light. “So you mentioned my being stabilized. Have I been hospitalized?”

She nods. “Your mana pathways are incredibly strained, and your aether-furnace is unstable.” Her expression becomes unreadable. “Since you have a terrible tendency to push yourself too hard without any consideration for your own wellbeing, you’ve been put into a medically induced coma until your system has had time to recuperate. You’ve been given an intravenous line to keep your hydration up and restore a lot of lost nutrition.”

I can’t help but shiver upon hearing that I’ve been hospitalized. Again. Because I’m a dumb idiot who has no sense of self preservation...

“From what I’ve been informed, you will likely be required to be fitted with a magic limiter for some time.” Her expression is unreadable. “Your magical reserves have expanded by a fair margin, and your pathways have grown far broader than a pony of your size should be able to accomodate. While your body learns to better control the flow of magic, you’ll need to be limited to a tenth of your maximum capability.”

I nod dumbly a this. I was an idiot, and I’m too cavalier with my ability to throw around magic. Now I have to learn to work without the rule of P for Plenty. Makes sense. This is probably for the best.

The Everfree will be a fun challenge.

“I’ve also been told to inform you that you should be made aware that you’ll wake in an unfamiliar environment,” There’s something to the smile spreading across her face that I don’t like. “You’ll have been moved while you’re unconscious. There is no need to panic”

Now I’m actually kinda scared. The princesses were already pushing me toward mental health care before I jumped off the side of Canterlot. Now they tell me I’m gonna be waking up in a strange place. Please don’t let it be an asylum...

“For now, I imagine you need some time to dream,” she says, slowly fading away. “Until next we meet, Silver Penny.”

Author's Note

So ends Penny's time in Canterlot, and the Aqua Regia sub-arc is thankfully on hold. When next we join our intrepid hero, will she be a changed mare? How will she respond to Twilight's scheming? We'll find out all of this and more in the tenth chapter of a Silver Thread of Fate.