The pink pony princess of love and affection watches me as I sip some tea. There’s a smile on her face, just watching me nurse the not-too-sweet beverage. Sure, she’s waiting for me to open up about whatever I came here for, but she’s patient enough to recognize that my encounter with Prince Blueblood has me spooked.

Why am I here, though? I ponder, staring at the loose bits of tea leaves swirling in the bottom of my cup. I wasn’t here to ‘join the family’, as it were. Was I going to ask about how I’ve been behaving?

“You know,” Cadance says, watching me with a smile, “some fillies used to believe that their tea leaves could show them the face of the pony they’d one day marry.”

I let out an amused snort, and levitate the cup and saucer to the table between the two couches. “People back home believed something like that, too.” For the first time since my ‘I need an adult,’ moment, I look her in the eyes. “The shape or shapes supposedly told the future, but it was never more than superstition.”

“Feeling better?” she asks.

“Much.”

Nodding, she too levitates her cup and saucer to the table. “Good.” She rises and walks to an open window in the chamber. “Blueblood’s never done anything illegal, so far as anypony can prove—” I don’t think I was supposed to hear that, given how quiet she says it. “—but your blood makes you a target for his political games now. Your less immediate history has been quashed, but your magically-induced blood tie to Shiny has gotten out.”

I shrug and join her. Outside the window, there’s a field full of armored ponies, crystal included, running drills. A familiar, purple armored unicorn leads the group. Unsurprisingly, the princess is gazing fondly at her husband.

“Even if he tried something, I can think of a few ways to make him regret his choices.” I murmur. “Besides, I have more pressing concerns.”

I proceed to explain what’s been going on. I tell her how, when Shining ruffled my mane more than a month ago, I found myself leaning into his touch. How Strongwind comforted me with his body. How I was actually starting to accept ‘Penny’. Even the whole Dad thing, which I’d initially planned to take to my grave.

Somehow, it’s easy to speak to her, and forget she’s another alicorn with a crown. There’s no aura of intimidation like Celestia and Luna have. Maybe it’s because she’s a relative unknown to me… or her domain over love makes her somehow more personable.

As I talk, her smile fades, and her brow even begins to crease. Clearly I’ve brought her a brain tickler. After a few minutes, I come to a stop, and she looks at me, lost in thought.

Finally, she looks at me and frowns. “If you were a growing foal, I’d go so far as to say you were starved for affection,” she says. “Most ponies need some form of emotional comfort or support, from time to time. Some keep creature comforts—a favorite kind of tea, a foalhood memento—around to simulate this, but ponies are social beings.

“I’m not the pony to talk to about the science side of things, but it sounds like your brain is becoming more like a pony’s,” she states with more certainty in her tone than her words actually carry. “Have you been getting enough hugs or friendly social interaction?”

Enough what? I blink twice and look away. “Between my studies and the time I’ve spent training to work with the guard, I haven’t had time for something so silly.”

When she seizes me with magic and gently pushes me against her chest to wrap her forelegs around me, I realize my mouth’s gotten me into a very weird situation... again. I didn’t think a sudden hug could ever be scary. I was wrong.

“You might have the mind of an adult of your race, but your body is basically that of an adolescent filly.” Her tone is more pitying than anything I’ve ever heard, and I can’t help but feel judged. From her grasp, manage to look up at her to see a very sad look about her. “You have to treat yourself right or you’ll never be truly healthy! Comfort and affection are vital to a growing pony’s well-being!” Her eyes soften a bit, but there’s a hint of a smile. “It’s probably why you keep ‘slipping up’. Ponies are instinctively drawn to their kin, alien mind or no.”

My mouth opens to run ahead of my brain once more, but I manage to snap it shut before I sound like an idiot. I was going to use Twilight as an example of why I don’t need what she says, but thinking about it, she’s had just as much affection as any other pony, if not more. Studying under the princess must have been a dream come true. Celestia probably treated her like a daughter, and with Cadance as a foalsitter, she’d never have been for want of affection!

I rack my brain for memories of the show, searching for any memory of a pony who was quite happy solitary. None come… and some of Lyra’s left-over memories aren’t doing anything to reinforce my too-busy-for-affection stance. She too was a happy filly, surrounded by friends and loved by her parents too.

The worst part is something deep in my belly is telling me that she’s right. Aside from my work and my training, I haven’t been social at all. Before, I had the benefit of the internet, being able to converse with friends, editors, and readers. It wasn’t affection, per se, but I was happy. Now it’s just… work hard and go to bed.

“How would I even know where to start, Your Highness?” I ask when she releases me. “I have my reasons why I won’t accept just being welcomed into a family willy-nilly, as well as why I can’t stay with Twilight once I get my diploma... but I don’t even know how to approach things with other ponies. I’m an adult, so trying to be friends with foals would be creepy… and I can’t imagine a lot of ponies treating me like an adult looking like this.”

Propping my forelegs on the windowsill, I look out at Shining Armor and the litany of guards training. “My folks were both military, so we moved around a lot. I made few lasting friendships, and it was always with people who made an effort to offer friendship to the outsiders like myself.”

I sigh, holding out my hoof, and idly cast Prestidigitation. A miniature Shining Armor appears, proud and strong. “Your husband is a lot like a guy I thought I knew,” I whisper. “For the four years I lived in that town, we were inseparable… like brothers. He had a good set of morals, was kind, yet tolerant enough of weirdness to be my friend.”

There’s a soft smile on her face. “Sounds like he meant a lot to you.”

I nod, releasing the spell, and watch as the miniature captain blows away in a crystalline cloud. “I tried to lean on him for support in my time of need… when Lyra switched our bodies and I thought I was losing my mind.” My eyes get misty as I speak. “It was too much weird for him, and he told me he wanted nothing more to do with me.”

My chin falls to my hooves as I fight back a sob. This’d be so much easier if I had friends here that I could relate with… but I don’t want to be hurt like that, again.

For a quick moment, there’s a gentle touch to my back, not unlike when Strongwind pulled me close with his wing, but I flinch and pull away from the princess. I don’t want her pity, damn it all!

After a moment of just standing there, trying my damnedest to get over this emotional outburst, I turn away from the window. My eyes are streaming as I walk to the door. Why the fuck am I even dumping all this on her? I barely even know her.

“Penny, I know that I have no control over your rehabilitation for pony society, but I say this from the bottom of my heart,” she says, not straying from the window. “Please make some friends, for your own sake.”

I look back at her. “I’ll try.”

~ 5 ~

Somehow, after like ten minutes of aimless wandering, I wind up back outside Twilight’s tower. Since Cadance pretty much confirmed Twilight’s got some sort of party for me in mind, I’d rather not deal with her. Sure, I’m being a selfish bitch out of spite, but I basically just got kicked out of my chance at something I actually wanted to do. I’m not in the mood to be cheered up.

I didn’t even get to do PT this morning!

Grumbling, I make my way around the back of the tower. Didn’t I close that window before I left on Monday? Looking up to where the window to my borrowed bed chamber is, I frown. It’s wide open. Good thing it didn’t rain; I left a tome open on my desk, and Twi’d kill me if one of her books got ruined.

If I was a pegasus, I’d be able to just fly right on up and go in. Of course, I feel like I’d be anywhere but here if that were the case. So how can I get up to my room without walking into the inevitable surprise party? Self-levitation is far beyond my skill, even though I probably weigh well within my tested telekinesis lifting limit.

I hold up my hoof and stare at the bottom of it. If I had claws like a griffon, I could probably just go straight up the side of the tower, but I don’t. I don’t know any transmutation spells, nor a spell to give me butterfly wings. What I do have is prestidigitation, light, telekinesis, and the ability to pump my personal mana into shit. What can I do with those, though?

~ 5 ~

“Do you think she got lost, Twilight? Spike asked, sprawled out on a cushion, leafing through a Power Ponies comic book. “She should have been here ages ago.”

Looking up from her own book to the clock on the wall, she shook her head. Boys could be so impatient. “Spike, she just had a traumatic incident yesterday and is likely still reeling from the fact that Shiny had to put a stop to his little project.” She frowned and flicked her ear as the loud thumps of marching soldiers approached. “I’d be lying if I wasn’t a bit concerned though. Penny’s usually fairly prompt, and it’s almost nine in the morning.”

The young drake eyed the picnic basket on the table beside Twilight. “Think she ran away?”

That was something Twilight actually hadn’t thought of, and inwardly she berated herself for not considering it sooner. Silver did have a history of running away from her problems. If she thought that something bad was going to happen, the filly-sized mare probably would make an attempt at running away.

Not that the guards would let her leave the castle grounds unescorted. The thought drew her eyes to the basket on the table as well. Maybe it was expecting too much to be able to take her out so soon.

Above the sound of a hundred hooves marching in file, she thought she could hear an odd scraping sound. “No, I don’t believe so.” Shrugging, she went back to her book. “She’s got shadows instructed to bring her to the princesses if she tries to leave unaccompanied.”

That drew a snort from Spike. “Yeah, ‘cause smothering her worked so well before,” he snarked. “Instead of waiting in the dark to surprise her with a picnic, why not just wait outside and meet her?”

Again, a scraping sound could be heard. This time, Twilighted noted a twitch of Spike’s ear spines. “And what is that noise?”

A sinking feeling was filling the young unicorn’s belly as she stared at the door. “I hope I’m wrong,” she groaned, “but I think Penny’s home and trying to sneak in the upstairs window.”

“That’s a twenty meter vertical wall, Twilight,” he said dismissively. Even so, he closed his comic, mirroring the actions of Twilight. It was a silly thought, that she could be trying to scale a perfectly straight stone wall, but at the same time, she had to remind herself that she’d seen some very silly things in Ponyville.

The two made their way out the door and around the side of the building. Twilight braced herself for the worst, but neither of them were remotely prepared for what they saw.

Ten meters up the wall, a small pony hung by her forehooves. Her chest heaved heavily, and both onlookers could see the occasional droplet of sweat fall from her body, which had worked up a fair lather.

With a quiet grunt, Silver swung one hoof upward. Though there were no natural hoofholds for her to grip, the tiny mare found purchase. With another grunt, she brought her other hoof higher than the first.

It was only when she walked her hind legs up to brace herself for the next upward movement that Twilight noticed saw the navy glow around Penny’s front hooves. At first, she’d been convinced that the small mare had acquired some sort of climbing gauntlets, but her gut instinct told her that Penny had done something stupidly dangerous again.

What Twilight wanted to say when she called up to the little unicorn was, ‘What have I told you about attempting untested magic?’ What came out of her mouth, however, was the question that was really on her mind. “How are you doing that, Penny?”

Though the flicking of Penny’s ears made it clear that she had heard Twilight, the rebellious little mage said nothing immediately. Instead, she hauled herself up another meter. “Would you believe me if I told you that this was prestidigitation?” was her breathy response.

Twilight blinked. Prestidigitation? Of all the absurd things for her to suggest, this was kinda out there. Sure, there were multiple facets to the spell, but most ponies only ever used it to produce minor illusions, light campfires or candles, minor cleaning, and warming or cooling a beverage. The only other thing it allowed ponies to do was create a non-magical trinket that could… fit in heir hoof. Even those only ever lasted until contact was broken, though…

“But your hooves...” she began.

“Yeah, turns out the trinkets are surprisingly malleable when I pump them full of my mana and I can push the boundary of size a fair bit,” the mare replied with a laugh. “Create a pair of climbing ‘shoes, pump them kicks up, and then adjust tightness once they’re on so they’re snug.”

Again, the more experienced unicorn frowned. In theory it made sense given Silver Penny’s unique talents with her own personal mana. The sort of effort to maintain the right consistency and flow for just one shoe would be taxing for almost anypony, so how could she possibly have the razor-focus needed to such two such conjured entities and hold a running conversation?

Spike looked from Penny to Twilight and asked, “She did what?”

Twilight suppressed a groan; at times it was bothersome that not everypony had such the firm grasp of magic that she boasted “To use your comics as a comparative reference, she used her magic to create climbing boots akin to Batmare’s.”

They both sat there, rooted to the spot, watching the young mare. It was fascinating to see how a pony so inexperienced with magic could find new ways to apply what she did know. Fascinating, but no less alarming.

“That’s really cool, Penny!” Spike called up.

“Oi, perv! Eyes down range!” Silver replied suddenly, faltering at the sound of his voice. She was within reach of the windowsill now, but... “Can’t just stand under a mare and look straight up at her like that! The hell’s Twilight been teaching ya, boy?”

The same moment that Silver began to falter, Twilight leaped into action. A single blink spell put her up in the window, and before the small mare knew what was happening, Twilight was hauling her up by one hoof.

Though one of the climbing gauntlets had been dispelled the moment Twilight grabbed Penny’s hoof, she had the opportunity to actually look at the other as she dragged the mare in through the window.

The design reminded her distinctly of a griffon claw, but it had a wide ‘palm’ that was covered in a number of hooked grooves—no doubt that wall would need to be buffed smooth where she had made her hoofholds. Magically, it was rock-solid; definitely impressive for somepony of Silver’s limited skill level.

Horn surging blue for a moment, the gauntlet slid off of her hoof and onto the floor with a solid thump. Penny shook her leg and muttered. “Okay, that one was a bit tight.”

Twilight stared as the gauntlet continued to exist. But that’s not possible!

Content that she was not about to send her charge plummeting twenty meters to the ground below, she reached out with her magic and picked up the gauntlet. Immediately, she felt a resonance within it. It was like an active spell-tag, but an incomplete one. Penny had accidentally worked out the first step in enchanting, and in doing so, kept a trinket created through prestidigitation intact without requiring touch!

“Oh, neat!” Penny murmured, blinking and ceasing her spellcasting. The gauntlet broke apart into a thousand motes of light. She swayed a bit on the spot for a moment before rising on all fours and stretching like a cat.

The popping of vertebrae wasn’t something Twilight was used to hearing, causing her to cringe away. Yet Penny didn’t seem fazed in the least. Instead, she sighed contentedly and added, “That was a good workout.”

In the tower of Twilight Sparkle, star pupil of Princess Celestia of the Sun, an explosion of frustration erupted, shaking the entire city of Canterlot. The ensuing bellowing left airship sailors blushing, princesses gobsmacked, and several nobles drafting noise complaints. Yet for Twilight and Spike, it was just a Friday.

~ 5 ~

Okay. Let’s review. What have I learned today?

One: my mind is the plaything of my body. My behavior is, at times, on par with an impetuous child, and the only explanation is that when they fixed my genetics, it did something to make my body think I’m a teenager, thus pumping my brain full of hormones. But hey, on the bright side, I might not be a midget forever. On the downside, I’m starting to look adorable.

Two: I was wrong about Twilight wanting to have a surprise party and it was bad of me to assume otherwise, even if external influences inferred it to be true. In fact, she only wanted to take me out on a picnic off castle grounds. As in, outside the castle, and not in the hospital! Also, I am supposed to be very sorry for thinking Twilight would be insensitive enough to throw a party because I got banned from hanging out with the guard.

Three: I’m not getting into the guard any time in the foreseeable future, so I may as well stop half-flanking my studies for the Equivalent Education Diploma. Maybe I’ll see what Prince Blueblood wants if I get bored.

Four: Under no circumstances am I to casually dismiss whatever positive progress I might make in my magic studies while in Twilight’s presence. Evidently, I accidentally some really impressive magic and I was more interested in my work-out. This displeased the dark one.

Four point five: Twilight knows some very naughty swears and has quite a set of lungs on her. I have no idea where she got them. The swears, not the lungs; pretty sure the latter came from a drifter or something.

“Ow! Spike! She hit me!” I cry out, darting around the other side of the purple dragon to put him squarely between me and my attacker. “She actually hit me!”

The little jackass just giggles, dropping his quill and the sheet of parchment as Twilight once more swats me with a rolled up newspaper. Seriously! I’m being abused by my princess-court appointed guardian, and he’s just laughing!

“That was for the insincerity in bullet two!” she grumbles, cheeks red. Swatting me twice more, she puffs out her cheeks. “The second was for your improper grammar in bullet four. Bullet four and a half wasn’t funny at all, either!”

I flinch, but don’t defend myself. I do kinda deserve this… but still. “C’mon, it’s just a bit of black humor, Twilight.” I shrug and lie down on the red-checkered blanket, waiting for her to actually dispense the picnic food. “It’s not like Princess Celestia doesn’t know you didn’t actually harvest the lungs from some hobo pony.” I blink and look innocently to Spike. “She didn’t, right?”

Giggling Spike intensifies.

She just facehoofs and sighs. There’s this look on her face as if she’s trying to determine if I’m figuratively or literally retarded. Maybe after all this time, I’ll get a conclusive answer! “This is supposed to be a friendship lesson!” She growls with adorable nerd rage. “Princess Celestia would never appreciate such grotesque humor! And stop encouraging him!”

“Relax, Twilight,” I say, innocently as she levitates out a number of wrapped sandwiches. Looking from one to the other, she passes one to me. “It’s not like I’d actually sign Silver Penny and send it.”

She blinks at my words, but says nothing.

Unwrapping the sandwich, I freeze. Instead of flowers and vegetables, as she would usually make, it’s mayo with something mixed in. I give it a sniff, and a tear comes to my eye.

“Twilight, is this…?”

“Tuna,” she replies with a nod. “I got the recipe from Rainbow Dash. It’s a favorite among seafaring pegasus families. I figured you might need some comfort food after Shiny was finished with you.”

I bite into this amazing gift. Nopony can confirm or deny that I moaned. Suffice to say, after so long on the vegetarian diet, I should be savoring it… but flesh protein!

She can only look on with a look of disgust that would make Rarity proud as I devour my food. All the while, Spike keeps giggling and rolling about on the picnic blanket. There’s not a doubt in my mind that I’ll need a napkin in a bit, but for now, I’m happy.

“You took a chance on the fish, you know,” I practically purr. “Thank you.”

“Hic!” Fwoosh!

I look in horror to Spike. Where the bungled ‘friendship lesson’ once was, there’s nothing but a scorch mark on the blanket. “Well,” I mutter. “I’m doomed.”

My gaze shifts from Spike to a horror-stricken Twilight. She looks wide-eyed from him, to me. Even as she opens her mouth to speak, I’m on my hooves, quickly making the sign of the cross.

“Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee.” We’re in the same park that I first met Shining Armor and Cadance in, so it’s a no-brainer what I’ve gotta do. I’ll take eternal damnation over a wrathful alicorn. “Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.”

“Silver, what are you…?”

“Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners...” I make my way over to the wall. Before Twilight can even react, I’m on the edge. “Now, and at the hour of our death. Amen.”

I jump…

I fall…

Legs wrap around my torso, and suddenly I’m rising, higher and higher. And then…

“What is wrong with you!?” Twilight’s yelling at me as a guard pins me to the picnic blanket.

“Relax, I was being dramatic. I’m always being watched,” I just stare in the direction of Canterlot Castle. “Besides, the princess is going to kill me soon enough anyway.”

Any moment now, and divine wrath is coming my way. At first, nothing happens. Life goes on, as Twilight, Spike, and my royal guard ‘savior’ just stare at me in disbelief.

Then, ground shakes, and all is silent. No birds… no city noises… Not even the blood pumping through my own ears. Just unsettling silence.

And then…

The most terrifying laughter I’ve ever heard in my near twenty-three years of life echoes all the way from the castle.

“Dear Princess Celestia,” I whimper as the laughter shakes the city. “Spike did it. Signed Silver Penny.”

Author's Note

I blame Spike.